My Dad has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer

Hey all,

This is a kind of introduction and shoulder to lean on post. Excuse me if it's a little all over the place. 

My name is James and i'm in my early 30's. Just before Christmas, my Dad went for a routine check up about his diabetes and it was discovered that he was anemic. After various tests and scans we found out that he had been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Sadly it had spread to other organs and an operation was not an option. So far he has had 3 rounds of chemotherapy and is in high spirits, with little side effects. He has another scan in a few weeks to see how well the chemotherapy is doing. I spoke privately with the oncologist and he estimated that my Dad has around 18 months, so my fiance and I have moved our wedding forward to August this year. We also found out recently that my Sister in law has had a double masectomy. She's had chemotherapy and is now undergoing radiotherapy.


Now, this is not a feel sorry for myself post, as I am normally an extremely strong person, but recently it seems that life is giving me a massive kick in the nuts. I'm currently in my 3rd year of university and finding it hard to finish something that normally I'm so passionate about. Whilst at uni, I worked part time as a barman, but on the day of diagnosis I also found out that I had lost my job as the bar had to shut down for health and safety reasons. To top it all off, in the last few weeks my car has given up on me and has to be scrapped. 

I'm trying my best to be supportive to my Mum as she is finding it difficult. She is a strong person like me normally, but i've learnt to notice when she needs help. She's lucky having a few good friends who come and see her, taking her for coffee to take her mind of things for a few hours. Myself, I don't feel as fortunate. My fiance tries to be supportive, but it's a difficult subject to talk to her about. I've never really shown my weaknesses to her as the role is normally me being the supportive one. My friends are great, but never seem to ask me how i'm doing. They are more concerned with what's happening within their own lives. I kinda need some help from people going through the same thing so though I would post on here.

Anyway, i'm not really sure on how to end this post, so...




 

Parents
  • James,

    Sorry to hear that you are having such a cr@ppy time. Bad news always seems to come in batches, I guess that's just the random nature of life.

    I'm with Pauline about telling your girlfriends about exactly how you are feeling. Times like these are strengthen or wreck relationships, there never seems to be anything in between. If you tell her how you are feeling she will be able to better understand your moods and behaviours and act as your best friend as well as your girl friend - which can only be a good thing if you intend to get married soon. You won't be showing any weaknesses, you will be showing strength of character in not hiding your emotions away. You will also be helping your own mental health as bottling up things like this can lead to anxiety problems and worse. Talking really does help - and talking to yourself really doesn't count.

    On a practical side - plese don't take at face value any timescales given to you by the doctors. At best these are educated guesses based on average statistics. The timescales could be significantly wrong in either direction, in my case I've assumed the worst and hoped for the best when planning anything. 

    Your finals are important but you can always resit exams. It would be worth talking to your tutor or course organiser about your situation and see whether you could be given some flexibility for the submission of any essays or assignments. You may not need this, but it always helps relieve stress if you know that deadlines can be flexed. On the other hand, you may find that studying and doing your exams will give you a much needed distraction from deling with the impact of cancer. 

     

    Good luck!
    Dave

     

Reply
  • James,

    Sorry to hear that you are having such a cr@ppy time. Bad news always seems to come in batches, I guess that's just the random nature of life.

    I'm with Pauline about telling your girlfriends about exactly how you are feeling. Times like these are strengthen or wreck relationships, there never seems to be anything in between. If you tell her how you are feeling she will be able to better understand your moods and behaviours and act as your best friend as well as your girl friend - which can only be a good thing if you intend to get married soon. You won't be showing any weaknesses, you will be showing strength of character in not hiding your emotions away. You will also be helping your own mental health as bottling up things like this can lead to anxiety problems and worse. Talking really does help - and talking to yourself really doesn't count.

    On a practical side - plese don't take at face value any timescales given to you by the doctors. At best these are educated guesses based on average statistics. The timescales could be significantly wrong in either direction, in my case I've assumed the worst and hoped for the best when planning anything. 

    Your finals are important but you can always resit exams. It would be worth talking to your tutor or course organiser about your situation and see whether you could be given some flexibility for the submission of any essays or assignments. You may not need this, but it always helps relieve stress if you know that deadlines can be flexed. On the other hand, you may find that studying and doing your exams will give you a much needed distraction from deling with the impact of cancer. 

     

    Good luck!
    Dave

     

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