Just come off the phone to Ma and she has said she needs to go into a nursing home as she cannot walk 2 steps without being out of breath and is being sick very often, carer has been but still waiting for district nurse.I have told her to tell nurses how bad she is and hopefully they can start the ball rolling on that. The idea is for her to go into a nursing home nearer to me, tbh I would rather she went straight into a hospice as I know the care there would be second to none but obviously they feel she isnt ready for that yet.

Mum was less confused but of course I had to start crying down the phone didnt I and she had to comfort me......a lot of support I am.

Take care all,

Jacci xx

Oh Jacci, just had to talk to my daughter and then have read your update.  Its lovely that your Mum is able to comfort you (she will still feel useful!!) and its does no good to hide your true feelings - Mums as you know have intuition on how you are any way!!  It will be a weight of both your minds if she is able to be 'cared for' 24/7 and it would be a lot more help for you if she is local (thats what my Mum's social worker arranged when Mum was moved into residential care but now my local council feel she could be cared for 'in the community' hence why they refuse to help with funding but thats another story!!).  The moderator has come up with great idea about calling the nurses and despite your emotions you sound very effecient in handling things - go with your gut feeling and get all the support you need.  Jules xx

Oh Jacci, it must be so difficult to hear your Mum say these things and for her not to realise who you are, my heart goes out to you.  It does sound like the hospice is a wonderful place; ours was too and I remember the relief of walking away just for a lunch break knowing that Mum was fully cared for.  As I said to you before and you have reiterated, it is important to be a daughter not a carer at this time.  You sound like you are very strong at the moment; being able to go to the flat and go through things.  Take your time though Jacci, there is no easy way to go through our loved ones things and I guess it's different for everybody, but for me I had some really bad times doing it and it hit me unexpectedly when I thought I was OK.  You are in my thoughts and I'm wishing you continued strength.  Hope x

Just back from the hospice, Mum recognised me so that is a big plus but she said to me that I ought to think about having the bags under my eyes removed as they are not attractive!!This is a very typical thing for my Ma to say so she is certainly a lot better today!

She hates the hospice but I know she is being so well cared for and I think she feels like that as bless her she wants things back to normal and to be at home which I can totally understand. She also thinks she will be going back home, I am not going to tell her otherwise, I wont lie if she actually asks me but I am not going to be the person to burst this particular bubble. I feel so so much better now and almost feel bad feeling better but the fact that she is getting the care she needs from the most wonderful Nurses and Doctors has removed such a weight from my shoulders, it really has.

Well I am now going to have a lovely nights sleep in my own bed, thanks again for all your support,

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi jacci

Nice that your Mum recognised and am sorry but I did laugh out loud about her comments!!  Sounds somuch like myMum - told me I needed a hair cut and then after I had it done -its too short -no win situation.  Good that you can feel more relaxed knowing she is well cared for - its like a weight is lifted.Sleep well. Jules xx

Hi, all my friends had a giggle over the eye thing as well, bless her that was so my Mum I thought yep you are improving!

She thought one of her friends came to visit her yesterday and a priest but I checked on that and unfortunately she was mistaken there, the new med will now be in her system so I can only hope that this one doesnt have the same effect on her.Mind you the Dr told me today that if it is the prev meds that caused this its too quick for her to start improving so who knows...Gorgeous sleep last night. staying at Ma,s tonight but I will sleep in her bed which is comfy not like the inch thick mattess on the floor that I have been sleeping on whilst I have been staying with her recently!

Having my hair cut today as I look like the wild woman of Borneo and my nails done and hubby is taking me for brekkie and then my son and I will go to see Ma.I will deffo enjoy a bit of pampering I think!

Take care ,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci,

You sound like you are coping so well, it helps when you can get a good night's sleep.  The pampering will also do you good.  I couldn't help laugh at the "eye" comment by your Mum, bless her.  Jacci you seem so logicial which is a good thing, I think all my logic went out of the window when my Mum was ill. You know she is in the right place and being cared for wonderfully, albeit that she may not be so keen on being there.  I had guilt feelings about my Mum going to the hospice even though I knew it was the right thing; reading your post has confirmed that in these circumstances it's definitely the right choice.  I really hope you can stay strong and wish you lots of quality time with your Mum.  Hope x

Morning Jacci

Enjoy the pampering as its a great way to relax and we all need that from time to time. Related to the 'wild woman of Borneo' comment - mind you with the constant wind and rain its no surprise that its hard to keep the hair under control (mine now very short so under some control at present).  Hope you find your Mum 'on the ball' when you visit later though have to say some of the funny things my Dad used to come out with helped the atmosphere no end and gave us all something to talk about!!  Take care. Jules xx

Hi all, well this cancer journey certainly is a rollercoaster, got to hospice on Saturday and the dr wanted to see me. Mums sodium levels were very dangerously low so would you believe we had to be transferred to another hospital.

Mum is now in Kings College in London, we arrived there at approx 21.30 and went onto ward at 5.00am! It seems it is the sodium problem that is causing her confusion and mental issues.If left untreated it can cause a life threatening seizure and the hospice dr felt if there was a chance of reversing it we had to act.By all accounts the tumour produces a hormone which depletes sodium, her oxygen levels have dropped big time too...it looks like she will need oxygen all the time now and bless her she has now got a catheter and drip as well.She is still confused and worryingly has stopped eating she just has no appetite which is a bit of a problem as she is an insulin dependant diabetic but there are ways round that.When she isnt being confused she is sleeping more and more and with the confusion I dont think she really cares if I am there or not bless her and for once in my life I am not being melodramatic!

Mum at the moment has absolutely no quality of life at all...this disease is relentless and evil,She has lost 14 lbs in the last 4 weeks and I have a feeling now that the disease may be making its final progression, we shall see....words cannot describe the emotions in my head and heart.Mind you my Ma is very strong but really with the life she has at the moment being strong and fighting it is no good.I feel so so sorry for her.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Mum passed away peacefully at 1.10 this morning. I am relieved for her as she is not suffering anymore but hate this evil evil disease with a passion.From diagnosis to end was 24 days.

Thank you all so much for your support....I dont know how well I would have coped without it.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Jacci

First and foremost I offer my condolences on the loss of your Mum and its a blessing that her passing was peaceful.  You did so much in such a short space of time to make sure she got the best care in the short period she battled her illness and despite her confusion you will know that deep down she knew you were there for her.  I am sure you are benefitting from the love of your family and take all the support you can during the coming weeks.  If I or the forum can help with that support in any way we are here for you. I can only send peaceful thoughts and comforting hugs virtually but am keeping you in my thoughts at this time. Jules xx

Jacci,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Relief was my initial reaction when my parents died but was quickly followed by many other emotions.  Please take care of yourself and take strength from your family.  We will always be here if  you need extra support.  Hope xx

Jacci,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Relief was my initial reaction when my parents died but was quickly followed by many other emotions.  Please take care of yourself and take strength from your family.  We will always be here if  you need extra support.  Hope xx