Hi Ladies, 

Firstly, between the 2 of you, you never fail to make me smile!! Sam, your tale about falling over in the mud was funny:laugh: and loved the addition of numbers into the naughty words! :wink:

Had a funny old week last week. Not sure if it's my hormones or what but felt very emotional all last week. Had my phone appointment which was very quick. But they are going to send me for a bone scan as I mentioned that I've been getting quite a lot of hip pain. I don't think it's anything sinister - more likely old age/wear and tear or muscular. Consultant said if it is fine, they will discharge me which actually made me very emotional as I feel like I am being deserted! Then I was 50 last week too and think that made me very emotional too!! So I've been a bit weepy, tired and down for the past week. But on the positive side my family and friends thoroughly spoilt me and I set up a fund raising page on Facebook to raise money for a local cancer charity and we ended up raising £1200! So that's positive. I saw a few friends over the weekend so did manage some very small celebrations.

Eddie is a handful - especially when he has his hyperactive spates!! But he's sleeping through the night and will choose to go in his crate by himself. He's not destroyed anything yet! (Touch wood) he has found an old pair of slippers, which he likes to chew but I know I shouldn't let him. 
Christine, I have everything crossed for tomorrow!! Let's hope they manage to get the samples and all is fine. 
I have a couple of people on here, who I message privately every now and again but that's all. Very sad re the gentleman you mentioned and I suspect your prediction is correct or he found the support somewhere else.

Right off to pick up youngest son from the gym!!!

Caroline xx

Hi lovely ladies,

Today I feel like I can breathe again! My bone scan results came back - no cancer in my hips!! Relief doesn't even come close to how I feel! I had worked myself into a real state and was convinced I had secondary cancer in my hips! They said I do have degenerative changes in some of my joints but that might run alongside my osteopenia. I'll just keep taking the adcal and joint pills! I have never felt so frightened and was convinced my time was going to be cut short so now I need to stop letting this cancer take over my head! Life is too short for me to spend time worrying over things that might come back, so cancer is parked - done and dusted!!! 
Hope you are both well!!! 
Caroline xx

Oh Caroline 

I am absolutely delighted with your good news but feel quite sad that I had no idea you were going through all that fear again. I just thought you were suffering from hormone related problems. I blame everything on the Letrozole!

I haven't been on here for a couple of weeks because I have been too grumpy. The second attempt at capturing a sample of the calcification in my right breast was another failure. This time it was a different team and the doctor said he would send away the tissue he had got (from a dozen attempts) to see if he had managed to capture the elusive chalk and then it would go to the MDT for a decision on what to do next. The experience this time was worse than the first, probably because I knew what to expect.  The staple effect wasn't as bad as the first time  but I nearly hit the roof when he injected the local anaesthetic it hurt so much, then I was trapped by the boob in that chair for an hour while he tried again and again to get a bit of the chalk.  It really knocked me for six. I think my body went into shock because I felt ill for the next two days. 
I had just about got over it by the weekend, then on the Saturday i did something to my knee as I was getting up from the toilet and have hardly been able to walk since. The steroid injections I had a few weeks ago didn't help my right knee and I was in so much pain the doctor I spoke to sent a prescription to the pharmacy and a man turned up in the afternoon with 50 Tramadol and 100 Paracetamol! The first night the Tramadol knocked me out for a blissful eight hours, less on the second night and failed to do anything for the pain the third night. I was worried about taking it during the day in case it made my head spin and reverted to my codeine and paracetamol but my daughter, who cannot function without a huge number of meds every day, has told me to try taking the Tramadol as prescribed every four hours to see if it works. She has been walking Archie for me and wants me better!  My own doctor rang and said I probably hadn't done anything to the knee, that it was the arthritis causing cartilage to slough off and touch the nerve. He has ordered an X-ray of the knee and is referring me for knee replacement surgery. Apparently the two MRI scans I have had on that knee are not acceptable as evidence that I need surgery! It just shows how bad the pain was that I accepted that I need it.
In the meantime a letter came via email with an appointment to see the breast cancer nurse on January 5th and one came in the post telling me the biopsies showed only breast tissue and not to worry, except we knew it was breast tissue and wanted chalk!! 
Then to cap it all my lovely brother in law has died suddenly and we don't know anything else as his daughter was too upset to tell us any more and we won't be able to go to his funeral as he has too many closer relatives .

See why I've been grumpy? I think I need chocolate!

Take care!

Sam, I hope you are ok, managing to stay on the bike and get to the gym. Have you had your DIEP date?
 

love

Christine xx

Oh Christine!!!

Im so sorry to hear that your brother in law has died. A  friend from school contacted me a couple of weeks ago to say his mum had died after a fall whilst in hospital. As well as it being a shock and sudden, the fact they can't have a proper funeral is really hard. 
I hope they don't subject you to any more needle biopsies. If they are still worried, then surely they can do regular mammograms to check for any changes. And then your knee, to top it off!! Let's hope they can do something sooner rather than later as no one should have to put up with that pain. 
Sending you virtual hugs. 
Caroline xx

Christine, 

Sorry to hear of your news re your brother-in-law and the fact that CV19 will prevent the celebration of his life that you'd really all want to have.  With all that's going on you're certainly allowed to wallow, it'll do you some good, just ensure you come out the other side eh?

ANOTHER failure re the repeated calcification biopsy? Crikey, its getting worse than when they were failing to remove marker from my good boob.  Its no wonder you felt off for a number of days afterwards. 

And your knee is now so bad, tramadol sounds fun though (not a fan of drugs).  So looking like surgery eh?  You've probably had enough of this recently but nothing else seems to be making it better, and Archie needs his walks.  Its good you are tenacious as weaker individuals would have accepted pain as a matter of course by now.

Caroline - such good new re the bone scan, good you managed to get one, I know of people who've been refused.  Its no wonder you're relieved and now know those aches & pains are just old age!  Keep up the bone building exercises, they will help stop you descending into a puddle of flesh as you get older ( well that's my strategy anyway).

Think this website has fallen out with me as appear to have stopped getting notifications of posts, most likely something I've done unwittingly, it usually is.

I've got all my appointments lined up pre DIEP (now confirmed 8th Dec), even managed (it took tonnes of challenging of course) to get my CV test locally rather than have to battle into London (where the hospital bods were trying to get me tested at).  On for prosthesis fitting tomorrow (as there is a chance that op may get delayed till who knows when) and lymphodema clinic mid Nov...its seems to have settled at sausage fingers (always a good look).  I also may have asthma (ah the joys of cancer treatment side effects) so am plotting my breaths on a peak flow meter and having a chest x-ray just in case.  Also have bone scan Monday (cue more radiation...a bit late to get a green ghoulish glow for Halloween unfortunately). Busy times at various hospitals indeed.

More excitingly, as it involves my stomach, am getting a new cooker today - one that won't randomly turn off part way through cooking...and will be clean (for about a week I reckon!).  Yep, that's how sad my life is that I'm excited about getting a domestic appliance.

I've seen a few pals recently which was lovely, 3 of us met in a garden under a marquis that was threatening to blow away with us...now that would have been exciting, I am like Mary Poppins in that I am practically perfect but always fancied the levitating with brolly part to round off the likeness.

Trying to get the father sorted out too, he's off for a CT scan today and has been told that he will need chemo.  I want to know hat the benefit will be vs the possible negative impact on his quality of life. He's such a stubborn old sod so am trying (against my natural tendency) a softly, softly approach - rather than just shouting at him what he should do!

So I had finished all the bulb planting and then a pal bought me some more...what a lovely problem to have eh?  So later on will be planting yummy hyacinths and tonnes of tulips ( all the way from Holland), not sure after this batch I can actually fit any more bulbs in my small garden & pots.

I've also nearly finished my Christmas shopping, wanted to get it out of the way before internet rush happens, would usually go to shops but can't face it this year with all the unruly idiots there are down here (and everywhere!)...not sure why as I won't actually see anyone but the boyfriend & mothers before Christmas but gives me a warm virtuous feeling and makes my halo shine even brighter (if that were at all possible...).  

Also decided that as I'll be self-isolating end of Nov, when have a weeks hol, will paint my kitchen units, they're wooden now but will soon be dark & light blue - never done it before, what's the worst that can happen right?  Also another cushion beckons.

Right, time for nosh before the afternoons session of spreadsheet hell....

X

Hi Girls,

 It's lovely to hear from you both, so soon after my whinge-fest.  Last night I actually managed to get into a position where the pain in my knee subsided enough to fall asleep. According to my FitBit I slept for six hours thirty minutes, was awake for six minutes and restless for twenty five minutes. On Tuesday I only registered one hour twelve minutes of actual sleep! Apparently I was tossing and turning so much it registered that I was awake!  Good job I've only got Archie on the bed with me. A husband would have strangled me!

I have decided that I'm doing no Christmas shopping, this year and I'm not designing and making cards as I usually do.  I'm going to donate what I would have spent to Stand up to Cancer, our local hospice and North West Air Ambulance. I'm not even going to decorate this year as I won't be entertaining anyone.  My daughter and I will probably spend the day together as usual but I don't expect to see my son this year. I think I'd better put the message up on Facebook just so my friends who know about the cancer won't think I've died when they don't get a card from me.
The four girlfriends and I are going to have a Christmas FaceTime, our youngest member of the group is going to organise a secret Santa, which we do every year, she is going to pick up and deliver the gifts and we are going to open them on FaceTime with a glass of something. The only one of us still working has had the Covid but is back at work now, the rest of us are still being very careful. I have no desire to expose myself to something that could at the very least make me feel ill. I can't understand all the people I hear about ignoring the rules on distancing etc.especially as we are in Tier 3!
Have fun with all your activities, Sam, I feel tired just reading about all you have to do. They say the treatment is worse than the disease and they're not wrong! I never did get a prosthesis, I might ask if I am flat enough to get one now, although I find myself wearing a compression vest mostly.  Dangly DD gets squashed down and pert little AA cup (it has gone down somewhat) gets supported nicely. Quite comfortable!

Caroline, thank you for the hugs. 
 

love

Christine xx

Hiya ladies
Just thought I'd let you know what passes for excitement in my life nowadays...yep, its hospital appointments (closely followed by my Waitrose delivery), they're the only time I put on make-up and drag something decent out of the wardrobe!

Though I've been measured for a prosthesis 2 weeks ago its looking like the only use I'll have for it, when it finally arrives, is to do a jolly good impression of the 3 boobed lady in the film 'total recall' or stick it on my forehead and be the t1t-head that Adrian always says I am ( I say ALOT worse about him), or if you fancy a late Christmas present C cup Christine??  I am now also the proud (!) owner of an oh-so-sexy NHS beige compression sleeve, though it ain't much blummin' use without the (diamond encrusted, Micheal Jackson style) compression glove - another wait ensues, though it would be interesting to see my hand inflate like when people blow up Marigold gloves.

I've also now got a ventolin inhaler and am charting peak flow meter before and after my special puffs...its not making much difference but I can live with how I am, just good that chest X-ray was all clear (am slowly whittling away examination of any areas where that naughty cancer could be lurking...).
So today found out, as I knew anyway, that the bone scan was all clear for cancer but I've still got to have a blummin CT scan too, apparently it should have all been booked etc but as we know communication ain't great in these hospitals.  I'll be in self-isolation from Tuesday so self-isolation will consist of going to hospital as well as watching paint dry. No for real - still planning on painting my kitchen units/walls if I can summon the enthusiasm, as well as making some more cushions, am now on the 2nd one, much easier than the wedge pillow one but still looks like its been made by a 5 yr. old..
I now also have the biggest support pants ever - they come up just below my bra and almost give me another chin! Also invested in another sexy bra (not! - its a front opening sports one) and a small fan (I'm told that to keep you warm post-op they put you in an electric blanket which feels like you're being steamed alive), which shouldn't be challenging but does mean I'm going to have to take a blummin' screw driver into hospital in case the batteries need changing (yep, I'm thinking of everything).  Not sure if I mentioned (you'll be proud of me Christine) that rather than but another pair of Jim-jams I've taken in the ones from post mx...not only recycling but saving money...can you see my halo shining away there??? There is of course the chance that every step across my hospital room will see another piece of material from said Jim-jams fall off my body onto the floor.  They'll be like my own home made version of a clown car.

All the aforementioned op stuff from good old M&S, decided to buy some new pillows at the same time (will be invaluable propping me up/under knees/helping sit up in chair) so ordered 12 items and they're being delivered piecemeal...its now a full-time job to track what I have and haven't received! Top tip if you order online from M&S don't order loads of stuff, I now know the delivery man's name, children's names, breed of dog....
So all is good...well it would be if I hadn't had some bad news re my father, unfortunately the cancer has spread to his liver so he's been given one year, two with chemo...pretty cr4p eh?  Luckily he's like me and is of strong character and has quickly come to terms with it and is focussing on practical things (apparently I'm getting his bike!), its just a real shame that I won't be able to see him until Feb/March next year, this is not a good time to be ill at all.
So given all that's happening the Christmas decs are going up next weekend, usually I'd wait till start Dec but why not eh?  Its funny, I had a (plastic) wreath on the spare bed and the stupid(est) cat has now decided that its favourite spot is sleeping in the middle of it.  I do enjoy seeing the same cat scale the fake Christmas tree on a few occasions over the festive period (no baubles for my tree!).

I like the sound of your FaceTime Christmas Christine, I had a teams video call with 2 girlfriends that I was supposed to meet up with last weekend which was lovely, I did however fall asleep on the sofa afterwards in a red wine induced coma.
I'm loving my running (well running and walking) on a morning though its getting quite dark when I go out so have devised some Heath Robinson style devices using my cycling lights for tomorrow's excursion to make sure I'm seen....let's see how that works.  I'm also regularly shouting angrily at cyclists in particular about KEEPING THIER BL00DY DISTANCE!! Finally, as I told my physio, I've become the angry old woman I always wanted to be...there was an old woman, Mrs Haythornthwaite, in the village where I grew up who used to come out with a broom and shout at us kids whilst we cycled around the church in the middle of the village screaming, that's who I'm moulding myself on.

Christine- I hope your knee is behaving and that Fitbit is telling you that your beauty sleep is bob-on, what news of surgery? What of the calcification...will they try and do more biopsies are are you waiting for 5th Jan meeting?  Something to look forward to over Christmas (!!).

Caroline - How's that terror Eddie?  I do hope he's a naughty little puppy as its quite sad (like with children) when they're well behaved, I like animals personalities to shine through, and the naughtier the more amusing I find (ref Christmas decs and cat above!!).  I hope you're not working too hard, I find myself increasingly distracted by most things nowadays but then concentration was never a strong point (the amount of times I go upstairs and come back empty handed as I've forgotten what I'm doing or need to go back up as I did not achieve what I set out to do!).

Anyhoo time for dinner - hope all is well with both of you and that there's no more bad news for any of us eh?

Sam X

Hi Sam and Christine,

Good to hear your bone scan was clear. I have every faith that the CT scan will be fine too! Don't get too carried away with all the exercise otherwise they won't be able to take enough stomach to build a boob!! 
I am so sorry to hear your news about your dad. I do firmly believe that how you fight this battle mentally is as important as the drugs they give us. 
One of the school mum's, from my youngest's school year, lost her fight with pancreatic cancer 2 weeks ago. Only in her 40's but fought an amazing battle. At diagnosis was given months but actually managed 2 and a half years. 
My concentration and mojo have taken a battering recently. Work is busy and I do love my job, but it's been tougher than usual when I've heard about patients dying, who we have been supporting. I think my ability to look for positives seems to have become more difficult. I think I am just missing socialising with my friends as well as my family, who I haven't seen in person since New Year and am not sure when I will get to see them. One positive of being lockdown is that I have written all my Christmas cards (I send a lot!) I've also bought my turkey and ham from a local butchers, online and done some Christmas shopping. But my decks will not be going up for a good few weeks yet!! 

Eddie is a little bu99er!! He's grown so much and is a live wire!! Very confident. Not too great when you work from home and have to do zoom meetings and he decides he wants a wee every 5 min and whines by the door!! 
Lovely to hear from you. Stay safe and let us know how the op goes. (What is the date?)

Caroline x
 

Hi girls,

First I must addresss the positives in your post, Caroline, Eddie is whining at the door?  So much better than puddles on the floor, yes?  We forget how energetic puppies can be, at least he's not destroying your home, like Archie. My daughter finds that her colleagues look forward to seeing Smudge joining her on Zoom calls.
I can so relate to how you are feeling, the Covid situation is draining all my energy and enthusiasm, too. I can't get into a book, my knee means I can't do much physically, so the garden is going to pot and I don't really care. I go as far as the bird feeders and that's it. A fence has blown down in the back garden and I don't care. I have phoned the man who put them up but he hasn't got back to me yet. I suspect he's very busy with the weather we have had lately.   I'm struggling to get the likeness of a portrait I'm painting for my friend's secret Santa gift because I can only work on it for a short time before the knee makes me stop. I'm turning into a female Victor Meldrew!

I thought about coming on here last week to report a success, then couldn't be bothered. I actually got someone to examine my boobs at the breast clinic!!!

I was super fortunate to synchronise three hospital appointments half an hour apart on the same day.  I had an X-ray on my knee, an ultrasound scan on my right upper arm and shoulder then an examination by a doc in the breast clinic.  
The reason for the examination was silly, really. I developed a teeny tiny bright red spot in my skin in exactly the same position where my tumour had been and it started to stick out. It was like a tiny skin tag. Foolishly, I mentioned it to my daughter who immediately demanded that I get it checked out. I rang the bcn who said come in. I told her about my appointments that had already been arranged and she fitted me in an the same day. I was quite surprised (but glad) to be examined by a doctor, who had a good look and a poke about on both sides. He said he wasn't worried about it, and just to keep an eye on it. Yay! The X-ray and ultrasound have got me a referral I didn't really want, to an orthopaedic surgeon!

Sam, I am glad you still sound upbeat and positive. Sorry about your dad, but he sounds to have a good attitude towards it. I hope he gets the two years, Caroline's lady doubled her prognosis, so he might even do that too.  My dad had oesophageal cancer that wasn't diagnosed until it was already in the liver and they didn't offer him anything except a stent to keep his gullet open to allow food and drink to be consumed. He gave up, took to his bed and only lasted ten weeks from the day I took him to hospital for tests to see why he was having trouble swallowing. 
I can't believe how much hassle you are having, bl99dy lymphoedema, asthma, bone scans, CT scan, self isolation, then having your belly skinned, it is awful!!!  (Sorry, that looks worse than I meant it to)

Thank goodness the bones and lungs are ok!  I'll be keeping everything possible crossed that your reconstruction goes brilliantly and you emerge from lockdown with the pert boobs of a twenty two year old that my surgeon promised me, had I gone down that route. You still sound to be very active, not suffering from the Covid doldrums like me and Caroline. I am impressed!

I had a long chat with a nurse from our GP practice yesterday. She has called me before just to see how I'm getting on. I think she must be contacting all old people currently receiving treatment who live alone. I was quite shocked when she told me that Covid is rife around here. I live in a small community on the edge of a village with perhaps 50 houses altogether with no cases of Covid. That lulls you into a false sense of safety, although I am almost in self isolation anyway. She told me she, herself, had been in hospital on oxygen with Covid, her brother-in-law had died from it, her daughter had tested positive but had no symptoms at all, and a junior doctor she knows is fighting for his life in hospital at the moment. She said there are loads of cases locally. I was really shocked. I am more shocked by the attitudes of people who object to the restrictions and don't care about other people.  
I feel better for having written this.. I am still in my pj's and this was the first task I promised I would complete today. Next I have to send an email to my German friend who got so scared by her emails to me bouncing back, that she sent me a hand written letter. She had been using an old email address!  She doesn't write In English but I know enough German to be able to get the gist of what she says. Unfortunately, my German doesn't run to being able to reply to her without the help of a translation app.  I have a German niece who tells me these translations are the funniest things you can possibly read, but that's the only way I can keep up with that friendship so...

Take care, my lovelies, 

Christine. xxx