Hi there Stuart,

Sorry that you've found yourself joining us on here.  I'm a breast cancer person so in a different type of boat to you but there will likely be some similarities in treatment etc. and all of us have been in the situation you're currently in having just been diagnosed.

If it helps any the initial days are some of the toughest, especially the telling other people about it.  Once treatment gets underway it can start to feel quite procedural and that can help in some ways, especially as you know something is being done.

You seem really determined which is great, a positive attitude towards beating it is definitely going to hold you in good stead and it can make going through treatment easier too.

What kind of support do you have around you?

LJ

Hi, I have my wife we have been together for 45 years and my two children who are 39 and 42 . But I do not feel I should tell the children now. And I worry about my wife taking to much strain of this on her.

Hi, I have my wife we have been together for 45 years and my two children who are 39 and 42 . But I do not feel I should tell the children now. And I worry about my wife taking to much strain of this on her.

I feel for you. My partner, who I adore, is 62 and has lung cancer, Stage 3c. Twin Two is right, this is a very hard time and it does feel better once you get a treatment plan. Cancer is no longer an automatic death sentence; more of a bloody nuisance if you ask me! You'll probably have more tests if you havent already had the full set, and then you will discuss the options for treatment.

My partner has parents in their nineties and and 2 adult children in their twenties. We also worred about how to tell them-made worse by the fact that his first wife, the children's mother died of lung cancer. We decided to wait until he had his treatment plan in place. He was then able to say that he had a tumour on his lung but that he was in treatment and feeling positive about the future. Of course its a personal decision, but if you dont tell family,  it may cause problems further down the line. Once we told ours, they took it better than we expected and we felt hugely relieved to have got it over with.

There will be other non-family support around for both of you, such as Macmillan, this forum or perhaps a Maggie's place or similar and we have found this really helpful. Do take advantage.

Good luck.

Hi Stuart,

I totally understand why you wouldn't want to tell people, especially loved ones, it is by far the hardest part of having cancer, honestly.  But, try and put yourself in their position.  If your wife had cancer and didn't tell you how would you feel?  I assume you would want to help and support her through it?  I would hate to think my husband was dealing with something like that lone for even a day.

It isn't the death sentence it used to be and treatment is coming on leaps and bounds, but you will need support to get through it.

You do sound determined and upbeat and that will help you get through this.  You might also find that your family take their lead from you and how you are feeling about it might very much determine their attitude towards it too.  Admittedly I didn't tell my husband absolutely everything immediately, some things you need to process yourself first, but not for too long.

Another consideration is that you will need a second set of ears with you at appointments.  I can't stress enough that it is impossible to take in everything that is said.  My husband has come to most appointments but on occasion my mother-in-law or a friend have come just to provide a second set of ears.

I will love talking to you on here and am happy to help with what to expect with treatment and stuff where I can, and if you want to rant, scream, crack jokes (cancer can be funny at times!) of whatever then I'm here, but it is still important you have someone physically near you that knows what you are going through.

Take care,

LJ

You are quite correct LJ thanks for the help and offer of a pair of ears I must think more logically about it and get a plan sorted. X