Hi,

I need some help understanding why my girlfriend decided to break up with me during / after her cancer treatment.

Before she was diagnosed we were both extremely happy together and were making plans for the future, everything was perfect between us and I thought I had found the person I was going to marry.

After the diagnoses everything seemed to be fine for awhile but slowly she started to change, obviously I put this down to the chemo and everything else that was going on and continued to support her but for some reason she started to become resentful towards me and I felt like even though she was acting fine with everyone else, she was treating me like a burden and pushing me away more and more.

Around the time she decided to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction she became extremely withdrawn from me, to the point where she stopped spending time with me altogether and even more hurtful she stopped inviting me to see her family who I had become quite close with. Shortly after this she ended the relationship telling me that she just wanted to be on her own and that she didn't want to be responsible for me, but that we could stay friends instead. I thought initially she was feeling self concious about her body changes but unfortunately despite my reassurances she just pushed me away even more.

 This was now two months ago and I am still having a very hard time accepting the breakup. I think because she made the decision during a stressful time in her life i.e. literally just having finished chemo and having surgery. I keep thinking that she will change her mind and give it another chance. I know a lot has changed and she has been through more than I can imagine but I still really want to be with her and find the new normal together.

We have stayed in touch since but despite my attempts to get things back on track she acts like she never had any feelings for me and gets annoyed when I try to bring up anything to do with the relationship. It's like the chemo / cancer completely took any love / affection she once had for me away and she now wants to start a new life without me. I have agreed to be friends as I don't want to lose her from my life entirely but it's difficult hearing about her going out drinking all of the time and staying out late, as it's not something she used to do when we were together. It's like her personality has changed completely.

I am currently seeking counselling through maggies as I am having lots of trouble understanding what went wrong and I keep thinking that something I did led to the breakup. Something she said makes me believe that I pushed for things to be back to normal too soon and that it ended up putting too much pressure on her to be her old self again.

Has anyone got any personal experience with this either from their own point of view or from that of a partner?

I suppose I really want someone to tell me that this is a phase and she will come back but as it's already been two months and she seems much happier without me maybe I just have to accept that it's over and move on.