Some of this really resonates with me. Suddenly some of my friends were cancer experts, despite never having experienced the disease,  bombarding me with questions, telling me survival rates and all sorts I didn’t want to hear.

I told those who were googling that I personally didn’t google anything, but relied on my team to provide me with correct information and I asked them to stop telling me stuff. One had an element of blame in her questions, I felt, like it was my fault I developed cancer because it is cervical cancer. I explained about adenocarcinoma and she admitted she didn’t really know anything about it! So why make me feel it’s my fault? Like it’s not bad enough to have cancer?

I was given my results from a gynaecologist with a nurse present and another person who wasn’t even introduced to me. I wish I’d said something now, but after I heard the word cancer I just wanted to get out of the room. No idea who that 3rd person was. 

My nurse phoned a few days later and was completely talking in riddles...about MDT meetings, and going through the doughnut (turned out to be CT scanner). I had to ask her to slow down, and stop using acronyms I didn’t understand. Asked to explain things in simple language as this was all new and strange, and to be fair she has been much better of late.

My oncologist, who I first met at the end of September, has never once called me by my name in all my meetings with him. I feel like a number, like someone on a conveyor belt. A little empathy would go such a long way. On one visit he asked how I was, and I said I was feeling fine and well, and his response was “well, unfortunately that means nothing”. Just breathtakingly thoughtless.

 It’s quite bizarre how others react, anyone would think cancer is a new disease given the ignorance around cancer. I have family/friends with a number of conditions and I’ve never heard anyone saying anything about their diabetes, COPD etc will be their ‘new you’! A holiday in Spain sounds lovely but yeah, I don’t see the big red ball in the sky doing you any good right now - if only :( 

I detest this blame game; making people feel responsible for their cancer and I’ll include those who have smoked/drank/packed 20 beef burgers into their face every night - Cells mutate for a variety of reason and if the stats are to be believed it’s because we are all living longer. Your nurse story made me laugh, mine thought she was the worlds expert and told me about the big noisy tunnel I would be going into for my MRI - I told her if I wanted the teletubby guide to Resonance Imaging I wouldn’t have spent two years doing a post- grad in it - you should have seen her face :D I make no apologies for my rudeness, this is someone who couldn’t even be bothered to ask me questions about myself, she never showed the slightest bit of interest.

I’m sorry about your onc - They are usually the most compassionate members of the team.  it makes a huge difference to patients how they are treated by HPCs and it’s heartbreaking to hear of so many who have not received the first class treatment they deserve.

Well I have to say that, since my diagnosis, virtually all heath staff have been superb, with only 2 or 3 exceptions at the lowest levels. MacMillan seem to be the ones who are offhand or ignore requests and so I've chosen not to deal with them.

Everybody else has been very supportive and I've no problem with anything anybody says, the family often now make jokes about it all.

I'm a member of an ex-services site and the response there has been 'robust' banter, exactly what I want. They're supportive at the same time and a couple of members have taken the time to offer, and provide, help, including anonymously donating a pressure cushion that sells for over £200.

I find people saying the 'wrong' thing, funny.

I've found that, because I don't worry about things myself and have a somewhat different way of looking at stuff, I can say the wrong things on here and upset people sometimes.

Regards

Taff

Taff, you are honest and that's what people need, not a load of baloney!  It's weird that the McMillan nurses aren't always what we're led to believe about them, like you I prefer others support who know and understand me better.  Hopefully you're doing OK.  (Caz07 as was!) x

I finished my treatment 15 months ago so im feeling ok now but it was a long recovery i was just so tired all of the time , my breast care nurse told me it would take 6 months before I would feel back to normal but it was more like 12 months.  i didn't have a good time with chemo the sickness was relentless , i tried all the sickness pills and even a sickness injection didn't work. but that was just me other people seemed to be ok with it . i got most of my information from other patients whilst having chemo i would chat to other patients because some are further on in their treatment and can talk you through what to expect. and also it passes time whilst you are in clinic.  oncology staff are helpful but because everybody reacts differently to chemo you never seem to get a straight answer from them...good luck with your treatment and i hope you have a speedy recovery.  its tough but you will get through it,  

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Your the other side now.....what a relief for you....take care xxxxx

I'm sorry to hear that Taff, we never know what will happen, do we? 

Funnily enough my mum used to tell me the same when she was going through her cancer treatment that it was all very non compassionate and clinical. Yes we realise they are there to ‘do a job’but if you havent got a compassionate bone in youre body why are you even in that line of work?