Thanks Jules and Ann, feel slightly better now, rang District nurses as they havent come today, the nurse that came on Friday got it wrong, they are coming tomorrow....not impressed.Rang hospice and they are going to go and see Mum tomorrow, I have made the deliberate decision not to be there as I think if Mum is on her own they can really see how she is....very impressed with the hospice staff.

Oh well, lets see what happens tomorrow, Jules my mum has also lost a leg, she lost it when she was 10 so that isnt making life easier for her and she is a diabetic too on 4 injections a day.She is managing to inject herself at the moment but she has been diabetic for over 50 years so that is fairly well ingrained in her memory.She is worried about taking the oxynorm on the higher dose that she was advised to do as she realises it affects her badly so has gone back down to the smaller dose.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci

Thats good news re hospice staff visiting your Mum - they are such a wonderful source of support and think you know best what is right for your Mum'sneeds.  Sounds like she knows what she needs too which will be a great help as she can voice her own opinions when they visit and perhaps they will be able to liaise with the district nurse.  Am sure having a couple of days  break  will enable you to recharge too.  Jules xx

Hi Jacci,

Have just caught up with your last few posts and was so sorry to read what a terrible time you and your Mum are having.  I really hope you can get something sorted for your Mum to be cared for so that you can spend quality time with her as a daughter and not as an exhausted carer.  You shouldn't have to struggle with this alone; when my Mum was at home we had 2 carers 4 times a day, a district nurse, hospice at home care and the last week marie curie - even with all of this it was just too hard and I was a wreck, hence my Mum finally going to the hospice the last day

I'm glad to hear the hospice staff are coming to see your Mum, they really are amazing people and if you do chose hospice inpatient care I am sure you too will find the care is first class.  Whichever path you and your Mum decide please make sure you look after yourself too, it is such a difficult time and it is easy to forget to be kind to yourself too.  It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your Mum now, and that you are both able to talk openly about the situation you sadly find yourselves in.  That in itself is so good, I wasn't able to talk to my Mum about what we were facing and I found that very hard to cope with at the time and afterwards.  I really hope you find a way forward that is right for you both.  I do think of you often, please let me know how you are doing.  Hope x

Ma went to hospice yesterday, it is the most fantastic place and the staff are truly second to none, the relief I feel is so great I cant explain it!

She has gone mentally so downhill, she does not recognise me, she is seeing my brother who died 9 years ago, talking to him about how bad and evil her daughter is ( that would be me) and has told Drs and me (as she doesnt know who I am ) the same thing. I know she is on another planet but it has been very very difficult to hear as it is now constant tbh..The problem is that my Mum always doted on my brother and always kept me at a distance, she never wanted to see me until quite recently so a lot of what she is saying about me rings true...obviously other than the fact that Im evil!

Drs said they would be surprised if it is the painkiller that is causing the mental symptoms as she is on such a tiny dose but they have put her on a different pain med via patch to see if anything changes.I came home last night and have had a lovely sleep and will go to visit later today. Im just so relieved not to be her carer anymore, I can be the daughter she doesnt recognise instead! The idea is that she stays in hospice for 2 weeks and then goes into a nursing home nearer to me obviously dependant on how she is. My gp has signed me off work till Weds so I dont need to worry about that side of things.

I am in the good position , if you can call it that, that I can go to her flat and go through paperwork while she is still here. Hubby asked if I wanted to get rid of some of her things but I dont know if I can yet even though I know she isnt coming back to her home. Paperwork, however I am happy to go through. 

Hospice nurse did say that perhaps the reason she has gone mentally downhill is severe anxiety so perhaps that is what is happening to her. Anyway all I can do is be there for her and I know she is being looked after so well now.

Take care all and thanks so much for your support,

Jacci xx

Morning Jacci

Its a great source of relief when a loved one is being so well looked after.  Felt the same when my Dad was in the hospice and again now that my Mum has residential care as long as she can afford it.  Somehow it means you can relax in the knowledge the caring side is being taken care of and concentrate on just being the daughter.  I do know where you are coming from as regards that 'strange closeness' as I have never been close to my Mum but you cannot take away the fact that you only get one real Mum and no matter what has passed its hard watching the changes that illness brings.

Glad you have a few days off work to recuperate after the emotional rollercoaster and you can choose when you visit Mum. It could well be that her current mental state is being caused by pain medication as I have seen it happen to others when something they take does not agree with them - hopefully a change to her meds will result in easier communication.

Look after yourself and enjoy some well deserved family time.  Sending hugs.  Jules x

Oh Jacci, it must be so difficult to hear your Mum say these things and for her not to realise who you are, my heart goes out to you.  It does sound like the hospice is a wonderful place; ours was too and I remember the relief of walking away just for a lunch break knowing that Mum was fully cared for.  As I said to you before and you have reiterated, it is important to be a daughter not a carer at this time.  You sound like you are very strong at the moment; being able to go to the flat and go through things.  Take your time though Jacci, there is no easy way to go through our loved ones things and I guess it's different for everybody, but for me I had some really bad times doing it and it hit me unexpectedly when I thought I was OK.  You are in my thoughts and I'm wishing you continued strength.  Hope x

Just back from the hospice, Mum recognised me so that is a big plus but she said to me that I ought to think about having the bags under my eyes removed as they are not attractive!!This is a very typical thing for my Ma to say so she is certainly a lot better today!

She hates the hospice but I know she is being so well cared for and I think she feels like that as bless her she wants things back to normal and to be at home which I can totally understand. She also thinks she will be going back home, I am not going to tell her otherwise, I wont lie if she actually asks me but I am not going to be the person to burst this particular bubble. I feel so so much better now and almost feel bad feeling better but the fact that she is getting the care she needs from the most wonderful Nurses and Doctors has removed such a weight from my shoulders, it really has.

Well I am now going to have a lovely nights sleep in my own bed, thanks again for all your support,

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi jacci

Nice that your Mum recognised and am sorry but I did laugh out loud about her comments!!  Sounds somuch like myMum - told me I needed a hair cut and then after I had it done -its too short -no win situation.  Good that you can feel more relaxed knowing she is well cared for - its like a weight is lifted.Sleep well. Jules xx

Hi Jacci,

You sound like you are coping so well, it helps when you can get a good night's sleep.  The pampering will also do you good.  I couldn't help laugh at the "eye" comment by your Mum, bless her.  Jacci you seem so logicial which is a good thing, I think all my logic went out of the window when my Mum was ill. You know she is in the right place and being cared for wonderfully, albeit that she may not be so keen on being there.  I had guilt feelings about my Mum going to the hospice even though I knew it was the right thing; reading your post has confirmed that in these circumstances it's definitely the right choice.  I really hope you can stay strong and wish you lots of quality time with your Mum.  Hope x