Your welcome anytime dear carol,if you really want to come I'll give you postcode and address in a private message,if you're sure i normally visit Brenda in evening as have to arrange things round family to take me when they can. don't like going to often as don't like leaving her there but miss her at home cannot win.

Love Billy xxxx

Thanks Billy, I'll bear that offer in mind.  I don't think my girls would be too happy if I took off to see another man, although a friend, but it's something to think about later on.  You're like me at the moment don't know where you want to be.  X

Welcome anytime be nice if you could see Brenda as well,.as Bella. 

Hope you are sleeping well .

XxxX

Dear Billy and anyone else left, I hope Easter has not been too bad for you all.  I went to Sue's and there was a great big bus parked outside her house, Luke travelled to London on Friday and bought an ex council bus for his Tour Truck Golf business, he has been asked to do events, hence the bus, Sue and I laughed as it had a wheelchair lift, disabled parking and as she said we could use our bus passes, we'll not me as I don't have one.  So Luke spent all afternoon clearing a place for it to fit as it was parked outside The Garden Cottage (Sue's abode) and therefore quite spoilt the view!  It's a fabulous day and I'm so sad Norman is not here to enjoy it, he would have loved Lukes new plans and we would have had Sunday lunch, instead I've had pate' on toast.  I would have a glass of wine but I'm off to Church so can't drink, I plan these things and then think I can't be bothered but I'm going as Lissa the vicar has been so good to us all, ringing me, checking I'm OK and telling me to not be too hard on myself.  It's horrible without Norman but he wanted to live so much so I'm not going to be miserable because he would be cross with me.  Faye rang, they've been to buy plants for the garden, Gordy had asked me what to put in so when he was here I showed him my garden, that's a hebe I said, it's enormous he said, well its grown well I said, apparently he wants plants that don't grow, good luck with that I said!!  He hasn't got a clue and has even pulled out what Faye planted as he said it looked like a weed, she was not amused.  Well I'd better go and get ready, clean my teeth, some fresh lipstick on and I'm ready to go, I'll have the wine when I get back.  Happy Easter to you all.  Love Carol x 

Hi Jess,  and, further down, Billy and Carol.

I caught your message to Carol and then read all your other messages to and from some of the others on this forum who have contacted you, who also helped me when I was new to the game.

You have already received messages from Billy and Jolamine, two people who are such support when you feel down. I've told Billy a few times that he is my hero and if all men were like him, the world would be a better place. I read all of Carol's blog from the first days and think you could possibly do what she did, using this forum to record the daily trials of looking after her husband with great honesty and good humour, to help draft your book.  There were lots more people popping in to her blog over the years she has been writing it.  Possibly some of them are no longer with us, or possibly they are in remission and don't want to be reminded of their bad times. Now, sadly, Carol is alone, the cancer got Norman in the end. I hope that by continuing to post her feelings on here she feels less lonely, and knows how much we care for her.

Your idea of writing a book for future sufferers is right.  When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my brother, whose girlfriend had been in treatment for a few years, sent me a book that had given her some excellent information about what to expect and how to deal with it.  It was written by two doctors who had also had breast cancer so the advice and information was coming from both angles, practitioner and patient. I did find it really useful.  

When I first posted on here, I met lots of people like those who have written to you, and was immensely grateful for the support that beamed out from the pages of this forum.  I also met two young women, younger than my daughter but older than you, who had both been diagnosed just a little earlier than me, and who were going through it all at the same time. I am a very old lady now, ( well the numbers say so) and I was told I wouldn't gain much from having chemo, and, as I had opted for a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy, I didn't need radiotherapy and being very old, I could see no reason why I should even think about getting a reconstruction so I was the luckiest of the three with the least amount of treatments, just surgery and one tablet a day for five years!  My new pen friends went through the gamut of treatments and still managed to laugh. As time went on, our communications became further apart, as we began to get on with our lives without the constant cloud of cancer guiding our every thought, but we still pop on here from time to time and catch up with our cancer free lives. I am  almost glad I got cancer just because I've met them and all the others on here. Almost!

Just one caveat - you won't have much time to write your book if you keep up with people on here!  It's quite time consuming, reading everyone's stories. 

I do hope your treatments, although they can't cure you, keep you going long enough to enjoy many many more walks with nature - and write your book, you can pinch some ideas from reading some of the stories on here to pass on if you haven't actually experienced them  I'm sure no one will sue for copyright,  

I look forward to seeing how you get on with it,

love 

Christine xxx

PS when I started writing on here we had three shelties, hence my nom de plume..we are down to one now and the picture next to my name is a painting I did of our newest canine baby, Bobbin!

Hi Carol and Billy,

i have been alone for nearly 20 years now, so I've got used to it.  I have a daughter living nearby, and a son further away, and we FaceTime each other all the time and I have a few good friends who meet up for outings. The dogs, mine and my daughter's do help to keep me moving, and I love to paint and read. So many books - so little time!
I'm rarely lonely, now, if ever, but it took a lot of time to realise I could do anything I wanted, with no one to answer to. But once I did, I loved the freedom!  I travelled, I read into the small hours, I painted through the night if I was on a roll...
Then...... I got cancer and found out about the ACG Adult Child Gestapo! They were worse than any overprotective parent. My son even stayed here to feed me and look after the dog after my surgery. They didn't believe I was feeling as well as I was for ages, and wouldn't let me do a thing! Believe me, when he left and my daughter stopped hovering over me, as much as I appreciated their care, I was so glad to be alone, I was also glad to catch up on the housework and laundry that, somehow, they didn't see!

I'm just trying to say that being alone won't always mean being lonely, time dulls the pain. Billy, enjoy your visits to Brenda, enjoy cuddling Bella, (my dog wakes me in the morning with kisses) which is lovely. Carol, fly free! You have been a rock to Norman, and you still are to your family but you are still young enough to get out there and have a ball !!!

Here endeth the lesson!

Love

Christine xxx

Dear carol  quiet day, went in gazebo layed on lounger and fell asleep in minutes really slept well, woke with my phone ringing it was grandson asking if i was going round,I was supposed to be there for noon meal,I was feeling that tired i apologized said i was struggling I was back asleep in minutes best I've slept in months . Bella came out for a while.

Cool wind now so came in feeling alot better .

Glad you are out and have company .

Love Billy xxxx

Billy,

It's time you relaxed a bit! Brenda's being well looked after so can.  Glad you slept well,

Christine xx

Hi Christine, it's so nice to meet you ️ thank you so much for your lovely message. 

I hope my message to Carol was ok. I'm not the best at supporting people, I love to offer support and love but I fear I don't always say the right things or come across wrong. I wasn't great at supporting my mum when she was sick sadly - but I do like to try if I can. Yes both Billy and Jolamine are lovely, I am also lucky to have met ChrissyJ who has offered support and kindness as well. So many lovely people are here, like you Christine, I'm so lucky to be surrounded by you all I'm just sorry we all find ourselves here. I'm really glad that you were made to feel welcome and got a lot of help and support when you first joined Christine xx ️ It's so lovely to not be alone and receive support when you're facing such an awful thing.

I definitely totally agree with you, Billy is a hero. A really lovely and sweet man who gives his loveliness and sweetness to others. Wish there were more people like him in my life. So many lovely and kind people here. It's remarkable how much love there is in just one forum! I hope I can help others the same way I've been helped here in the last week. I think what Carol's done and is continuing to do is amazing, really inspiring as well. I've read quite a few of her updates already. What a lovely and brave and strong woman. I don't think I could ever be like she is, dealing with so much but still finding the strength to continue after all she's been through and is going through. She is an inspiration and I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees that. I will be sure to write about her in my book, and you, Billy, ChrissyJ, Jolamine and so many others - just because of how strong and special you all are. I will of course ask first and if you don't want to be named that's totally fine, but I would love to write about how remarkable and amazing you all are! I find you all inspiring. And when I read about the awful things you have been and go through it shows me that things aren't that bad and could be far worse. I am so sorry that some people have not returned to Carol's blog, hopefully it is where they are in remission or have got busy with other things. However I am definitely going to be a regular here now and offer as much support and love as I can xx hopefully she knows she isn't alone and so many people care for her and are wishing her well.

I am so very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. That must have been awful for you. I know how scary, confusing and lonely it can be after having the initial diagnosis. I felt the exact same way with mine. But, I am so happy for you that your brother sent you that book! That must have been a bit of light in the dark and gave you a lot of needed answers and comfort. That's why I want to do my book, to give readers and sufferers that bit of light, comfort and to show them they aren't alone in it. After my diagnosis I felt so alone and scared. I did go to groups of other young sufferers and met some amazing and lovely people, sadly some did pass away, but I'm still in touch with one girl Dani and she is now in remission and I couldn't be happier for her. She has given me permission to name her in my book to show that it can and does get better. You are proof of that as well. And I am so so happy for you Christine ️ You've been through hell and made it back again. You are truly amazing to have gone through all that and to be still offering so much support and love xx

It must have been so scary for you coming here and posting for the first time. I know I was terrified when I first sent a message. But like you, I am so grateful and consider myself very lucky she honoured to have met some of the loveliest people in the world who gave me so much comfort, support and love straight away. It really does make such a huge positive difference and makes everything seem a little better. I'm glad you met and made some friends, that must have helped you all get through the awful things you sadly experienced. I'm so glad you had very little treatment Christine ️ treatment can be so draining and horrible at times. I had chemo for a little bit but stopped in the end when the cancer spread again! They eventually decided it wasn't worth the side effects so that was that. In a way I'm glad as the chemo did make me incredibly sick and weak. At least I'm not like that all day now. X I hope your surgery went well and that you, and your friends are all doing really well now and not facing any after effects ️ I'm the same as you Christine, almost glad I got cancer as it means I've met you and all the other lovely people here. I've already met someone and made a friend, ChrissyJ, we've been chatting recently and she is so amazing and just brightens up my day. I am hoping to make more friends yet if I have enough time xx

Lol yes you're right Christine, this forum is very time consuming! I spend way to much time here xD !

Thank you so much lovely xx ️ Things aren't to bad at the moment. Just getting over nasty infections. I have pain management, check ups and hrt for my hormones. I feel pretty tired and some days in a bit of pain and have few brain issues but otherwise ok.

I will definitely keep writing when I can! And I'll always ask others first if I want to write about them or what they've experienced. I think that's only right to do.

I really hope you are doing great and feeling so well Christine! ️ And I hope you know what an amazing woman you are and how special and inspiring you are. You are simply lovely Xxx

Love,

Jess Xxx

Dear Jess, I've just come home from a musical evening in my village church, but not a good start as one of the ladies fainted in front of me, fell backwards like a piece of wood and cracked her head, it's the first time since Norman's funeral being there so it was a bit of a shock.  Still home now with wine and I'll post more tomorrow when I have time.  Thank you for sending me good wishes.  Carol x

Dear Carol, it is lovely to meet you. Firstly I would like to say how very sorry I am to hear of your situation and the sad passing of Norman ️ Sending you lots of hugs! I'm really sorry that the musical evening didn't go very well. Poor you, and that poor lady, I hope she's ok. I'm glad you're back at home, hopefully relaxing and enjoying your wine ^-^ I look forward to hearing more from you soon when you have more time and are feeling up to it xx

Sending more hugs and best wishes,

Love,

Jess xx