Hi Poland, when friends and family find out someone has cancer, some don't know what to do or say so they find excuses to stay away hoping you won't notice. Some seem to be worried they might catch it. If they are ready good friends they should still pop to see you. Hopefully you'll have friends round soon. If not your welcome to talk about anything and everything on forum when ever you want......... Billy

P.s all the treatment gets everybody down nomatter what treatment they are having. It does get better just takes time and you get a new" normal "best wishes... 

thanks for the reminder, I just woke feeling sore, itchy fed up and sorry for myself and started down that "nobody loves me" road to the dark side, Im so grateful I found this site, Im due to see bcn for wound check and dressings tomorrow so hopefully that will cheer me up, as did going through my ludicrous collection of never to be worn again bras and ankle socks, bras are going to the Haven bra collecting bin at the unit tomorrow, and socks are bagged up for the rag bank! this afternoon maybe Ill go through the photos my parents left me, do I really need a photo of my late auntie's long dead dog that I met about twice over 20 years ago- new year, clearout, get some space, get  some closure, enjoy today and start to move on with life!

Hi Poland, at least you seam sure what you're going to do. That's a good start, and being glum does go away. I'm afraid i can't comment on any surgery, mine has gone to far to operate been on palliative care since February 2016 living with my uninvited guest cemotherapy was *** and nearly killed me but i got past that stage am living a normal life but having to look after my disabled wife she needs 24 /7 care. Take care you can get back to normal but it might be a new normal for you. Best wishes............. Billy 

Hi Poland

I dont wake at 5am Im still awake at 5am. Its murder and yes your mind runs on and on, every little niggle gets so magnified. I had surgery for cancer last year(not breast) but I did get a scare the day before my surgery I got a recall on my mamogram. Last thing I needed at that time.

I can fully understand though how you are feeling.My surgery damaged nerves and I look quite different.People look at me and assume Ive had a stroke. I have to use walking sticks so that kind of gives the impression too.But I think once your wounds are all healed up you will feel better in yourself.

I have two daughters that I seldom see and if I dont initiate texting or calling I dont think I would hear from them at all. My husband had cancer and only got a few weeks and my youngest daughter took his passing badly, we had a terrible argument just a few weeks after his funeral. Is it possible your daughter used alcohol on xmas day as Dutch Courage as they say. I know my daughters wont talk to me about cancer or my future wishes.

Like you I did everything under the sun for my mum,but our families are not of the same stuff nowadays times have changed jobs careers family etc (dogs too).

I see you are clearing out,dont do too much lifting etc you will only agrivate your wounds.Its good to keep occupied but be mindful :-)

You are still on your treatment journey so stay strong and as Billy says this forum is always here whenever you need contact with us folks. xxx

PS Billy still into those sweets? I stocked up lots today.

Thanks for your reply Clara, and Im sorry to hear about your daughter's reactions after your husband passed. Yesterday ended a whole lot better than it started. I tackled a small bag of family snaps early afternoon, had  a rest, then later went on a stamps hunt, a charity I support which also supports me has a member who will collect then sell on stamps etc as a fundraiser, so it was a win win. By tackling it, I found out that both my parents had been stamp fiends, I had already been through the mountains of old envelopes most of which were either from the late 1940s when my dad was in hospital post war recovering from damage caused over a two year period - or from the 1960s and 70s. Those were all used but what I hadnt reckoned on was the numerous mint double sets spanning so many decades. I found a scruffy but usable album, no idea of order they should go in, but have now put them all into slip in folders in the album and quite dashing they look too!. I was going to send them away for valuation and perhaps auction them. but they pretty much span my life, you dont think about it at the time. but picture stamps over the years cover so many topics, and are quite attractive, gosh I feel like a nerd. anyway, the possibility is there for me to send more stuff on to the guy who sells them for charity, so have sought feedback, bagfuls of first day covers and several other albums remain to be worked on.  

I went to the unit today and mentioned to the nurse how fed up and upset I got, and she reassured me as people on here have done, I hadnt realised til yesterday when wounds were messy that I have what breast nurses call a dog ear (at first when I wrote this I got it wrong and thought she said dog leg!), I thought Id grown a hump under my reconstruction. she was a bit quick to say Id been warned about the risk of said dog leg when I signed the consent to operation, but Ill be asking if someone on here can actually explain it cos although I can feel it with my fingers, I cant actually see it cos its under the boob, and feels dead weird. Still no news on chemo decision, so I need to be patient. Nice nurse today also suggested its ridiculous to beat myself up about worrying about going back to work (Im a workaholic who loves her job) and she told me to forget about wearing my work rucksack which acts as my mobile laptop and office round several different sites. travelling by bus. so for now, Im actually listening to advice, and staying quietly while I get my head round what the heck a dog leg scar is, and what theyve done to my body, cos no way does it seem to belong to me yet!  Thanks again for replying, Im starting to get itchy feet with sorting things out, but have boldly decided to ask someone to come in and do cleaning for me round the house. she starts tomorrow, wish us both luck x