I can imagine you were shocked and scared. It’s a lot to take in.

So more surgery, radiotherapy and hormone drugs still ?

I’m the same, some days I’m ok others I have a wave of sadness that slaps me in the face. Last night was a crying night, today I’m feeling so down. Can’t shake it off.

This time tomorrow I will know more about my treatment plan too. Swaying from it’ll be ok, they got it all and it’s just what the surgeon said, to being scared for more surgery and/or chemo.

I hope you have someone with you who is looking after you since your appointment xx

Yep, more surgery. Then a repeat of yesterday's appointment to see if they took enough this time. If not, surgery 3, if yes, radiotherapy and hormone tablets.

I'm lucky that I have a lovely husband who is trying to look after me. We've never gone through this type of thing before and he's getting upset that he can't fix it for me. We've never argued about anything but my mood swings might change that. The slightest thing sets me off being upset and crying, cross and moody, down and silent. I told him to go off to the pub with his mates for an hour - then got upset because he did! He doesn't know I got uoset though. 

Hope you have someone there for you x

I been there done that as they say. Felt out of control about decisions being made for me. Had a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node removed then found it had spread to lymph nodes so back in for full axillary clearance. Thank god I don't need chemotherapy but do need radiotherapy and the tablets for 10 years instead of 5. Don't know when that will start it's all a waiting game. Try to keep positive love. When people ask me how I am I say fine paint on a smile and keep going. Just stay strong keep you chin up xx

I totally understand the 'painting on a smile'. In front of anyone I see it's all ''yeah, I'm fine, it is what it is. It'll be fine'. Inside I'm screaming - leave me alone, I'm not ok. I'm scared but don't want to upset my husband and daughter. 

Whenever I see anyone I know...'How are you Nick?'

'I'm good, you?' Is always my response. Inside screaming again! 

I with you on that. I want to say how I really feel but it's too difficult to put into words without sounding sorry for myself I don't want pitty I don't really think I want anything except for this to be over. Still we will keep smiling saying fine

By the way fine stands for

F = *** up

I=Insecure 

N = Neurotic

E = Exhausted 

This is why I smile when I say it. Chin up love I'm alway here if you need a chat xx

You too. I love the F I N E. Says it all! 

N

Hi,

Just wanted to jump on this thread as I'm a bit further on in treatment and know how hard all the waiting is. It's bloody hard going and completely normal to be up and down and not really know how you feel. 

I had a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy and original plan was radiotherapy followed by hormone therapy. As we now know plans change and positive lymph nodes were found with extracapsular spread. This has sent me down the chemo route and I'm 2 down with 4 to go. Hard but doable and by middle of June this bit will be done. I'm having axillary clearance after this then radio and now 10 years of hormone therapy.

If I think about it all too much its bloody terrifying so I break it into little stages and get through one treatment at a time.

People mean well, but all this stay strong and you're a warrior aren't always helpful. Sometimes you just want people to acknowledge its all a bit *** and let you have a good cry! We will get through this ladies it doesn't matter how you do it and everyone is different.

I wish you all the best.

Kaye xx

Hi Kaye

Sounds like you've had a rather rough time of it! 

I must admit, I am getting cross every time I get told 'You're a tough cookie, you'll be ok'. I just smile it off and agree. Inside screaming 'I'm not b****y ok'. I know they mean well. But it is making me not want to see or speak to anyone.

I am worried that my plan will change again after my 2nd surgery. Scared they'll tell me I need chemo. I know I'll just deal with it if it happens but it's the waiting that is hard.

Wishing you all the best with your treatment. I have found my heart shaped cushion a comfort saver as my underarm is still swollen, sore and hyper sensitive. 

You're so right though. We will get through this. Each in our own way. Talking to people who understand is making it that bit easier and feel less alone.

Nicky xx

Hi Bettyjayne,

Been thinking about you a lot today. Hope you're ok. Here if you need someone to vent to xx