Dads oesophagus cancer

My dad has been recently diagnosed with oesophagus cancer .

He had a PET scan and we are now waiting for results to see if it's spread and any treatment that will be required. 

I feel totally useless and  worrying myself silly . Thisbis the first time I've actually written this bin a sentence and I'm still in denial that this is really happening. 

My dad is 90 and seems to be coping better that me , or maybe just protecting me from how he feels .. .

I'm finding it difficult to talk about as I feel that that will make it real 

I can't write anymore...im broken