GP is ringing her tomorrow morning....letter just says he needs to discuss some test results with her. Bless her she says she is starting to get breathless again, I hope it isnt the fluid building up again. Mind you chances are it is I suppose.

Jacci

Hi

Have just caught up with your thread (internet access has been up and down).  Wish you and your Mum all the very best for her next appointment/discussion with the doc. and hope she can have a peaceful Christmas and be kept pain free.  (My hubby has cancer of the lung membranes  and I am aware of the breathlessness /pain problems that your Mum will be experiencing).  Do hope she can give her doc permission to discuss things with you which may make it easier for you to help her through any discussions that take place.  I usually go with my hubby for his hospital appointments (he knows only too well what is going on as he wanted to know right from the beginning(but does not find it easy to talk about from a very emotional point of view - diagnosis was nearly two years ago now and he has palliative care involving pain relief/regularly check ups)  as he prefers not to discuss things more than is necessary.  The only thing I would say is to take a notepad/pen both with the questions you/your Mum may have and also to jot down anything the doc may say so that you can refer to it afterwards (I find it helpful as very often its hard to take it all in at the time).  The forum is a very supportive place and its a good place to offload anytime you need to share your thoughts/emotions.

Take care.  Jules54

Hi Jacci

Will be thinking of you as you attend the consultation with your Mum's doctor today and am sure you are very apprehensive which is only human.  I know what its like to hold back tears but when you have time for yourself (easier said than done) let it happen and it does bring with it a certain amount of release. virtual hugs Jules xx

Hi Jacci,

I don't remember if we have spoken before or not but I have been reading your story on a regular basis. I do understand for I know all to well from my own experience how painful it is watching someone we love suffering from this evil disease. I felt so inadequate when watching my mother who had breast cancer. It was eight years ago yesterday that I lost her.

I will think of you today and hope that you get all the information you want. Take care, best wishes, Brian.

Hi Jacci,

Have been thinking about you today and wondering how your meeting went?  I hope you are OK.  Hope x

Meeting went as well as can be expected in the circumstances, Consultant did his job well.Mum has got poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma stage 4 , very advanced.Mums first question was will it kill me and the Dr said you will die with this Mary but not necessarily from this which I thought was quite a nice way of putting it.Mum doesnt know prognosis but I have been advised weeks or if she is lucky months. I will post more tomorrow but am truly shattered tonight, Ive literally just got back from hospital.

Thank you all again my virtual friends and hello Brian.

Take care all.

Jacci xx

Hi jacci

I've been thinking of you and your dear mum today

I'm truely sorry to hear your mum had stage 4 lung

Cancer, this must be truely differcult for you to take

In right not and I'm sure your exhausted.

Please take time to look after yourself, and keep us

Posted when you can, much love to you both xxxx

Hi Jacci

Hope you managed some 'recovery' sleep after such an emotional day.  Though not nice news to be given it was good to read that your Mum has a doctor with a good bedside manner.  Your forum buddies are hear to listen whenever you feel able to post.  In the meantime sending virtual hugs and peaceful thoughts as you continue the journey as a family.  Jules xx

Hi Jacci,

I'm so sorry that your Mum's prognosis was not good; it does sound like the doctor is compassionate though which may be of sime comfort. If you are anything like I was you will be rushing around on auto-pilot: try and get support from whoever and wherever you can. Am wishing you strength at this difficult time and we are all here for you. Hope x

Hello everyone, I actually feel like my brain and emotions have been put through a washing machine today.

I could not be a Dr you know, how they do the bad news thing I dont know. He was nice though, he made sure that I knew why I was there and forewarned me it wasnt good news before we went in to see Mum, obviously I knew but that was lovely of him.

I would really like to dig myself a hole somewhere and just stay in it tbh but I know that I cant do that, Im so tired, sad, worried and I feel guilty (I will explain that in a mo) this morning it all feels too much but once Im up and about those feelings will just have to be put away as they wont do Mum any good at all.

I saw the Macmillan nurse yesterday, she  was with us when Dr told Mum her results.She was a very caring lady, she kept asking me how I was I said I was ok and just wanted to look after Ma as that is all I can do for her now.Ma is desparate to come home and that is what they are going to arrange, she is still very disorientated but much less confused than she was...now this is where the guilt comes in, my heart feels that if Mum goes home I should move in with her, they are going to arrange carers 4 times a day so I could travel to work and back so Im with her overnight,Both the Macmillan nurse and hubby have said that as I would have to travel 2 hrs each way and work during the day it is a very bad idea....the nurse says I must look after myself as things will only get worse and I will  need to be well....I have backed down and said I will stay over a couple of times a week but I was brought up a Catholic, not that I am now. and Catholic guilt is extreme! Therefore in my mind Im letting her down, I know in my mind its not rational but there you go.

Mum thinks she will go home, get herself back to normal and that life will be the same for her, obviously thats not the case.My normal Ma would hate having carers and would hate all the devices they are going to put into her home and would hate me for letting them do this.They have said that when the time comes they will arrange a nursing home or hospice nearer to where we live. Also, bless her she has now got a chesty cough, this is a new symptom.

Well that is all my moaning done for now, thank you all so much for understanding.

Take care,

jacci xx

Hi Jacci

Please do not feel you are moaning.  This is such a raw emotional time for you and whilst Iknow exactly what you mean about wanting to be there for your Mum, you will  need lots of stamina just to cope day to day with your own feelings.  In no way are you letting your Mum down by letting the professionals give her the full care she deserves and that they are trained to do.  I can understand the 'guilt')though my Dad kept telling me this was wasted energy bless him) feeling as my Dad had to have carers even though my Mum was still with him then(she was in her eighties).Physically and mentally she was unable to cope with the care level that was necessary and actually though myDad was notkeen on having 'stranger's in the home (nor my Mum for that matter) he did realise that the carers had exactly the right amount of emotion/caring to take control and the family was always on the end of the phone if required. He spent the last 10 days of his life in a hospice close to my their home and it was a wonderful support for all of us.  This is not an easy decision/journey to take but you need to be as well as can be to help you to cope.  Your forum friends are here when you need to chat and we all need to do that from time to time - its all part of the 'coping'mechanism I have come to rely on to get me through the days. My thoughts are with you.  Jules xxx

Thanks for that Jules, I do know you are right really if I was talking to any of my friends I would say he same thing to them. Its just the heart versus the head thing isnt it. They asked me about the CPR issue yesterday as well, I said not to resuscitate.....I know that was the right choice but again its the heart versus the head thing.

You take care Jules,

Jacci xx

Thanks for that Jules, I do know you are right really if I was talking to any of my friends I would say he same thing to them. Its just the heart versus the head thing isnt it. They asked me about the CPR issue yesterday as well, I said not to resuscitate.....I know that was the right choice but again its the heart versus the head thing.

You take care Jules,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci

Heart ruling our head is human nature and none of these decision are ever ones we want to have to make.  My Mum lives in a  residential care home and she herself chose the not to resuscitate clause when she discussed her care plan.  I found out later when she gave me permission to be 'in the know'. Of course that saved me a difficult decision myself and with her previous mental health issues was not a surprise but still hard seeing it in black and white.  Look after yourself  Jules x