Dealing with anniversaries

Hi. This time last year I found a lump in my boob and was shortly later diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. I was luck that it was caught early, I had a lumpectomy and then a week course of radiotherapy. I’m on annual mammograms until I’m 50. 

I had the best out come possible but today I’m emotional and anxious and feel like I want to burst into tears. I feel so guilty I feel like this as I have had so easy and good going through this blip in my life I don’t really have a reason to be down. 

im trying to snap out of it and give myself a good talking to but I just got get out of this feeling

thank you for reading xx

  • Hello lou121e, 

    Don't feel guilty for being emotional and anxious - it's perfectly normal after what you've been through and it's a feeling many members of our forum will be able to relate to. This time last year you went through what must have been a traumatic time finding that lump in your breast and being diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully it was caught early and you had the best possible outcome it seems but that doesn't take away the emotional turmoil it must have been at the time and the intensity of going through treatment. It's good that they will be monitoring everything closely and that you will have annual mammograms. This is a time too when you have been through treatment, focusing on every step and radiotherapy session and you have come out the other side and it can be a big relief but at the same time it can sometimes all be a bit overwhelming and it's now that all the tension accumulated and all the emotions are being released. 

    Don't be harsh on yourself though - you may be having this little wobble but it is not surprising given  the fact that it all started this time last year. There is interesting information on our website on mental health during and after cancer treatment including a section which describes what some people's feelings might be after treatment has finished. This might just be a temporary state which coincides with it being an anniversary but if you feel there is no improvement and this sadness becomes all consuming, make sure you talk to your GP about it. 

    You can also contact the Cancer Research UK nurses on freephone 0808 800 4040, from 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday if you want to talk to someone about this. You are not alone though in experiencing this - I have heard many members of our community express the same feelings in very similar circumstances and I will let them come and share their story with you.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Be kind to yourself as you have been on a roller coaster. Congratulate yourself for finding your lump and recognise that anniversaries might always be hard. This feeling will pass but allow it until it does. No guilt - you are entitled to cry. We all try to be do brave or at least appear brave

  • Hi lou121e

    I too have my 1,yr anniversary this week after lumpectomy and radiaton for early breast cancer which was found on mammogram. It know it been caught early but I am terrified of my check up mammogram in case they find it come back and I have to face it all over again. I am trying hard not to go into panic mode and tell myself to pull myself together but it seems a lot of cancer suffers have exactly these feelings. I thinking of you and sending my best wishes. Jan

  • Hi.. sorry you feel like this.. I had similar at the same end of Nov, op Jan & 5 days of radiotherapy.  I did have a lucky find on the mammogram as wouldn’t have been detected by examination.  I am feeling emotional, scared, cross and uptight.  I think it’s because I’m generally dealing with what I went through.  Your mind has probably caught up with what actually happened.  You haven’t process these things but time is a healer.  I keep worrying about reoccurrence and it’s stopping me enjoying my life .. Hope you are ok  

  • Thank you so much for your kind response. I'm hoping I will feel a bit more relaxed and confident after my first check up. Although I think it will always be at the back of our mind now that we have had cancer. It alters the way you are. Wish you the best of good wishes. Jan 

  • I think you are right, I wake up and think of it immediately.. can’t believe I had it.. I’m 50, it still shocks me.  I wish you well with your mammogram.  I think once you get the ok on the first one it will test your mind and I hope you can move on x

  • Thank you. I am 76 and my mum had mastectomy aged 79 she recovered well and lived till 96 , that gives us but hope  doesn't it. X 

  • I think it does stay with you.. I’m still shocked I had cancer, I’m 50 and had no idea as I’d regularly check my breasts and always found nothing.  I wake up in the morning and it hits me out of nowhere that I had cancer and when will it come back .. I wish you well with your mammogram & hopefully once the 1st one comes back good news it will put things into perspective and you can relax and move on.. best wishes x

  • Hi everyone

     I just had results of my 1 year mammogram. I was so uptight and convinced it would be bad news. It nearly drove me to panic. But results came today. Everything is normal. So it shows you should never give up hope. My thoughts are with everyone going through the waiting time for results.