Hi

i had a similar visit 5 days ago, except I've never been through this before, I'm still waiting on CT as my lymph nodes were also affected 

I don't know how I'm meant to feel, I just feel like I need all the results now and the wait is excruciating 

I have a 3 week wait for CT due to coronavirus although I am on an emergency cancellation list

i would welcome any advice at all on how best to deal with this, I'm 43 and have 3 young children 

xxx

Hi AMil,

I am sorry to hear you are joining the club no one wants to join!! I think my advice would be to always try and remain positive. Medicine has moved on so much that breast cancer has a really high survival rate - in the 90%'s. Talk to people - friends/family or even us. I found that people who had been through/were going through BC had a better understanding of what I was going through but my friends and family were still amazing. Try and keep busy, between appointments. Waiting for scans/results is definitely one of the hardest parts!!! 
Remember, this is just a 'blip' The 3 of us all had very different journeys but we were there to talk about it and share worries and advice. Happy to do the same for you.

Caroline

Christine, 

Sorry to hear of your news re your brother-in-law and the fact that CV19 will prevent the celebration of his life that you'd really all want to have.  With all that's going on you're certainly allowed to wallow, it'll do you some good, just ensure you come out the other side eh?

ANOTHER failure re the repeated calcification biopsy? Crikey, its getting worse than when they were failing to remove marker from my good boob.  Its no wonder you felt off for a number of days afterwards. 

And your knee is now so bad, tramadol sounds fun though (not a fan of drugs).  So looking like surgery eh?  You've probably had enough of this recently but nothing else seems to be making it better, and Archie needs his walks.  Its good you are tenacious as weaker individuals would have accepted pain as a matter of course by now.

Caroline - such good new re the bone scan, good you managed to get one, I know of people who've been refused.  Its no wonder you're relieved and now know those aches & pains are just old age!  Keep up the bone building exercises, they will help stop you descending into a puddle of flesh as you get older ( well that's my strategy anyway).

Think this website has fallen out with me as appear to have stopped getting notifications of posts, most likely something I've done unwittingly, it usually is.

I've got all my appointments lined up pre DIEP (now confirmed 8th Dec), even managed (it took tonnes of challenging of course) to get my CV test locally rather than have to battle into London (where the hospital bods were trying to get me tested at).  On for prosthesis fitting tomorrow (as there is a chance that op may get delayed till who knows when) and lymphodema clinic mid Nov...its seems to have settled at sausage fingers (always a good look).  I also may have asthma (ah the joys of cancer treatment side effects) so am plotting my breaths on a peak flow meter and having a chest x-ray just in case.  Also have bone scan Monday (cue more radiation...a bit late to get a green ghoulish glow for Halloween unfortunately). Busy times at various hospitals indeed.

More excitingly, as it involves my stomach, am getting a new cooker today - one that won't randomly turn off part way through cooking...and will be clean (for about a week I reckon!).  Yep, that's how sad my life is that I'm excited about getting a domestic appliance.

I've seen a few pals recently which was lovely, 3 of us met in a garden under a marquis that was threatening to blow away with us...now that would have been exciting, I am like Mary Poppins in that I am practically perfect but always fancied the levitating with brolly part to round off the likeness.

Trying to get the father sorted out too, he's off for a CT scan today and has been told that he will need chemo.  I want to know hat the benefit will be vs the possible negative impact on his quality of life. He's such a stubborn old sod so am trying (against my natural tendency) a softly, softly approach - rather than just shouting at him what he should do!

So I had finished all the bulb planting and then a pal bought me some more...what a lovely problem to have eh?  So later on will be planting yummy hyacinths and tonnes of tulips ( all the way from Holland), not sure after this batch I can actually fit any more bulbs in my small garden & pots.

I've also nearly finished my Christmas shopping, wanted to get it out of the way before internet rush happens, would usually go to shops but can't face it this year with all the unruly idiots there are down here (and everywhere!)...not sure why as I won't actually see anyone but the boyfriend & mothers before Christmas but gives me a warm virtuous feeling and makes my halo shine even brighter (if that were at all possible...).  

Also decided that as I'll be self-isolating end of Nov, when have a weeks hol, will paint my kitchen units, they're wooden now but will soon be dark & light blue - never done it before, what's the worst that can happen right?  Also another cushion beckons.

Right, time for nosh before the afternoons session of spreadsheet hell....

X

Hi Girls,

 It's lovely to hear from you both, so soon after my whinge-fest.  Last night I actually managed to get into a position where the pain in my knee subsided enough to fall asleep. According to my FitBit I slept for six hours thirty minutes, was awake for six minutes and restless for twenty five minutes. On Tuesday I only registered one hour twelve minutes of actual sleep! Apparently I was tossing and turning so much it registered that I was awake!  Good job I've only got Archie on the bed with me. A husband would have strangled me!

I have decided that I'm doing no Christmas shopping, this year and I'm not designing and making cards as I usually do.  I'm going to donate what I would have spent to Stand up to Cancer, our local hospice and North West Air Ambulance. I'm not even going to decorate this year as I won't be entertaining anyone.  My daughter and I will probably spend the day together as usual but I don't expect to see my son this year. I think I'd better put the message up on Facebook just so my friends who know about the cancer won't think I've died when they don't get a card from me.
The four girlfriends and I are going to have a Christmas FaceTime, our youngest member of the group is going to organise a secret Santa, which we do every year, she is going to pick up and deliver the gifts and we are going to open them on FaceTime with a glass of something. The only one of us still working has had the Covid but is back at work now, the rest of us are still being very careful. I have no desire to expose myself to something that could at the very least make me feel ill. I can't understand all the people I hear about ignoring the rules on distancing etc.especially as we are in Tier 3!
Have fun with all your activities, Sam, I feel tired just reading about all you have to do. They say the treatment is worse than the disease and they're not wrong! I never did get a prosthesis, I might ask if I am flat enough to get one now, although I find myself wearing a compression vest mostly.  Dangly DD gets squashed down and pert little AA cup (it has gone down somewhat) gets supported nicely. Quite comfortable!

Caroline, thank you for the hugs. 
 

love

Christine xx

Hiya ladies
Just thought I'd let you know what passes for excitement in my life nowadays...yep, its hospital appointments (closely followed by my Waitrose delivery), they're the only time I put on make-up and drag something decent out of the wardrobe!

Though I've been measured for a prosthesis 2 weeks ago its looking like the only use I'll have for it, when it finally arrives, is to do a jolly good impression of the 3 boobed lady in the film 'total recall' or stick it on my forehead and be the t1t-head that Adrian always says I am ( I say ALOT worse about him), or if you fancy a late Christmas present C cup Christine??  I am now also the proud (!) owner of an oh-so-sexy NHS beige compression sleeve, though it ain't much blummin' use without the (diamond encrusted, Micheal Jackson style) compression glove - another wait ensues, though it would be interesting to see my hand inflate like when people blow up Marigold gloves.

I've also now got a ventolin inhaler and am charting peak flow meter before and after my special puffs...its not making much difference but I can live with how I am, just good that chest X-ray was all clear (am slowly whittling away examination of any areas where that naughty cancer could be lurking...).
So today found out, as I knew anyway, that the bone scan was all clear for cancer but I've still got to have a blummin CT scan too, apparently it should have all been booked etc but as we know communication ain't great in these hospitals.  I'll be in self-isolation from Tuesday so self-isolation will consist of going to hospital as well as watching paint dry. No for real - still planning on painting my kitchen units/walls if I can summon the enthusiasm, as well as making some more cushions, am now on the 2nd one, much easier than the wedge pillow one but still looks like its been made by a 5 yr. old..
I now also have the biggest support pants ever - they come up just below my bra and almost give me another chin! Also invested in another sexy bra (not! - its a front opening sports one) and a small fan (I'm told that to keep you warm post-op they put you in an electric blanket which feels like you're being steamed alive), which shouldn't be challenging but does mean I'm going to have to take a blummin' screw driver into hospital in case the batteries need changing (yep, I'm thinking of everything).  Not sure if I mentioned (you'll be proud of me Christine) that rather than but another pair of Jim-jams I've taken in the ones from post mx...not only recycling but saving money...can you see my halo shining away there??? There is of course the chance that every step across my hospital room will see another piece of material from said Jim-jams fall off my body onto the floor.  They'll be like my own home made version of a clown car.

All the aforementioned op stuff from good old M&S, decided to buy some new pillows at the same time (will be invaluable propping me up/under knees/helping sit up in chair) so ordered 12 items and they're being delivered piecemeal...its now a full-time job to track what I have and haven't received! Top tip if you order online from M&S don't order loads of stuff, I now know the delivery man's name, children's names, breed of dog....
So all is good...well it would be if I hadn't had some bad news re my father, unfortunately the cancer has spread to his liver so he's been given one year, two with chemo...pretty cr4p eh?  Luckily he's like me and is of strong character and has quickly come to terms with it and is focussing on practical things (apparently I'm getting his bike!), its just a real shame that I won't be able to see him until Feb/March next year, this is not a good time to be ill at all.
So given all that's happening the Christmas decs are going up next weekend, usually I'd wait till start Dec but why not eh?  Its funny, I had a (plastic) wreath on the spare bed and the stupid(est) cat has now decided that its favourite spot is sleeping in the middle of it.  I do enjoy seeing the same cat scale the fake Christmas tree on a few occasions over the festive period (no baubles for my tree!).

I like the sound of your FaceTime Christmas Christine, I had a teams video call with 2 girlfriends that I was supposed to meet up with last weekend which was lovely, I did however fall asleep on the sofa afterwards in a red wine induced coma.
I'm loving my running (well running and walking) on a morning though its getting quite dark when I go out so have devised some Heath Robinson style devices using my cycling lights for tomorrow's excursion to make sure I'm seen....let's see how that works.  I'm also regularly shouting angrily at cyclists in particular about KEEPING THIER BL00DY DISTANCE!! Finally, as I told my physio, I've become the angry old woman I always wanted to be...there was an old woman, Mrs Haythornthwaite, in the village where I grew up who used to come out with a broom and shout at us kids whilst we cycled around the church in the middle of the village screaming, that's who I'm moulding myself on.

Christine- I hope your knee is behaving and that Fitbit is telling you that your beauty sleep is bob-on, what news of surgery? What of the calcification...will they try and do more biopsies are are you waiting for 5th Jan meeting?  Something to look forward to over Christmas (!!).

Caroline - How's that terror Eddie?  I do hope he's a naughty little puppy as its quite sad (like with children) when they're well behaved, I like animals personalities to shine through, and the naughtier the more amusing I find (ref Christmas decs and cat above!!).  I hope you're not working too hard, I find myself increasingly distracted by most things nowadays but then concentration was never a strong point (the amount of times I go upstairs and come back empty handed as I've forgotten what I'm doing or need to go back up as I did not achieve what I set out to do!).

Anyhoo time for dinner - hope all is well with both of you and that there's no more bad news for any of us eh?

Sam X

Hi Sam and Christine,

Good to hear your bone scan was clear. I have every faith that the CT scan will be fine too! Don't get too carried away with all the exercise otherwise they won't be able to take enough stomach to build a boob!! 
I am so sorry to hear your news about your dad. I do firmly believe that how you fight this battle mentally is as important as the drugs they give us. 
One of the school mum's, from my youngest's school year, lost her fight with pancreatic cancer 2 weeks ago. Only in her 40's but fought an amazing battle. At diagnosis was given months but actually managed 2 and a half years. 
My concentration and mojo have taken a battering recently. Work is busy and I do love my job, but it's been tougher than usual when I've heard about patients dying, who we have been supporting. I think my ability to look for positives seems to have become more difficult. I think I am just missing socialising with my friends as well as my family, who I haven't seen in person since New Year and am not sure when I will get to see them. One positive of being lockdown is that I have written all my Christmas cards (I send a lot!) I've also bought my turkey and ham from a local butchers, online and done some Christmas shopping. But my decks will not be going up for a good few weeks yet!! 

Eddie is a little bu99er!! He's grown so much and is a live wire!! Very confident. Not too great when you work from home and have to do zoom meetings and he decides he wants a wee every 5 min and whines by the door!! 
Lovely to hear from you. Stay safe and let us know how the op goes. (What is the date?)

Caroline x
 

Hi girls,

First I must addresss the positives in your post, Caroline, Eddie is whining at the door?  So much better than puddles on the floor, yes?  We forget how energetic puppies can be, at least he's not destroying your home, like Archie. My daughter finds that her colleagues look forward to seeing Smudge joining her on Zoom calls.
I can so relate to how you are feeling, the Covid situation is draining all my energy and enthusiasm, too. I can't get into a book, my knee means I can't do much physically, so the garden is going to pot and I don't really care. I go as far as the bird feeders and that's it. A fence has blown down in the back garden and I don't care. I have phoned the man who put them up but he hasn't got back to me yet. I suspect he's very busy with the weather we have had lately.   I'm struggling to get the likeness of a portrait I'm painting for my friend's secret Santa gift because I can only work on it for a short time before the knee makes me stop. I'm turning into a female Victor Meldrew!

I thought about coming on here last week to report a success, then couldn't be bothered. I actually got someone to examine my boobs at the breast clinic!!!

I was super fortunate to synchronise three hospital appointments half an hour apart on the same day.  I had an X-ray on my knee, an ultrasound scan on my right upper arm and shoulder then an examination by a doc in the breast clinic.  
The reason for the examination was silly, really. I developed a teeny tiny bright red spot in my skin in exactly the same position where my tumour had been and it started to stick out. It was like a tiny skin tag. Foolishly, I mentioned it to my daughter who immediately demanded that I get it checked out. I rang the bcn who said come in. I told her about my appointments that had already been arranged and she fitted me in an the same day. I was quite surprised (but glad) to be examined by a doctor, who had a good look and a poke about on both sides. He said he wasn't worried about it, and just to keep an eye on it. Yay! The X-ray and ultrasound have got me a referral I didn't really want, to an orthopaedic surgeon!

Sam, I am glad you still sound upbeat and positive. Sorry about your dad, but he sounds to have a good attitude towards it. I hope he gets the two years, Caroline's lady doubled her prognosis, so he might even do that too.  My dad had oesophageal cancer that wasn't diagnosed until it was already in the liver and they didn't offer him anything except a stent to keep his gullet open to allow food and drink to be consumed. He gave up, took to his bed and only lasted ten weeks from the day I took him to hospital for tests to see why he was having trouble swallowing. 
I can't believe how much hassle you are having, bl99dy lymphoedema, asthma, bone scans, CT scan, self isolation, then having your belly skinned, it is awful!!!  (Sorry, that looks worse than I meant it to)

Thank goodness the bones and lungs are ok!  I'll be keeping everything possible crossed that your reconstruction goes brilliantly and you emerge from lockdown with the pert boobs of a twenty two year old that my surgeon promised me, had I gone down that route. You still sound to be very active, not suffering from the Covid doldrums like me and Caroline. I am impressed!

I had a long chat with a nurse from our GP practice yesterday. She has called me before just to see how I'm getting on. I think she must be contacting all old people currently receiving treatment who live alone. I was quite shocked when she told me that Covid is rife around here. I live in a small community on the edge of a village with perhaps 50 houses altogether with no cases of Covid. That lulls you into a false sense of safety, although I am almost in self isolation anyway. She told me she, herself, had been in hospital on oxygen with Covid, her brother-in-law had died from it, her daughter had tested positive but had no symptoms at all, and a junior doctor she knows is fighting for his life in hospital at the moment. She said there are loads of cases locally. I was really shocked. I am more shocked by the attitudes of people who object to the restrictions and don't care about other people.  
I feel better for having written this.. I am still in my pj's and this was the first task I promised I would complete today. Next I have to send an email to my German friend who got so scared by her emails to me bouncing back, that she sent me a hand written letter. She had been using an old email address!  She doesn't write In English but I know enough German to be able to get the gist of what she says. Unfortunately, my German doesn't run to being able to reply to her without the help of a translation app.  I have a German niece who tells me these translations are the funniest things you can possibly read, but that's the only way I can keep up with that friendship so...

Take care, my lovelies, 

Christine. xxx

I wanted to send a big warm hug to you both. 
xx

Much appreciated  :love::love::love::love:

Oooo I do miss me hugs!! Cheers Caroline.

I have decided, now I have my neck high support pants, to become the super hero I was always meant to be...championing social injustice 'by the power of support pants'!!

Start of my holidays today, hurrah...

And on the subject of knees on my bike ride this morning this totally daft boxer ran into my knee, ripped my leggings and drew blood (he was OK funnily enough...stoopid blummin dog), never mind bl00dy covid, its tetanus I need to watch out for now.

Have a good weekend, its B&Q for me X

Hi
So one week and counting...

I had a lovely week off work, despite the self isolating (like it makes a real difference nowadays), been painting the kitchen units, half are now a nice shade of light blue ( having had 2 coats), the remainder are dark blueish and definitely need at least another coat.  The preparation took sooo long, not helped by the most rubbish masking tape and need to undercoat several times, no blue cats yet amazingly. 
I now have a pair of support pants that are easy to put on and a pair (in my size) that I will need help to squeeze into (like those delightful DVT socks).  They are like torture.
I've also been filling up my freezer...there is no space whatsoever left, I have 11 portions of butternut squash & sweetcorn soup and 20 very hot pasta sauce so don't think I'll starve any time soon.
My hair is making me look more Aunt Maud every passing day, not a good look and unlikely I'll get to the hairdressers before mid Jan...great!  On the plus side am in tier 2 but no chance to avail myself of all the excitement that offers. 
 Monday was a hastily arranged CT scan (I think they forgot to do this before!), get the results tomorrow, pre op assessment was today & CV test, obs and more blood tests Friday...and then (assuming no-one gets CV) we're on!

Hope that you're both awaiting to emerge from the lockdown into...another lockdown! Not sure Christmas will be too exciting here as reliant on the boyfriend who can be a right grinch...  I will make up for it when allowed back oop north.

And am soon to get Mummy no. 3!  The father & his partner are getting wed, which is lovely, despite the fact its only for inheritance tax purposes (ah, the romance...).  They need to await the queue at the local registry office to clear though.  Am glad that the father has decided not to have the chemo or immunotherapy that was on offer, turns out he's just like me and values quality of life over longevity.

Christine hope your knee is benefitting from confinement and that your German missive is now complete (my favourite German word is kreuzwortratsel FYI).

Caroline - hope you're not working too hard and that the puddle monster is improving.

Sam X

Hi Sam, 

I was wondering when you were having the DIEP, there's certainly a lot of prep for things these days. I hope it's an easy recovery for you.
Happy new mummy! I think a lot of long term couples get married for that reason. It makes sense not to pass your money to the government.

I go to see an orthopaedic surgeon tomorrow about my knee. Shocked at getting an appointment so quickly. It hasn't been too bad lately since I became a druggie. I finally gave in and take painkillers on a regular basis, although I've ditched the Tramadol for my new best friend Amytriptaline. I take one very tiny tablet at bedtime and I sleep pain free all night. It makes me sleepy during the day, too, which is no hardship while under lockdown, although I think that might be wearing off now I've been taking it for a couple of weeks and have got used to it, because today I did a few hours clearing all the perennials and weeds out of the garden ready for tomorrow's promised snow!

I'm going to bed now, Good luck for your surgery.
Love 

Christine xx

Caroline, hope you are well and looking forward to Christmas xx 

Hi Sam, 

I was wondering when you were having the DIEP, there's certainly a lot of prep for things these days. I hope it's an easy recovery for you.
Happy new mummy! I think a lot of long term couples get married for that reason. It makes sense not to pass your money to the government.

I go to see an orthopaedic surgeon tomorrow about my knee. Shocked at getting an appointment so quickly. It hasn't been too bad lately since I became a druggie. I finally gave in and take painkillers on a regular basis, although I've ditched the Tramadol for my new best friend Amytriptaline. I take one very tiny tablet at bedtime and I sleep pain free all night. It makes me sleepy during the day, too, which is no hardship while under lockdown, although I think that might be wearing off now I've been taking it for a couple of weeks and have got used to it, because today I did a few hours clearing all the perennials and weeds out of the garden ready for tomorrow's promised snow!

I'm going to bed now, Good luck for your surgery.
Love 

Christine xx

Caroline, hope you are well and looking forward to Christmas xx 

Cheers Christine,

As I hate being late (!!) have been at the hospital since 6.15, the blummin unit doesn't open till 7.30.  Luckily its a comfy & warm hospital eh?

So we're all set, cats in cattery, overnight bag packed to the max (am sure 20 pairs of pants and 5 books will all be used..mm), never been one for travelling light.  House is as clean as I can bare it.  I did have a lovely friend asking for my house keys whilst I was in hospital so she could come around with her cleaner & clean my hovel...I told her 'not on your Nelly'!  If I can't do it then it won't get done but how kind (have also told her that if my house gets broken into and its cleaner than it is now I'll dob her into the coppers).

The boyfriend is in mad worry mode, it doesn't take a lot.  He's also worrying about the covid vaccinations as he really hates needles, poor lad ...all that and having to put up with me too. Some people have all the luck eh?

Right better get my *** in gear and get prepped for 8 hrs blissful nothingness, hopefully make up for the fact that I didn't get my required beauty kip last night.

Caroline - hope everything is good with you.

XX

Hi Sam and Christine!

Sam - how did it go yesterday?? You got a lovely new boob now? How are you feeling? Have they let you go home? And what a lovely friend! I would of gladly given her the keys and told her to crack on!! :laugh: So you just need to take it easy now - hope you've got all your Christmas jobs done so you can veg and just watch naff Christmas films!! 
Christine, I hope you are feeling brighter? How did you appointment about your knee go? Hopefully they can do something to help ease the pain. Such a debilitating pain to have, especially if affecting your sleep.

All is good with me. First one of the first times ever, I am more or less ready for Christmas - or I've just forgotten lots of things. My brain has been struggling a lot, recently. Feels like it's surrounded by cotton wool!!! The puppy is growing - fast!! We had to cut down on his food portions as he was gaining weight at a rate of knots. Still a bit bity but calmed down most of the time. Not sure I'd want to do it again!! 
Not sure if you have read it, but I've just finished reading Victoria Derbyshire's book about her breast cancer journey. It's called Dear Cancer, Love Victoria. I binge read it. She talks about her mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy and how she feels/copes along the way. I think people who have had cancer will read it differently to those who haven't been along the path.  
I have settled back into  "normality"  Cancer isn't crowding my thoughts and I don't really think about it or worry about it very often! Long may it continue! 
Work is keeping me busy - I am having to test myself for Covid twice a week and report it to work. It's not too pleasant but reassuring to get the results.

Anyway - I had better crack on with some work. Take care ladies - let me know how you both are.

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline 

Yep, all really good here. Told the team this morning that I was looking to leave Friday and luckily for them they've agreed!

New boob is very healthy though does feel a little odd given was used to having nowt there, funny how quickly we get used to things I guess, and am amazed at how little stomach I have left (they removed 444 grams FYI!).

Having a great time here as the team are all lovely but will be glad to get home, even if its with the mother nursing me!  Been told several times by plastic surgeon to slow down...me, impatient??

Managed to wean myself off the oxycodone fine as don't want constipation for too long (jury's still out on that one) so just on ibuprofen & paracetamol now. 

Oh believe you me I have tonnes of crap awaiting my viewing that needs clearing from the TV recorder, it will be consumed over the progression of the next weeks. The TV and tonnes of pillows will be very close pals of mine indeed.

I'm glad you're sounding so upbeat and are ready for the onslaught of the festive period.  I try & avoid cancer books/films etc, find them quite depressing (not surprisingly!).  I generally only watch read funny/horror or murder stuff...forget real life stuff!

Twice a week covid testing...that's quite full on isn't it but given you're in the profession makes sense. 

So tomorrow get my final drain out and have to try & squeeze myself into stupid support pants...really looking forward to that!  Am however looking forward to being waited on hand & foot of course and going round to a pals of Adrian's (who are great cooks) for Christmas so belly may not be quite as flat come the eve of 25th Dec...

Sam X

Hi girls,

I'm delighted to hear you are both doing well. I hope your recovery is continuing well, Sam. if you are in pain, take the Oxycodone, you can always take stool softeners to counteract the constipation. I just eat liquorice if I have that problem!

Caroline, you sound to be well on the way to normality, as much as 2020 would allow, anyway.  I'm so glad!   I think my dodgy knee stopped me thinking about cancer a long time ago.

My visit to the orthopaedic surgeon was mixed. I really liked him and his manner, but he hadn't seen my X-rays so couldn't really give me a definitive recommendation. He had an old MRI scan from 2017, which showed my cartilage damage was at stage 3 and the only higher stage was four which meant bone on bone.  He said he was quite sure that in three years it hadn't got any better but wanted to see the recent X-rays before advising me one way or another.  He then proceeded to list all the dangers associated with replacement surgery, about a dozen I think.  I told him I just want to be pain free and if he can do that without surgery I'd be more than happy. He said he could give me a new injection in the right knee because the last one didn't take, so I don't have to wait another four months, which is great and I have an appointment with him on 16th. Hopefully he won't change his mind and tell me to go for surgery once he's seen the X-rays.  

I have been really sad this week, though. My lovely next door neighbour has lost her eldest son, not to Covid, but suddenly, to pneumonia and sepsis. I want to give her a hug but can't. He was only in his forties. So sad!  

Is it my imagination or have people started their Christmas preparations early this year as an antidote to Covid misery? I was even driven to drag out some lights and a small artificial tree this week and I'm supposed to have sacked Christmas!  They won't be switched on until nearer the time, though.  I've always waited until the weekend before to put up decorations because I get fed up of them by New Year.

Take care, both of you!  Sam, rest!!!  Let yourself be taken care of.  
 

lots of love

Christine xxx
 

Christine,

Thats really sad re your neighbours loss, 40 is so young, I'm sure they know how much you'd like to support them and know that you care...and that counts for lots, and you'll be able to go mad with hugs, as we all will before Easter I reckon (don't forget my Nostradamus tendencies!).

Totally agree with you re people definitely upping their game on the festive front, I've been making the most of my very short and exceedingly slow shuffles around my neighbourhood to be the nosy old crone that I am destined to be and have a top and bottom 5 of tasteful decorations, in and outside houses, thankfully most houses have done a nice job, the more  'interesting' festive displays have been reserved for other, less celubrious neighbourhoods ...ha!!! I've had mine up since mid November, more to get personal value for money and to get it out of the way well before the op, and it does amuse me that the female cat likes to marmalise the tree...bl00dy idiot.  So I am glad you've seen all the festive light and have seen fit to go a wee bit Christmassy...well done!!

Im loving my mother (the agency staff as she's now referred to) being here and seeing to my every exacting need, she's quite rubbish at following directions though and can't make a cup of tea for toffee but beggars and choosers and all that.  My main issues remain, in order, being vvvv painful when coughing/sneezing (why is it so difficult to stop yourself coughing?), the annoyance of having to plan to go to the loo (the support pants are soooo cumbersome and if the band rests on where the magician tried to saw me in half I certainly know about it), our old friend constipation ( thus was also one of my worst aspects about chemo, maybe the worst actually) and now lack of sleep, hence sending this early on a Sunday morning. Sleeping in my back is not a natural position, and neither is being surrounded/elevated by 57 pillows....my lack of much needed beauty sleep will start to show soon.

So as you can tell am actually doing very well! First appointment with nurse to remove bandage next Friday.

Hope your knee injection works this time Christine, I'll be thinking of you whilst gassing with the lovely chemo unit nurses as having my zolodex shot that day....nice to get out but not relishing the need to wash my hair ...it's developing an 'interesting' look day by day...much like some of the dodgier Christmas decs above.

Id like to think that come the 20th Dec your house will be adorned with flashing lights, inflatable snow men, life size reindeer and one of those Santas climbing up the wall, oh and tonnes of icicles that light up from top to bottom....the whole 9 yards and a little bit more. I would personally be so worried about my electrical bill, such a tight northerner!!!

Stay safe but go mad.

X

Hi Girls,

I hope yesterday's news from BoJo hasn't knocked your Christmas plans into touch.  My daughter and I are not being affected by it, I'm pleased to say and we have our Chinese banquet booked for delivery on Christmas Eve, for us to zap the next day for our Christmas Day dinner. 
I was actually, very lucky to see my son the other day. He had to drive North to make a delivery to a customer so carried on to sunny Lancashire. Strictly he shouldn't have been allowed in, nor, God forbid, given a hug, but he was and I did!  He has been extremely careful during the pandemic because his partner is quite vulnerable.  I felt like my Christmas had come early because my daughter came round, too. We are in a bubble so that was quite legal, and sitting in my lounge with both my kids and all three dogs felt wonderful.

I'm going to make a confession to you guys, because I know it won't get back to them, but I lied to my kids.  I wanted to give them money for Christmas as my bank account was a lot healthier this year than last, due to not having done anything enjoyable and they had both had a lot of expense this year. My daughter had to have a new roof on her house and my son had had to spend a lot of money on trips to his in-laws to help out with a sick parent.  I spent quite a few sleepless nights thinking how to give it to them. I knew that they wouldn't accept it if I just tried to give it to them, so I lied.  I had a small lottery win, the week before, so I showed them the email announcing a win, but exaggerated the amount ( £3 became £3000) and paid a thousand pounds into each of their bank accounts. We have always shared any windfalls, so they were delighted to think this was lucky money!  I'm still smiling about it! I even switched on my Christmas lights while they were here!

I hope your discomfort post surgery is lessening, Sam,  the thought of that, alone, would be enough to put me off having reconstruction, fortunately I can use my age as an excuse for not going down that route. I don't like to try to sleep on my back, either, but find it helps if I have to, to put pillows under my knees as well as under my shoulders/head, to give a sun lounger effect.

My knee injection seems to have worked, I just get the odd twinge now, but am walking without limping! Yay!!!   Just before I had it my daughter reminded me that I had gone mad doing housework and gardening after the last one, while the local anaesthetic was still working, and she's convinced I bu@@ared it up, so I had to promise to rest up for a day. I did a grocery shop on my way to the hospital so I was able to just go home and take it easy after the jab.  I'm now trying to ease myself off the painkillers- no easy task. I've reduced the codeine to twice a day, and so far so good. I had a bad headache the first day, but not so bad subsequently, I'll go down to one a day from tomorrow. I have never been one for taking tablets and it has freaked me out taking15 a day with my Lansoprazole and Letrozole. I might hang on the the Amitriptyline, though, I love the way it helps my sleep!

Today is Smudge's tenth birthday! He still looks like a puppy but is slowing down a bit now, although you wouldn't think so if you saw the delight he showed when he got his Rupert Bear birthday present. He has chased it and chewed it all morning. He didn't appreciate my singing Happy Birthday on FaceTime though. 

Caroline, I'm sure you are busy with Christmas preparations, I was always quite a last minute person when the kids were young, working full time doesn't help, as well as being the family driver, so as well as getting everything organised I was the one going to pick up grandparents etc.  Christmas has got smaller and smaller as years go by and families get smaller, and this year I have really cut down on preparations although it was nice to sit down and organise my donations to my charities. I gave a bit more  to a few more, this year, rather than buying and posting dozens of cards and gifts people didn't really want and certainly didn't need, just from habit.  I did warn people that I was only giving to charity this year, and I hope they don't end up buying me something and make me feel guilty.  Not being able to have visits helps that, actually, 

Have a lovely Christmas despite the restrictions, and here's to a 2021 with a bit more normality!
 

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hi Christine 

You are like me in so many ways, I too am a darn good and consistent liar and quite inventive with it too.  I mean I'm honest about lying, I tell the boyfriend quite regularly about my lieing prowess, he tells me that he really doesn't want to know...he's far too good and principled for me you know! But that's a lovely thing to do for your kids and so glad you got to see both of them.  Bring on some more, larger wins eh?

Boris has indeed ruined my Christmas plans...what a surprise!  That man is no good at managing expectations, something I tell the boyfriend is very important to me.  We were due to go round to some friends of his (who are very good cooks) for the day and dinner but alas no more...boo!  Not quite sure what we'll do now...I mean even if I was fighting fit I couldn't be bothered with the cooking palaver so the onus is on the poor, ever suffering boyfriend...I'd be quite happy with a pizza just be nice to be out of these (tier) 4 walls for a bit.  Christine your Chinese banquet idea is becoming more appetising as the days pass, late Boris news will no doubt mean that such opportunities have been snapped up but we'll see...

Recovery still doing really well, had the thick bandages off Friday and was told my scars are amongst the best ever seen, love to be teachers pet! The surgeons work is very neat & tidy and barely a scab to be seen. Am still slow and its cumbersome to move but getting quicker and easier every day. Thankfully sleeping better of late and bowels back in good order (nice!).  My father reckons I have his very quick healing genes, that may be so but I reckon my healthy lifestyle is a large contributory factor too.

Good news re knee, how long will the good news  last? Will it need topping up every so often? I think its a good idea to wean self off pain killers, I'm not a fan of drugs per se and made a point of stopping oxycodone soonish in hospital and am now also free of ibuprofen and paracetamol...luckily I have a very high plain threshold anyway so paracetamol does buggar all anyway.  And some of the heavy hitters cause my worst nightmare...constipation!  I think I may be on the lansaprazole too but want to kick that into touch too (not altogether sure what its doing but no energy to be that interested!).

Happy Birthday fluffy Smudge, am hoping Rupert was from Archie too or is Archie going to be giving his pal a special gift? You whatsapp'd a dog...am impressed with Smudge's grasp of technology.  Its taken me 2 weeks and the help of boyfriend and sister in Taiwan to fathom out how to post photos on facebook (for my DIEP group pals to see plastic surgeons fine work & needed to cover up body parts not permitted)....it was a technology challenge too far but finally succeeded.  I put up before and after photos and not one person questioned how the plastic surgeon managed to improve on perfection!! Ha!

Like you my father (who is doing well) gave money to McMillan rather than cards, its actually a blessing as his card includes an annual 'poem' which is always terrible but he thinks is quite good.

Caroline - hope naughty Eddie is good and not marmalising Christmas decorations (like my female cat), I think you're outside tier 4 so hope your plans aren't too affected for the festive period.  I was debating going to see the mother near you Boxing Day but Boris has put paid to that too (probably just as well, saves her cooking and the boyfriend worrying that we've passed on something).  How's your positivity? its crap that all that's going on is battering it and hope that the Christmas announcement hasn't further impacted it, I know how important it is as its carried me through since diagnosis.

Hope your decorations are filling you with festive cheer, I'm loving the extra effort made in my neighbourhood (well apart from some..), my effort is comparable with previous years, don't want to overdo it plus just more for the boyfriend to take down in Jan (see, I'm thoughtful like that...yeah right!!).

Right, have a good festive Chinese with the daughter Christine and Caroline with the family (and maybe others - you lucky lady!) XX

Hi ladies,

Lovely to hear how well you are both doing - knee wise, new boob wise!!! We are tough cookies aren't we!!

Sam, yes we are narrowly avoid being in tier 4 by the skin of our teeth, half a mile up the road are not so lucky. My mum and dad made the decision a while ago, not to come down for Christmas, which I am gutted about but understand. Haven't seen them since New Year. My sister lives in South Wales and was due to come and visit on Boxing Day for the night but that has now been cancelled. I thank my lucky stars that I do have my kids and husband here so not alone. 
Eddie is ok but we had a major scare on Thursday when he had a funny turn. Lost his sense of balance, had the shakes and lost bladder control. Came on very suddenly. So we rushed him to the vets and they suspected sepis/meningitis and told us he was in a very bad way and to prepare for the worst. We had to rush him to a specialist neurologist vets near Winchester, for tests and an MRI. They rushed him in and then came back out 20 min later with a normal looking dog!!! Walking normally, tail wagging! They didn't do an MRI as couldn't see any reason to do so!! And touch wood, since then he has been his normal little *** self!! 
I feel very sad that everyone has had Christmas plans cancelled but I think a quiet Christmas / New Year will be time for us all to appreciate what we have. I feel sad for people who will be alone and whose mental health is going to suffer. I think if you need to break the rules in order to help someone's well being - so be it! My friend's mum has terminal cancer and might not be here next Christmas. I've told my friend to go round to see her - just maybe stay in the garden.

Christine, what a lovely gesture to your kids!! And very crafty!! 
Well, I need to crack on with some housework - so if don't catch up before Christmas, have a lovely, quiet and chilled one. Lots of walks and pj days I reckon. And a peaceful New Year and to hopes we can party again next year!!!

Love Caroline xx

Hi Girls,

Happy New Year to you and yours. I'm working on the belief that it must be better than last year, but actually last year was better than 2019 because that's when we all got cancer!

I hope you had a nIce Christmas and New Year's Eve. It was my birthday yesterday and it was just me and Archie because my daughter was snowed in. I planned a lovely quiet reading day as I am so over the rubbish TV we've had over Christmas. Did I manage that? No! The world and his wife decided to telephone or FaceTime or text me. I felt like I'd been to a party by the time night came. Then my neighbours decided they were going to have drinks at the end of their drive at midnight and put it on our friends and neighbours Messenger group, so People were replying and commenting and making jokes all night. Each time another one replied my iPad would ping, so even though I went to bed at my usual 10 - 10.30, I couldn't get to sleep. Then the fireworks started. Fortunately Archie isn't bothered by them but sleep was totally out of the question for another hour or so. 
My daughter lives in a small village on a quiet, narrow road where houses only line one side opposite a fishing lake. She phoned me about 9.30 to tell me a police car had cruised slowly up and down her street. We laughed our socks off because most of her neighbours are pensioners older than me and they never see a police car from one year to another. I bet the police were cruising all the quiet areas looking for parties they didn't want to find rather than where they would be guaranteed to find someone breaking the rules. I don't blame them but I warned my neighbours that they were about.  That would be the worst end to the worst year, wouldn't it, getting fined for having a drink at the end of your drive!

I have my next checkup on Tuesday. I got the letter yesterday telling me not to go to the hospital, it would be a telephone checkup. Whoopidoo! I am supposed to be going to the gym at the hospital to continue the keep fit course I started last year before lockdown. I suspect I'll be getting a phone call cancelling that, too.  

Sam, I hope you are more comfortable now, and up for your usual active life, and Caroline stay safe, it is harder for you to stay home, I guess, so be really careful. 
 

Love

Christine xxx

Hi Christine and Sam,

Happy New Year!! Your New Years Eve story made me chuckle!! We are in tier 4 here so more or less locked down and then one of the boys tested positive for Covid on the 27th after losing his sense of smell and taste. So we have ended up in isolation!!! We are locked up until the 6th. But it's not been too bad. We have a big garden and a field that we rent at the back, so have been able to walk the dogs daily. We had spent Christmas Day with my in laws and sister in law, so they are also having to isolate. 
We had a lovely New Years Eve. We played on the wii, darts, pool and family fortunes with all the boys, but then I crashed and burned just after midnight. 
Well, let's hope this is the year we can all get back to seeing friends/family and travel again!! I wish you lots of happiness for 2021. 
Have to shoot off, as my sister's birthday is today and we have a zoom quiz to attend!! 
Caroline xx