Hello there Faithgirl; you sound to be going round in a circle with no way out.  Is the chemotherapy you are now receiving actually doing some good (leaving aside the horrible side effects for the moment).  Have you talked to your doctors about their opinion of whether you can ultimately expect a good outcome from it?  Pardon me for not minding my own business but I feel this is a key consideration but you need to be sure of where things are going.  Put bluntly, is it worth hanging on even if it only means that you will gain extra time.  That has to be your decision. If you decide it is not helping you then I can understand that you would want to be back in the UK with your family.  How is your husband managing with the kids at the moment?  And who is giving you help while you are abroad?  There may be a way through this depending on how much support you need.  If you would like to keep talking to us please forgive me for asking these questions and others here may be able to give advice also.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  Annie

Hello Faithgirl,

I am so sorry to learn of your predicament. You really are between a rock and a hard place, aren't you? As someone who has had 2 bouts of breast cancer in the last 9 years, I can appreciate your predicament, but it doesn't sound the ideal situation.

Whereabouts are you in your course of chemo and, how soon after it is finished can you be tested to see how effective it has been?

Would you not be better at home with your hubby and children if time is limited, particularly if you feel that chemo won't work? There is a lot to be said for quality of life, rather than quantity of life with no quality. What ages are your children? You could be spending this time at home with your family, making special memories together.

You can arrange for carers to come in 3 or 4 times a day to look after you. You can also arrange for someone to stay with you at night if you need this. Would this be enough to allow your husband to continue workng? We used this service for my mother-in-law, who died recently. There was no charge for this and it allowed her to stay at home with her 97 year old husband right to the very end.

You will be entitled to some benefits if you are back in the uk. These are non-contributary and don't amount to an awful lot, but every little helps. Macmillan cancer or your local Citizen's Advice Bureau can help you out with this.

If you are paying rent, is there any possibility of renting something cheaper for you all, as you don't need additional financial worries on top of everything else? Alternatively, would your uncle consider helping out with your rent, instead of with your private treatment abroad?

Sorry for so many questions, but I am just trying to highlight some of the possibilities.

I sincerely hope that you can come to the right decision for you soon - if only you had a crystal ball!

Do please let us know what you decide. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello

can I ask what chemo you are having? I am a 40 year old mother of three, aged 10, 8 and 4. I was diagnosed on the 1st of August with stage 3 oesophagus cancer with mets to lungs and liver.

the initial doctor I saw was very negative and dismissive and seemed determined to tell me when I would die. Having not even started treatments yet I thought that was a bit much and asked to be referred. 

Luckily my new oncologist has a much more balanced view and said because of my age and having never smoked etc he can’t give me a ‘time frame ‘ as I don’t fit with the general statistics for this cancer.

my point is this, after 4 chemo sessions of cisplatin which I have with capecitabin chemo tablets all of my rumours had shrunk by more than 50% .

my oncologist has extended my chemo from 6 to 8 sessions because he said I have responded far better than anyone expected.

im hoping it will shrink further and then I will push for an operation which I was initially refused.

please remember that you are a statistic of 1 the doctors do not know how the cancer will respond to treatment until you actually have it. 

Is it not possible that you could return to the UK and have a different type of chemo and be with your children. Chemo does make you feel like poo but if it works then surely it’s worth it.

good luck and take care.

hello Annie 

I’m sorry didn’t replay earlier. Yes the treatment is working my latest ct scan showed a 25% reduced on the cancer cells so we’re hopeful. 

My husband is looking after the kids, but he is very depressed with the whole situation and has been prescribed anti depressants by his GP. 

I’m starting new session of chemotherapy tomorrow for another 6 weeks, then I will make a decision. 

But it’s been the hardest time for me to stay away from my kids and my husband. 

My family is very supportive but after almost 2 months it has been some friction, specially after living in London for 18 years. So I don’t think like anyone else. 

I guess I need to sit and wait! 

Hi Faithgirl,

That is great news from your CT scan. You must be delighted with a 25% reduction.

I hope that this next round of chemo has the same or even better results.

Don't forget to let us know how you get on.

I shall be waiting for good news!

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello again, just caught up with you after being away for a few days.  Keeping everything crossed for a continued  reduction on the cancer cells.  This is such an awful situation - you really have too many things to stress you out.  Please keep us informed of what is happening and what plans you have; when I read this kind of dilemma I don't like to think that of you on your own away from your family so hope chatting with the people here will help a bit.  Annie

Hi Krang,

Sorry I missed your post, I was away on holiday. It’s so good to read about someone else with OC who has a better than expected outcome from the chemo. 

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Faithgirl,

Sorry to read about your awful situation.

What chemo is it that you are receiving? It shouldn’t be the case that the right chemo isn’t given simply because of cost. There is a specialist drug fund which is supposed to cover some of the less common or new to the market cancer drugs.

I hope the rest of your cycles go well and that you have a good outcome. 

Chemo is a ***** to live with, but when it works well it is well worth the side effects which slowly fade from your memory.

Best wishes

Dave