Hi guys ,
I just wanted to give you all that have supported me an update on my situation as I last spoke to you in July .
Wow where do I start …. First of all things at home havnt got better if anything they have got worse . One example of this is the other day when it was hot I put on a summer dress , this is first time I’ve got my legs out since my operation as I have bad scars now . His family were staying at the time and I walked out in my dress and his words were ‘ you should cover your legs up or you will scare the flies away ‘ this was in front of his whole family and they all started laughing . I got upset and his mum said I was being too sensitive and it was a joke . It wasn’t to me it hurt me more than you can imagine and still now 10 days later when I think of it it makes my eyes fill with tears . Another thing he’s doing is disappearing for hours on end , don’t know where he goes I havnt asked him . We havnt spoken properly since May . He walks past me and says things like ‘fat *** ‘ and ‘state of ya’ . I’ve stopped reacting because I’ve realised that when I react he then sits back and says ‘ you’re crazy , look at yourself’ etc etc .
Anyway I built up the courage as advised to speak to domestic abuse and also my mental health team and my cancer nurse Mandy and last week I even told my mum and dad everything because he used to ring them behind my back and say things to them and then days later day things like ‘ I’ve spoke to your mum and dad and told them your out of control ‘ etc and that made me feel isolated. My mum in particular was very upset but the support they have both shown me had been amazing this last week . They said I need to get out of here asap . Unfortunately the domestic abuse hub in Doncaster has a 6 week wait waiting list to be assigned a caseworker but my name is on the list now .
Tomorrow I am going to be speaking to citizens advice to see if they can advise me what I will be entitled to when I leave with my children . I am also looking at properties but due to finances etc I can’t just leave tomorrow . I have been advised they can put me in a hotel but that is not something I want to do for myself or my children .
To be honest a massive step for me is acknowledging that what I’m experiencing is abuse because mostly it is not psychical .
Also regarding my cancer my recent mri results on my head and neck have come back and they have found that my lymph nodes on my neck are swollen so I am having to have more scans etc to find out what’s going on . They have also paused my treatment for now as I got too poorly on it and I’m currently on steroids . Hopefully once I’m weaned off them I will know more of what the next steps are . Oh and last week I had to get more medication such as my steroids and my mental health medication because they was found in the bin ????
2 weeks ago I wrote a goodbye note to my mum and dad and also printed pictures from my phone of each of my kids with me and wrote each of their names on an envelope because that man was telling me to kill myself but then in the next sentence was telling me I havnt got the balls to do so . Can you believe that and I’m more mad I listened to him but this week I don’t know where it’s come from but I have found some strength.
I’m so scared for the future and for the next few weeks especially. What with my cancer and finding somewhere else to live and finances etc but I can’t do this anymore with him .
sorry for the long post but this is my update x
