I have been fighting cancer and staying positive for 14 months. I was sick of travelling to the hospital for treatment. Life still had to continue as in that time my husband a dialysis patient continued his treatment, had a hospital stay which I was glad of at the time because he never sleeps. Between chemotherapy and radiotherapy he had a aortic valve replacement and although I was tired and was too tired to visit everyday. I managed everyother day with plenty of support from family and friends. 

I finished radiotherapy a week ago and although I have burns I have been doing pretty well. I considered how those around me would feel and decided to be honest with them but do my best to stay positive and listen to their fears and worries. 

Since last week a couple of incidents have happened that have really thrown me. My friend has decided to go to New York for a week and she contacted me because she was concerned about her young neighbours as the father of the young man was recieving chemo and contracted sepsis, sadly he passed away the other day from organ failure. The same day my ex sister in law contacted me asking me to tell the family that she had had a fall and hit her head and they have found a brain tumour. I feel because of my positivity they came to me for advice, which I feel at a loss to give. 

I have been dreaming of mother in law who passed away of lung cancer and in my dream I am telling her that we had buried her and she said she knew and couldn't fathom it out herself. My feelings of guilt are becoming more apparent since last week that I have survived through treatment and others haven't.. Has anyone have any advice because I feel for the first time of my life I am a victim of my own positivity and I cannot sleep at night now 

Hello xx 

didn’t want to read and not reply. 

Sorry to read you feel like this. You have been through so much xx 

Im not an expert but...I’m sure there is a thing called ‘survivor guilt’...I wonder if this is what you may be experiencing...? Is it worth  looking up...? Xx

Also...being positive and strong in your own journey doesn’t mean you have the capacity to sustain this 24/7 or ‘take on’ other people’s lives. Gosh...that sounds selfish and I apologise if I am coming across wrong. It’s just...I can relate to this myself but for a  different condition (I have anxiety and OCD...I’m ‘highly functioning’ with it according to my GP and deal with it through giggles and portraying strength.....this has made me a magnet for others who are experiencing difficulties....it took a fair few weeks to prepare myself to start saying, ‘I’m sorry - I don’t have the capacity to support you with that’) 

Saying that to people is fine, by the way...’I’m sorry - I’ve got my own stuff going on’....’I can’t take that on right now’....’sorry to hear that but would you mind if we didn’t talk about that? I don’t feel up to it right now’ 

I do hope I’ve not completely missed the point here :) I just feel like...as you have dealt with your journey with such strength and positivity, others may feel you can take on responsibility for others...or they’re assuming you have the capacity to do this...you have had enough to contend with and there shouldn’t be any obligation on you to support others if you don’t have the space to do so xx I took on so many other peoples lives with mental illness, I started to feel quite ill with it - I had to say ‘enough is enough - I’ve got my own stuff going on!’