Sue

I'm truly sorry to hear about your Mum.  In my case it was also the secondaries which were found first then investigations were made to locate the primary.  There are a number of things which will help to identify where the primary is, although it takes time to complete the investigations.  Cancer can often be quite slow to develop so it could have been going on for a while, and it seems to be able to make progress without being apparent. 

This is probably one of the most difficult times because there is so much uncertainty.  I was told that a treatment plan would be put in place once the investigations had been completed, and the time taken to properly investigate in order to put the right plan in place was time well spent.  Although in your mum's case it is advanced cancer there are still likely to be a number of treatment options to be considered. I didn't know it at the time, because I knew very little, but there are different chemo drugs for different cancers so it is important to hit it with the right ones.

For myself I tried not to think too far ahead although the waiting was horrible, even though it felt scary I tried not to second-guess what tomorrow would bring. My other half was petrified and couldn't discuss any of it for quite some time - understandable as it is a bit of a taboo subject.  So in this early period I felt rather alone.

Please refute the dark side telling you that she is beyond help, because that is very very unlikely these days.  If you can be there to discuss it if she wants to, and provide other support where she needs it, for example being with her when going to the appointments, then that is enormous.  My OH turned the corner after a few weeks and is with me every time now.

I hope this is of some help.

Sue

I'm truly sorry to hear about your Mum.  In my case it was also the secondaries which were found first then investigations were made to locate the primary.  There are a number of things which will help to identify where the primary is, although it takes time to complete the investigations.  Cancer can often be quite slow to develop so it could have been going on for a while, and it seems to be able to make progress without being apparent. 

This is probably one of the most difficult times because there is so much uncertainty.  I was told that a treatment plan would be put in place once the investigations had been completed, and the time taken to properly investigate in order to put the right plan in place was time well spent.  Although in your mum's case it is advanced cancer there are still likely to be a number of treatment options to be considered. I didn't know it at the time, because I knew very little, but there are different chemo drugs for different cancers so it is important to hit it with the right ones.

For myself I tried not to think too far ahead although the waiting was horrible, even though it felt scary I tried not to second-guess what tomorrow would bring. My other half was petrified and couldn't discuss any of it for quite some time - understandable as it is a bit of a taboo subject.  So in this early period I felt rather alone.

Please refute the dark side telling you that she is beyond help, because that is very very unlikely these days.  If you can be there to discuss it if she wants to, and provide other support where she needs it, for example being with her when going to the appointments, then that is enormous.  My OH turned the corner after a few weeks and is with me every time now.

I hope this is of some help.

Hi

I am sorry to hear about your OH but I am so happy to hear they have turned the other corner and seem to be improving. It must be such a relief.  It is just so scary at the moment because time seems to be ticking by and we are still none the wiser about how far advanced it is or what is going to happen to her. I am sure the doctors know what they are doing but it is hard for us sitting around waiting.

I will definatley refute the dark side telling me she is beyond help because I always believe there is a glimmer of hope... especially when I can see that she is so well.

Thank you again.

Sue x