Hi ya ...

Bless ya .. it's so confusing for your brain, coz one half says you should feel ecstatic you've come through a nightmare ... the other is confused and feels guilty you feel really low ...

The only way l can explain, is like when wer babies learning to walk ... there's someone guiding every step ... we let them lead us ... even later when you learn to take a few steps there's someone there to catch you if you fall .. pointing you in a direction ... then one day, you look round and your alone ... where to go is up to you ... but it's scary without those who held you ... stand / walk / fall is down to you .. 

Someone has got you to this point .. and you look round and no one is there ... no wonder your feeling low ... a part of us thinks everything will be the same ... in truth, nothing will ever be the same again ..

Cancer changes us .., it screws with our bodies and minds .., but you have a choice now ... make a new "you" a kinder more understanding you ... one that like that baby will take one little step at a time .. untill you are o.k to walk where ever life takes you ... the one thing cancer gives us, is the chance to make a difference... accept change ... and look at every day like a gift ... cancer has taken so much from you .. tell it you won't let it take away your future .. it can be even better ... 

Those people around you, they think once cancer is "gone" they feel we shouldn't need to talk about it .. makes those without it, uncomfortable ... it's such a heartbraking word ... most of us here have that with love ones .. they can't understand WHY we want to still talk about it and not put it all behind us ... truth is cancer is now a part of our lives .. we need to talk about it ... maybe that's why l feel at home on here .. we know .. we've all got the tea shirt .. we listen .. so even if you get low days .. I hope you at least can understand why .. then when you work it all out .. live .. love .. laugh ... it's all there waiting for you ..

Chrissie

You always come up with the right words chriss......xxx

I read Joevs41's post and it could have been me talking. Similar timescale, slightly different treatment path, but now I am physically fit and healthy. Almost everyone who was such a support to me has moved past my diagnosis and treatment, and I don't feel like I can talk about it really. Yet inside I am a mess. I should be grateful to be healthy, making the most of every day etc. I feel anxious, exhausted, traumatised and guilty for feeling like this, and spend half my time feeling as if I am sleepwalking through life.

Chriss, your reply made me cry. It's so insightful and I have found it very helpful to read. You are right. Life will never be the same again. All of us in this situation have been told one of the most frightening things we could ever hear. But you have shown that it isn't necessarily an end.

Thank you for your beautiful words, and your huge compassion and understanding.

Hi there ..

Thank you ... I really aprieciate what you've said ..

I had my breast cancer grade 3 in July 2017 too .. I really thought my time was up .. I'd left my lump for a long time ... for lots of reasons ... it got picked up on a chest x ray ... l knew it was cancer ... and we were just comming up to school summer brake ... and I asked my surgeon if I'd have those 7 weeks to be with my amazing granddaughter... she is my life ... and what makes me whole ... 

Well I thought with all my heath issues , thought I'd never come through the masectomy... so when I came round ... I was stunned ... maybe I'd get those 7 weeks ... then at 3 A.m l was bleeding internally... l got my son to come to hospital, as I wanted his face to be the last thing I saw, as I was sure I'd never come through another op ..

But hay ho ... yet again l came round to see my son again ... and from that moment on, promised myself I'd live every day I was given .. every day I'd find something to make me smile ... l not only got those 7 weeks ... last year's school holiday .. and now this year's comming summer holiday ... you see my surgeon took my boob ... but he gave me something far more precious... time ..

So I think we have a choice .. to feel sad forever by what we've been through .. or tell cancer, it might have touched our bodies and tried to keep us thinking of it .. that way it wins ... or we can change .. be different ... kinder .. accept that change .. and in doing that wer sticking two fingers up to cancer .. it will not win ... it doesn't own me .. I own me ... 

But I can so understand that after everything we go through .. no one helps us move on .. cope with feelings .. understand why others don't want to talk about our journey .. it's too painful for them ...

So @Blackcat01 ... if you can pass that feeling, that cancer wants you to hold on to ... you stick two fingers up to it .. and tell cancer, it will not brake you .. take the TIME you've been given, and run with it .. look at life differently .. appreciate the little things .. be kind to others .. and yourself ... and tell yourself it's o.k to have down days ... but you'll get back up .. you can do this ... chrissie

Thank you Chrissie. What a great example you are! I'm so pleased you have your precious granddaughter. Your words are very helpful and a very good perspective on that horrific experience.

Hi me too finished breast cancer treatment 6 month ago  on letrozole and fatigue hit then depression trying to walk every day and eat healthy but think it's the letrozole causing it how are you now noticed your post was in May

Kind regards kate

Hello,

I'm also struggling... I had breast cancer back in 2018 - biopsy followed by 7 weeks of radiation. The following year I had to have another biposy and my surgeon was very agressive leaving me with a "void" that constantly filled with fluid. Last year October I underwent breast reconstruction with the hope that my breast could be made "pretty" again... 8 months later it looks like hell - the radiation has messed up my healing ability - and I'm struggling with how I now look. Nobody seems to understand how this is effecting me including my boyfriend... he's the only one, apart from my surgeon, who has seen my breast. He doesn't "get it" that I'm depressed... My daughter suggested I seek a counsellor or I look into taking anti-depressants.... could anyone offer me any help/advice/support? I feel so alone... 

you are not alone, and you posting this has made me realise that i am not the only one with an odd looking boob! 

I had lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy in 2017 and am very grateful to the hospital for all the treatment I've received, but I do occasionally slip into 'why me'? Why did I get it? And why can't I have my old body back? Then I give myself a talking to as I am still here, and otherwise healthy but it still makes me cry when I see myself in the mirror.

Thanks for replying... it's good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with an odd looking boob. You're right, we are so fortunate to still be here and I feel bad even complaining after losing my friend to breast cancer last year....  I try to avoid mirrors and my bathroom mirror is hung high so I don't have to see my boobs.