Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 12 replies
  • Views 16159 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Unsupportive husband

cheeseroller
Offline

I had advanced stage 3 breast cancer diagnosed in July 20, I had a mastectomy, full node clearance, six months of chemo, radiotherapy and have just finished immunotherapy.  I am still on tamoxifen, zolodex.  I am back working full time in a high pressure job, have two young kids and no family support network nearby.  Mostly throughout this whole thing I have been so strong, and take a kick *** attitude to it all.  

Two weeks ago I saw my consultant as I have pain and swelling under my arm and am now waiting for a scan to see if we are back to square one.

This time, I am scared, terrified even, that it has come back.  I'm trying to hold my *** together, but its hard.  Maybe because my consultant told me it WILL be back at somepoint Or maybe because I know what to expect now.

Either way, I am scared, frickin knackered, I hurt continually and am struggling with early menopause, tiredness etc etc.  I'm feeling that Im struggling.  

I just asked my husband for a little more emotional support, to be told that 'he's drained...'completely drained' after the past year.  I get that it affects everyone, and that me having had cancer isnt a trump card, but I do feel so hurt and disappointed that he geneuinely thinks this is an ok response.  I would love to be 'normal life tired' again, 

This is a theme (when i went through radio he expected me to take our kids with me ( we dont live in england) as it would be too hard for him to have them and work).  

Am I being completely unreasonable? Has anyone else had this who can advise?  Thanks x

 

Parents
  • Offline

    From my own personal experience, my husband was no help at all emotionally and never present at my appointments or treatment. Our marriage was having difficulties anyway but his complete lack of compassion, and making it more about him and how he was feeling, made it the end of the road for me. After 27 years together, I asked him to leave three months after my treatment and divorced him a year later. My McMillan therapist commented that I had never even given myself the opportunity to grieve my breast cancer as I was grieving so much for my marriage. I guess for you it depends on the kind of man you know in your heart that he is, and how good your marriage is. But my sister, who had also had breast cancer, told me at the time it would make or break my marriage. She was right.

Reply
  • Offline

    From my own personal experience, my husband was no help at all emotionally and never present at my appointments or treatment. Our marriage was having difficulties anyway but his complete lack of compassion, and making it more about him and how he was feeling, made it the end of the road for me. After 27 years together, I asked him to leave three months after my treatment and divorced him a year later. My McMillan therapist commented that I had never even given myself the opportunity to grieve my breast cancer as I was grieving so much for my marriage. I guess for you it depends on the kind of man you know in your heart that he is, and how good your marriage is. But my sister, who had also had breast cancer, told me at the time it would make or break my marriage. She was right.

Children
No Data

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.