Hi All, 

Got recommended this forum by another lady and thought id introduce myself. Im Candice and 36 and was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer on the 10th of May. Was a massive shock and the first thought was my 8 year old little girl. Cant begin to imagine how im going to break the news. Any tips? I will wait until after I start my chemotherapy next week though as I dont want her to know any sooner than she needs to. I had a call from the oncologist yesterday saying he needs to see me for more biopsies as my MRI showed signs it had spread to my lymph nodes (originally this test was clear) so will be seeing him Tuesday. Bit nervous about that. He said although it was a large tumor it looks very contained which is good and my CT scan came back clear. Ive been told 9 months of chemo, surgery then radiotherapy so long old road ahead and very scary but despite yesterdays phonecall im very positive today. Thing is im angry too. I went to the doctor 16 months ago with the same lump and they put it down to my implant rupturing. It wasnt until this year when it started aching and getting noticeably bigger that i started worrying. I put it down to the so called rupture to my implant  so ignored it. It wasnt until I was due to get my implants replaced that I asked for another scan so I had a report to show the surgeon and then they found out it was actually cancer. My GP has requested a full report be made and maybe I will have a case for medical negligence.I could have been walking round with this unnecessarily for the last 16 months. But what will be will be I guess. Its happened now and all I can do is be strong for myself my daughter and my lovely partner who im due to marry next year. Looking forward to going wedding wig shopping lol. So glad ive found this site. Its nice to talk to people who know what you're going through. Anyone who knows me knows im stubborn as anything so im going nowhere! Lol xx

Hi welcome to this amazing thread! I saw Cornish recommended it. There is some truly amazing ladies on here who will help you as they did me. My journey has come to an end as my lumps after being removed were all benign. I have stayed on here to help others and keep an eye on these ladies! If you read back you will see everything is talked about!! From operations, how people are feeling, chocolate cakes and even men in uniforms and toy boys and one lady who likes climbing trees!!! Hugs are always being sent round and sending you one now xx 

Hi Dizzle

So sorry to find you needing this forum. Sending u a warm welcome from us all. 

My treatment was different to yours in as much as I did not have chemo. It is a scary nerve wracking road for everyone so how you are feeling is... well to b expected bless.

There is no right or wrong way to feel, how you deal with it, how you react to decisions, waits and treatments. The way it is for u is the way it is .. for you. 

That being said know this...we are here for you. 

The advice that without doubt helped me the most was stop looking ahead live in the moment/day. Stop the what ifs, should haves, could haves, would haves. Fill the waits ( always seems the worst) by grabbing life with your family, hugging them and wring out every moment of joy.

I followed this advice and tbh helped get me in a good place to deal with my diagnosis. It helped me realise all the angst in the world won’t change a thing so... I’ll look it in the eye and stare it down. 

My children are grown up so I will step back from advising on how to tell yours. I hope the ladies with younger children than me will come along and share- until then if you search “how do I tell my children I have cancer” there is a very good article to read ( I would have put the link on but couldn’t work out how to do it)... sigh.. sorry.

So...stay nd chat with us, we will b by your side with advice if we can, support when u need, a sounding board when it’s all too much. Talk about how u feel, what u hate, what u love, what makes u laugh, what u r making for tea.... anything good or bad... we are here for you. You can do this. X

The good.....having hair done tomorrow as is very dry and lacking any oomph!

The bad....none today.

Hey dizzle glad to see you found us. I have a 9 year old and I started by explaining that a bit of my boob was sick and that I would need an operation and special medicines to get it better. She accepted this and asked a few questions which I answered honestly but I didn't use the word cancer. She got a bit clingy at one point and we kept asking if she was ok or wanted to ask anything...then one day she just blurted out the c word and pointed at me. She had clearly picked up on things so I had to explain a bit more. She has coped really well and to be honest I think she took her lead from us....we always tried to be positive about it with her and reassured her that her world won't change. 

Alt the end of the day I don't think there is a perfect way...you just have to do it the way you think is right. X

Ah thank you for the advice. When I was diagnosed the hospital gave me a book called mummy has a lump which is a story book designed I suppose to explain to kids in simple terms. I think I will just sit and let her read it to me and explain a few more things. She’s a sensitive little thing who has been through a lot for various reasons which is why I worry but I will just play it down and reassure her. That’s all I can do I guess. Xx

That's ok. I was given a comic strip type book but it was a bit too full on when I read it so decided not to use it. You can only do it your way...you know your daughter and how she reacts so go with your gut x

Ah I remember the hospital letter heart sink moment ( mine was my op date). 

Not too long to wait for it to start the action to get rid of this unwelcome piece of....

Have you informed your place of work of your diagnosis yet? They need to be on your side through this. 

Oh lass I know you are scared but make no mistake you can do this. Big hugs ️X

Good

Had a relaxing day with compulsory costa latte. The sun has shone for most of the day.

Bad

Still feel sick from antibiotics.

Dizzle

My children are both adults and it was difficult enough with them so I really appreciate your situation.

I am a primary school teacher who has taught children your daughter’s age. In my experience they like to know as much of the truth as they can cope with. They also appreciate honesty when asking direct questions. Support and positivity is also important. So Cornish answer seems to fit the bill but you know your daughter best and what she will be able to cope with. Maybe just small pieces of information at a time because we all but especially children get overwhelmed by too much information especially where emotions are involved. 

From a teacher’s point of view if you feel able to do so I would suggest that you let her school and teacher know the basic details. From experience it will be helpful for her teacher to know what is happening and how much you have told her so they can support her too. After all she spends a lot of time in class and believe me children react in different ways to this sort of thing. Also if she trusts her teacher she may want to talk to her.

Sundial

Hi, yeh my work know and are the most supportive employees ever. Been their accountant for 13 years now and they’ve always bent over backwards for me. I have been signed off for the foreseeable but still go in every now and then as a good will gesture but I basically pick and choose my hours with full pay so I’m very lucky in that instance x