I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi girls,

Due to my condition of being an ancient person, I am confined to barracks, my neighbour and I stood chatting on the street corner about three feet apart where our lane meets the main road and someone pipped us in a car! As she is ten years older than me and registered blind she hasn't been anywhere but her home and neither have I so we thought we were pretty safe.

The painting is finished and is just drying now before I frame it. I sent a photo of the finished work to the recipient and she loves it! Phew! Relief! I didn't realise how stressful it would be to paint for someone else.

Sam, the swelling in my pseudo-boob, ( my sister's name for it, sounds better than non boob) is part seroma and part lymphoedema- the specialist nurse explained it to me as the seroma is a puddle of fluid surrounded by pockets of sodden sponge, (the lymphoedema) but the only way to distinguish what's what is to scan it and use the ultrasound to guide the needle to the puddles not the pockets. The puddles can then be drained, and later, CV permitting, the lymphoedema will be treated to laser therapy. As none of this is essential, just annoying, I suspect it will go the way of elective surgery. 

I know exactly how you feel about finding out about the lymph nodes that were removed.  You are torn between not wanting any evidence of more cancer and wanting your surgery to have been necessary. If you remember I was in a right strop when mine turned out to be clear.  As my daughter put it, I was behaving like a two year old having a tantrum!

I was very lucky having the district nurse coming to see to my drain, and even removing the first one,

Cx

Christine

Its funny I was re-reading your first note and now its like you're in a similar predicament just with another challenge starting with a "C" (damn those Cs eh).

Anyway though I haven't been ordered to confine (your daughter will lock you in if they hear of your break-outs!)  am trying to be sensible.  I mean we can still get out for walks so no change there, its almost a blessing that I haven't been able to get out in the car as don't miss going to the gym, to Adrian's, up north etc. I think the change is just getting your head around the total enormity of this new world, I think its amazing, am not fazed and think I have the cancer to thank for that....give me a minute and I can give you about 10 silver linings to any dire situation!!

I will however miss the visits from my northern pals but will surprise them with phone calls (hopefully at inopportune times).

Love that someone had the audacity to pip at you! Mind you where I grew up you'd get worse if you stood around on street corners...!!

I've decided I'm going to up the turning-into-a-cantankerous-old(ish)-lady and in that spirit told off this middle aged Lycra clad idiot for cycling on the footpath the other day, needless to say he took his moral high ground (of which he had none) until his wife (who was behind him distance wise) then sided with me - mission accomplished.  Am also regularly telling off idiots for smoking outside the main entrance of hospitals (and more often than not below a no smoking sign!)...like to think the more I do it the more likely it is to sink in one day.  Fingers crossed they switch *** production to ventilator production!!  That would amuse me on several fronts.

Congrats on a finished picture and that the recipient loves it too.  Not sure I could ever be in that state, happier if it looked like someone else, whilst I am obviously gorgeous in real life neither photos or paintings seem to do me any justice ( or it could just be my eternal optimism in all walks of life!!).

Your boob chat is well timed. Pseudo-boob, like it! Get it now re the difference of the PB (pseudo boob) challenges and need for ultra sound. On the plus side they have a plan for your lymphodema , its just a matter of when.  My side-boob is being very naughty.  Decided Thursday, after a week of non relenting pain (not too bad but no improvement) and an angry looking wound site that a hospital check-up was in order.  Managed to get in yesterday morning and as they removed the big cling film plaster over the steristrips although I have a semi numb that side could feel something dribbling down my side...nice!  Anyway so the seroma had found its way to break out and so aspiration was needed, the juice removed was like that collected in the drain post op 1 , makes sense I guess given didn't have the drain this time.  Also fair bit of redness noted so re-bandaged up and given more antibiotics (how am I not resistant to these yet as have had so many over the past months?).  It felt soooo much better.

However woke up this morning (and why does it have to be on a weekend these things happen eh?) to find that more fluid had escaped, on the plus side its more clear than bloody and am wearing a bra at night still so that helpfully mopped it up. The nurse must have envisaged this yesterday as she gave me spare steri strips & plasters so am not overly bothered but will call them Monday to check that no issues with my DIY. 

Although will be calling McMillan as when cleaning the wound is bleeding a little in one part so not sure I should be doing the advanced exercises as they may not aid healing??

Why can't anything be straight forward eh?

And I will be just the same if I get your results Weds, maybe more petulant teen if I find out the same as you re remaining lymph nodes!

Right time to hand wash a delightful looking white bra!  Nice!

Caroline - hope all is well and you're coping ok with the new world order.

Stay safe C&C crew

Sam X

Hiya!

And you thought a drain was annoying!

In the general scheme of things I would go for a drain rather than a burst balloon under my arm!  My daughter's neighbour had that happen and gave us all the gory details while I was waiting for my surgery!  I had forced the thought of it to the nether regions of my brain until now. Hers was 17 years ago so I imagine they are well versed in how to deal with such things by now. You seem to be having some bad luck, though. I hope it soon all settles down and you can relax into recovery whilst waiting out the new big C!  I hope it's good news on Wednesday. Let us know, won't you? I have to say it really does feel good to have life more or less back to normal, give or take a pseudo-boob and gammy knee.
I spent the last two days making the most of the good weather and did work in the garden. I also cleaned my back porch / utility room that had become stuffed to the roof with junk, and my art studio (aka the small bedroom) that was looking like a full skip. I couldn't be ***** to do any of those things last summer when I was cooking up my cancer. Alas, all the stuff that would have been in the skip at the recycling centre by now is stuffed into my summer house waiting for my confinement to be cancelled. My next door neighbour wanted to know (over the fence, naturally) what I'm taking to suddenly give me so much energy and my daughter reckons doing the painting has given me a new lease of life. I just think it's Spring, my favourite season of the year, and my favourite day of the year is coming up next weekend, That first day after we put the clocks forward is the best! That extra hour of daylight is like a holiday in itself.  

You sound like something I saw on TV this morning.  I was watching last night's edition of The Last Leg and heard Lorraine Kelly talking about confronting someone in her local supermarket who was trying to buy her own weight in toilet rolls. It's like when I swore at the lorry driver parked on the pavement on the main road when I was walking the dogs. We are all turning into grumpy old women!

At this moment I am lying on top of my bed, Archie by my side watching an Andre Rieu concert on Now TV. We are staying out of the living room so Joey can fly around freely without being sized up as lunch by Archie. I think these concerts will be the nearest I get to seeing him, this year. It's all in German with sub titles but the music is the same and they are so much fun. Archie isn't impressed, though!

Keeping in touch with your friends will become really important if the social distancing and self isolation go on for the length of time they are talking about. My silly group have started sending funny text messages all the time. Mad lot that we are! 
Caroline, you are not forgotten, I know you will be getting on with your normality, too.  I will be waiting to hear how you go on on the 2nd, so please let us know. 
Look after yourselves, don't take any risks and stay safe.

C xxx
 

Ola!  Yes its like Spain down here in sunny Surrey - hope its as nice oop north as we all need it!

And Christine I so will do those cushions, you just wait until the rain moves in, I do think at some point I've got to run out of the things that don't seem to result in any productive outcome but keep me sooo busy all day.  I'll show you!!

All good here despite ongoing leaky seroma, the very red fluid coming out Sunday was seroma fluid, nice to know I wasn't bleeding to death. Popped back to hospital Monday (on their suggestion) and was reassured that its just that bl00dy seroma - again!  I woulodn't mind it so much as its less painful than before but just wish it would stop producing a very steady flow of yuck!  Daren't wear white...(well off white with my domestic skills).

Other than that all good, queued for 45 mins for Boots prescription yesterday (on the plus side they did have paracetamol) and then again for much shorter time for waitrose (toilet rolls were out in force...I'm still not really in need and refuse to buy until I am actually down to my last sheet).  Also went to dentist (had to really insist they saw me as they're only doing emergencies) to check no extractions required pre biphosphonate infusions.

Off to hospital (again!  At some point you'd think someone would think I was a key worker there based on recent activity) for 2 wk check up post recent surgery so will hopefully find out status re node removal and hopefully start planning for radiotherapy, am lucky that the place I'm having that is Royal Marsden (specialist cancer hospital) so chance of delay I would hope minimal as well as the fact that its specialist & no beds involved.

Didn't send the above as the CRUK site was temporarily down this morning (I raised a ruckus as thought this was cv related, returns out it was general maintenance!) but now back from hospital and all is good.

Christine - its funny you mention the drain wish as my surgeon was saying that maybe if she'd have put a drain in I wouldn't have a leaky seroma, I however support her decision given that mastectomy produced very little gunk. I have suggested to the BCN that they get fragranced bandages as the smell when they changed the dressing today was rank!  Nice eh?  It is like when the stupid tomcat of mine gets abscess but a nicer colour!  Maybe I need a discussion with your daughter's neighbour, am quite a fan of gory details and love nothing better than a fine horror film - that's how much I love the gore!!

So the LHS is now marker free..hurrah!

They removed 8 nodes (doesn't seem much but apparently chemo can erode numbers) and 4 were cancerous so am happy it wasn't in vain.

Need to go back Monday for dressing change and am going to have to get driving again (think it was the equivalent of the coming weekend when drove post op 1) as had to wait an hour for the blummin train on the way back and they will be even fewer & far between next week!

So am now being referred for radiotherapy and may be suitable for 1 intense week vs 3 less intense weeks ( the latter being the original plan no doubt changed re cv) so am awaiting a planning session.

Post microbiology examination of gunk taken Friday am now changing to a new antibiotic (they really will never work on me ever again given excess to date).

Am like you Christine and have done some pathetic gardening (allowing for duff right arm) but planted loads of Fresia bulbs which will smell yummy come the summer.  Get you and your summer house!  Mine is an old outside toilet at the back of my house...!

And I concur that a combination of decent weather and feeling "good" again does wonders for wanting to do things and having the enthusiasm to do so.  Mine's there just the arm holding me back...and the chance I'll drown in a pool of goo if I overdo it.

I did get one of those vulnerable people texts, turns out they've blanket texted quite a lot of those undergoing cancer treatment regardless of whether they are immuno-compromised, that was a nice shock on Monday. Me? Vulnerable?  I don't think so!

Had to tell off some railway workers & 2 coppers for not keeping 2 meters apart - I ask you.  If I was in full fitness I'd volunteer for the police (not the NHS as would probably not improve the mortality rate) and tell off lots of people (mind you I am doing this already).  I believe at this time we need more grumpy old woman as there's a lot of idiots around who quite clearly think a meter is the same as a centimetre!

Am trying my 2nd attempt at getting a home delivery from supermarket tomorrow (first attempt failed as driver off sick) fingers crossed as there's some heavy stuff I need and would be nice to do a big shop rather than the small ones that I can carry with left arm.

Fingers crossed.  Could ask neighbours but am far too independent so far...

Hope all are healthy - and stay that way!

Sam X

Hi ladies,

Good to hear you both upbeat. Sam, have they said thar radiotherapy will be enough treatment considering they found 4 of your nodes were cancerous? You have done amazing!!! And regaining your stoic sense of humour and independence. 
Christine, good to hear you are also doing well even though you are now house bound!!

life here is manic. I work for the palliative care team and volunteer services at our local NHS trust. Things are changing and escalating daily that I am crazy busy! I am currently trying to fast track volunteers to ring over 300 palliative care patients, from their homes, to check they are ok for shopping etc. I am also helping the volunteer team wade through all the offers of help we have received while trying to agree with management, what it would be suitable roles for volunteers to do within the hospitals. I'm also helping the bereavement team out with admin tasks as they are predicting a tremendously busy time!! I am feeling exhausted by the end of each day but actually glad to leave the house. I had a call today about my appointment on the 2nd. They asked if I would be happy going in or would I rather do it via telephone. I told them I would be working there anyway so happy to go along in person, so all on at the mo!!

ive just started watching The Split and have discovered Netflix so if I am Housebound I'll have plenty to watch, although my weekends are currently spent catching up with housey jobs. Hubby has been told to close his business today so he and my 2 oldest boys will now be joining my youngest at home, while I disappear. I'm hoping they discover how the domestic appliances in my house work but not holding my breath!! 
Stay housebound and safe lovely ladies.

Caroline xx

Hi Girls,

Sorry to hear there was some cancer in the lymph nodes, Sam, it's a pain having to have the inconvenience of going for radiotherapy. - especially if you've to get there by public transport!  Just maintain that 2 metres distance if you can. Be warned that the bisphosphonate infusion can make you feel a bit rough for a few days. I hope the radiotherapy doesn't make you feel bad. I feel you've had more than your fair share of treatments, it's a good job you're as tough as you are.

Ha! Ha! I'll believe you've finished those cushions when I see them! ;)

My daughter lives beside a lovely fishing lake, and today I decided I needed a Smudge fix, so, while she was working upstairs in her office, she left Smudge in the back porch so I could steal him so he, Archie and I could walk around the lake and through the woods.  As we got back to the street I saw a bin lorry parked behind the swimming baths, and three bin men were lying on the grassy bank sunning themselves no more than a foot apart. Later I saw two cyclists standing huddled together having.a good old natter. I couldn't believe my eyes. I think perhaps they think the new rules don't count in the country! I wouldn't even go in to see my daughter, she just waved to me from the window.

Caroline, I was exhausted just reading about your busy life at the moment. Please take care not to do too much and make yourself too tired. Interesting that they offered to do your six month checkup by telephone, I thought they would need to see for themselves that everything was ok.  I had my ultrasound scan cancelled that was supposed to happen today. I was expecting that, and it's not essential  but it means I will have to live with pseudo-boob for the duration.  While I was gardening the other day something must have got into my bra behind the softie and irritated the skin around my scar. It went really red and itched like crazy. I showed my daughter when she FaceTimed me and next morning when she heard they had cancelled the scan she was really worried.  I had forgotten to,tell her it was ok after I'd had a shower!  I think you're lucky to be going to work, not stuck at home with the men  My brother's partner has had the letter and the text from the government telling her to self isolate, it's a shame because she just started back at work after a hard year of chemotherapy radiotherapy and she is still having Herceptin every three weeks. He said she is actually quite happy to be self isolating at her own house rather than going stir crazy together with him. They have been together for a long time, like you Sam, they have kept their own homes rather than move in together, although she has spent much of the last year at his house so he could support her. I got the text but knew I wouldn't get the letter but I was surprised to hear that my daughter's next door neighbour hadn't even got the text  despite being on regular chemo for secondary cancer in her lungs.

If the weather stays like it has been the last few days being housebound will be really hard for people with kids, especially as the evenings get longer, but I'm quite happy. After my mad cleaning and gardening activity for a couple of days, today I sat in the sun reading a Ken Follet novel. Bliss! It was quite noisy, though, as neighbours shouted across the gardens to each other. 

Last week I got an email from the CEO of Sainsbury's saying I was on their list for priority delivery slots. It had to be booked on Monday and I could only do one shop per week.  At 8am on Monday I got another one with a link to click on to book my slot. Ha!  I clicked and couldn't even get on the website. There was a message saying try again later, so I did.....time and time again. When I eventually got on to the site there was not one slot available for the next two weeks. Their calendar stopped on April 12 and every slot was full.. Just for curiosity I logged on again yesterday teatime and blow me, there were available slots for this morning. I quickly called my daughter to get her shopping list and I then had just over an hour to fill in my order and secure my slot. 

At about ten past eight this morning my delivery arrived.  After my Iceland delivery last week was missing half the items I'd ordered I was quite pleased to see nothing unavailable but a few substitutions.  I just accepted the order as I didn't want to keep the driver at my door longer than necessary and checked them when he'd gone.  It wasn't bad, the 4 pack of soap I'd ordered was changed to two individual bars, the chicken breasts became mini fillets but I laughed out loud when I saw the shampoo substitute, instead of Sainsbury's own half litre bottle, I received a travel sized Tresseme!! However, we got fresh bread and thin bagels, without which I could not have breakfast!  The 6 pack of skimmed milk became a packet of skimmed milk powder - better than nothing as I was only getting it in case I couldn't get fresh milk some time.  Her Ocado order next week will be the next shopping adventure, I wonder if we'll get it all. 

Happiness is a thin bagel and a sunny day in my house! I hope you are able to get all your happiness needs,  

I see our PM has now found his sound bite for the occasion, so "Stay home, help the NHS and save lives!!"

Christinexxx

Sam,

What is happening about your radiotherapy? Things seem to be getting tighter regarding activity and I'm waiting to hear whether or not my next hospital appointment will go ahead.  Please don't go wandering round the Shops! You might be a young'un but you have many reasons to be considered vulnerable and should stay home!!!

Christine xxx

Hola both
I write from my sofa, all is good and had dressing change at hospital yesterday, as all is good in that department (I mean its still a naughty leaky seroma but the fluid produced is very healthy now and the seroma is looking a good colour) will be changing by myself in the future, though I have to say applying very sticky things left handed is quite an art!
Or at least I will until my extensive collection of bandages is depleted anyway, hopefully seroma or at least leak will be sorted by then.

Meant to say that I found out at 2 wk post surgery review last week that the annoying discomfort being experienced in inner top of arm is because surgeon cut the nerve...great!  I'm sure it had to be done & all but don't think it happens in every case (Christine - did you have this?), feeling may return, who knows?

So my new plague is eczema on my eyelids which is driving me mad and is not conducive to not touching your eyes!  And it makes them really sting. Called the docs and am due to have a telephone call this afternoon so forsee another queue outside Boots, don't mind if it means its sorted.  Or I've become all biblical and am Saul...its one of these that's causing it...

So my new annoyance is families out walking 3 or 4 abreast and taking up all the paths near me, I have to be the one who moves EVERY time so make sure they know it. Only had one dick respond so far "you're long suffering" from him was met with "well so will you be when your family gets cv and dies" - harsh but will hopefully make them be more cautious as well as careful...I live in hope.

Caroline,

Good to hear from you, in answer to your query radiotherapy will help but it will be the hormone tablets that will be the main factor keeping any naughty cancer at bay.  I'm on my 2nd brand of Letrazole and the 2nd is much better than the first, I do feel really stiff especially on a morning and getting up after sitting a while but nothing a few stretches can't remedy.  And it weirdly affects my LHS ankle the most.

You are doing a sterling job and make me feel quite useless, rest assured though if RHS was more functional I'd be volunteering to help out (though given my particular "strengths" would probably be better in the Derbyshire police rather than the NHS...don't want that mortality rate getting worse do we?).

Interested to know what gets discussed on 2nd, I was just reminding myself what it was for and can't believe its a 6 months check up..and looking back how can this be when you only had rads in November?? Seems a bit early?

Christine,

How full is your summer house now then?  I have a feeling that both the tips and charity shops will be overwhelmed as others do the same!  What next on the painting front, I presume you have enough stocks of canvas etc to see you through a few months, mind you I'd hope you'd be able to get on-line for a while yet.

I'll be fine with rads, will sail through like I felt I did with chemo compared to a lot, besides which if it was all smooth running what would I have to ramble on about eh?  

Nice to hear bin-men are not only throwing caution to the wound cv wise but are as productive where you are as they are here!  Think I need a job where I can have a lie down when needed...

As I tell the ever-suffering Adrian, you need to remember that generally you're surrounded by idiots and act accordingly.  I do however know why there's so many accidents on the roads down here, most people are unable to anticipate actions, I mean if someone is walking towards you they need to expect that at some point the 2 mtr will be encroached and therefore need to take appropriate action...no, no anticipation going on whatsoever...just me then. Ha!!

I second your advice to Caroline re don't try & do too much and love that your daughter is still very protective...suspect this will never end.

I think its fair to say that its somewhat hit & miss with the extremely vulnerable comms and can't say I'm surprised as there's probably many databases within the whole NHS that we're on and that don't talk to one another.  And am sooo glad that I don't live with Adrian, he would have driven me quite mad at the moment (as insists on working with total quiet in the house) and I would have done the same to him (as like the radio on all the time and do arm exercises to some quality old 7 inch vinyl on quite loud - with singing)....I feel for other couples who are now forced to be together for so long, some of my friends are expressing "disquiet" in this respect (oh dear!).  Also, as you say with your brother & partner good to have separate houses when you need to self isolate.

The good weather was nice for a short time and feel for those who don't feel so mentally happy with lockdown & weather not being quite so nice.  Ah Sainsbury's, so near yet so far...its good they've taken it seriously just a pity their technology didn't eh?  You got there eventually though, your persistence paid off, am hoping I'll get something similar from waitrose soon (and Adrian is my equivalent of your daughter, and given he lives on ready meals it will cost me a fortune to feed him!). And don't get too carried away washing your hair lots, not sure your sample size shampoo will take it!  Never come across your breakfast fave, bagel thins, before...must expand my culinary horizons, and may need to do so given shopping on line is now substitution heaven!

And don't worry big sis I am being very vigilant when out & about and when get shopping on line up & running will stop running the supermarket gauntlet. I could play American football withy my new found talent of avoiding people who are on a trajectory for me.
Am still waiting some comms re radiotherapy, the BCN/surgeon told me last week that I should hear something this week so let's see what happens...

Love to you both (and animals of course) XX

Hi Girls,

Yesterday I restarted working on the painting I prepped about this time last year before becoming too exhausted to do anything more arduous than lifting my Kindle. It is a woodland scene from my daughter's neighbourhood.  I might even pop in a couple of deer, they are often seen down there, although not by me.. The deer I go to see are in a field at the top of the lane.

My six month checkup is now going to be a telephone call from the nurse! I suspect it will be a very cursory consultation with no visual contact, although it's only a few weeks since they saw me and recommended the ultrasound scan so they could see what was what.  The scan that was cancelled! Your seroma has broken out but mine has broken in! I think I'll be stuck with baby boob for ever, now. 

My armpit is totally without sensation, except, oddly enough if it itches!  For the first few weeks after that second op my underarm was really painful, I had the lack of sensation while at the same time feeling as though it had been roughly scraped with sandpaper, eventually this became less painful, more like nettlerash but my physio showed me how to stop that and now it is odd, numb but gets itchy. My worst sensation has developed over time, and that is a feeling of tightness all round my scar line and underarm if I stretch, not really painful, just weird.

I am sorry you are having side effects from the Letrozole, I feel I made a fuss over nothing much, because I only get the odd hot flush usually about 8pm! I went off my food the first month and lost weight, but both the appetite and the weight returned pretty quickly.  I do get an occasional backache in a different place to my usual one, so perhaps that is because of the Letrozole.

I hope you do get on with your rads,I read yesterday about a woman having bowel cancer surgery cancelled and fearing for her life. More people could die from the cancellations of important treatments for the sake of Covid19, than might go as a result of it.

When I walk round here the only people I meet are neighbours and we all make a point of separating by the length of an extended dog lead! Last week one of my neighbours died and he couldn't have the kind of funeral his family wanted him to have. Only a hearse, no cars and only immediate family to attend.  As we would have gone to the funeral if allowed, the neighbours got together, electronically  and we arranged to line up on the street, two metres apart, as the  hearse left. When the family came out of the house to get into their own cars, they were thrilled to see he had got a send off!  It was very moving.  I spoke to his sister later, he had lived with her, and she said the gates to the cemetery were locked and police parked outside and they were stopped from just following the hearse in and had to answer questions before they were allowed in as they were in their own cars, there were four cars, as there were six siblings. They had to stand apart, and had to leave after the cremation, not being allowed to go to  visit their parents' grave.  As they left the gates were locked behind them again.  How miserable!

One really good thing that we have to be thankful for is the communication methods available to us today.  My little group of friends, who had recently started meeting up on a Tuesday and going somewhere interesting for lunch have started having a FaceTime get together, instead.  I don't know how she did it, but one of them sorted it out so we can all see each other at the same time from our different homes. It was great to catch up as usual, today.

i solved the problem of mini shampoo bottle - I had a mad hair cutting session and it is now VERY short and spiked! My son thinks I'm incorrigible  - he should know I'd never be a twin set and pearls with a purple perm old lady  I told him if I had the right shaped head I would have one of those almost shaved styles.  He nearly screamed, How many 73 year olds do you know with a hairstyle like that? I think the only comforting thing he could cling to was the knowledge I won't be going out in public with a shorn head! Well not for few weeks anyway!

Caroline, we are eagerly awaiting your report of your face to face six month checkup,  Sam, I think it's based on when you have your surgery, not when you have finished your treatments. My mastectomy was on the 4th October, and my checkup is 8th April.

Sam, our doctor's surgery sent a message to all patients telling them appointments will be by telephone only, unless you are invited to come into the surgery and to email prescription requests which they will send to the local pharmacy to be delivered!  My Letrozole is coming tomorrow.  I suppose that's one of the benefits of living in a country village. No having to go to Boots for us!
 

As always, stay safe, stay home.

Love

Christine xxx

Hi ladies,

I've had a pretty *** day today. Being made to feel unappreciated at my job and then being evicted from my office and told to find somewhere to work. Then I got the call to say my appointment on Thursday will be via telephone. Think that just broke me! I seem to have cried as much today as the day I realised I had cancer. I do think the fact they cancelled my physical appointment has really thrown me more than the other incidents. I was thinking they would be able to examine me and reassure me all is good but feel, over the phone they will go on my assurance that I'm fine - when I'm not as fine as I thought!!  My friend went in for her op today too, to have the cancer removed from her nose. I'm a pretty together person the majority of the time but today fell apart. But I'm cross that I have allowed people to make me feel that way too. But tomorrow is a new day. I have new plans and I know, realistically that my cancer isn't likely to have come back or grown in 6 months (from the date of my surgery).  I don't look after myself enough - I'm still rubbish at taking my tamoxifen and I could cut down on my alcohol but I almost feel like I'm taunting the cancer - daring it to come back. I just feel deflated by my day today. I put my all into my job but felt today that people don't really understand what I do. But, ladies you keep me strong - we've all had battles to face and think we maybe underestimate our journeys. But I know I'm stronger than this and I will go back in tomorrow, stronger with my middle finger held high at the people who pushed me today. 
Take care xx

Hi ladies,

I've had a pretty *** day today. Being made to feel unappreciated at my job and then being evicted from my office and told to find somewhere to work. Then I got the call to say my appointment on Thursday will be via telephone. Think that just broke me! I seem to have cried as much today as the day I realised I had cancer. I do think the fact they cancelled my physical appointment has really thrown me more than the other incidents. I was thinking they would be able to examine me and reassure me all is good but feel, over the phone they will go on my assurance that I'm fine - when I'm not as fine as I thought!!  My friend went in for her op today too, to have the cancer removed from her nose. I'm a pretty together person the majority of the time but today fell apart. But I'm cross that I have allowed people to make me feel that way too. But tomorrow is a new day. I have new plans and I know, realistically that my cancer isn't likely to have come back or grown in 6 months (from the date of my surgery).  I don't look after myself enough - I'm still rubbish at taking my tamoxifen and I could cut down on my alcohol but I almost feel like I'm taunting the cancer - daring it to come back. I just feel deflated by my day today. I put my all into my job but felt today that people don't really understand what I do. But, ladies you keep me strong - we've all had battles to face and think we maybe underestimate our journeys. But I know I'm stronger than this and I will go back in tomorrow, stronger with my middle finger held high at the people who pushed me today. 
Take care xx

Oh Caroline, I'm sorry you've been messed about today. I remember that kind of day when I was working. The only thing that helps, sometimes, is something you don't need, a glass of wine or, in my case a big bar of chocolate.
It's a bummer about your checkup, too.  I was hoping to hear all about yours so I would know what questions to ask at mine, next week. It doesn't seem possible to do that sort of thing over the phone, does it? I suspect, as you do, that it will be a very cursory consultation.  It does seem, even without the COvid19, that once you've had your initial cancer treatment you are more or less dispensed with.  I suppose the only good news is that after only six months it probably won't have done anything sinister and we can wait for a bit longer to be told even if it has!
I feel sorry for those newly diagnosed who can't now have the whirlwind treatment we had, all that worrying without any action must be a nightmare.  
I'm glad to see you've still got your fighting spirit. Try to look after yourself, which I know is hard when you feel unappreciated at work and still have to look after a family.  Take your tablets at the same time every day until it becomes a habit, (she says). I am doing better at taking my Letrozole, now, but keep forgetting my Vitamin D / calcium tablets. I remember it in the morning, because I take a Lansoprazole half an hour before food and sucking my minty "sweet" staves off the hunger pangs while I do my lymph drainage and arthritis exercises before breakfast. However, while I usually take the Letrozole every night, I don't automatically follow it with the other one. I'm in bed as I write this and I hope I will remember to get up and take it before I go to sleep.

Tomorrow is another day, and the people who made you feel bad today could get their come uppance tomorrow!  If not then, it will come another day,  Just avoid the Covid spreaders!!  Actually, should you be working? I read yesterday that women seem to be less badly affected by Covid than men and one reason put forward was that oestrogen is known to help our immune systems, and we are merrily taking tablets to stop our bodies producing it. I am, anyway, I don't know how Tamoxifen works.  When I told my daughter this she was even more determined that I will never be allowed to go shopping again! Thank goodness I can still walk Archie.

Take care, sweetie, you're winning the battle!

C xxx

Caroline

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time, especially when all you're trying to do is do your job and help out during this ridiculous situation, rest assured at least one of my (pathetic) claps tonight will be for you. And I hope yesterday bought some reprieve compared to Tuesday. And agree your f*** 'em attitude is the best...ever!

Anyway trying not to waffle too much (vvvv difficult as am sure you already know) before I say good luck for call today.  I know that not seeing someone face to face is less than ideal but I hope that somehow they manage to be as thorough as they possibly can and I'm sure if they sense anything is not as it should be they will see you in person.  

Although nothing like your situation I had the doc appointment, which are all now over the phone where I am, and the video conferencing NHS thing wasn't working (not a surprise) so I have self diagnosed eczema (around my eye - it stings, ow!), was quite amused when the doctor following prescribing some evil potion told me that if it doesn't improve in 2 wks to go to eye casualty! Can't wait for my eyeballs to melt like that naughty German chap at the end of Indiana Jones & the Raiders of the Lost Ark (funny as think the Temple of Doom would be more appropriate currently....).

Anyway best of luck missus

XX

Hi ladies,

I missed the call :neutral: I didn't realise my phone was on silent!!! 

Aaaaagh! How infuriating - have you called to rearrange?  I must make sure I'm sitting waiting with phone at the ready at 9am next Wednesday!

xxx

I'd come home from work so I could take the call at home and even left the phone out so I wouldn't be hunting through my bag!! But needed to go to the loo and that is when they called! It got to 3:10 and I thought I'd check my phone and the call had come through at 2:55!! I've called the breast cancer nurses and left a message.

caroline x

ARGGGHHH!!

You great nana.

Am sure they will have phoned back by now??  Do hope so.  

Hope you heard my special claps last night, my right arm ached afterwards but due to a very good cause of course.

So had my rads apppintment which wasn't a planning one at all it was a "hear the side effects and sign your life away" meeting.  Leaky seroma is delaying proceedings so planning meeting now 14th April and rads likely to start beginning May-ish. So all fine really.  Obviously things may get delayed re that bl**dy disease but not overly concerned.

Right this glutton is ravenous so need lunch, will write usual lengthy rubbish soon...

Sam X

I called the breast cancer nurses office yesterday and left a message to say id missed my call but not heard anything back. I went out and clapped yesterday too!! I'm so in awe of some of the nurses I work with and what they are having to go through at the moment. 
Fingers crossed they do get your radiotherapy started in May. Yes they will need to wait till all your operation scars have calmed down. Don't forget to get your cream ready!! 
 

Caroline xx

C&C

Found time in my hectic schedule to drivel on!

Caroline

I do hope that someone responds to your missed appointment soon and that work is not as annoying as it was? 

My work has furloughed its staff but is paying full pay till end of month so am glad that my private medical came through...for me cancer does have some benefits!

I think I have a "cream" chat at planing session...let's see what they recommend as it seems to be different at lots of hospitals. Already have aloe Vera in fridge (it will be soooper cool come May!).

Christine 

I think that along with running & cycling you'll find there's more joining you in your artistic pursuits.  On the plus side with painting you don't knacker your legs eh, just ( if it was me) cover the house in paint...and probably ruin the painting when I couldn't get the eyes or some other detail "right".

When is your follow-up appointment next week?

Re the calcium tablets I just leave them on the kitchen side so that I have to look at them every time I pass through kitchen - that way I can't avoid them.  Try sticking them near kettle or fridge door? 

I'm not sure even if its practical to write about but what did your physio tell you to do to stop the sandpaper feeling under your arm?  I do attempt to massage (my version, not sure a masseuse would agree) it every day but not sure its having as much of an effect as I think it should.

I also like the hair strategy, I totally agree and will, if mine looks too terrible in a couple of weeks (and it will based on progression to date), shave it all off again, after all it will be lovely in the summer especially when those hot flushes come around.  I'm sure you look fab!

As its going to be a lovely day today (nice enough to go out without coat but not too hot, those sort of sunny days are acceptable to this northerner) I think I'll get stuck back into my book and will forgo my daily walk as there'll be too many people that will need shouting at in the woods near me - I'm more likely to lose my voice than get cv.

Am expanding my culinary horizons further this week, stuffed peppers awaits mid-week, I did used to live on fish or vegetarian muck with veg - am a confirmed carnivore  (nothing better than some corned beef or tongue - the quality meats!!) though decent meat too costly for a tight northerner to then ruin by her inability to (be bothered to) cook it properly! If I live through this nonsense given my food experiments that will be nothing short of miraculous.

Watched the film contagion last night, was quite happy that annoying Gwyneth Paltrow got her comeuppance but funny how in hindsight its more of a documentary!

Stay well & hope you both get your meetings this week.  Time for my morning exercises, am going through my CD collection (went through all my vinyl already) and am on classic disco tracks currently - am sure the neighbours appreciate it and my singing of course, the cats seem to want to be outside when this happens surprisingly enough...

Sam X

Hi Sam,

My "consultation" is 9 am on Wednesday, I was hoping to pick Caroline's brain as to what to expect but unless she gets another one before Wednesday it looks like I'm on my own. 
I had my walk with Archie this morning, we went right to the top of the lane to see the deer and the alpacas, but the deer were right over the other side of the field, I could just see their silhouettes in the distance and the alpacas weren't out. It's a good walk though, gets the heart beating and the breath pumping. Took a very pretty photo of a robin sitting on a reed by the side of the lake, future painting inspiration, perhaps.  The one I'm doing at the moment is taking too long. I keep seeing it differently and changing things. It's only a woodland scene and I have put deer in, but they are no problem it's the blooming leaves on the trees that I'm struggling with.  I met a few people on the walk but stayed at the safe distance while talking to them. I got annoyed later, though, when a complete stranger parked his car right outside my house then got his walking gear out of the boot and toddled off.  I didn't see him come back because I was painting but I might have said something about unnecessary journeys.

This current situation has brought our neighbourhood together. We are having a street party when it's all,over. Then someone came up with the idea of an online quiz, just between the group. I haven't joined in that because I am terrible at quizzes- I get very competitive and as I've spent a lifetime collecting and storing useless information in this excuse for a brain, so I usually win. Once when I was working my department joined in with another department working on the same floor, for a Christmas party, including a quiz.  The people organising it had bought loads of silly little Christmas gifts as prizes for each stage of the quiz and I won the lot. It got so embarrassing I ended up giving the person next to me the answers so I didn't win. I have to say they chose a lot of geographical and historical questions that sort of included everywhere I'd ever lived.

The next idea someone has come up with is for us to put chairs at the end of our drives and have a sing song!  Only problem is our road is L shaped and I live on the short bit of the L,  I made my excuses, then my neighbour immediately opposite me said we could go to the corner and sit on opposite sides of the street and join in. Grrrr! This is only going to happen if we are still on lockdown in the Summer, so it isn't going to happen - not with me partaking, anyway.

I've just been a horrible sister, it's my (younger) sister's 70 th birthday today.  She lives in California, and her younger son, who lives at their ranch in Belize set up a surprise Zoom party for her. I hate parties, real or otherwise. From the sound of it there were going to be people from all over the world joining in this thing, not many of whom I would know so I didn't join in.  My nephew, not her son, phoned me to remind me and I told him I didn't want to do it, but I might just log on near the end, but I didn't!!!

I sent her loads of virtual cards and a message this morning, which she hasn't replied to, despite having been online lots of times since!  Now I'm going to feel guilty, for not doing something I didn't want to do.

I have to contradict you about painting not knackering your legs. My knees are killing me after standing painting all day. I wouldn't care but I bought an adjustable bar stool just for painting and I forget to sit on it! I think I'll take a pain killer tablet tonight just to make sure I sleep. 
I hope you get good advice about cream for your skin prior to having rads. My physio recommended Aveeno and it does make the skin feel lovely and soft.  How she taught me to reduce the oversensitivity in my arm was to stand in front of the mirror, naked and to stroke the good arm in the same place the bad arm hurts. Give it a good few gentle strokes from elbow to armpit. Then you stroke the bad arm In the same way, and repeat. It only took about a week and I'd forgotten how irritated the sore one had been. Apparently your brain realises that both arms should feel the same and the good arm is how it should feel!

One good thing about the group of neighbours messaging us all is they pass on some good jokes.  Someone sent a serious looking piece of advice today. It said that wine and other alcohol bottles should be put out into the recycling bin at 8pm on Thursday night, as the clapping for the NHS would drown out the evidence of your household's descent into alcoholism!

Christine xxx

Hi ladies,

I called the breast cancer nurses again today as still not heard anything. They said there was a letter in the post, which had arrived when I got home from work. Just said if I wanted to rearrange my call, to give them a bell or if I was happy to wait till my 12month appointment, I could do that. They have given me a date in October for my 12 month check up. I'm not really sure what to do, to be honest. I really don't feel that I will achieve much reassurance from a phone call. 
Work is crazy busy and I'm finding Im working much longer hours. But I do like the fact that I can leave the house everyday. 
Christine, maybe we will be taking our lead from your follow up call!!

Sam, like Christine recommended, I also used aveeno cream and had no real side effects

Take care ladies xx