I been there done that as they say. Felt out of control about decisions being made for me. Had a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node removed then found it had spread to lymph nodes so back in for full axillary clearance. Thank god I don't need chemotherapy but do need radiotherapy and the tablets for 10 years instead of 5. Don't know when that will start it's all a waiting game. Try to keep positive love. When people ask me how I am I say fine paint on a smile and keep going. Just stay strong keep you chin up xx

I totally understand the 'painting on a smile'. In front of anyone I see it's all ''yeah, I'm fine, it is what it is. It'll be fine'. Inside I'm screaming - leave me alone, I'm not ok. I'm scared but don't want to upset my husband and daughter. 

Whenever I see anyone I know...'How are you Nick?'

'I'm good, you?' Is always my response. Inside screaming again! 

I with you on that. I want to say how I really feel but it's too difficult to put into words without sounding sorry for myself I don't want pitty I don't really think I want anything except for this to be over. Still we will keep smiling saying fine

By the way fine stands for

F = *** up

I=Insecure 

N = Neurotic

E = Exhausted 

This is why I smile when I say it. Chin up love I'm alway here if you need a chat xx

You too. I love the F I N E. Says it all! 

N

You too. I love the F I N E. Says it all! 

N

Hi,

Just wanted to jump on this thread as I'm a bit further on in treatment and know how hard all the waiting is. It's bloody hard going and completely normal to be up and down and not really know how you feel. 

I had a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy and original plan was radiotherapy followed by hormone therapy. As we now know plans change and positive lymph nodes were found with extracapsular spread. This has sent me down the chemo route and I'm 2 down with 4 to go. Hard but doable and by middle of June this bit will be done. I'm having axillary clearance after this then radio and now 10 years of hormone therapy.

If I think about it all too much its bloody terrifying so I break it into little stages and get through one treatment at a time.

People mean well, but all this stay strong and you're a warrior aren't always helpful. Sometimes you just want people to acknowledge its all a bit *** and let you have a good cry! We will get through this ladies it doesn't matter how you do it and everyone is different.

I wish you all the best.

Kaye xx

Hi Kaye

Sounds like you've had a rather rough time of it! 

I must admit, I am getting cross every time I get told 'You're a tough cookie, you'll be ok'. I just smile it off and agree. Inside screaming 'I'm not b****y ok'. I know they mean well. But it is making me not want to see or speak to anyone.

I am worried that my plan will change again after my 2nd surgery. Scared they'll tell me I need chemo. I know I'll just deal with it if it happens but it's the waiting that is hard.

Wishing you all the best with your treatment. I have found my heart shaped cushion a comfort saver as my underarm is still swollen, sore and hyper sensitive. 

You're so right though. We will get through this. Each in our own way. Talking to people who understand is making it that bit easier and feel less alone.

Nicky xx

I would like to know how you are feeling. The end of treatment can be difficult, I found that any way.

Hi lovely, 

Sorry for the very late reply not been on here for quite some time. I'm currently sat having my final chemo, hooray, and have my axillary clearance booked for 14th July. 

How are things you you?

Kaye xx

Hi Kaye,

I'm ok. Waiting for results from my last surgery. Hopefully clear this time and I can move onto the next stage, whatever that may be. 

Last chemo sesiion for you - yay! You must be so glad that part is done. How are you feeling? 

Nicky x