Hi "ladies" and our mother superior the lady with a good habit Sandra, just quick note got to take bren to hospital appointment this afternoon don't know who were seeing though or what about they keep getting appointment clinic and specialist wrong on paperwork, have to get there and double check, had to do it twice before last year, hope you're all well. And not still suffering from the party's. Love to all...... Billy xxx 

Hi ladies.

I'm sorry for putting a downer on this lovely post but it was nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. I'm really suffering today and quite frankly I just give up. I just cant seem to handle life anymore. I'm crying constantly even though I have an amazing fiancee and little boy who I love to pieces. Graces dads new girlfriend very kindly text me from his phone as shes been stalking his messages telling me I'm a disgrace and waste of space and grace would be better off if I was dead. It's taken every bit of energy not to drive down there and slap her. But when you feel crap you dont need little 20 year olds telling you how rubbish you are. Sorry ladies...I know you dont need this. Weve all been through so much crap. I'm just hating life. I know vinnie will be ok with jamie. I'm just done right now. Youve all done amazingly and it's been a pleasure to have known you xxx

Dizzle I hope you're going to come on here and read back to see how much everyone loves you and admires your strength. Girlfriend we've all felt this way - well I can say I have. I even uttered words such as "I wish cancer had just finished me off - I'm done with everyone and this bs". It's a lonely time when no one gets where you're coming from but there are many here who do. Sounds like the emotional battle has begun and you will get thru it. I can vouch for a terrific and loving person you are and continue to be so. Alot has happened but think of it as a cleansing in life to rid you of all negativity and cut those out that aren't with you. Enough is enough. Take back your control - I know you have that inner resolve - we all misplace that from time to time hun. Your miracle gift from up above needs you as does Jamie. We all come on here waiting for your posts and updates. How much did we all fret when you didn't post? You are not alone gorjus. Go see your dr. Very important. Then look at your lovely boy and that special smile he has for his mommy- a bond no one can ever take from you. Please please do talk to someone - hormones can play havoc and we can only be strong for so long. It's ok to ask for help. You are allowed. That is in your control. I want to hear from you very very soon otherwise I will be very very worried as will alot of others and you wouldn't want to put us thru that. Looking forward to your post. You got this gorjus.xx

Oh my ...

Do you realize how far you've come .. you've done more then most .. and yes your going through another rough time .. but you look at that baby .. what you did to get him .. what he means to so many .. I'm so so proud of you, you are my shinning star .. 

You had family that let you down .. so did my son ... we became family on here .. so we held each other up when we felt like we were drowning ... always someone here ... you think after all that you can let vinny grow up knowing you kicked cancers butt .. and you held on to him... and your amazing man who's been there for you .. to give up now ....

Years ago, I sat in my living room with all the pills I could find ... l felt like I was looking into a black hole, and just wanted to jump in .. not my kids .. nothing was in my head, except wanting the hurt to stop .. l called my oldest son, knowing he was at work, to leave a message to say I'm sorry .. he picked up the phone .. and begged me to get to him .. I was hysterical .. he wasn't supposed to be there ... but l had a choice .. I went there .. he saved me that day ... my youngest son was only young then ...  l promised myself one day at a time ..

Dizzle, my youngest was diagnosed diabetic... at 14 ... l dont think he'd have coped with that if I wasn't there ... my grandkids ... esp my Emily.. in pic ... she's my world ... I'm hers ... I'd have never seen her if I'd jumped in that hole ... every day l thank God I never jumped in ... yes life is crule but sometimes we have to look what we've got, not what we havnt ... if you hold on now, one day , years down the line, you'll remember this, and like me thank God you didn't... we are your family too .. we care .. now you hold on, and reach out .. call anyone and everyone, to get help .. 

And that little madam, who is as crule as cancer itself .. if you do that now, she wins ... she did what cancer couldn't... and every day those who need and love you will never get over loosing you .. 

Please hold on .. sending you the biggest nanny hug I have ... Chrissie

Hi dizzle bless you realy have had it rough seems so unfair i had a cancer scare had to wait a month for results .then sepsis in hospital then in hospital again then burnt  with massive infection the they found out it was something else and had to have a massive bowle op i think talking on here and my sence of humour and a friend on here to kept me going .i lost my partner 18 months ago with this rotton diseas .now i usualy cope but it got me down felt like you realy at the end of my tether but i thought ime going to be deppressed or go get help well i did have you been to see your gp theres all sorts of help but when your rock bottom theres only one way and thats up but its hard to make the effort so please try your to important to this world and you have been through so much to sink without trace going to gp is the first step deppresion is the pits you have so much going for deppression blinds you to it. all you see is the bottom of that hole time to start climbing out of it as ime trying to do everyones rooting for you on here best wishs paul

Hay dizzle .....Sending you a vertual hug again this morning ...  and positive vibes ...  one day at a time lass ... Chrissie x 

Hi Dizzle.

First of all let me tell you that you are GREAT. You came up with a miracle when the chips were down. You've gone through a lot and survived. No .....more than survived you won the best prize ever... your little Vinnie. Jamie, Vinnie and Grace need your strength to see them through. So go to your GP and lay it on the line. You've told us how you are feeling so you can tell the doc. Let him help you. We all need you too. We're a band of brothers and sisters fighting, living and bulldozing forward. And you are our miracle worker. You can get through this rough patch. You've already survived the worst. This depression is an illness too which CAN be cured. Chin up gal and look at  Vinnie and fight for what is yours!
 

Sending a virtual squeeze from my hand to yours, Just know that we're all here surrounding you with sisterly love..

Sundial

Dizzle, all your friends on here know your one of the good guys over the years you've helped no end of people, ignore what some one like that says probably jealous or something because you have a good family life even when things go wrong, think of a good family as you have now. Best wishes for the future....... Love Billy xxx and all the ladies and gents hue think alot about you and yours. X

Morning Dizzle, sorry to read your post,  but like the other ladies and Billy have said you are amazing! Look how much you have gone through and how much you have achieved! That wonderful smiling little boy! 

After I got my benign results I thought I would be really happy and yes I was but I struggled big time with it. Think it’s because you go through so much you don’t know how to handle that you are clear. I think it was Sandra who said counselling should be offered. I did see a friend who is a counsellor and she did help but think the people on here helped the most. Mainly because they know what your going through and it is tough even being given the all clear. Sending you a massive hug you are not alone x