I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

You sound so like me, the doer and fixer. I don't even know how to do being an invalid!. "free fall and wanting to run describe me perfectly too. This week I have been diagnosed with secondary breat cancer. I have no idea whether it's treaable, although I undrestand it's not curable. Iam terrified and just want a bit more time. It's awful how many of us are in the same situaton. xx

Loved reading your spiel.  Hope the op goes well and you have a speedy recovery.

We have a cat who has been in the Christmas tree before but so far this year she just gazes at it.  Biding her time no doubt.

It's been 2 years since my breast cancer op.  Had 2 mammograms since which were both clear.  Consultant said he no longer needs to see me - I'm just under the care of the Breast Care Nurse if I need any advice.  I have also had 2 bone density scans.  One was 2 years ago the other a month ago.  Slight improvement in osteopenia.  Was told I would have another in 2 years time.

happy Christmas 

Hi Sam, hi Caroline,

I don't think I could have gone through everything you have, Sam, even if I was 25 years younger, when I still cared about my boobs, ie before they went south.  
I have been on the verge of writing to you both several times in the last few weeks but stopped myself regaling you with tales of woe.  
My breast nurse called me for my telephone checkup a month ago, and during our conversation I told her about my adventure with the thrombosis in my thigh, and asked if she thought it could be anything to do with the Letrozole, because on the long list of side effects, it said on the Letrozole leaflet, if you feel any heat or pain along a vein to contact your doctor immediately.  She was quite surprised by that and said to stop taking it, for now and she would check if there was any relationship between the two things.  She also said she would organise a bone scan for me as it is more than two years since the last one. I got my copy of the letter she sent to my GP saying she would get back to me, but, since then I have heard nothing. After the fuss I made about not wanting to take the stuff in the beginning I am now feeling a bit uneasy about not taking it for a whole month and then some.  I rang the breast unit last week and spoke to the secretary who put me through to the nurses' phone, where I left a message asking Emma to call me about it. I still haven't had a call!  I have to go to my GP on Tuesday, it's that time again for injections In the old knees, so, if I haven't had a call tomorrow I shall ask my doc to follow it up for me.  That feels like telling tales but it's too easy to slip through the net these days.

Since my last message on here my daughter has recovered from her surgery, but has lost Smudge! He was diagnosed with a soft tissue sarcoma, which was removed with good margins, but he never really picked up afterwards.  To cut a long miserable story short he became very poorly and started fitting. He was kept at the vets overnight and the next morning the vet rang asking permission to stop resuscitation. He had crashed and started vomiting blood and there was no chance for him.  You can imagine how distraught we were.  We were able to go and see him although he had died by that time but we needed to say goodbye to him. We loved that little chap so much, I'm tearing up now, writing about it.  It turned out he had a tumour on his spleen and it was suspected to be in his brain and lungs,too.

While we were at the vets, my daughter's best friend came with her dog, and we were all crying on each other's shoulders. Three days later,  my daughter and her friend both tested positive for Covid. I had a few hours of feeling very ill with blinding headache and very high temperature. but was fine the next day. I did a lateral flow test, negative, then had to do a PCR test as a contact of the two girls but that was negative, too. The only difference between me and them was that I had my booster jab two weeks earlier!  My poor daughter then had to spend ten days isolating in her empty house feeling like death herself while grieving Smudge's death.  Fortunately I could get anything she needed and as soon as she was allowed to mix, I took her Archie to cuddle.  
Right tale of woe over!  
Last week I finally convinced my daughter that the only cure for her misery was to get a puppy and last Friday we were lucky enough to meet a breeder of miniature poodles who had two puppies ready to go. She wasn't overcharging for her KC registered pedigree pups, who had already been  chipped, had their health checks and both vaccinations. After a lovely couple of hours, surrounded by 2 mother poodles and 6 puppies, plus the rest of the canine household (and getting the third degree re our suitability as prospective owners) we brought home a sweet little apricot coloured boy. He just wanted to be cuddled that first day, an angel puppy.  Now a week on he's turned into devil dog! Not really, he's just a puppy and likes to play. Archie was curious at first, then a bit scared as Bobbin got more lively and bouncy, then, wonder of wonders, he started playing with him.  They race around like mad things, taking turns on who's chasing who. I can hardly call myself Sheltie lady any more when Archie is the only one, now.

My daughter has been signed off work until January as she  is still struggling with her chest, but she's getting better, thanks to having Bobbin, and I don't think she would have without him.

Sorry this has turned into a tome, as usual. I'm impressed by your preparations for Christmas, Sam, I will probably decorate this year, I didn't last year, but I only put the decs up the weekend before the event. My neighbour opposite has had a full set of lights up and populated her garden with all kinds of illuminated ornaments, since the beginning of November and her Christmas tree looks to fill her living room from here.

I really hope your recovery from the surgery is easy and the results worth it, Sam and for both you and Caroline,  If I don't hear from you beforehand, I wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas!

Lots of love

Christine xxx

Hi lovely ladies!

sorry for late check in. Firstly I hope you both managed to have a truly lovely Christmas - covid free I hope?! 
Sam, how did your op go? Have you managed to stay rested over Christmas? How is your dad? Did you manage to see him at all? Or are you booked in during the New Year? Did you manage to see your sister too? And did you get lots of lovely gifts for Christmas?

Christine, how is your daughter doing after her op and sadly losing her doggie :-( Also how is she getting on with the new puppy?! Did you manage to avoid the dreaded Covid after your daughter had it? And how are your doing with medication and your knee??

Life is good here. Christmas has been busy, 9 of us on Christmas Day. Lots of lovely gifts - including a robot hoover which I have fallen in love with! It had hoovered the downstairs yesterday, before I'd even got out of bed!! Today I have my family descending for New Year so there will be 13 of us and they are all here until the 3rd/4th when I will be totally exhausted just in time to go back to work!! 
Health wise, I am good!! I'm taking my tamoxifen - most days but still rubbish with my Adcal. I have an appointment with the breast nurse in March - check up I presume. I don't tend to worry much these days - but do still check myself regularly. Life has moved on!! 
Anyway - lots of jobs to do before the whole family arrive - fingers crossed covid doesn't decide to join the celebrations! 
Have a wonderful New Year and here's to another cancer free year!!! 
Love Caroline xx 

Good morning,

Happy New year to Sam and Caroline and anyone else who happens upon this page.

Lovely to hear from you, Caroline. Sam, I want to ask the same questions that Caroline has already asked, so no point in repeating them. I'm just hoping all is well. 

In answer to your questions for me:- my daughter is much improved but not back to her pre-Covid self yet (and that was far from healthy with her ME and constant migraines) Her doctor signed her off work until tomorrow and she really doesn't feel well enough to go back to her own job, which will have a backlog of work, plus, if colleagues have fallen ill too, there will be pressure to get their work done, too. However, the demon puppy has helped her mental health enormously.  As you know from your own recent puppy experience with Eddie, they are hard work but so much fun. I have told her to see how she feels in the morning and if she is still unwell ( as I know she will be) to call the doctor for another sick note.
Bobbin is a lovable monster!  He torments Archie, who is remarkably kind towards him, and only pretends to be growly with him. He has had a sleepover here, and just expected to sleep on my chest. Archie was a bit jealous, then, and he slept on my legs. Not a lot of sleep, that night, but it was surprisingly pleasant to have a tiny warm body snuggling up to me.

I am delighted to say that I did escape the dreaded Covid. I put it down to timing.  I had my booster just about two weeks before coming into contact with it, and it did its job of protecting me. The local daily rate in my post code area is 1884! I must be the only person who doesn't have it! My friend and her husband have it, half my neighbours have it  I think I'll dig in and keep myself away from everyone.

I am back on the Letrozole, I finally heard from the breast nurse. She said she was surprised I hadn't received a letter from my consultant to explain things, so he must have sent it to my doctor. I was at the doctors the next day for my knee injection and the only letter they had received was the one from the breast nurse on November 2nd!!!  Anyway, the risk of blood clots from the Letrozole is, apparently, very small so I should continue to take it. I was happy to do so, but now I'm back to hot flushes and night  sweats. The sweats are really annoying. I am sick of changing my bed, daily, so I now spray the damp bedding with a spray disinfectant that smells quite nice, then I switch on the dehumidifier for an hour or so, which makes everything feel clean and dry. 
I had a big birthday on NYE, so I am going backwards from now on.( 75 is for old people, not for me!)

Your Christmas sounds wonderful.  We went to my daughter's friend for Christmas Day- five people and five dogs - it was great. Robot hoover? Everyone should have one!  Might be next year's request.   I got a new printer, ( requested), from my son, but also a new IPad! I wasn't expecting that! It has some lovely new apps already installed, half of which I haven't investigated yet but I have found the measuring app, love it, not that I need it, but it was fun to play with it. There is also a band app with instruments to play. I have been thinking about getting myself a keyboard as I have always had one until recent years, I have played with enthusiasm if not style since I was a child. Up to now, the only thing stopping me was the fact there are only 24 hours in a day and reading and painting and sleeping already take up most of those. Having this little keyboard means I can have a little play with it without wanting to spend too much time on it. 
 

 I have finally got into a natural routine with my tablet taking. I have to take tablets in the morning, which I always remember, so I now put my evening ones out on a kitchen shelf at eye level when I take my morning ones, and, so far, I have seen them every evening when I get Archie's supper and I take them!  There is no way I would EVER be allowed to forget Archie's supper! I don't have AdCal, I have Calcichew, same ingredients but Calcichew is just like a sweet that dissolves in the mouth  it is vaguely lemon flavoured and I don't find it unpleasant at all. I suck it after washing the others down with water.

i really hope Covid didn't join in your New Year celebrations, Caroline, and I hope you are getting fit and well after you surgery, Sam.

Ditto to your wishes for another cancer free year, and lots of love to you both  
 

Christine xxx

Let me start by wishing you all a very Happy New Year!!

Hellooooo Christine, Sam and Caroline,

I have followed your posts from the beginning up to now, and I literally feel as though I've known all three of you all my life. Your upbeat vibes, humour and outlook on life in general, is everything I found I needed for 'good reading'. The more I read, the more my anxiety relaxed.

I was diagnosed with Grade 3 IDC triple negative, lymph nodes clear on 1st Dec 2021. I have no history of breast or ovarian cancer in my family from maternal/paternal side, so this was a shock (I know it has to start somewhere). 

After 3 ultrasounds, a biopsy, 3D imaging and a second biopsy, I'm currently waiting for my treatment plan on 14th Jan. It has already been cancelled once before, so fingers crossed I will know then when surgery/chemo will start. It seems like an awful long wait, considering my type is aggressive, but I can only put my faith and trust in the NHS. 

As i mentioned earlier, when reading your posts, I am relaxed so much I almost forget I have BC, as I get so wrapped up with your every day lives. But as I read on, I'm noticing all three of you don't post as often as you did. How come? 

It's great that as a trio, you have each other to bounce off and keep one another grounded with honesty (love this especially).

I don't sleep very well lately (hence, the time of this post) and my hubby berates me about my sleeping patterns, although he was on this very same cancer ladder 7 yrs ago, only it was contained in his kidney, which he ended up having a nephrectomy. The remaining kidney only had 24% function, but when he got Covid, it bought the function down to 2%!! He is now end stage renal failure, and has 4 hourly dialysis 3 days weekly. He is stable and has been for 5 yrs, but he forgets he didn't either sleep, eat or think rationally all through worrying about the "what if's". I researched and absorbed as much info as I could about his condition and supported him in the best way my newfounded knowledge would allow. I don't worry about him now, as I know he is fine.

He says he understands where I'm coming from....Hmmm I wonder, he (as far as I know) hasn't researched my type of BC. He only knows what I've told him, but when telling him anything re my BC, it seems like it's too much information overload....so I don't say much.

Anyhoo!  Take care ladies and hurry back! Hope this post finds you all as well as can be expected.

Much love xx :love:

Vee

Hello Vee,

Happy New Year! Thank you for joining our little conversation. It is lovely to hear that our conversation is enjoyed by someone else. As you have read from the start, you will know that we started our cancer journey at a similar time, and we know we were lucky to have been treated before the dreaded lurgy invaded our shores.

I feel for you having to wait so long for action. You are at the worst stage of all, mentally. Waiting for information and action is the scariest time of all, I remember it well, even though I was a bit too blasé about it for my children. I am so glad you have felt more relaxed about things by following our experiences.  I have had it the easiest of our trio, that's the benefit of age, I think. Being told that chemo wasn't likely to do me much good because of my age and I didn't need rads because I had the mastectomy was the best news ever. Still being left with a dangly boob isn't so good, but my kids have made me promise on pain of permanent imprisonment that I won't go for another mastectomy. "Don't put us through it again!" Put THEM through it! Sheesh!
 
Like you, I found a stream to follow by a lovely lady who wrote on here a daily blog, and she has been searingly honest about her daily life, too.  She has a husband with terminal cancer and she has logged her daily trials and tribulations with humour and honesty that made me feel it was a friend telling me her story.  Alas, it sounds as though her journey may be near the end as her husband is very unwell, in hospital, now.

I think it is normal that the frequency of posting on here becomes less the further away we are from the thing that brought us here in the first place. We are the lucky ones who have been given respite from the constant thoughts of what, when, how about cancer and can start thinking about living a normal life.  There are some lovely people, on here, who kindly respond to new people posting to put them at ease, somewhat,  and, occasionally, I will look at 'newly diagnosed' messages and respond if I feel I can help but as life has returned to normal I forget to log in and just come on when I get an email to say someone has responded to the not so new member of the family! I suspect that is also why Caroline and Sam don't come on as frequently, they have even more going on in their lives than an old Sheltie lady. 
I will be delighted to hear from you if you care to join our little team and will always reply. It may not be an immediate reply like this one, but I will get round to it within a day or so.

i really hope you get your action plan on the 14th, it's amazing how that helps. I wouldn't expect too much support from your husband, as he is probably going through his own kind of hell and learning about your cancer is more than he can cope with. He's only a man, after all!  I hope he's on a waiting list for a transplant, when life gets back to some kind of normal. 
 

Good luck for the 14th, and beyond. We're here for you to moan, whinge or shout at if it helps you get through it.

love,

Christine xxx

Hi Christine,

Thank you for your prompt reply. 

Aww, of course I'd like to join your happy team. Your family makes me smile. They mean well, but forget their compos mentis mother can't possibly know what she wants. Mine are the same, where I end up saying to them " So what am I? 5?". 

I've read in a few of your posts that you talk of your age, where you state if you were 20 yrs younger, you would have that implant/reconstruction? What have you (not your kids! Lol) decided on? I am not scared of losing a breast, as they are pendulous (my consultants words) and have been the bane of my adult life (58 yrs). I have always wanted a reduction, but could never afford/justify spending the amount of money required just to make me feel good physically. I did start saving, but something more important was needed, and I'd have to dip in my 'boob fund', knocking me back, making my goal further out of reach.

It's good now that I no longer have to save, but its a shame when I look at the circumstances why I no longer have to save. Is this where the saying (be careful to what you wish for) comes from?

I have decided I would like to have a diep flap immediately after my mastectomy and sort the other breast at the same time, if possbile. I did ask for a double mastectomy, as I couldn't face going through all scans, biopsies, dreaded waiting times etc....if I anything sinister appeared in the other boob, but as there is nothing to suggest I would get it again, they told me they are reluctant to remove a healthy breast.

Well I've gone on long enough....don't want to to scare you off!

Much love xx :love:

Vee x

Hi Vee,

It was lovely to read that our conversations have helped you. I suppose we forget that our thread is available for many to dip into and read! Like Christine said, we all met on here in the summer of 2019, when we all started our journeys with breast cancer. We all had different journeys but it was lovely to know you could chat about your fears etc with people who could understand. 
I suppose now we are further down the line and back into "normal life" again, we don't tend to need each other so much, but just catch up every now and again. I found that friends and family are amazing and really do want to offer you support but don't truly understand what you are going through. You are now at the beginning of your journey - a scary, worrying time. Appointments/results/ops - it will feel like you are on a merry go round that you want to get off but you will put your head down, your super woman pants on and get on with it. The hardest part, I found was afterwards. When everything went quiet. No more appointments/results. Just left to get on. Then you process your journey and that for me, was the worse part. But use us to support you! We can offer any words of wisdom :wink: - possibly! But we can offer support.

Keep us informed!! Now I must go to bed - have a son off back to uni in the US tomorrow and we are still fussing about at 12:50pm!! 
Caroline xx

Hi Vee,

I see you have had a reply from Caroline, who can give you advice that I can't, as I got off lightly with just a mastectomy and lymph node clearance, plus I'm retired and I live alone, except for Archie, so don't have a job to think about or a family to to feed and care for on a daily basis. You need to hear from Superwoman Sam, who has gone through the whole gamut of pre-surgical chemo, and the whole reconstruction thing and still makes us laugh when she tells us about it.
I, like you, asked - make that begged, pleaded, and cajoled - to be given a double mastectomy because being left with one pendulous ( your doc's word) and ample ( my doc's word) breast is worse than having none.  I was told the same thing you were, but I was also told that if I had counselling I would be able to get the second boob removed after a few months.  By the time the few months had passed, apart from my daughters horror at the thought of it, I decided not to bother. My dangly boob can stay. It has affected the way I dress, though.  I had some seroma after my surgery and the tissue around my very long scar still feels quite tight so I only bother to wear a bra if I am going out and don't want anyone to feel embarrassed by my one sided look. I wear a close stretchy vest with bra like cups and stick my soft prosthesis inside the empty cup. If I really want to wear something nice for going out, although that hasn't happened often in the last 2 years, I wear my silicone prosthesis. This gives a better shape and fits better inside a bra. The soft ones ride up and need to be pinned into place!  Sometimes I still see it peeping above my vest! At my first mammogram there were some micro calcifications visible in remaining boob so I had to go through the biopsy under mammogram procedure. That was unpleasant, I felt like I was being stapled to a desk by my boob. After doing that twice they weren't able to actually get a piece of tissue with a calcification to examine, so they decided to leave me alone.  I wished then that I'd gone for the second mastectomy a few months after the first but I'm resigned to things now. Tony can stay! (Tony named by my friend as it's "t'ony one"

i hope we hear from Sam soon, but she has a lot going on at the moment, so I'm just keeping  my fingers crossed that all is ok with her.

Let us know how you go on on the 14th and don't get too freaked out by everything in the meantime.  Hopefully in two year's time you will be sitting writing to some woman who has just been diagnosed and needs your kind words to feel better about things.

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hello Christine,

Hope this post finds you well.

Ahhh yes the second of the three musketeers contacted me. Just waiting for our third, Superwoman Sam! I'm sure she will be in touch when she is ready. I'm like, take your time Sam, but hurry up! (Joking).

With re to removing my healthy breast, I'm taking that I will be offered counselling? I can only think  the reason for this is the medical profession requires it so (where there's a blame there's a claim, people) can't sue their a**** further down the line? They making sure that individuals wanting/insisting on having any healthy body part removed, has the capacity to cope after the dotted line is signed.

I had started experiencing sharp stabbing pains in my defected boob around mid Dec. I called my BCN who told me everything will be magnified now I know I have BC, and that I will think every twinge/pain is where the cancer is spreading.

I haven't contacted my BCN since then as I don't want her to render me one of those (uh oh, we got another one ere) patients. Since then, the boob where the tumor is, feels warm, whereas the rest of boob is cool. Not sure what's going on there?

Im trying my hardest (and it is very trying...I'm sure you know) not to get too freaked out, but I swear Christine, all this is testing my super everlasting patience and turning me into a miserable breastzilla bird!! :laugh:

Caroline,

It is indeed a very challenging time. 

I've tried on the Superwoman pants so many times since my diagnosis, and have taken them back off again as they not working for me. Oh I'm not giving in, I will approach them again when I start my treatment and can begin to relax. I know I will have chemo (not nice I hear) and surgery, so I will need my pants firmly in place for this time.

I hope your son had no delays, got his flight on time and had a safe journey. 

Much love xx :love:

Hello Christine,

Hope this post finds you well.

Ahhh yes the second of the three musketeers contacted me. Just waiting for our third, Superwoman Sam! I'm sure she will be in touch when she is ready. I'm like, take your time Sam, but hurry up! (Joking).

With re to removing my healthy breast, I'm taking that I will be offered counselling? I can only think  the reason for this is the medical profession requires it so (where there's a blame there's a claim, people) can't sue their a**** further down the line? They making sure that individuals wanting/insisting on having any healthy body part removed, has the capacity to cope after the dotted line is signed.

I had started experiencing sharp stabbing pains in my defected boob around mid Dec. I called my BCN who told me everything will be magnified now I know I have BC, and that I will think every twinge/pain is where the cancer is spreading.

I haven't contacted my BCN since then as I don't want her to render me one of those (uh oh, we got another one ere) patients. Since then, the boob where the tumor is, feels warm, whereas the rest of boob is cool. Not sure what's going on there?

Im trying my hardest (and it is very trying...I'm sure you know) not to get too freaked out, but I swear Christine, all this is testing my super everlasting patience and turning me into a miserable breastzilla bird!! :laugh:

Caroline,

It is indeed a very challenging time. 

I've tried on the Superwoman pants so many times since my diagnosis, and have taken them back off again as they not working for me. Oh I'm not giving in, I will approach them again when I start my treatment and can begin to relax. I know I will have chemo (not nice I hear) and surgery, so I will need my pants firmly in place for this time.

I hope your son had no delays, got his flight on time and had a safe journey. 

Much love xx :love: