I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Oh that's brilliant news! You must be feeling very relieved! Got my first check up in April.

Caroline x

Good news Pandy - well done to you & your body!  Will be joining you on the big L very soon.

So its my first day home alone, I wonder what damage I can do eh?  Still on regular paracetamol here which seems to be doing the trick.  Under arm does feel a little painful today (like there's a lump of lego stabbing me in the side) but am off for drain removal at 4pm so they can check for any lego pieces I guess.  I will be SOOO glad to be rid of this drain, given the level of yuck has not increased hardly at all since leaving hospital I'm not sure I have as much fluid circulating around my body compared to the average...I think its my bodies way of saying it needs the reintroduction of alcohol (still not fancying it, along with pizza...end of Feb maybe?).

The really annoying thing about my Mother not being here anymore is that I will have to do my own washing up (boo!), cooking I don't mind too much but washing up is quite a chore...may just leave it till the boyfriend comes round to check that I've not managed to strangle myself on my drain tube or fall asleep with a mouthful of strepsils (he really doesn't trust me at all!).

Am still doing well on the exercises, find the last one with arms out to side & behind head the most challenging one and am sure am providing a regular source of great amusement to those smoking outside the pub opposite when doing said exercises (I should be charging you know).

You'll all be glad to know that the green poo has gone and the dulcoease has done its trick, always nice for me & my bowels to be harmonised once again!

Am also doing well on the daily walks, which today will be to the train station & hospital & back...I like a boobless adventure, am at the ready to bat anybody who gets too close to the missing boob site and already find myself wandering along with my right arm at an angle ready to slap those who may get too close! Amazing the things you need to think about with new body challenges...am having to rethink the whole handbag set-up...

I do hope you are all loving the onset of spring, am keeping a close eye on my lovely croci which didn't get too battered by Dennis (as I hope you all didn't), daffs about to pop and can't even recall what I did re tulips so that will be a nice surprise.

And talking of nature sprouting my head hair is growing lots (its about 1/2 cm now), eyebrows are nearly at full capacity and chin hairs are certainly making up for lost time...interesting that all hairs are much whiter than they used to be.

Am still not sure I trust my waterproof dressings to attempt a full shower yet, been having prison washed and lower body showers to far but may go further (get me!), once blummin drain is out.  It will be interesting to see how the drain is affixed as its got caught on doors and things and despite good yanks has managed to stay attached, although I don't want another fainting incident!

Christine - how the knee & are the new hearing aids still free of Archie DNA?

Caroline - hope you're still feeling more chipper.

Sam X

I love your positivity and sense of humour!  I'm sure everything is going to be fine with your attitude to life.  You sound good fun to be around.   All the best with the Hospital trip today.  Will keep following you to see your progress.

Hi Sam!!

So good to hear from you!!! All seems to be going well - hair, poo and removal of drain today!! Have to say I hated the drain as much as you! Like you - I kept getting it caught o various pieces of furniture. I would take some pain killers before you go to have it removed. It's not a pleasant experience!! It's amazing how much pipe they have stuffed inside you!! 
Well done in doing your exercises - they do get easier but don't push it. 
Ive been accepted on to a research trial that has developed an app which is aiming to help give you more guidence/ information and remind you to take your hormone medication.  Be interesting to see how it works!! I'm thinking unless it sends someone round to put the pill in my mouth, it might still be hit and miss with me taking it!! 
Mood wise - ok. Still a bit up and down and still constantly exhausted!

Hope your jolly to the hospital goes ok!!! 
Caroline xx
 

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Hi Sam,

its good to see the loss of a boob has done nothing to change your outlook on life!  I am jealous of your being allowed to cope alone and go for walks. If you remember I was almost under house arrest after my surgery with my 'mother hen' children keeping me 'safe' and daily visits from the district nurse.  Lucky you getting rid of your drain before the need to shower becomes unbearable. Mine was full every day for nearly a fortnight the first time and a full fortnight the second time. I can't say it bothered me all that much, though. I used to sling the bag across my shoulder and hide it under a jacket. My fluid filled protuberance hasn't gone down yet! And that's with a needle drainage being done and daily lymph draining exercises. At least I am clean! The old lick and promise doesn't do it, does it? I was really lucky because it didn't hurt much at all when I had the drain removed, so I hope you find it ok, too.

It is nice to see those brave little harbingers of spring poking their heads out from the  mud that used to be flower beds, before the constant rain. I wasn't feeling up to clearing all my old perennials before the winter came and now the crocosmia leaves are slimy and drooping all across the edge of the lawn and the daffodils and crocuses (croci?) are fighting to be seen above the remains of the cranesbill and the flipping grass and dandelions and other weeds that have taken over. And where has all that long grass come from? it's supposed to stop growing in the winter! I keep waiting to be so disgusted with the state of the garden that I get my *** into gear and do something about it, but that hasn't happened yet. 

So glad your crowning glory is coming back. I had lunch today with the girls who learned about my breast cancer on the day I was diagnosed, one of whom has made a remarkable recovery from ovarian cancer and a lesion on her bowel.  She had to have chemo and lost her hair, and was delighted to find it came back a beautiful grey colour and curly!!  Ten years on she's still teaching PE four times a week and never stays still. Amazing woman!

I'm still putting my ears out of reach of the demon dog, so they are still intact and my knee is not exactly pain free but good enough to do the full gym circuit on Monday including 100 steps which I couldn't do the last time I went because I was in so much pain. I had my NHS physio appointment on Monday and have been given an exercise programme that should really help me, so in the morning, between taking my Lansoprazole and having breakfast I now do my lymphoedema exercises and my knee exercises instead of watching BBC Breakfast TV.

I am still taking the Letrozole without too much in the way of side effects, thank goodness, so I hope you will be ok with them, too.

Caroline, what date in April do you go for your follow up? Mine is 8th. I find taking my Letrozole after my evening meal is quite helpful in reminding me to take it because even if I forget, then, I always remember when I go in to tidy the kitchen for morning and take it then.  I was advised to take it then rather then earlier in the day to reduce feeling sick and I can't say I have felt sick, really.

Pandy, I'm really glad to,hear you're all clear now. That's great news.

It sounds like we're all on the way up, now, don't do too much, Sam, it's early days yet, Caroline I am, like you, still feeling very tired. If I do one big thing in a day, I'm wiped out for the rest of the day, and I give in to it, which I can, so take care of yourself. My mood is getting better now my knee pain is much less, so I think it was the knee that was getting me down more than the Letrozole.

Onwards and upwards, ladies!

Christine xxx

Caroline

Nice pic!  Very strong, like it.  Your trial sounds interesting, I can't say I've looked into what "trials" involve that much despite being told am suitable for clinical trials (need to focus on one or 1.5 things at a time to retain the little sanity that remains) so am surprised and impressed I guess that they extend as far as apps....shouldn't really be surprised in this day & age I suppose.

This trial would however be no use for me as I relish being stuck in the dark ages and will only "do" apps if there really is no other option (i.e. Twitter to complain of shoddy service) and even then I grimace whilst using (if that wind changes I'm in trouble).

Christine

Your garden will amaze you, yes the grass may be a bit rubbish (mine is only green thanks to moss!) but I think that its better for the wildlife for it to be quite unkempt (can I use the same excuse for the house I wonder??). Think of all the wee beasties that have taken refuge amongst the crocosmia...they'll be thanking you.

Get you and your exercise regime eh?  Shall I see you too at the next olympics?  It all sounds very impressive and I'm sure will help your knee (and other bits) well, I always feel better all over when am being healthy & exercising (sometimes easier said than done though!!).  Is it a gym you go to or part of the hospital?  I'm a member of local (ish) gym, was a member of David Lloyds which is 5 mins from my house but fell out with them when they increased their fees one year by 15% - to over £100 per month, cheeky ******** so now go to one that's more out of the way (will always act on principle - even if it inconveniences me!), not that I'll be going there for a few weeks yet though...

Are your April follow ups the first post all treatments to see where you're at with hormone tablets then? Need to know what's to come...

So as you've probably gathered removal of drain was fine, there is a lot in there, you're right Caroline.  I insisted on seeing and understanding how it works, very interesting indeed.  It was a lovely lady who removed but am sure she lied to me about bringing it out slowly and then removing the whole thing so think I missed out on the weird sensation...how disappointing.  The lady who removed drain said all was looking very good so we'll have no more bits of the body falling off unexpectedly I hope.

Still somewhat apprehensive about having a shower, I know the dressings are waterproof but really don't want to get them wet and have them come off before their time.  But then again can't be bothered to have a prison wash everyday until next Thursday!  Ooo what a cleanliness conundrum!!

When at hospital saw my surgeon in passing who stopped to say hello (she may be a no-nonsense South African but is always happy to say hi and seems genuinely interested in my wellbeing) and said, not surprisingly, all went well - I told her as I was still alive she must have done a jolly good job and thanked her (not 100% sure she gets my sense of humour...not that it would stop me of course).  That reminds me, Adrian does make me laugh, when he came to check me out of hospital he was trying to force money onto the hospital staff (that obviously they can't accept) to thank them for not killing me - he's a very generous but daft man!

And hair growth makes me now look less Brian Glover & more Terence Stamp...who next I wonder?  

Right time for morning exercise (not quite at Christine's BBC breakfast time yet but that gives this slovenly wench something to aim for).

Keep well ladies X

Hi All,

Glad your drain removal was painless, well, relatively, Sam. I hope you did decide to trust your dressings to be truly showerproof, they are! That first shower after that long wait, well it wasn't so long for you, is wonderful. I felt like a bag lady after two whole showerless weeks. I imagined people could smell me coming, except my kids wouldn't let me go anywhere until it was removed.

The appointment in April will be the first checkup since my drain was removed. That was two weeks after my last surgery. I suppose it will involve checking that the cancer is still gone, presumably ultrasound, possibly a mammogram, no idea really!   My swollen non boob is getting annoying now. It feels like a tight band under my arm and the skin is a bit tender. I keep thinking my bra is rubbing on it, then I remember I'm not wearing one!  Got an appointment at the lymphoedema clinic next week, but I don't know that there is anything that can be done about it, I'm religiously doing the exercises.every day.  Talking of exercise - the gym is part of the hospital physio department and the exercises are really for strength and balance. I did the full circuit yesterday, and my knee is suffering today because I did the step ups and the thigh stretch, (showing off) which meant bending my legs further than they have bent for months - foolishly I believed it when I was told they would be good for my knees! I had to take 2 paracetamol at 3am before I could get to sleep! I might give the steps a miss next week and not force my leg to bend quite so much.  I've got my X-ray next Monday, at 5.30,  so I'll be at the hospital twice in one day. Such joy!!!

Apart from all that, life is good, or it would be without the eye-watering wind and rain we are all having. Even the dogs are reluctant to go out in it, although that might be because they hate the coats I make them wear, otherwise they smell of wet dog for hours afterwards!

Caroline, or should I say Storm? After boasting about remembering to take my Letrozole, last time I wrote, as I was getting ready to take it last night, I counted them and realised some time in the last week I have forgotten to take one!!!  Duh!!!

Going to do some painting today. I am finally making my faces resemble their owners.  As I expected, the husband was easier to capture than the wife but I'm happy to say I know what to do today to bring her to life, not literally, obviously, but you know what I mean. She really is very pretty and I would hate to fail her. She has such twinkly eyes, once I catch that she will be there! Fingers crossed!

Happy pancake day,

xxx

Hi lovely ladies,

Lovely to hear that our journeys down this path are going in our favour and we are battling through!! 
How are you doing now Sam? Is the wound feeling ok. I have to say I jumped in the shower with dressings and a drain!! I can't function without having a shower and the dressings truly are waterproof ( I did have to stand sideways so the water wasn't running over the dressing too much).

Christine, like you - not totally sure what the April check up will involve! At the moment I'm feeling pretty confident all will be fine!! I can't imagine anything has reaccurred after only 6 months. (Fingers crossed)

Ive now got my trial app! So far it has explained in easy terms, how my medication works and the importance of taking it regularly. Then a section on why people don't want to take it and how to make it part of your routine. 
Ive just returned from a girlie weekend in Iceland (amazing place) but wasn't too great at taking my meds. 
The next section is on side effects but I can't access that yet - concentration - lack off, is a bigger for me!! (Should be working now), night sweats and tiredness. But I need to persevere. 
Nice to see Feb is nearly over and I have a holiday to Tenerife booked for April - although not too sure now as we are booked to stay in the hotel that is now on lock down due to the coronavirus!! Fingers crossed.

Enjoy the rest of your day. Xx

Hi there ladies

All good here, despite not having a full proper shower yet (still only bottom half can profess to be "clean").  Bought a white bra and its now pink inside from the iodine-type gunk that they slathered on during op - nice eh?  Also when I rub back of neck bits of muck fall off...I do feel a bit like Steptoe above the waist.

Am hoping that later on in week can have a proper, full on shower, am just glad my hair is still only 1 cm long otherwise it would be absolutely rank by now!

Would like to be able to use right arm more but am behaving.  I don't have Christine's offspring forcibly stopping me from doing lots so will-power (and the prospect of pain!) is the order of the day.

Christine - Will April be the first time since drain removal that you've seen the support team?  Its going to be odd when I'll not be having appointments every week.

Pants that you still have swelling, presumably as its not draining away they will have to do something about it?  I think I have the same under arm, not a lot but its definitely bigger on one side than other to side of missing boob and wasn't in the days following hospital departure, seems a bit late to be swelling I'd have thought?

Don't overdo those step-ups Christine, step classes in my 20's were detrimental to my knees!  And the rain is getting a bit annoying (even for a Yorkshire lass), as can't do anything apart from walk it does mean that walks get quite soggy underfoot & also in my boots (my socks probably smell like those shelties with no coat on).

Hope the painting of faces (can't help myself imagining kids face painting here - and that's why I'm not artistic) go well and I have Adrian on strict instruction for proper pancakes tonight (he's a right lazy g1t normally who buys for himself pre-made pancake mix...cos its such hard work to mix eggs, milk & flour of course!!)...I can eat quite a few and once won a pancake eating competition vs the then boyfriend at uni (always been a glutton!).

Caroline - I'm really hoping it was Iceland the country and not the frozen food place!  I too would like to go to the country (Kerry Katona put me off the latter) as someone who doesn't like their hols too hot (over early 20 degrees too much for me) I think it would be ideal.

This app sounds like hard work (esp. for a simpleton like me) but I guess that's why you're trialling it. Typical its your hotel that's impacted by the new big C (yep, cancer is taking a back seat for now)....April is someway off yet though so am sure you'll be fine.  Am organising lovely things to do with pals once I think I'm done and recovered enough (June onwards I reckon), can't wait and think a reading holiday somewhere not too hot is in order (usually hide in the shade as well as under a parasol just to be on the safe side...).

Seeing the surgeon & oncologist tomorrow, know the surgeon is re pathology results (fingers crossed no more rummaging around needed for the surgeon eh?), getting dressings removed and also start of discussion re radiotherapy, I think am seeing the onc to discuss trials and maybe oral chemo (joy) but not altogether sure...guess I'll know tomorrow, could ask BCN but she's sooo disorganised.

Sam X

Hi there ladies

All good here, despite not having a full proper shower yet (still only bottom half can profess to be "clean").  Bought a white bra and its now pink inside from the iodine-type gunk that they slathered on during op - nice eh?  Also when I rub back of neck bits of muck fall off...I do feel a bit like Steptoe above the waist.

Am hoping that later on in week can have a proper, full on shower, am just glad my hair is still only 1 cm long otherwise it would be absolutely rank by now!

Would like to be able to use right arm more but am behaving.  I don't have Christine's offspring forcibly stopping me from doing lots so will-power (and the prospect of pain!) is the order of the day.

Christine - Will April be the first time since drain removal that you've seen the support team?  Its going to be odd when I'll not be having appointments every week.

Pants that you still have swelling, presumably as its not draining away they will have to do something about it?  I think I have the same under arm, not a lot but its definitely bigger on one side than other to side of missing boob and wasn't in the days following hospital departure, seems a bit late to be swelling I'd have thought?

Don't overdo those step-ups Christine, step classes in my 20's were detrimental to my knees!  And the rain is getting a bit annoying (even for a Yorkshire lass), as can't do anything apart from walk it does mean that walks get quite soggy underfoot & also in my boots (my socks probably smell like those shelties with no coat on).

Hope the painting of faces (can't help myself imagining kids face painting here - and that's why I'm not artistic) go well and I have Adrian on strict instruction for proper pancakes tonight (he's a right lazy g1t normally who buys for himself pre-made pancake mix...cos its such hard work to mix eggs, milk & flour of course!!)...I can eat quite a few and once won a pancake eating competition vs the then boyfriend at uni (always been a glutton!).

Caroline - I'm really hoping it was Iceland the country and not the frozen food place!  I too would like to go to the country (Kerry Katona put me off the latter) as someone who doesn't like their hols too hot (over early 20 degrees too much for me) I think it would be ideal.

This app sounds like hard work (esp. for a simpleton like me) but I guess that's why you're trialling it. Typical its your hotel that's impacted by the new big C (yep, cancer is taking a back seat for now)....April is someway off yet though so am sure you'll be fine.  Am organising lovely things to do with pals once I think I'm done and recovered enough (June onwards I reckon), can't wait and think a reading holiday somewhere not too hot is in order (usually hide in the shade as well as under a parasol just to be on the safe side...).

Seeing the surgeon & oncologist tomorrow, know the surgeon is re pathology results (fingers crossed no more rummaging around needed for the surgeon eh?), getting dressings removed and also start of discussion re radiotherapy, I think am seeing the onc to discuss trials and maybe oral chemo (joy) but not altogether sure...guess I'll know tomorrow, could ask BCN but she's sooo disorganised.

Sam X

Hi Girls, 

Sam, the appointment in April will be the first time I have seen anyone since I decided to start taking the Letrozole. I only saw my BC nurse before that when she drained my seroma. In fact for a long time the only professional I saw was the physio, then she referred me to the lymphoedema nurse. The swelling in part is lymphoedema which won't be going anywhere, the other swelling is probably fluid build up that should eventually reabsorb but I'm not going to hold my breath. I don't like the fact that it has started hurting, last night I could feel it when I was trying to sleep. I'm hoping the nurse will be able to offer me some advice apart from learn to live with it. 

I'm sorry you are struggling with your arm, I was really lucky in that respect, I could move freely from the start, even after the second op it was ok.
Did you learn anything new at your meeting today? Hope it was all good news.

Caroline, I'm really glad you are getting out and about, Iceland wouldn't have been my first choice to visit in February but a girly weekend sounds great! My son is going to Lanzarote on Saturday, I hope the only Corona he comes across is beer! I should think Tenerife will be fine by April.. 

Christine xxx

Hi both

I am turning into Christine!  Firstly, my arm annoyance is a seroma (mobility is actually really good), told yesterday that they'll leave for now & see what happens, so guess that's what I'll do for now.

Although BCN did tell me things re maintenance of wounds (as she removed dressings, horrible sensation) it was after the news below so didn't get chance to write it down and therefore can't recall anything!  Will be calling her later.  One thing I think she told me was to massage the scar, I must say though I hate touching it as its semi numb and feels horrible in that respect - so that will be yet again another fun, cancer related, thing to do....eugh .

Secondly will need a f******g node clearance.  Good news that they got all the cancer out of RHS but of the 3 nodes removed 3 were cancerous, don't like to do things by half here... And the cancer had busted out of the nodes too (mine is a determined one).

Also they have lost a clip marker thing from the LHS (I really can't understand this but have given up trying to) so will need a mammogram to see where the pesky bl33d3r is and surgeon will need to have another rummage around there to get it out (with any ADH stuff that is where it is)...but where will it be if its not on the mammogram?  Will I find it in a tissue on blowing my nose one day in the future? I do wonder...

So like both of you will be getting cut back open, great!  Maybe I was a little too optimistic about all being well....

Really funny but the surgeon initially tells me I'll need more chemo then at the following meeting the oncologist tells me I won't (as that's only beneficial for TNBC)!  Nice to be totally confused on top of the above news...just as well my brain can still work at times eh?

Anyhoo thirdly (in my mission to become Christine) I will be having biphosphonates too!  Already on the adcal ( which is probably what you're both on too?) as am osteopenic.

Will also be mirroring Caroline -am now a participant in a trial, the Natalee trial, to determine if having another drug alongside Letrozole improves things for those with ER+ BC, its a big trial, 4000 participants worldwide, not sure if this is standard?

And given cr4ppy news above will be having full body CT scan to check that everywhere else appears fine.  Think poor Adrian ( who nearly fell off his seat when they said about the nodes) will be writing to whoever to get me a full body scan every week for ever!

Started on hormone tablets, letrozole, yesterday too, am sure one of you suggested taking it in the evening so that's what I did yesterday... let's see how we get on with that.

Also, as advised by Christine (I'm amazed that I do actually take things in!) I am also taking the codeine pills for night time, sleep is still quite p4nts re seroma and night sweats (great combo) but I think is getting better (??).

So annoyed on several fronts (time for ranting part...)

- I was due to get a frozen section (to examine biopsied nodes during mastectomy) but didn't as the hospital isn't sufficiently set up to do...this would have saved not only my annoyance but so much NHS cost too

- radiation delayed by a month

- getting back on bike/to gym delayed 

- need to re-arrange prosthesis fitting

- will be incapacitated for even longer and incapable of doing things I want to do in house, driving etc.

- got to go back to physio for some reason or other (maybe to make sure I don't use new op as an excuse to slack off??)

And the fact that its raining again...not helping the only activity I can do for the next X months!!

So feeling quite p1**ed off but will take all in stride and hope in the meantime that my challenges are not overtaken by Coronavirus!!  Keep thinking of you Caroline each time they show people from your hotel, on the plus side by the time you get there it will have never been so clean.  I need a holiday even more now!

So all I need to do is turn the cats into shelties and I am Christine no. 2!!

Christine - did you feel the same after op no 2 as you did post op no 1, I am hoping that as its not quite as involved that you're able to do more sooner (or am I kidding myself), mind you with your kids you probably never got the opportunity to find out??  Looking back at your posts it seems to be more painful, unlike you the plan is to have no drain (I produced very little last time).  

Caroline - just reading through old notes and would be interested to know what you used, if anything, on your chest re creams to prevent them getting sore, I want to do all I can as am susceptible to sun burn (not sure if that's actually relevant but in my head it is!).

Hope you're both well and consider myself really lucky to have you & your advice.

Sam X

Sam, I just wrote a long message in response to yours and right at the end something happened, it all went blue and the next time I touched a key it all disappeared,  I will try again later.  In the meantime don't worry, the lymph node clearance was a bit more painful but not unbearable. Important - get all and any dental work done that you might need before starting the bisphosphonates- just had a conversation about it with my dentist who agrees that the 1% extra chance of my being alive in ten years is not worth it for me, but you are still young enough to get more benefit from taking them. 

Christine x

Oh Sam!! 
 

That's proper pants!! You would of thought that the chemo would have wiped out any cancer!! So, was the cancer in your sentinel nodes and you have now got to have an anxillery node clearance?  I was lucky enough that my hospital could check my nodes during my op and would have done a clearance there and then if needed. But hopefully the scan will show it hasn't spread anywhere else! And let's hope that no more chemo is needed. 
After my first and second op I used bio oil gel on my scar. It worked really well and my scar looks brilliant now, compared to initially. I used Aveeno cream when I had radiotherapy. I used to put it on in the morning and then again at night. My skin didn't get sore at all, but I've always been a bit of a sun worshipper - although never topless!  It did change colour but not till after the radiotherapy had finished. 
You are a tough cookie and we will help get you through this. I'm not one for praying but do believe that positivity works wonders so I will be sending lots your way. 

xxxx
 

Sam,  

I'll try again to give you my reflections on your latest news. I was in full flow yesterday until it disappeared right at the end as I was re reading it to see it made sense. Perhaps the internet gods thought it was rubbish!

First, care of wound, I did nothing excep wash and peel off dried glue. I was never told to massage it, let alone what to use. My scar is like a very big bra underwire, going from my armpit to the centre of my chest. It did heal very well and they were mostly dealing with my rapid fill drains, then when they were gone, the rapid fill non boob!

Secondly,  Your physiotherapist will be your friend over the next few weeks. She will show you what to do to avoid the seroma in your arm turning into lymphoedema and if you get cording, as I did, she will relieve it for you. My physio was the only professional I saw for a few weeks and it was she who called the BCN about draining my seroma, then later she referred me to the lymphoedema nurse.

Thirdly, the dreaded lymph node clearance  My experience of this was tainted by the feeling it was unnecessary, but even from that viewpoint it wasn't too bad.  The exercises were easy enough and my range of movement was pretty good right from the start, although the operation is more invasive than the mastectomy because the surgeon had to go in and dig out rather than just lopping off.  Your underarm will be more painful for the first week or so. You may get cording, which in my case, felt like a string going from my armpit to my wrist that didn't like being stretched. It was quite a sharp but short lived pain when I stretched it further than it liked. The physiotherapist massaged it, very gently, and after two weeks it was completely gone. I had what she called over sensitivity on the underside of my upper arm which felt like it was being scraped with rough sandpaper and she showed me how to teach it to ignore the feeling. The sensation or lack of it, in the armpit is quite disconcerting and seems to be permanent. It still feels alien to look in the mirror and see that I am washing myself while not feeling anything  I feel I need to be really careful when drying the area. Putting on deodorant feels weird!

Fourthly, delay in radiation for a month - be grateful for a month of relative normality I was really glad of that few weeks I took off before agreeing to take the Letrozole. If my flipping knee hadn't been so painful I would have had a great time.

Getting back to bike and gym - needn't be delayed too much as long as you work within your new limitations  Don't forget my limitations were pandering to the kids' fears.

Need to rearrange prosthesis fitting - no biggie, I'm still waiting for mine  Dangly DD seems to be getting droopier and dangler but I can't comfortably wear a bra because of the non boob, so I only bother if I'm going to be seen by anyone other than family and dogs/dog walkers. I'm wearing vests to hold DDD close so it doesn't rebel and try to hit me in the eye. Think I would go for a second mastectomy but the kids don't want me to put them through the trauma again. They really are worry warts, I don't know where they get it from.

Incapacity - the anticipation is worse than the reality  I was driving as soon as the drain had gone, and you won't have one to worry about! If you can comfortably move your arm and turn your head you'll be fine.

Raining - invest in a good waterproof coat and wellies. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes! Walking is recommended and so good for you! Preaching over!

Fifthly, Letrozole, I feel a bit of a fool after making so much fuss about the cost/benefits of taking Letrozole because I have been very lucky. I get a few hot flushes, but no night sweats. I felt a bit nauseous the first week or two and went off my food for about six weeks, lost over half a stone without trying but I have nearly gained my appetite back and have gained a couple of pounds back.

Bisphosphonates, as you already osteopenic you are someone who probably needs them, see my last post. Have you done the NHS PREDICT thing to see what your prognosis would be with and without them?  In my case it was 1% extra chance of being alive after ten years, and given my age and Corona viruses I'm prepared to take my chances without them.
 

I think that covers everything.  Like you, I'm a cockeyed optimist, which everyone tells me is the best way to be, but there were times when I felt totally peed off and chocolate helped! I even finished off the Bailey's from last Christmas, one week!  You are going to find this perishing disease fills your head more, now, but as you can see from both Caroline and myself, there is a future  You've already had it tougher than me because I escaped the worst treatments, and it may be you have more to come but it will pass. 

Good luck with your scan, keep your pecker up but if you feel the need to rant and rage you know where we are!

love

Christine xxx

Christine, this has made me chuckle while reading. Sam, we are your wing men, so you have us to back you up xx