I'm the husband of someone who is currently undergoing treatment for grade 3 cancer.  Dunno the stage as the wife didn't ask as she doesn't want to know.  We just know it can't be stage 4 as the treatment is curative, we have been told.

Has your husband withdrew from other aspects of life, or do you feel it's just you he's lacking empathy towards?  Reason for saying this, it can be tough for those doing the caring and if he's withdrawing himself from other aspects of life, maybe he's depressed? I don't mean just a "I'm feeling sorry for myself" sort of depression, I mean proper depression, as in clinical depression.

Has he ever taken time out to speak to anyone in the support network surrounding a cancer diagnosis? Or did he just get on with it?

If he is just feeling drained and just choosing to ignore you, you have to ask him straight out what a second cancer diagnosis would mean for him and your relationship should that come to pass (it may not btw, just saying). By not having a frank conversation, you are both leaving yourselves ripe for resentment to set in. If he can't do it or again or you having a total lack of emotional support. Unless proper communication happens, one or both of you will just resent the other. He has to understand he can't just think cancer away and i think this is exactly what he is doing. If it doesn't get spoken about, it's not real. It's not happening.  Only it is and it's affecting you emotionally.

I'm the husband of someone who is currently undergoing treatment for grade 3 cancer.  Dunno the stage as the wife didn't ask as she doesn't want to know.  We just know it can't be stage 4 as the treatment is curative, we have been told.

Has your husband withdrew from other aspects of life, or do you feel it's just you he's lacking empathy towards?  Reason for saying this, it can be tough for those doing the caring and if he's withdrawing himself from other aspects of life, maybe he's depressed? I don't mean just a "I'm feeling sorry for myself" sort of depression, I mean proper depression, as in clinical depression.

Has he ever taken time out to speak to anyone in the support network surrounding a cancer diagnosis? Or did he just get on with it?

If he is just feeling drained and just choosing to ignore you, you have to ask him straight out what a second cancer diagnosis would mean for him and your relationship should that come to pass (it may not btw, just saying). By not having a frank conversation, you are both leaving yourselves ripe for resentment to set in. If he can't do it or again or you having a total lack of emotional support. Unless proper communication happens, one or both of you will just resent the other. He has to understand he can't just think cancer away and i think this is exactly what he is doing. If it doesn't get spoken about, it's not real. It's not happening.  Only it is and it's affecting you emotionally.

He spoke to someone when I was first diagnosed but only briefly, he doesnt want to and I cant push it.  He is an Ostrich by nature.  But we may not be able to ignore it much longer. 
You are right about the resentment, its already clear it is there, on both parts which is sad, I imagine this must happen a lot after such a big life changing event.  I think I may go chat to MacMillan ans seek support in other ways for now.  Thanks for your help, much appreciated

Hello Cheeseroller,

                              if your looking for support try Maggies,if they have a centre near to you,l guarentee they are an oasis of calm and a refuge for a troubled mind,and yes l speak from a truly helpful experience, hope things work out for you,

                                                                    David