Hi Jolamine

Most of the time I dont even know what too eat he used to be the one with the evening meal suggestions as he loved to cook when he got home from work. Tonight again I didnt care about what I ate he suggested a spanish omelette because thats what he fancied so I made it, it made him happy that I had made what he suggested and very good it was too.

Still waiting for those appointments to come in :( wish they would hurry.

Im working so that the time he needs me I can be available we were due on a cruise next Monday and he's upset about that feels like he's let us down - as if!!

Its hard with our daughter I try not to be upset in front of her (or him) because in some ways she thinks it will all get better and he doesnt want her to worry, she has some very good close friends who she is talking to so knowing that helps.

He's fed up with not having anything tasty in his mouth so I bought him some lolly's and today he made a sweet coffee (he normally doesnt take sugar) and hes not been drinking anything other than sips of water so that made me happy that he was prepared to try sip something else.

Thanks for replying Jolamine xx

Carol

Hi Carol,

I am glad to hear that you enjoyed your Spanish omelette and made hubby happy in the process. My hubby has been cooking the evening meal for a number of years now. He has recently been diagnosed with chronic heart failure and has landed in hospital twice in the past 3 weeks. He hasn't got the energy to cook and, I must confess, that I have little interest in food when I am on my own.

I do hope that you'll get your appointments soon. I expect that you have been looking forward to your cruise for quite a while. You must all be feeling pretty gutted about having to cancel it.

I am glad to hear that your daughter has some good friends who she can talk to. I often feel sorry for teenagers caught up in all of this. Quite frequently, their friends have had no experience of illness or death and, youngsters find that their friends don't really know how to react under the circumstances. There is a website for children who either have cancer themselves or who are coping with cancer in a loved one. This is called rip.rap and many teenagers have found it good to be able to go to a site where other young people are going through the same trials as themselves.

I presume that you got ordinary lollies for hubby. What about ice lollies? I have a very dry mouth as a result of medication and find the natural juice ice lollies help to relieve the excessive dryness for a short while. It sounds as if he is getting fed up of only having water – did he enjoy his coffee?

I am still thinking of and praying for you all and hope that your appointments are in the post by now.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Mary, I hope you are still doing well. Your post has given me the much needed hope I so desperatly craved. My Dad was told yesterday that he has teminal cancer and is exptected to live for 12 months and my heart is breaking. Can you tell me if it was the treatment that kept this at bay for you? Or was it hope?

Thanks

Tammy

I have terminal inoperable incurable rare primary Brain Cancer and I too, am broken hearted for my husband of 36 years. He just doesn’t know what to do and feels entirely disempowered! 

Ive declined Radio and Chemo therapies to date as I remain relatively asymptomatic- it’s weird ! 

I think now there’s a change in the latest scan he’s hoping I’ll go for one or the other .....or both . Not sure I will actually but I can’t bear to tell him. Seeing Oncologist tomorrow and I’ll keep an open mind ....even though I dislike her ! Seeing my husband and sons suffer is almost as bad as suffering myself

Id say go out, have fun, meal, lunch,cinema. Not necessarily with friends though.Just yourselves is more than enough people to consider. It’s hard going out - it’s much easier to cosy in and if that’s the case then so be it ! Do not get caught up with other people’s needs. Important people now are your wife and you and your own family if you have children.

Ive had a couple of months to get to this place mind you - it’s not selfish, it’s self preserving and that’s a must !!!

susieq32 

Dear Mary, 

Thank you for giving me hope, I  write to  you  crying my  eyes  out,my  wife  is  at  work doing  12 hours  in  a hospital,she  has to  have a biopsy because  she has  a 5cm mass on  her  lung and a few spots on her spine, she  eats all healthy  food and does  exercise, believes in God, I  on the  the other hand  do none  of that, I  lost  my  sister aged forty after having  breast cancer and then her lungs,my  wife also had breast cancer. This  is  ripping me apart she  is  from  the  Philippines,we were due to go there in March but not sure that will happen now, its  early  days  but  I  am  falling  apart, if  this  was  me  with  cancer  I could  be  stronger but  I  feel  so  helpless  for  my  wife,she is 66 and  in  her  whole life she has  never hurt anyone,never  a argrument or rised voice. How  can  I  stay  positive for  her  and  myself.My wife  has  only  short of  breath  like  you. I only  came  across  this  site  when  surfing I would  hate to  miss  your  reply  so  please feel  free  to  message me. Many thanks. Andrew. 

Hi Andrew,

Welcome to our forum, although I'm sorry to hear the reason you joined.

Any cancer diagnosis is always a shock, but a terminal one can be devastating. How long has your wife had breast cancer for? I have been where you are now. Twenty-one years ago I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer, which had spread to her bones, brain, liver and lungs. She had coped with her primary cancer for 12 years prior to this. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 9 and 10 years and now live with the constant fear of spread or recurrence.

It is never easy for loved ones to deal with this diagnosis, as it affects them as much as the patient. You can feel helpess, inadequate and lost, but just being there for her will be a big help. Try to keep the communication channels open between the two of you. Staying positive is not so easy, but it does make a big difference to outcomes. You will feel more empowered once you know exactly what she is facing and discuss what can be done to slow the progression of this awful disease.

One thing that I have noticed is the huge difference in diagnosis, treatment and after care that I have had in comparison to that which my mum experienced. Though there is only 10 years between receiving this, it has come on in leaps and bounds in that time.This is thanks to our friends at Cancer Research and elsewhere, who are constantly striving for improvement.

Do please let us know how your wife gets on. Can you attend her hospital visits with her? This is very helpful. It is also useful to draw up a list of questions before each appointment, to ensure that you don't forget anything important to ask her consultant.

You have a difficult road ahead of you both, but I hope and pray that you both get the strength to see this through.

Remember, that we are always here for both of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi jo,

Thank  you,  my  wife  had  breast  cancer  something like  a couple  of  years  ago  now and we  don't  know what  we are  dealing  with  yet  apart from  what  I  have  mentioned, yes  I  can  can  go  to  the  appointments with her  and  we  live  5 minutes  walk  from  the  hospital  so  no  worries  on  paying  for  parking. My wife  seems  to  be  the  strongest  out  of  the two  of  us. 

Hi Andrew,

It is impossible to know what you are dealing with until your wife has some tests - usually a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy. It takes 1-2 weeks for these results to come back, so the sooner your wife can get these done, the sooner she'll get her results. Does she have an appointment to get these tests done yet?

It is handy that you are near to the hospital and better still when you are within walking distance and have no parking charges to contend with.

Your wife may seem to be the strongest, but I'm sure that she is bricking it under the surface and, that she will really appreciate your support

I hope that her appointment comes through soon, if she hasn't already got it.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Mary,

My wife has been told she has stage 4 cancer and I feel like most people on here (no disrespect ment) lost and hepless. I must say it's the first time I have felt hope for my beautiful wife in the words that you wrote.  Thank you. John

Dear John, dear Andrew,

I am so sorry I didn't get back to you quickly.

I had replied to Andrew and then didn't tick the "follow discussion" box. I have only just seen your post Andrew because John replied to me. My navigation skills for this site are pretty appalling. Sorry :(

I'm really glad you found my words helpful John. And I am similarly glad that you have felt hope.

Treatments are improving all the time and there are more and more of us living with our stage four cancer for longer. My latest scans were good again - so I've been living with stage 4 (Invasive Ductal Carcenoma) in my lungs and liver for over 9 years now.

I will always answer (if I'm bright enough to spot the message).

You'll find the people on here a friendly bunch.

Best wishes to you, take it steady.

Mary