Hello, my name is Tim, I'm 28,
My mum has just started treatment for a secondary in her lympnodes,
My understanding is limited, but I'll attempt to detail...
6 months ago, she had significant back pain, long story short and after a fair bit of head scratching, the nodes close to her kidneys were found to be swollen and pushing on her kidneys, thus causing the pain.
Following a course of Radio (which was easing the pain) she noticed lumps in her neck, above the collar bone on both sides, once this was pointed out they decided a course of chemo was required,
This started late November, and since then she has been for a CT scan which showed additional 2.5cm in her liver and 3mm in her lung as well as the aforementioned nodes in the neck and near liver,
History will tell you that my mum has been through a lot in her life when it come to cancer, she was diagnosed with breast cancer 15 years ago for the first time, she had radio at this point. Then a number of years later it returned and removed (mastectomy), followed by the dreaded "red drug" form of chemo, since then she has has numerous melanoma (10+ At a guess) and more recently ovarian cancer,
As you might appreciate and understandably, she is fairly pi**ed off with it all!!
Like a lot of people, I'm here to attempt the untangling of my thoughts and hopefully gain some insight into the cancer my mum has and how things may pan out.
So I guess my (first) question is: given that the cancer appears to have moved / grown, (in my mind quite quickly) how long do you think she has?
It's a question I want her to ask the doctors, I don't want to put that pressure on her to ask if she doesn't want to, but selfishly I need to know!
The complication (again selfishly) is that I live in Australia, she is here in the uk. As soon as I knew she was having chemo again, I was on a plane back to the uk to support her and the family.
The conundrum is whether to up sticks and move back to the uk for good, or to try and fly in and out every 6 weeks or so, to help out.
My fear is that I won't get to spend time with my mum if I attempt to keep my life in australia, and if I move back....I will then be out of work, in a total mess, and have lost my life in Aus,
My Heart tells me to forget Australia, but my mum doesn't want me to just drop everything for her!
Sorry for the long post, and happy new year to all, you insight would be appreciated :-)
Tim
Hello Tim Sorry to hear about your mom. As a person with cancer myself, and knowing many others with same, in my opinion, Doctors can give an estimate or best guess, but I think much has to do with the person's attitude and desire to keep going. I know many people who have outlived the Doctors opinion by months and even years. I will keep your mom in my thoughts.
Hi Tim, I am sorry to hear about mums ongoing treatment. Is there any way you can have a chat to her medical team and ask them all your questions? Further down the track is there any way your work would allow you time off and keep your job open? I too live in Oz so understand how far away we are from home in times like this. Keeping life as normal as possible for mum is a good idea,"normality" is good. I am presuming mum still lives at home. Is she able to care for herself at present? Do you have family living close to mum? What is your residency status in Oz? Best wishes Kathy.
Happy New Year to you are yours. The doctors will have a good idea and maybe able to tell you. It must be really difficult for you to live so far away from Mum.
Glad you allready have had two replies offering good advice. With regard to the question, do you move back to the U.K. it must be a very difficult decision for you. Wanting to be there for your mother is understandable but so difficult when you live so far away. There is no easy answer I can think of but I think you have to take into account your mothers wish that you stay in Australia for I feel she would feel very guilty if you do move back. I think Kathys idea of talking to your employer is the best course of action for doctors can only give an estimate and as Hdoanjnr has said, these estimates dont take into account peoples fighting spirit. My owm mother lived far longer than the medics thought she would, for she kept finding reserves of strength from somewhere.
Please keep in touch and keep us informed both regarding your mum and your decision. Sending best wishes and kind thought your way, Brian.
No one can say how long your Mum has got. I have known many people exceed their diagnosis, but equally I know of people who have died within days/weeks of diagnosis. It's not an exact science, doctors can only give estimates.
You have a difficult decision to make - and no one can make it for you. Of course you want to be there for your Mum, but equally life will go on and you have a life in Australia. I would suggest you talk to your employer about the situation and see what flexibility might be on offer.
Wishing you the best in this very difficult situation.
Thanks to every one for their kind word and advice,
I am going to be sitting down to have the discussion with her today, she is home and able to do bits and pieces around the house but hads my older sister here to help out too,
my thinking currently is that if my work aren't able to help out more than they already have, I can always get another job, I can't replace my mum!
As as for status in oz I am currently on a 457 visa, and not able to get pr just yet, so returning to aus would require another sponsor if I did choose to leave my job there,
I am sorry to report that my mum passed away last week with me any my sister at her bed side,
following a failed attempt at radio then chemo the cancer had spread significantly, they were no longer albe to continue with treatment (she was due to switch to a differnt form of Chemo) but was not well enough to start,
long story short she never got the chance to start the new treatment and passed away peacefully,
to say that im lost, is an understatement,
she has spent the last 21 years of her life battleing one form of cancer or another, this was the third major battle and unfortunatly it got the better of us,
Our hearts and prayers go out to you at this time of loss, Tim. All of you must feel loss and bewilderment = let us hold you all. It is funny, but after someone has passed = they often fsend a shower of roses down to those they cared for, just to tell them to no longer worry.
I am so sorry for your loss. remember the good times. You are so fortunate to have had your wonderful Mum in your life. Nothing can take that away from you.
