Hi CC,

I know from experience that having cancer can have a profound psychological effect, it can make you realise that life is too short to waste, to re-evaluate relationships and friendships and sometimes to put yourself first for the first time in your life.

Maybe you would have split up eventually, even without the cancer - you will never know. Maybe she feels that you were staying together for all the wrong reasons - a sense of loyalty or even pity? Maybe she just wanted to cut loose and live life to the full by staying out late and drinking all the time? Maybe  this is her real personality and she had suppressed it while you were together? 

Break ups are never easy if one half of a couple wants to stay together and the other doesn't, cancer may just be an added complication. 

For your own sanity you need to walk away and make a clean break. It won't make you a horrible person who is abandoning someone because they have cancer, just someone who is showing respect for their ex partners decision and sensibly calling it a day so they can get on with their lives.

I hope things go well for you both.

Dave 

im thinking,perhaps you should of accepted her decision to just be friends.as youve not mentioned how long you were together ie if youve been together years and you had big plans or only a short while.as it is im just going say she was probably not wanting to have to try please you,but to focus on her self and trying deal with her own health.hopefully she will beat cancer and maybe she will then look to the future,that might be with you.you should try keeping in contact but dont hassle or hound her.offer support if needed and accept that things might not ever get to how they were.sorry if youve been together years and become very emotionally attached to her.but like ive mentioned she as decided for what ever reason to push you to one side at this particular time in her life.hopefully a lady whose maybe pushed her partner because of smilar circumstances will be able to enlighten you as to why they would push a loving partner away.

good luck 

regards 

ian 

Hi Ian,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am very sorry for your loss and even though I miss having this person in my life in the same way as before. I am extremely grateful that she is clear of cancer and that I still have the oppurtunity to see her looking so well even as a friend.

Apologies for not referencing my previous post, it had been awhile since I put it on the site. We were together for just over a year when she was daignosed with cancer, so it did put a lot of stress on an early relationship and maybe I was niave to believe that we should have been able to carry on and find the new normal together, but it's hard not to wonder what life would have been like for both of us if things had been different. 

We met again recently as friends and she has made it very clear that she doesn't have any romantic feelings for me anymore both in her words and actions, so I have come to the acceptance that even though I love her, she needs to live life on her own right now and figure out what she wants from her future without me.

It's been a very upsetting time because we were so in love before this and after everything that we have been through together this year, I did become extremely close to this woman to the point where despite the changes she had been through, I didn't have any doubts about having a future together.

Unfortunatley I just have to accept that somewhere along her cancer journey the feelings she had for me dissapeared and I will only be able to be there for her as a friend now. More than anything I just want her to be happy so if that means she needs to be alone or with someone else I will always be grateful that she survived and that I still get to see her smile and live her life cancer free. 

Hi

I can only share my experience and not sure it will help you.  First of all cancer plays with ones mind, even if you're "cured" it's always there... the big word reoccurrence... it's not easy, you try to put it to the back of your mind but it's very difficult.  
 

For nearly five years now I've had one thing or another, my latest being breast cancer, albeit my cancers have been pretty easy to deal with ie caught really early, I've got it in my head that it's best staying single because I can only look after me.  I don't want to burden anyone.  And mostly if my partner gets to the point that they can't cope anymore I don't want to get hurt.  I've ended two relationships because of my cancer and just when they were really going in the right direction.  I'd love to have that special relationship but in the back of my head I seem to believe/think it would only work with someone who has gone through what I have.  
 

I've remained friends with both of them but I've blocked off it evolving into anything further than what it currently is.  It's sad, I'm sad but I feel like I've got more control on my issues and the what if's

Best wishes

JBee

So sorry to hear that do you think am the same 

A put a wall up cry on me own be strong for all but am hurting in side

Hi on the forum we call it the new" normal," . You try to live your life as before but there's always the thought that it might come back so life is always different despite on the outside things appear ok.

Cancer does change people's lives no doubt about that,we just need to find a comfortable way to live as best we can, and keep as positive as possible, despite the thoughts..

Good luck with your future take care.

Billy