Hi CC,

I know from experience that having cancer can have a profound psychological effect, it can make you realise that life is too short to waste, to re-evaluate relationships and friendships and sometimes to put yourself first for the first time in your life.

Maybe you would have split up eventually, even without the cancer - you will never know. Maybe she feels that you were staying together for all the wrong reasons - a sense of loyalty or even pity? Maybe she just wanted to cut loose and live life to the full by staying out late and drinking all the time? Maybe  this is her real personality and she had suppressed it while you were together? 

Break ups are never easy if one half of a couple wants to stay together and the other doesn't, cancer may just be an added complication. 

For your own sanity you need to walk away and make a clean break. It won't make you a horrible person who is abandoning someone because they have cancer, just someone who is showing respect for their ex partners decision and sensibly calling it a day so they can get on with their lives.

I hope things go well for you both.

Dave 

im thinking,perhaps you should of accepted her decision to just be friends.as youve not mentioned how long you were together ie if youve been together years and you had big plans or only a short while.as it is im just going say she was probably not wanting to have to try please you,but to focus on her self and trying deal with her own health.hopefully she will beat cancer and maybe she will then look to the future,that might be with you.you should try keeping in contact but dont hassle or hound her.offer support if needed and accept that things might not ever get to how they were.sorry if youve been together years and become very emotionally attached to her.but like ive mentioned she as decided for what ever reason to push you to one side at this particular time in her life.hopefully a lady whose maybe pushed her partner because of smilar circumstances will be able to enlighten you as to why they would push a loving partner away.

good luck 

regards 

ian 

,having just read your other post,which i wish id read before my response to this one.im not exactly a relationship expert be any means.i was with my partner for 28 years,when Jayne had a cancerous lump removed in 2015,after radio therapy ,at times she would be very abrupt with me,i would not react, but just try understand,see the drugs that are taken can have side effects ,that cause those taking them to react a litte terse at times.luckily for me, we had spoken about this possibilty ,so i understood and at times Jayne would appologies for her at times apparant nastiness, i just told her i loved her and will always support her.sadly after 3 years clear we went hospital so many mistakes made  by the medical profession. which ive made official complaints, to try avert other ladies, and their partners having to go through the same .when if things were properly looked into and after treat ment was better Jayne could be here now .within 16 days my world colapsed and after nigh on 10 months im missing Jayne like crazy and not looking to any kind of future.sorry for droning on.try understand she may have reactions to drugs she is on,as i know with breast cancer their is certain drugs you have to take for up to 10 years, and this also may be affecting her emotions etc.if i was you i would stay friends,try not to cause friction and occassionally ask her out for dinner or a drink, may be buy her flowers or chocolates ,or just something you know over your relationship  years  that she paricularly likes.it still may not end how you want or desire,we humans are strange creatures at times.i hope what ever you decide to do it works out for the best for you both 

good luck again 

regards 

ian 

Hi

I can only share my experience and not sure it will help you.  First of all cancer plays with ones mind, even if you're "cured" it's always there... the big word reoccurrence... it's not easy, you try to put it to the back of your mind but it's very difficult.  
 

For nearly five years now I've had one thing or another, my latest being breast cancer, albeit my cancers have been pretty easy to deal with ie caught really early, I've got it in my head that it's best staying single because I can only look after me.  I don't want to burden anyone.  And mostly if my partner gets to the point that they can't cope anymore I don't want to get hurt.  I've ended two relationships because of my cancer and just when they were really going in the right direction.  I'd love to have that special relationship but in the back of my head I seem to believe/think it would only work with someone who has gone through what I have.  
 

I've remained friends with both of them but I've blocked off it evolving into anything further than what it currently is.  It's sad, I'm sad but I feel like I've got more control on my issues and the what if's

Best wishes

JBee

So sorry to hear that do you think am the same 

A put a wall up cry on me own be strong for all but am hurting in side

Hi on the forum we call it the new" normal," . You try to live your life as before but there's always the thought that it might come back so life is always different despite on the outside things appear ok.

Cancer does change people's lives no doubt about that,we just need to find a comfortable way to live as best we can, and keep as positive as possible, despite the thoughts..

Good luck with your future take care.

Billy