partner has prostrate cancer

I can't believe this is happening and i don't know how to feel..and if im feeling anything if its the right feelings i should have.

 

im 39 my partner is 62 and has prostrate cancer.  i have two boys with him and he has other older children both boys and girls. To date the cancer has not spread so it is contained in the prostrate. He is due to have it removed the middle of June and since finding out about all this im suffering with anxiety.

heres the terrible feeling bit - of course i want the cancer gone but ive always wanted another child and now i feel robbed...the fact that once removed i can't have anymore or even think about it. i feel so selfish. and people reading this will say that i am. but like i said i honestly don'y know how to feel. 

 

he is very stubborn and very set in his ways so i know that i can't even bring up the subject. i doubt the subject of saving sperm will even go down well. 

we have been togther for over 20 years, not married. 

 

He doesnt talk about it (cancer and the surgery) and when i try to he changes the subject. Ive read all the documenation that was given to him when we found out but he won't read it. says it depresses him which is understandable. but having read the stuff i know we are faced with. I say WE but he acts as though its just him going through this. he doesnt want to know what will happen (he's got the general idea) but he says he'd rather deal with stuff as he approaches them.

 

sorry ive rambled abit. im not sure what responses i am likely to get...if any. but i just had to write something somewhere.

 

maybe i need someone to say "you already have two kids you selfish cow" I don't know...i really don't know but i can't help the way im feeling because i don't know how to feel

 

  • Hi and welcome to the forum.

    I went through what your partner is going through nearly 10 years ago, and I'm still here to tell you about it. I was 56 at the time.  

    From the sound of what you've said, it appears that your partner has a curable cancer which should not shorten his life.  But as you say, this does mean that he will no longer be able to father any children as he'll be firing blanks. But right now he's firing live rounds and it is certainly possible for him to have his semen frozen so that it can be used at a later date. 

    I dare say that your partner thinks that this is the end of everything, when it almost certainly isn't. Men aren't offered surgery for prostate cancer unless there is a realistic chance that it will cure them, and prostate cancer which is contained inside the prostate is nearly always curable.

    Please try to impress on him that this isn't going to be the end of everything, and you'll both be together in 10 years time (hopefully longer). 

  • Hi can'tbelivethis 

    Atleast two gents have had what you're partner is going to have. hopefully they will get in touch. [@telemando]‍ and [@Tonybear]‍ it may help best wishes.

    Billy 

  • thank you...i do hope so. he is in better health than I am and doesnt look his age at all.

    he has changed his diet significantly -almost vegan and within a month his psa level dropped from 5.5 to 4.5 - not entirley sure what that means. I think the psa level is just a sign of an issue and not necesassrily anyting else.

    im glad to hear you are still with us and you were able to find treatment that was best for you.

  • Hi has anyone said why he cannot keep his prostate if C is contained he can have hormone therapy and and radiotherapy like [@woodworm]‍ unless something else is wrong.

    Billy 

  • Hi cantbelievethis.

    Please be reassured that a PSA level between 4.5 - 5.5 is very good sign that the cancer has been caught early.  Do you know the rest of his result, such as his Gleason score? (This will be either two numbers linked by a + sign, such as 3+4, or a single number between 6 and 10). 

  • Hi Billygoat.

    To the best of my knowledge, radical prostatectomy is still regarded as the "gold standard" treatment for early stage prostate cancer, although radiotherapy is also an option. Sometimes the patient may be offered active surveillance where there is no treatment at all, just regular monitoring. 

    I'm not sure if hormone therapy is offered for contained cancers. 

    FWIW my treatment consisted just of a robotic radical prostatectomy, with no hormones or radiotherapy. My PSA before treatment was 5.6, and the Gleason was 3+4.  

  • Hello

     

    his Gleason score is 4+3.

    seen the consultant today and he said that there is the risk of the cancer spreading...especially where it is located. So the prostatectomy will take place 17 June. 

     

    he opted for radiotherapy  from the outset becuase he had a friend who didnt take to it very well at all and it put him off. however, consultant today said that he may need to still have it so he shoudl remain open to it. 

     

    He is very much worried about life after the surgery. he is very active in terms of his work and exercise so as he put it he 'didnt want t be sat at home like a sack of potatoes'. 

     

    He is very worried about his sex life after the surgery. 

     

  • Hi cantbelievethis.

    I should remind you that I'm not a doctor.

    After the operation, the removed organ will be examined by a pathologist who will determine whether the cancer was fully confined inside the organ, or whether it had spread outwards.  If it has spread, then your husband will require follow-up radiotherapy, but given that his PSA is very low, I think think this is unlikely. I didn't need it, and my PSA was 5.6.  

    There is no reason why your husband shouldn't return to full health and an active life after the op.  However, when it comes to sex then I'd prefer to discuss this more privately.  I shall send you a friend request. Please accept and we can talk privately.

     

  • Hi my name tag is Tonybear an I have just completed 37 radiotherapy treatments for my fairly recent diagnosis of prostate cancer whilst not being a doctor I do have some knowledge which may very well ease your mind . I have spoken to many men with prostate cancer and hardly one of them wants to speak about it . Their partners do want to know so if you like I can help you but tell him what you are doing as this is no time to be having secrets . Let me know his grades eg T1,2,3,4 along with his psa figure and if he has had a biopsy what his Gleason Score is . From that information alone I may well be able to greatly reassure him but obviously there is no guarantee ! If you contact me then I can help you , I think very much and I do have some knowledge of the condition . He is quite young , this helps , does he have any other medical conditions , mentally he certainly sounds like he need to really know the fact and then decide to be miserable /negative but it is HIGHLY likely that this will not be the case . Knowledge is power and could save his life . Goodluck Tonybear