Hi Bubbles,

My name is mud lol (its a song by the band Primus) and I am 50

In 2018 I lost a lung to cancer and stumbled across your post today.

I was wondering how you got on with your search and if you had any advice for someone new to 'getting back out there'?

I used to be a singer/guitar player so my career on that front came to a rapid halt.

Although I am reminded of my 'loss' everyday I am determined now to get back on with my life as best I can and want to forget as much as possible about what has gone before.

That being said, I appreciate it is a part of my life and want to connect with people, not to discuss and talk about cancer, but people who I dont have to explain myself to too much about what Ive been through and how it affects me on a daily basis.

Anyways, I hope you are getting on well and found what you were looking for!

Best Regards

Mud

Hi Mud great to hear your story and your moving forward in your life, it's so hard and sometimes a feeling of emptiness would love to chat my names Heather breast cancer survivor of 22 years now bowel cancer awaiting to see if the treatment has worked

Hello all, this topic is important to me. My husband reacted badly to my stage 4 diagnosis, couldn't cope, so now I have ended up on my own. I am stable right now so might have a while so would love to think I could have a new partner some time. But who would start a relationship with someone with a stage 4 diagnosis?? Its surely only the existing spouse who you hope would be able to support in that situation (sadly not in my case). Not that I need physical support right now and hopefully not for a while. And I would like to think I have something to offer but it's hard to believe that. I found a site called Cancer match (US based) buy it's not that I only want to meet someone with cancer, just someone who could cope with it and understand. Amy thoughts of how I could make progress? I'd like to be able to be honest about my health at the start but I fear putting someone off!

Hello all, this topic is important to me. My husband reacted badly to my stage 4 diagnosis, couldn't cope, so now I have ended up on my own. I am stable right now so might have a while so would love to think I could have a new partner some time. But who would start a relationship with someone with a stage 4 diagnosis?? Its surely only the existing spouse who you hope would be able to support in that situation (sadly not in my case). Not that I need physical support right now and hopefully not for a while. And I would like to think I have something to offer but it's hard to believe that. I found a site called Cancer match (US based) buy it's not that I only want to meet someone with cancer, just someone who could cope with it and understand. Amy thoughts of how I could make progress? I'd like to be able to be honest about my health at the start but I fear putting someone off!

Hi I'll not say to much, but [@mare]‍  had same problem and after a few years just got married again.

Hoping she will pop on to talk, and you can read about her yourself.

i met my darling wife after she was run over bye a lorry she had broken and crushed leg smashed pelvis and fingers,a year later she had gangrene of the bowl so another operation and scar,i met her before her last op, and we've been married 50years this December.

i now have cancer"palative care", my darling wife has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's plus other problems, but we are still happy together, my point is there is someone out there for you despite scars and I hope you find him or he finds you first.

Good luck with your future .

Best wishes keep positive.

Billy

Hello everyone,

And hello Billy! Thank you for drawing my attention to this thread.

I have read all your posts on here. Please take heart that the generous soul that you hope to find friendship and companionship with will not run a million miles when you tell them of your cancer journey. It really isn't worth wasting precious time on those who do run, nor is it ever fair to blame them either - everyone has limits and living with cancer is a huge challenge for anyone isn't it?

 "Putting myself out there" was definitely an interesting time for me. I was lucky to have a teenage daughter who wisely advised me to start loving myself before I started looking for a partner. I was entirely devastated as my husband of many years suddenly left about a year after my Stage 4 diagnosis. People kept saying "You'll get over it in time".

I just wanted to lash out and say "With my cancer diagnosis "time" is something I may not have!!!" I was so cross about everything and entirely devastated. So very unhappy that I had been left to cope with everything on my own. Depression was always round the corner. It was so hard to keep going.

Skipping nine years on, I am still here despite the cancer (IDC) through my lungs and liver. And I met my new husband (we got married in September) six years ago after I had spent some of that precious time learning to value "me" again. We hit it off right from the start. And yes I met him on the internet. It is all a very long story. My children were always watchful of me and were like parents themselves telling me how to "stay safe" online. There were many hilarious moments, and I made loads of new friends, some of whom I still speak to now. My new partner found the whole cancer thing (especially my fear and panic) really tricky at times, but he has stuck beside me this past 6 years; he is the kindest person I know. We are best friends.

There really are some fabulous people out there! And I found it easier to make friends (internet safety paramount) once I had stopped hurrying to find myself a partner. Although my rush was understandable (because I had a short prognosis) it was in fact the journey that was the important thing for me in the end. The journey, the friendships I made, and the realisation that I am ok on my own if I have to be (my mantra used to be "at least I know I will be there for me when I die - I will hold my own hand". I used to reassuringly squeeze my own knee on the way to oncology - I still do sometimes, hahaha, cos my husband is usually driving).

Married life is good. And I am emotionally strong enough to handle it now I think.

Sometimes the challenges life throws us can make us stronger can't they?

Above all, the best thing I did was to take care of myself. The rest followed.

I hope this helps?

Thanks Billy, and you are absolutely one of those people who have risen to the challenges that you have been faced with. I think you're a very bright star.

Love to you and all,

Mary

x

Lovely messages ... I'm on the other side of the table .... I've met an amazing man very recently via a dating site who has recently had all clear from oncologist for throat cancer.   I'm scared by it! But I think a lot of him already ...  He's been so open and honest. He has no salvia glands, and reduced swallow function and eats a very soft diet ... I'm a born feeder / hostess and struggling a little bit with this, as it's all gloopy food... I'm upsetting myself writing this as it sounds ridiculous but I don't know if I prepared for this ... as although he had the all clear he's dealing with ongoing effects of the treatment ... I've not met anyone like him before 

Hello there,

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner - it is hard for me to understand how the person on the other side feels.

My partner has been amazing but, like you, has had his moments struggling, fearful and tearful. It has been worth the journey for both of us though. Every day is precious, and every day the treatments we might hope to recieve are improving.

Nobody knows what's round the corner do they, and your friend should be able to expect to be monitored well from now on.

I shall cross my fingers that your friend's throat cancer never returns and that you both get to enjoy many years getting to know each other, if that is what you choose to do.

I think you're really brave to talk about it, and your post here gives me some insight as to how my own partner must feel. I too often ignore his struggles. Thank you.

xxxxx

Hi billygoat & everyone,

I too have been pondering the whole single/cancer/dating thing after recently receiving a stage4 breast cancer diagnosis. Though I ended up here after researching alternative dressing with out a prosthetic. Google must have known that I really wanted something else lol

I really just wanted to bob on and say that for all the horrible journey you and your wife are travelling it is heart warming to read your sunny and helpful posts. Keep up the good work.

Stay safe, stay positive.