I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Thank you, I will. All you can do is succumb to the tiredness, hard as it will be. Feet up and mindless telly is doing it for me, sends me to sleep in no time!

So sorry to hear about your colleague, that is such a shock  it makes you wonder what she went through before seeing a doctor.  Being stoic isn't always a good thing  

Cx

Hi Sam and Caroline,

i got my results today and as I suspected my nodes were clear.  I was less thrilled than perhaps I should have been because of my thoughts on having had unnecessary surgery. My daughter asked me just a little while ago if I had realised yet that this was good news. 

The nurse who gave me the news was great, she said "Of course you know you'll need to take a tablet" to which I answered that was up for discussion. I explained my feelings on quality of life being more important than length of life and that I would not be taking a prescription for hormone tablets today as I wanted to consider and discuss all my options with my family, including the option to refuse any further treatment.  She explained what had been decided at the team meeting but accepted that I needed further discussion before beginning any therapy.

She is referring me to an oncologist that she thinks I will get on with, a straight talker, to discuss the benefits of further treatment versus the problems associated with possible side effects. In reality I am a wimp!  I am rarely ill, and if I do get poorly for more than three days I am as grumpy as can be. As I explained to my daughter, if I had to go through a five year menopause, if it was anything like the last one, she would kill me because I would drive her insane!

My drain was removed today, hooray! I am free! I celebrated by having lunch with and provided by three of my best friends then taking the dog out for a short walk!

I am thrilled that there was no residual cancer in my lymph nodes which does bode well for the future and I haven't closed my mind to further treatment, I'm just not going to accept what I'm told without careful consideration.

Bolshy Northerners, what would you do with 'em?

Christine xxx

Christine, 
Its so s£££ that you've had to go through another (and more challenging) op for no blummin reason, you have every right to be annoyed (and grumpy!), I certainly would be.  If its any consolation your experience will help others...perhaps me? And give confidence to those challenging medical professionals.

And I need to ask did you punch the surgeon?  I have a vision in my head...

From chocolate to cauliflower is quite a jump in those taste buds, they do say that every cloud has a silver lining!  Am sure the hankering for chocolate will return.  Amazing what these crazy treatments do to us isn't it?

Please can I ask why the negative thoughts re hormone tablets. as you've probably figured out by now I deal with things very much on the immediate horizon and hormone tablets are in the future (as am ER+) so am interested in your views.  I'm not sure if am peri or post menopausal ( I've been told both based on blood tests!) though am having tropical sweats but not sure if these are chemo related!  I guess its that hormone tablets will suppress oestrogen therefore creating menopausal situation again??

Glad you are now ex drain and celebrated that.  And I think you've got every right to question treatment, sometimes I think I accept expert advice too readily.

Caroline,

Crikey, sorry to hear about your colleague, particularly painful given her support to you.

Glad you're getting through the rads ok, how on earth are you managing to work at the same time?  They're full on and you're feeling knackered.  Food poisoning eh, not a recognised form of cancer treatment but effects very similar to chemo I have found! 

So am now 3 days post 1st paclitaxel and am quite disappointed as EC was quite a breeze and expected paclitaxel to be the same.  My side effects are nothing compared to many but have really achey hips, legs & feet, am walking & feeling like I've just done a 24hr gym session with no warm up and feet are tender to walk on.  I have concerns (as have read horror stories) about peripheral neuropathy which sounds like a f$$$^^^ nightmare.  Used some cold mitts & socks at chemo session but they defrosted too quickly (now have several sets thanks Mr Amazon).

I will be seriously annoyed if this bl00dy cancer lark leaves me with lasting damage (I can forgive one less boob!) impacting my quality of life. If am unable to exercise/move without pain there will be trouble....

Off to have hot bath now to smooth my aches.

Hope you're both having a good weekend, despite my "challenges" have managed to re-do bedding plants around outside of house yesterday so feeling quite virtuous (felt better for moving around, I think, and wet weather is ideal Yorkshire gardening weather in my book).

Sam X

Hiya Sam,

No I didn't get the chance to punch him, he wimped out of coming in to the meeting, leaving it to the lovely nurse to tell me the good news. I know he was in the building because the nurse had to go and ask him whether she should leave my drain in or take it out.  

The change in my taste buds is a mystery because so far I've only had surgery, no chemicals.

I am post menopause, as you can imagine at my age and I had a very short but horrendous menopause that cost me my relationship (actually that was probably a good thing) due to suddenly stopping my HRT after a report about its relationship to breast cancer. The thought of night sweats and mood swings again is what puts me off, especially as my chances of being alive after five years only goes up by 2% over doing nothing more.  I have started a discussion about it hoping to get some real life experience from women my age.

I'm sorry you are finding this new drug harder to deal with than before, it sort of lowers the mood, doesn't it. Keeping busy does help, and now, thank goodness I'm allowed to be busy, back on doggy daycare duties now, yay!!! I'm hoping the will to start painting again will come back, then I'll know I'm really on the way to recovery!, I actually started to design my Christmas card before the second op, and I really must hone the design and get it finished before it's too late. My neighbour across the road put up her Christmas lights yesterday!!!

Feel better soon!!

Christine xx

Christine

Interesting your challenge re the hormone tablets as I am now doing the same re my 2nd chemo drug as these painful feet are unacceptable and are compromising my quality of life.  I've a meeting with oncologist to discuss next week as either what to stop the chemo (lump is after all much improved) or change to one that's better for me and that I can walk whilst on (not much to ask you would have thought mmm). Also there's a chance that the damage could be or could become permenant.

So have been house bound, apart from  hospital visit Monday re feet, nothing they can do to ease the pain annoyingly.  Trying to keep busy but limited re feet and them hurting ( you don't realise how important they are until they're annoying, I mean you could take both boobs and several organs but please DO NOT mess with my feet).

Am glad you're doing stuff, I can sense more happiness in your note, which is great!  Your neighbour however needs taking down, along with their decorations...not till December!

Love the thought of designing cards..far too imaginative for me I'm afraid, I'm more willing to pay a small fortune for tasteful ones.

Have fun with your new (ishly) found freedom.  

Sam X

Hi Sam,

We are in a pickle, aren't we! I feel for you, but if it's any use to hear, my sister and one of my close friends had the same problem with both hands and feet, had to wear slippers and cotton gloves to do anything, but they have both totally recovered from that when they finished the treatment.

i have had a few replies to my request for  real life experiences but I'm still no nearer making.a decision about whether or not to undergo treatment. I haven't had any news about an appointment with the oncologist, yet, but today I got a letter from the prosthesis people and an appointment to get fitted for a permanent one on 19th December.  I'll have a new boob for Christmas,  Whoopydoo!

i have a script ready for my meeting with the oncologist when it eventually happens, starting with a request to see my pathology reports. 

I feel just like you do about the Christmas lights, I have to look at them from the minute it goes dark. I don't put my decorations up until the week before Christmas because if they went up any earlier I'd be pulling them down before New Year.

i completed a little upcycling project today, so I have a real sense of achievement.  The family of my neighbour who died a few weeks ago have been clearing the house and have already filled two skips. For some reason an odd little table was left after the skip had been taken away and it was just the right size for my budgie cage, so I rescued it, sanded it down and decoupaged the top and bottom shelf and Joey is now tucked up in his cage on top of it.

I hope you manage to cope with the feet, or change your drug. Keep your chin up, I know exactly what you are going through mentally, if not physically..

Christinexx

Hi ladies,

Christine - I can fully understand your battle with the tablets. I have mine sat in a drawer. They have been there since October. I asked my oncologist if I could delay taking them until radiotherapy was finished and he said that was fine. Tomorrow is my last session and I'm still not sure when I will start taking them. I have always been in good health and have only ever had a few courses of antibiotics and pain killers. Never had to take a medication over a long period of time and even though I know it is a good idea for me to take them - not yet having got through the menopause, I am still not sure. I think I might still thinking of another reason why I leave it another day/week/month! 
 

Sam, so crap to hear you are struggling with this new batch of chemo. But like you said, worth asking if you need to continue if lump has shrunk and will be removed during surgery.

like I said, I have my last radiotherapy tomorrow and am starting to crave a normal life without appointments and cancer! I don't think I will be someone who worries and feels lost without being checked up on. I have been offered a holistic follow up but no one has called yet. My skin has been a superstar and isn't sore or red. Think it is just the tiredness - some days more so than others but I'm not doing as I should be - resting and drinking plenty of water.  After tomorrow I don't have another appointment until April!! 
Re Christmas - i am a complete control freak when putting up the decs but they won't be going up until the middle of Dec! You put them up too early they will need dusting!! 
I am out on a Christmas meal tomorrow so a good way to celebrate the end!! 

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

Congratulations on getting through your radio therapy!  I hope you are doing ok now.  I think you should go ahead with the tablets only because you are still young and need to do what it takes to stay well.  I blame my dithering on being an old dear, with a different view of what I need from the future. I don't need 20 years but you do! I have almost promised to start taking them, with the caveat that if I suffer side effects bad enough to make me feel miserable I will stop taking them.

I have been to physio, this morning and had my cording massaged,(that is a stringy nobbly  line of what feels like scar tissue under the skin in my armpit that is making stretching my arm, fully, quite painful) it does feel a bit easier, and she says it may go away by itself in the next two weeks but I have an appointment to see her again if it hasn't gone.  She has also given me strategies to alleviate the hypersensitivity in my underarm. These are the only things still hurting from the second operation now, except for where my drain was attached, that itches like mad and feels sore under the skin when I scratch the itch. I'm hoping they will all improve in the near future. 

I haven't got my appointment with the oncologist yet. I'm quite happy about that, it is a bit more respite, but the kids made me phone to chase it up. Apparently the letter to the oncologist has gone and they are just waiting for a reply.

I haven't even thought about Christmas yet, except for buying my daughter's big present, a cordless hedge trimmer as she has been using mine for the last few months. I got a message yesterday telling me who I'm buying for in our secret Santa. There are five of us who celebrate Christmas and birthdays together, have done for years, and we do a secret Santa to save us money, we are not allowed to spend more than £10. 

Hi Sam,

I hope you are feeling better.  My Christmas cards are anything but tasteful,  This Year, for some reason my imagination is not working too well so I've just done three robins singing We wish you a Merry Christmas.  It's ok, not exactly art but it's not hideous either. I do the original on a large base, then photograph it and print off the photo in card size, then I go over the picture with whatever medium I used to make it look original again.  It keeps me off the streets. I then painstakingly stick the picture on to pre-folded cards from the shop. So far the recipients have all said they like them, of course they could be lying!!

Take care, both of you

Christine xx

Christine

Yep, pickle sums it up quite nicely...you'll be glad to hear that the feet do feel like they are (slowly) recovering so that is good & positive.  I'd happily lose other body parts (boobs, organs, an ear perhaps) but pain-free feet are so important for life.  Anyhoo I've not been de-feeted (I sadly laugh at my own pathetic jokes, they are the best however!).

Am hoping I came cajole the poor boyfriend into many hours of foot massage tomorrow night, I deserve it after all!  Might have to bribe him with tales of Christmas presents (that he's not getting).

Re your new thread, my point of view (and its the same with these blummin feet) is I would always be willing to take a risk re longevity to have quality of life, what's the point of life if its not enjoyable?  Obviously only my opinion, but I happen to think I'm right !!??!!  So I understand your dilemma regarding having the hormone tablets for a 2% benefit.

You'll obviously make an informed choice following discussion with onc but I do think it's important to do what's best for you & your particular circumstances, rather than just receive a one size fits all solution (which with treatment I do feel we get).

Ooo decorations a week before Christmas, I like it but given that it takes me over an hour to put up the decks I do want to get value for money (well my time), its another tight northern trait of mine...so up to the loft (using the craziest ladder, that's more likely to get me than BC!).

Following the tight northern comment above you'll not be surprised to know that recycling and me are good bedfellows so am vvv impressed by your project, hopefully Joey is well impressed too?  I have a similar project to do possibly over Christmas, I love fabrics, very expensive ones unfortunately, and have some roman blinds that I replaced earlier this year where the silk (get me!  Very un-northern like) had faded over time (too blummin sunny down here), I plan to make cushions using the fabric in between the faded patches, I've borrowed a sewing machine (used to use one when I was a teen to patch the inner thighs of my jeans) and we'll see what disaster awaits.  On the plus side I can only waste what would be waste otherwise...how difficult can it be??

Am interested to know how the dogs get on with Joey.  When growing up we used to have a parrot that was a nightmare and terrorised not only ankles (we used to watch TV in wellies) but the stupid poodles (all sizes and very unkempt) that my mother adored.

Sam X

Caroline

Last one...yayyyy!  If I was at all technically astute I'd put a champagne bottle popping on here, but I'm not & I'm a lazy good for nothing muppet so do please use your imagination.  And obviously have bottles of the real thing, that's a good excuse for being ill rather than it being caused by cancer treatment side effects!!

I do hope you're still out, & will be all weekend celebrating, you deserve it.  Hope the first Christmas meal was a goodie, its my office Christmas party tonight but the food doesn't appeal plus the thought of trying to stuff my poor feet into decent shoes (owww) so am on the sofa in me jimjams.

A holistic follow up?  What on earth?  I'm intrigued, please do tell me more if you do go ahead, as a proper northerner I do tend to *** a snoop at such stuff, but sometimes am pleasantly surprised so do try & have a (sort of) open mind.

Luckily for me I excel at drinking water so that would not be an issue re. Radiotherapy but the resting bit depends on their definition, I for one find walking quite restful...glad that your skin has come through radiology unscathed, I'm armed with arrays of heavy duty moisturiser just in case.

Can I clear something up as am confused & surprised...dust decorations?  You're using the wrong ones.  Mind you when I dust in my house there's usually a good few centimetres to get through..

Enjoy!

Sam X

Caroline

Last one...yayyyy!  If I was at all technically astute I'd put a champagne bottle popping on here, but I'm not & I'm a lazy good for nothing muppet so do please use your imagination.  And obviously have bottles of the real thing, that's a good excuse for being ill rather than it being caused by cancer treatment side effects!!

I do hope you're still out, & will be all weekend celebrating, you deserve it.  Hope the first Christmas meal was a goodie, its my office Christmas party tonight but the food doesn't appeal plus the thought of trying to stuff my poor feet into decent shoes (owww) so am on the sofa in me jimjams.

A holistic follow up?  What on earth?  I'm intrigued, please do tell me more if you do go ahead, as a proper northerner I do tend to *** a snoop at such stuff, but sometimes am pleasantly surprised so do try & have a (sort of) open mind.

Luckily for me I excel at drinking water so that would not be an issue re. Radiotherapy but the resting bit depends on their definition, I for one find walking quite restful...glad that your skin has come through radiology unscathed, I'm armed with arrays of heavy duty moisturiser just in case.

Can I clear something up as am confused & surprised...dust decorations?  You're using the wrong ones.  Mind you when I dust in my house there's usually a good few centimetres to get through..

Enjoy!

Sam X