I stopped chemo after 2 rounds.I felt so dreadful that  death was preferable. Do not feel shamed or pressured. The side effects are appalling and many are permanent.I stopped before I had tax ol.neuropopothy is not just the inconvenience  of struggling  with buttons.without  feeling in your  toes you cannot balance or walk.I am a very active woman.the cost to my quality  of life was way too high to add a 2-5 percent extra survival.had radiotherapy.no hormone therapy.I had 4 different  pathology.s.do not accept  'belt and braces' they don't suffer or endure this physical and mental torment.take back some control  .it's your quality  of life.

Hi, I was relieved when he decided to stop my chemo, the oncologist said my side effects were in danger of becoming permanent and that the 4 cycles I've already had would stand me in good stead...

so I start rads next Thursday and also herceptin every 3 weeks for at least 6 months....so a long way to go yet...but so relieved not to be having any more fec.....

hows it going with you? Xxx

Oh the clumsy fiddly fingers!!! I hope to God that's not permanent....I get so frustrated...especially trying to draw my eyebrows on, I end up looking like Hilda Ogden!!??

hope your beginning to feel more human now? Xx

Thanks [@Billygoat]‍  for taggin me.

Apologies that I haven't replied sooner, I'm not on much at the moment due to eyesight issues caused by my current chemo.

I've not been on that chemo but some can alter your mood as a side effect.  Of course your mood can also just alter because of what you are going through.

When you mention 'numbness' it does make me think 'depression'.  People often wrongly assume sadness is depression but with clinical depression you end up with no feeling, just a big void and peope often refer to that as 'numbness'.

Whether it is caused by the drugs or just what you are going through it is important to speak to your oncologist about it and also your GP.  Don't necessarily jump onto meds, it could be a passing thing, but if you get a proper assessment and they think it best to try you on a low dose of meds then that might be best.  It may be that you just need something to get you through this spell, you won't necessarily need anything long-term.

That aside, if they do think it's depression then it would be good to get in contact with mental health charities in your area, maybe MIND or you might have a Mental Health Recovery College nearby.  Even for those of us that have severe depression and need medication for life (I'm Bipolar and was on meds long before my cancer came about) we still need to learn coping mechanisms as well.  The coping mechanisms can, in time, allow us to reduce our medication a bit, even if we can't ever come off it completely.  I'm happy to discuss coping mechanisms with you but local charities would be able to provide more direct support and keep an eye on you.

I will just give you the obligatory tips for dealing with depression just now though.  Make a schedule for each day... but I'm not talking anything big, set yourself very small goals and schedule in breaks.  Sticking to this means you get out of bed (very important), get washed and dressed (also important) and you finish the day having achieved something, no matter how small.  A day could be.

9:00 - get up, cup of tea
9:30 - have breakfast
10:00 - get washed and dressed
10:30 - watch a TV show you like or listen to your favourite music
11:00 - put a load of washing in the washing machine
REST
12:30 - get lunch
1:30 - go a short walk to get fresh air
2:00 - watch a TV show you like or listen to your favourite music
REST
4:00 - get the washing out and move it to tumbler or hanging dryer
Relax and do something you would usually enjoy.

Scheduling really is one of the most important tools for dealing with depression and it works if you make a point of sticking to it.  Do not schedule in loads, there were days where I would get out of bed to make a coffee but by the time I walked to the kitchen I didn't have the energy to physically lift the kettle.  You know what you can and can't do so schedule accordingly, if making a cup of tea is a big physical challenge then that will be your achievement for the day, and with enough rest scheduled around it you should manage it.  Those achievements may seem pitiful to some people, but if they are huge according to our current mental and physical state then they are huge achievements!

My achievements when I was starting to recover from my worst state were things like doing one loads of dishes, one load of washing, writing one letter (life admin stuff) that I'd been putting off for months.  Initially it was one thing a day and then in time it built up.  But don't let yourself get sucked in to doing more tasks than you have scheduled, stick to the breaks and the meals, do the minimum initially and build up the number of tasks as and when you can.

Getting outside of the house once a day is also an important goal, even though it can be really tough.  Even if you can't walk, just sit in a garden or on a wall near your house and watch the world go by, worst case scenario sit right at an open window in your house looking outwards.  You are getting natural light and (hopefully) fresh air.

Best wishes,

LJxx