I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi C&C
Thanks for your supportive & amusing notes. All good here, after last weeks news have regained my composure so am not quite so p155ed off.  I am however going to be complaining to my hospital about the missed opportunity to do the frozen section that would have given me weeks of my life back in the hope that someone in the future doesn't have to go through an unnecessary procedure like I do.

Caroline - you're spot on, the sentinel nodes were cancerous so have to have ANC.  More chemo will not help (think its gone as far as it can) however the hormone treatment will so that's fine.  Cheers for info re oil & cream, have started moisturising scar but it still feels decidedly yuck from my partially numb chest's point of view.  Still very positive here so fear not.

Christine - thanks for very comprehensive note, despite your technical challenges (the amount of stuff I've lost in cyber space!).Am off to dentist 20th, am positive will not need any extractions but always (ish) do as am told.  I'll not be having a drain again for ANC as produced so little fluid for round 1 and surgeon is thinking of stopping using them all together (I do get the impression I may be her guinea pig!).  The teaching to ignore pain part sounds very clever...hope I get some of that, if only I could ignore all the pains in my life eh?  And putting on deodorant already feels weird in the partially numb armpit so look forward to an extra helping of that.

I am quite worried by the potential violence within your remaining boob, am seeing it up for GBH at some time in the future!  

Glad the weather has turned today but rest assured my bright red poncho does a marvellous job of keeping me dry and also making me look like a right eejit....all at the same time!

I haven't noticed any side effects in the 3 days I've been taking Letrazole now but maybe its still early days?

My mood has been helped by having a lovely long weekend with pals from oop north and Ireland who have been most entertaining.  The pal from up north came down not only to see me but also to escape trench foot, she's from Snaith in the middle of the floods and left hubby at the ready with bricks just in case. Luckily my irish pal is more than used to inordinately large amounts of rain on a daily basis and lives in waterproofs!

Also went for a drive today, all including car & fellow road users survived so am happy we can do that again.

So tomorrow am having fully body CT scan to check no more naughty cancer elsewhere and the mammogram to try & locate missing marker clip thing ( I certainly haven't found it in the interim hiding anywhere in the house...).
Its my Mother's birthday Weds so she's coming up from the New Forest to see me and receive her lovely gifts (she may be disappointed!!) but more importantly see me of course!

My seroma is rapidly looking like I have a side boob under my arm, an interesting look.  
I've another northern pal down next week and have a big Saturday night out planned in that big London so am having lots of fun pre op no. 2.

Lyn (@christmas2018) - good luck with your treatment & keep the money rolling in for the animals.

Sam X

Hi all!

I'm hoping a week without any news from you, Sam, is due to you having too much fun to log in.  Caroline, it's good to see you are getting on with things, now. 

I have a little bit to report. I went for my knee X-ray on Monday and my appointment with the lymphoedema nurse on Thursday. I was told the doctor would get the results from The X-ray in ten working days and to contact the surgery if two weeks went by without hearing. It was quite surprising, therefore, to receive a phone call from the surgery on Thursday, saying the results had come in and the doctor wanted to talk to  me about them and would telephone me Friday afternoon! Hmm!

At the lymphodoema clinic on Thursday my measurements of the fluid in my non boob were good. The numbers were coming down a little but the nurse was a bit concerned by the discolouration of the skin so she asked me to contact my BCN.  She is referring me for laser treatment to the lymphoedema in the scar in a few weeks.

I did phone the BCN and she saw me yesterday. She isn't at all concerned about the discolouration, but is referring me for a scan and drainage under ultrasound guidance, again, in a few weeks.

After the hospital I did a bit of shopping then went to my daughter's to report on my hospital visit.  While I was there my GP rang about my knee.  The good news is I was not imagining my pain. The bad news is the knee is shot!  She said the cartilage is worn away, especially on the inside, where the worst pain has been, as the bone is rubbing against bone!  I asked what was next, and she said the dreaded words, "You will need a knee replacement!" Agh!!!!!  But then she tempered that with the word eventually.  I suggested we leave it as long as possible before going down that route as it is feeling a lot better than it was at Christmas and she agreed. Yay!!!
Then she said she wants me to talk to her again after Easter as it will only become essential when injections don't work and pain killers don't help.  Hopefully it will be ok for a lot longer than that.

I'm  beginning to understand my poor old mum, whose birthday it would have been today, when she used to say "It's no fun growing old" I used to blithely tell her to consider the alternative and be glad she was alive to grow old. Sorry Mum! 
 

Apart from all that I am going great. I thanked my doctor, yesterday for talking me into taking the Letrozole as my side effects have been negligible and I am feeling really well. She was delighted to hear that, as she only usually hears the problems not the results of her work.

Have a wonderful time in London, Sam, and Caroline keep up the girly weekends.

Lyn, I hope you can learn to relax your anxiety. We optimists still get illnesses but don't have the added problems of worrying about it so don't feel as bad.

Christine xxx

Hi ladies,

God Christine!! I was reading your post with my heart in my mouth when you said that the dr called you and wanted to see you urgently!! I was so worried you were going to say the cancer was back!! I'm actually thankful to see it's just a knee op needed!! One of my volunteers had a knee op on Friday. 6 weeks of no driving. And just think - you will be like the bionic woman!!  Hopefully the lymphodema will start to settle soon. 
 

Sam - how are you getting on? Did you say you had a date for your node removal?  How are you doing? 
 

im just on my way back from Tunbridge Wells. Had a night in the Mecure hotel for a murder mystery night, with girl friends. Have had a brilliant time but have also consumed rather a lot of Prosecco. 
Caroline xx
 

Thank you Christine, anxiety high, waiting now for results of nose biopsy.  I am happy for you that your knee op is not imminent.  Touch wood, I have no troubles in that department, but several of my friends do and I know how terribly painful it can be.  Two are due for their operations in the next  coming months.  I hope that the Coronavirus does not cancel their procedures because they are all psyched up now to go ahead.  Our poor NHS.  Hope that you are having a nice evening. x

!yn

Hi all
All good here and 'looking forward' to my op on thurs, in at 7.15 which given I haven't managed to get my lazy ar5e out of bed before 8 may prove to be a challenge. My pal who's playing nurse will have to drag me out of bed -by my good arm of course!
Other than that have my last free reflexology thing tomorrow and my zolodex injection Weds. Thankfully managed to get the wire insertion needed to locate the missing marker (yes they found it following the mammogram!) planned for the morning of thurs. Re this I did ask what happens if yet again the marker fails to be removed...apparently it's very rare to miss it once, not filled with confidence...and makes me think that it would have been far easier for them to remove the LHS one too as I wanted!!

CT scan was fine - no naughty stuff elsewhere (poor Adrian was so relieved, I fully expected these results).

Been having lots of visitors which has been great - get them to do all the lifting & shifting, and the worst chore of all...peeling & cubing butternut squash!  Why is it sooo tough yet sooo tasty??  Even went into London at weekend, I was hoping that the coronavirus might make the tubes less packed...not so, and doesn't even seem to have made people stop openly coughing (no surprise there really, sadly).

Can't believe how tired I still am and how little I manage to achieve on a daily basis...I do wonder how I'll ever manage to actually work a full day (and manage to get there on time as currently takes me at least 2 hours to get ready to go out and am not really sure why).

Christine - am glad things are progressing on the knee front in terms of clarification of issue, bone on bone sounds lovely! But another op so soon...arrgghh! Laser treatment for lymphodema eh?  Hope it sorts it out.  I still have my (sore rather than painful I think) seroma so know how annoying these swellings are so do hope yours clears off soon).

Yeah getting old is soooo much fun health wise but I do look forward to being an extremely cantankerous old(er) lady shouting at kids and driving even more annoyingly...there are benefits as long as your attitude is right!

I'm doing fine on the Letrazole, the only things that could be a side effect are an inconsistent bad back only on arising from my pit on a morning and starting off really stiffly leg-wise (the cats & I have stretches on a morning now at the same time) too but nothing to shout about, which is nice.

Caroline - Tunbridge Wells & prosecco sounds like a jolly good recipe, am still saving my start of alcohol reintroduction for an occasion...not sure why but am quite enjoying the martyrdom of not drinking.

Glad to hear you're all doing well.  Rock on Thurs!

Sam X
 

Hi girls, 

You are all too young to be called ladies, so from now on you're my girls!

Caroline, I think (hope) I might get away with less than six weeks without driving, if I have the knee op because it's my left knee and I drive an automatic, so no real reason to stop me. I will go absolutely stir crazy if that did happen.  I would really struggle because I live two miles from the nearest shop of any kind and five miles from the nearest supermarkets any direction, so couldn't really walk to the shops either.

Sam, good luck for Thursday, and expect to feel tired for a little while yet. I actually feel more like my old self now, but I think I might milk it for a while yet, as I used to do my daughter's cleaning for her, and she would love me to start again when I feel up to it  -  although she has said I can retire if I want to.  She has ME, so poor girl is always tired and in pain, yet manages to keep working in a very responsible and stressful job.   

I have just been given an appointment for the ultrasound guided drainage of my seroma, it's on 25th of this month, which is much earlier than expected.  Apart from that one, I have no other cancer related appointments this month! Yay!!  The last two times I had to go to the hospital I managed to get in and out in time to avoid parking fees!

I am still struggling to get a likeness for the lady in my portrait, I got her last week then realised the eyes were out of alignment and I was so miffed I scraped off her whole face instead of just the wonky eye.  I started from scratch and measured every bit of her face so I didn't make the same mistake twice and I am now ready to do the eyes again but must wait for the paint to dry or I could smudge bits that are ok now.  If she had an ugly old wizened face it would be a doddle but even at 78 she is really pretty so I want to do her justice.

Rock on, girls!

Christine xx

Hi Sam,

Just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow!! Make sure you let us know how you are afterwards.

Caroline xx

Hi C&C

Op was fine ta though since the anaesthetic has worn off it is a lot more painful than the "mere" mastectomy.  And the size of the new seroma (which seems to have popped up a lot quicker than previously) is larger and feels like a football under there..marvellous eh?
Anyway on the plus side had the pleasure of another lovely pal from York over the past few nights who did a splendid job of looking after me and allowing me to annoy her, we had much fun.  Soon to have another pal from Bristol over for the weekend and not sure I can summon removal of jimjams, some sort of wash and getting dressed just yet so that may have to wait till after her arrival.

On the plus side the more tactile of the cats has realised that sleep really would be nice and has stopped trying to share the V pillow with me which is a blessing!

My hair is growing so quickly, will need to make an appointment for cut soon as it is going to look very unkempt and make me look even madder soon, may well sneak in a dye patch test too as not sure am going to embrace my natural salt & pepper grey for too much longer (been like that since my 20s!)

And this blummin coronavirus overshadowing my cancer treatment - how bl00dy well dare it!  Soooo rude.  But do keep well both, on the plus side, for me something else beginning with C to contend with..

Tulips are about to pop around here and would like to do some gardening (pathetically of course) but think that might be a few weeks off yet.  Christine - love the updates re the faces, your persistence amazes me (I'm very impatient and would have screwed up the canvas by now) and am sure the lady will be very grateful of your perfection...good luck!

Have a good weekend, I will do when lying down & not moving!!

Sam X

Hi Sam,

Good to hear from you!! Sorry to hear that this op has been more painful!! Do you have a drain fitted and have they been able to tell you if your lymph nodes were clear or not, or do you have to wait for the results? Lovely to hear that your friends have been taking care of you and even the cat realising that you need the pillow more! Make sure you do lots of pjs and resting!!! 
This cv is making life very unpredictable at the moment, isn't it. I work with people who are in the at risk group so completely understand why we need to put plans in place but it's just not knowing everyday, what the plan is!! Not sure I'll get my holiday in April!!! Got my 6 month check up on the 2nd so hopefully that will still be going ahead, unless I hear otherwise. 
Loving that spring is now looking like it has arrived - just waiting for the rain to stop so everywhere isn't so muddy when I take the dog out!! 
Christine - will you be housebound if they say over 70's to stay in? Will you be ok??

Take care ladies xx

Hi Girls,

Glad to hear you are up and running again, Sam. I remember that the lymph node surgery was more painful than the mastectomy but it only took a couple of weeks to settle, then a bit longer for the weird sensations in the underarm area to lessen. I was still driving in three weeks. I had quite a seroma after my mastectomy which disappeared after the next op because of the drain. As you know it reappeared as soon as the drain was removed, I hope yours disappears without further intervention. I'm hoping the Cv doesn't mean my ultrasaound scan to partially drain it gets cancelled.  I'm under orders from my daughter to check beforehand just in case, although I'm sure they will let me know if I don't have to go. I already cancelled my gym class as being non essential. 
I've just had my brother on the phone warning me to be careful about the CV. He's told me to order groceries on line and not to go shopping. He's only a couple of years older than my kids so feels obliged to tell the old lady the obvious. My daughter has been the same. I wouldn't care but I am very much a stay at home, apart from the odd outing with my friends I like my own company. A discussion with some of my neighbours the other day was about coping with having to self isolate and I realised, then, that it wouldn't bother me too much, I've got more ebooks than I will ever read even if I lived to 90, and when I get stuck into a painting hours go by without me even lifting my eyes from the canvas. As long as I have food and coffee I'll be fine. My daughter and I were laughing at the thought of her dropping Smudge off at the garden gate as she goes off to work, then we realised that if they shut the schools she'll be working from home, anyway!
I'm a bit worried that the Andre Rieu concert will be cancelled, though. Caroline, I think you might lose your holiday. My brother just told me that his ex wife is in Tenerife at the moment with her partner and her flight home might be cancelled. Now that would be my worst nightmare - to be stuck away from home!

Stay safe, girls

xxx

Hi Girls,

Glad to hear you are up and running again, Sam. I remember that the lymph node surgery was more painful than the mastectomy but it only took a couple of weeks to settle, then a bit longer for the weird sensations in the underarm area to lessen. I was still driving in three weeks. I had quite a seroma after my mastectomy which disappeared after the next op because of the drain. As you know it reappeared as soon as the drain was removed, I hope yours disappears without further intervention. I'm hoping the Cv doesn't mean my ultrasaound scan to partially drain it gets cancelled.  I'm under orders from my daughter to check beforehand just in case, although I'm sure they will let me know if I don't have to go. I already cancelled my gym class as being non essential. 
I've just had my brother on the phone warning me to be careful about the CV. He's told me to order groceries on line and not to go shopping. He's only a couple of years older than my kids so feels obliged to tell the old lady the obvious. My daughter has been the same. I wouldn't care but I am very much a stay at home, apart from the odd outing with my friends I like my own company. A discussion with some of my neighbours the other day was about coping with having to self isolate and I realised, then, that it wouldn't bother me too much, I've got more ebooks than I will ever read even if I lived to 90, and when I get stuck into a painting hours go by without me even lifting my eyes from the canvas. As long as I have food and coffee I'll be fine. My daughter and I were laughing at the thought of her dropping Smudge off at the garden gate as she goes off to work, then we realised that if they shut the schools she'll be working from home, anyway!
I'm a bit worried that the Andre Rieu concert will be cancelled, though. Caroline, I think you might lose your holiday. My brother just told me that his ex wife is in Tenerife at the moment with her partner and her flight home might be cancelled. Now that would be my worst nightmare - to be stuck away from home!

Stay safe, girls

xxx

Hi again, just a quickie - the equivalent of shouting from the rooftops,  I have found my lady's likeness. I showed the painting to my daughter tonight and she said "That's her!  They will be really pleased with that,". Coming from the most eagle eyed and honest person I know, that is an accolade!  
 

That's it, just wanted to brag!!!

Cx

Whoop whoop!! Well done!! Shame we can't see your wonderful work!!! Xx

Hi

Ta for messages, as always, all good here though seroma is still bigger & better than ever..yay! And am sure (though maybe the fluid from is has started to infiltrate my brian?) its growing around my back...soon I feel that I will be totally encased in a fluid filled sack - all bodysnatcher like...vivid imagination, me??

Caroline

No drain this time which may account for the earlier & larger seroma possibly but am glad not to have the discomfort and also not to have to go on the train to have it removed - and to avoid the removal as well!  So many good reasons.

I've a meeting on 25th where will find out number of nodes removed, amount that are naughty etc....after all this it had better be a big proportion!  If I find out the rest are clear there will be trouble!

Yeah this cv thing is very interesting isn't it?  I think (and hope) its the closest I'll ever get to a very vague feeling of what it was like in the war (I've issued my cats with ration books already) also saw a really interesting documentary on the Spanish flu...that puts our current predicament into context!

I should be being careful and sort of am but its not going to stop me getting out & about, it would do if I was ill though, have little worries about getting cv but wouldn't want to pass it on.

Sorry you may not (and to be fair probably won't - sorry!) get to go on your much needed jollies but better safe than sorry and there will be other times.  Am glad am such a slacker when it comes to organising things so not much organised that needs cancelling this year.

I must say, despite the derision I direct at them I am impressed by the southerners, had 2 cards through the door from lovely neighbours offering help - it touched and melted my steely northern heart!

Went out for a lovely walk on Monday in the woods near me, it was sunny (wouldn't usually like this but after so much rain I'll let the sun god off), the birds were singing and the flora was budding and blossoming all over...it was lovely, as I am moving very slowly anyway and wanted to take it all in and generally walk around looking at trees etc I think it took me 2 hrs to do 2 miles!  Just as well they're delaying Olympic training...But as you say by gosh it was still muddy, saw one woman in white trainers ankle deep in mud, couldn't help but laugh at her, luckily she found it equally amusing.

I do hope that cancer check-ups aren't affected, I read that they have/are ring fencing cancer treatment so hope this included within that definition. In the same vein hope my rads aren't affected...we'll see eh?  From other forums am on they are cancelling all reconstructions and the poor women who were expecting immediate reconstruction will be going home flat...not good but understandable from the NHS point of view.

Christine

Gosh, yes it is exceedingly odd under arm, to elbow and on the back too...I hate this numbing feeling the most I think, even more than any pain.  I think the exercises are getting easier but think the advanced lot which will start Fri will be quite a challenge - and involve EVEN more swearing (I do wonder what my neighbours think).

Fingers crossed re no cancellations for you too.  Why do they need to ultrasound the seroma pre drain?  What on earth could be lurking in there? 

Ha!  Love families and their ability to underestimate us.  My boyfriend generally treats me like I m an idiot when it comes to things like using sharp knives (what you mean I'm not supposed to drive the sharp end into my hand?) so am immune but it does make me want to run the gauntlet even more..ha!  But like you say I feel like I've been self isolating anyway with all that's been going on so no real change here, other than using newspaper to wipe my bum...

And like you I love seeing other people and am a very social person (my friends may disagree) but am more than happy being alone and do wonder where all the days go as am very busy from getting up at 8 to falling asleep on the sofa at 10!  And seem to achieve very little in between but am never bored...how will I ever manage to squeeze 7 hrs work in?  Ha!  And I still haven't made a dint in all the rubbish I recorded to watch at this time nor read any of the piles of books that I have...maybe even I didn't write such long mails that might help???

Sorry about Andre...'tis a pants impact of this stupid thing....but not the worst eh?

And the lady has eyes!  YAY!  Well done - now please start on the cure for cv.

And good news from me I got the nod from the insurance company so do not have to resort to selling my organs on the dark web...happy and financially good times!

Have fun wherever you are 

Sam X

Hi girls,

Due to my condition of being an ancient person, I am confined to barracks, my neighbour and I stood chatting on the street corner about three feet apart where our lane meets the main road and someone pipped us in a car! As she is ten years older than me and registered blind she hasn't been anywhere but her home and neither have I so we thought we were pretty safe.

The painting is finished and is just drying now before I frame it. I sent a photo of the finished work to the recipient and she loves it! Phew! Relief! I didn't realise how stressful it would be to paint for someone else.

Sam, the swelling in my pseudo-boob, ( my sister's name for it, sounds better than non boob) is part seroma and part lymphoedema- the specialist nurse explained it to me as the seroma is a puddle of fluid surrounded by pockets of sodden sponge, (the lymphoedema) but the only way to distinguish what's what is to scan it and use the ultrasound to guide the needle to the puddles not the pockets. The puddles can then be drained, and later, CV permitting, the lymphoedema will be treated to laser therapy. As none of this is essential, just annoying, I suspect it will go the way of elective surgery. 

I know exactly how you feel about finding out about the lymph nodes that were removed.  You are torn between not wanting any evidence of more cancer and wanting your surgery to have been necessary. If you remember I was in a right strop when mine turned out to be clear.  As my daughter put it, I was behaving like a two year old having a tantrum!

I was very lucky having the district nurse coming to see to my drain, and even removing the first one,

Cx

Christine

Its funny I was re-reading your first note and now its like you're in a similar predicament just with another challenge starting with a "C" (damn those Cs eh).

Anyway though I haven't been ordered to confine (your daughter will lock you in if they hear of your break-outs!)  am trying to be sensible.  I mean we can still get out for walks so no change there, its almost a blessing that I haven't been able to get out in the car as don't miss going to the gym, to Adrian's, up north etc. I think the change is just getting your head around the total enormity of this new world, I think its amazing, am not fazed and think I have the cancer to thank for that....give me a minute and I can give you about 10 silver linings to any dire situation!!

I will however miss the visits from my northern pals but will surprise them with phone calls (hopefully at inopportune times).

Love that someone had the audacity to pip at you! Mind you where I grew up you'd get worse if you stood around on street corners...!!

I've decided I'm going to up the turning-into-a-cantankerous-old(ish)-lady and in that spirit told off this middle aged Lycra clad idiot for cycling on the footpath the other day, needless to say he took his moral high ground (of which he had none) until his wife (who was behind him distance wise) then sided with me - mission accomplished.  Am also regularly telling off idiots for smoking outside the main entrance of hospitals (and more often than not below a no smoking sign!)...like to think the more I do it the more likely it is to sink in one day.  Fingers crossed they switch *** production to ventilator production!!  That would amuse me on several fronts.

Congrats on a finished picture and that the recipient loves it too.  Not sure I could ever be in that state, happier if it looked like someone else, whilst I am obviously gorgeous in real life neither photos or paintings seem to do me any justice ( or it could just be my eternal optimism in all walks of life!!).

Your boob chat is well timed. Pseudo-boob, like it! Get it now re the difference of the PB (pseudo boob) challenges and need for ultra sound. On the plus side they have a plan for your lymphodema , its just a matter of when.  My side-boob is being very naughty.  Decided Thursday, after a week of non relenting pain (not too bad but no improvement) and an angry looking wound site that a hospital check-up was in order.  Managed to get in yesterday morning and as they removed the big cling film plaster over the steristrips although I have a semi numb that side could feel something dribbling down my side...nice!  Anyway so the seroma had found its way to break out and so aspiration was needed, the juice removed was like that collected in the drain post op 1 , makes sense I guess given didn't have the drain this time.  Also fair bit of redness noted so re-bandaged up and given more antibiotics (how am I not resistant to these yet as have had so many over the past months?).  It felt soooo much better.

However woke up this morning (and why does it have to be on a weekend these things happen eh?) to find that more fluid had escaped, on the plus side its more clear than bloody and am wearing a bra at night still so that helpfully mopped it up. The nurse must have envisaged this yesterday as she gave me spare steri strips & plasters so am not overly bothered but will call them Monday to check that no issues with my DIY. 

Although will be calling McMillan as when cleaning the wound is bleeding a little in one part so not sure I should be doing the advanced exercises as they may not aid healing??

Why can't anything be straight forward eh?

And I will be just the same if I get your results Weds, maybe more petulant teen if I find out the same as you re remaining lymph nodes!

Right time to hand wash a delightful looking white bra!  Nice!

Caroline - hope all is well and you're coping ok with the new world order.

Stay safe C&C crew

Sam X

Hiya!

And you thought a drain was annoying!

In the general scheme of things I would go for a drain rather than a burst balloon under my arm!  My daughter's neighbour had that happen and gave us all the gory details while I was waiting for my surgery!  I had forced the thought of it to the nether regions of my brain until now. Hers was 17 years ago so I imagine they are well versed in how to deal with such things by now. You seem to be having some bad luck, though. I hope it soon all settles down and you can relax into recovery whilst waiting out the new big C!  I hope it's good news on Wednesday. Let us know, won't you? I have to say it really does feel good to have life more or less back to normal, give or take a pseudo-boob and gammy knee.
I spent the last two days making the most of the good weather and did work in the garden. I also cleaned my back porch / utility room that had become stuffed to the roof with junk, and my art studio (aka the small bedroom) that was looking like a full skip. I couldn't be ***** to do any of those things last summer when I was cooking up my cancer. Alas, all the stuff that would have been in the skip at the recycling centre by now is stuffed into my summer house waiting for my confinement to be cancelled. My next door neighbour wanted to know (over the fence, naturally) what I'm taking to suddenly give me so much energy and my daughter reckons doing the painting has given me a new lease of life. I just think it's Spring, my favourite season of the year, and my favourite day of the year is coming up next weekend, That first day after we put the clocks forward is the best! That extra hour of daylight is like a holiday in itself.  

You sound like something I saw on TV this morning.  I was watching last night's edition of The Last Leg and heard Lorraine Kelly talking about confronting someone in her local supermarket who was trying to buy her own weight in toilet rolls. It's like when I swore at the lorry driver parked on the pavement on the main road when I was walking the dogs. We are all turning into grumpy old women!

At this moment I am lying on top of my bed, Archie by my side watching an Andre Rieu concert on Now TV. We are staying out of the living room so Joey can fly around freely without being sized up as lunch by Archie. I think these concerts will be the nearest I get to seeing him, this year. It's all in German with sub titles but the music is the same and they are so much fun. Archie isn't impressed, though!

Keeping in touch with your friends will become really important if the social distancing and self isolation go on for the length of time they are talking about. My silly group have started sending funny text messages all the time. Mad lot that we are! 
Caroline, you are not forgotten, I know you will be getting on with your normality, too.  I will be waiting to hear how you go on on the 2nd, so please let us know. 
Look after yourselves, don't take any risks and stay safe.

C xxx
 

Ola!  Yes its like Spain down here in sunny Surrey - hope its as nice oop north as we all need it!

And Christine I so will do those cushions, you just wait until the rain moves in, I do think at some point I've got to run out of the things that don't seem to result in any productive outcome but keep me sooo busy all day.  I'll show you!!

All good here despite ongoing leaky seroma, the very red fluid coming out Sunday was seroma fluid, nice to know I wasn't bleeding to death. Popped back to hospital Monday (on their suggestion) and was reassured that its just that bl00dy seroma - again!  I woulodn't mind it so much as its less painful than before but just wish it would stop producing a very steady flow of yuck!  Daren't wear white...(well off white with my domestic skills).

Other than that all good, queued for 45 mins for Boots prescription yesterday (on the plus side they did have paracetamol) and then again for much shorter time for waitrose (toilet rolls were out in force...I'm still not really in need and refuse to buy until I am actually down to my last sheet).  Also went to dentist (had to really insist they saw me as they're only doing emergencies) to check no extractions required pre biphosphonate infusions.

Off to hospital (again!  At some point you'd think someone would think I was a key worker there based on recent activity) for 2 wk check up post recent surgery so will hopefully find out status re node removal and hopefully start planning for radiotherapy, am lucky that the place I'm having that is Royal Marsden (specialist cancer hospital) so chance of delay I would hope minimal as well as the fact that its specialist & no beds involved.

Didn't send the above as the CRUK site was temporarily down this morning (I raised a ruckus as thought this was cv related, returns out it was general maintenance!) but now back from hospital and all is good.

Christine - its funny you mention the drain wish as my surgeon was saying that maybe if she'd have put a drain in I wouldn't have a leaky seroma, I however support her decision given that mastectomy produced very little gunk. I have suggested to the BCN that they get fragranced bandages as the smell when they changed the dressing today was rank!  Nice eh?  It is like when the stupid tomcat of mine gets abscess but a nicer colour!  Maybe I need a discussion with your daughter's neighbour, am quite a fan of gory details and love nothing better than a fine horror film - that's how much I love the gore!!

So the LHS is now marker free..hurrah!

They removed 8 nodes (doesn't seem much but apparently chemo can erode numbers) and 4 were cancerous so am happy it wasn't in vain.

Need to go back Monday for dressing change and am going to have to get driving again (think it was the equivalent of the coming weekend when drove post op 1) as had to wait an hour for the blummin train on the way back and they will be even fewer & far between next week!

So am now being referred for radiotherapy and may be suitable for 1 intense week vs 3 less intense weeks ( the latter being the original plan no doubt changed re cv) so am awaiting a planning session.

Post microbiology examination of gunk taken Friday am now changing to a new antibiotic (they really will never work on me ever again given excess to date).

Am like you Christine and have done some pathetic gardening (allowing for duff right arm) but planted loads of Fresia bulbs which will smell yummy come the summer.  Get you and your summer house!  Mine is an old outside toilet at the back of my house...!

And I concur that a combination of decent weather and feeling "good" again does wonders for wanting to do things and having the enthusiasm to do so.  Mine's there just the arm holding me back...and the chance I'll drown in a pool of goo if I overdo it.

I did get one of those vulnerable people texts, turns out they've blanket texted quite a lot of those undergoing cancer treatment regardless of whether they are immuno-compromised, that was a nice shock on Monday. Me? Vulnerable?  I don't think so!

Had to tell off some railway workers & 2 coppers for not keeping 2 meters apart - I ask you.  If I was in full fitness I'd volunteer for the police (not the NHS as would probably not improve the mortality rate) and tell off lots of people (mind you I am doing this already).  I believe at this time we need more grumpy old woman as there's a lot of idiots around who quite clearly think a meter is the same as a centimetre!

Am trying my 2nd attempt at getting a home delivery from supermarket tomorrow (first attempt failed as driver off sick) fingers crossed as there's some heavy stuff I need and would be nice to do a big shop rather than the small ones that I can carry with left arm.

Fingers crossed.  Could ask neighbours but am far too independent so far...

Hope all are healthy - and stay that way!

Sam X

Hi ladies,

Good to hear you both upbeat. Sam, have they said thar radiotherapy will be enough treatment considering they found 4 of your nodes were cancerous? You have done amazing!!! And regaining your stoic sense of humour and independence. 
Christine, good to hear you are also doing well even though you are now house bound!!

life here is manic. I work for the palliative care team and volunteer services at our local NHS trust. Things are changing and escalating daily that I am crazy busy! I am currently trying to fast track volunteers to ring over 300 palliative care patients, from their homes, to check they are ok for shopping etc. I am also helping the volunteer team wade through all the offers of help we have received while trying to agree with management, what it would be suitable roles for volunteers to do within the hospitals. I'm also helping the bereavement team out with admin tasks as they are predicting a tremendously busy time!! I am feeling exhausted by the end of each day but actually glad to leave the house. I had a call today about my appointment on the 2nd. They asked if I would be happy going in or would I rather do it via telephone. I told them I would be working there anyway so happy to go along in person, so all on at the mo!!

ive just started watching The Split and have discovered Netflix so if I am Housebound I'll have plenty to watch, although my weekends are currently spent catching up with housey jobs. Hubby has been told to close his business today so he and my 2 oldest boys will now be joining my youngest at home, while I disappear. I'm hoping they discover how the domestic appliances in my house work but not holding my breath!! 
Stay housebound and safe lovely ladies.

Caroline xx

Hi Girls,

Sorry to hear there was some cancer in the lymph nodes, Sam, it's a pain having to have the inconvenience of going for radiotherapy. - especially if you've to get there by public transport!  Just maintain that 2 metres distance if you can. Be warned that the bisphosphonate infusion can make you feel a bit rough for a few days. I hope the radiotherapy doesn't make you feel bad. I feel you've had more than your fair share of treatments, it's a good job you're as tough as you are.

Ha! Ha! I'll believe you've finished those cushions when I see them! ;)

My daughter lives beside a lovely fishing lake, and today I decided I needed a Smudge fix, so, while she was working upstairs in her office, she left Smudge in the back porch so I could steal him so he, Archie and I could walk around the lake and through the woods.  As we got back to the street I saw a bin lorry parked behind the swimming baths, and three bin men were lying on the grassy bank sunning themselves no more than a foot apart. Later I saw two cyclists standing huddled together having.a good old natter. I couldn't believe my eyes. I think perhaps they think the new rules don't count in the country! I wouldn't even go in to see my daughter, she just waved to me from the window.

Caroline, I was exhausted just reading about your busy life at the moment. Please take care not to do too much and make yourself too tired. Interesting that they offered to do your six month checkup by telephone, I thought they would need to see for themselves that everything was ok.  I had my ultrasound scan cancelled that was supposed to happen today. I was expecting that, and it's not essential  but it means I will have to live with pseudo-boob for the duration.  While I was gardening the other day something must have got into my bra behind the softie and irritated the skin around my scar. It went really red and itched like crazy. I showed my daughter when she FaceTimed me and next morning when she heard they had cancelled the scan she was really worried.  I had forgotten to,tell her it was ok after I'd had a shower!  I think you're lucky to be going to work, not stuck at home with the men  My brother's partner has had the letter and the text from the government telling her to self isolate, it's a shame because she just started back at work after a hard year of chemotherapy radiotherapy and she is still having Herceptin every three weeks. He said she is actually quite happy to be self isolating at her own house rather than going stir crazy together with him. They have been together for a long time, like you Sam, they have kept their own homes rather than move in together, although she has spent much of the last year at his house so he could support her. I got the text but knew I wouldn't get the letter but I was surprised to hear that my daughter's next door neighbour hadn't even got the text  despite being on regular chemo for secondary cancer in her lungs.

If the weather stays like it has been the last few days being housebound will be really hard for people with kids, especially as the evenings get longer, but I'm quite happy. After my mad cleaning and gardening activity for a couple of days, today I sat in the sun reading a Ken Follet novel. Bliss! It was quite noisy, though, as neighbours shouted across the gardens to each other. 

Last week I got an email from the CEO of Sainsbury's saying I was on their list for priority delivery slots. It had to be booked on Monday and I could only do one shop per week.  At 8am on Monday I got another one with a link to click on to book my slot. Ha!  I clicked and couldn't even get on the website. There was a message saying try again later, so I did.....time and time again. When I eventually got on to the site there was not one slot available for the next two weeks. Their calendar stopped on April 12 and every slot was full.. Just for curiosity I logged on again yesterday teatime and blow me, there were available slots for this morning. I quickly called my daughter to get her shopping list and I then had just over an hour to fill in my order and secure my slot. 

At about ten past eight this morning my delivery arrived.  After my Iceland delivery last week was missing half the items I'd ordered I was quite pleased to see nothing unavailable but a few substitutions.  I just accepted the order as I didn't want to keep the driver at my door longer than necessary and checked them when he'd gone.  It wasn't bad, the 4 pack of soap I'd ordered was changed to two individual bars, the chicken breasts became mini fillets but I laughed out loud when I saw the shampoo substitute, instead of Sainsbury's own half litre bottle, I received a travel sized Tresseme!! However, we got fresh bread and thin bagels, without which I could not have breakfast!  The 6 pack of skimmed milk became a packet of skimmed milk powder - better than nothing as I was only getting it in case I couldn't get fresh milk some time.  Her Ocado order next week will be the next shopping adventure, I wonder if we'll get it all. 

Happiness is a thin bagel and a sunny day in my house! I hope you are able to get all your happiness needs,  

I see our PM has now found his sound bite for the occasion, so "Stay home, help the NHS and save lives!!"

Christinexxx

Sam,

What is happening about your radiotherapy? Things seem to be getting tighter regarding activity and I'm waiting to hear whether or not my next hospital appointment will go ahead.  Please don't go wandering round the Shops! You might be a young'un but you have many reasons to be considered vulnerable and should stay home!!!

Christine xxx