Dear Carol, like so many have said previously I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I only joined laterally but your blog has helped me so much. It has been a very distressing end for you all but at last your beloved Norman can rest in peace, there is nothing more that I can say that hasn't already been said. You stayed strong and did everything that you could possibly do. I am sending YOU and your family lots of love and I hope you manage to find some peace for yourself now Carol. God bless Thelma xx

The day gets worse, Norman's death certificate arrived in the post, it's so hard seeing it in black and white.  The second cause of death is covid19 and tonight both my daughters have tested positive as well.  So we obeyed all the rules set in place whilst the NHS put us all at risk.  I'm exhausted and feeling sorry for myself.  Xx

A whole week since Norman died and already he is practically non existent in the system.  Because everyone is still working from home phone calls are  A nightmare, today upon calling a pension company it was an hours wait, I gave up.  James  working from home had such a bad line he didn't hear me and asked when I'd gone into care, so I had to yell down the telephone that I'd not gone into care my husband had died.  Motability, 7 options, not one for bereavement, a guessing game but I managed.  Because I have covid, Lisa set up a zoom call for the vicar, Faye and me so that's all sorted out, my vicar was so kind and helpful, she has kept in touch with us for two years during the pandemic.  I'm still receiving beautiful cards and my flowers are opening and smell gorgeous.  Maureen texted me half an hour ago, did I know my bedroom window had blown wide open in the storm, no I didn't, but it had opened so far I had to climb onto the windowsill and reach out so far I thought I may fall out, well that would solve all my problems and kill off the covid. I am so lethargic it's difficult to get out of bed, so I'm not until I'm ready, it's all so hard.  Xx

Dear Carol

I know you will be overwhelmed with things to do and arrangements to make, and I just want to say, on behalf of myself and the many people who have loved your daily (ish) messages on this forum, as I have, that I completely understand if you never want to write on these pages again but I really hope you feel able to drop us a line now and then. 
I wish you all that you could wish yourself and I know you will still be strong in your life without your lovely Norman.

lots of love

Christine et al xxx

Thanks Christine, I'll keep writing because it helps me and it may help others to work their way through the quagmire of bureaucracy as its not easy.  I really feel for those who do not have my secretarial head on their shoulders as it must be doubly hard.  No one makes things easy and if I had the energy I'd scream.  Xx

Dear Carol I am so sorry for your loss and I hope Norman is at peace now . I went through something similar with my Mum in 2013  the hospital care she had was appalling I wanted to raise a complaint but my sister didn't , I still regret that we didn't to this day .

Things do get better but it takes a lot of time and a lot of love from family and friends . We kept seeing robins after my mum died same after my dad too and they both loved robins . So every time I see a robin i always say hello . It brings a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart .

Stay strong take care x

Dear carol .  Glad you are keeping in touch with us on the forum  .  As you say plenty of people struggle with things .   Thinking of you .

Hope you are still eating something . and still have family around .

Take care .

Billy

Dear Poppy thank you for your lovely message, Norman loved Robbins and was always looking for them in the garden from his comfy chair in the conservatory. Each day it's hard but my family have gone home because they have families of their own. I prefer being alone at the moment, I can get up when I feel like it or just stare into space and think about anything. Dear Billy I am eating as it would be silly not to and it would upset my girls who obviously are worried about me. My lovely son-in-law tugs  apparently told Lisa that he may drive to Middleton in Teesdale to the house on pretense of doing some work so he is near me. That's so lovely and I know everyone is there for me. Much love Carol 

Hi Carol

Your story about the phone calls reminded me of trying to get my Mums telephone bills sorted. It took over 12 months before they changed the name on her account.  In one conversation they asked to speak to the account holder.  You can't I said he has died that's what I keep trying to tell you.  Oh you need our bereavement dept I will get them to call you.  Still waiting for that call. Eventually got the name changed on the bill.  I phoned them last week with a query on Mums account,  "We need to speak to Mr  the account holder"  You'll need a medium then as he has been dead for several years.  Well that's who we have on the account.  They then found the new account with Mums name on.  Do these people have to pass some sort of test that shows they have no common sense or initiative to get the job.  

Some things were really quick and people very helpful.  Others a nightmare,  so be prepared to deal with a few idiots but hope you don't have to.

Look after yourself,  

River

How True river, the captain of Norman's golf club has just sent a lovely letter about Norman's death to me but addressed on the envelope to Norman! It's not funny and there is a lack of thought and common sense. One pension company I telephoned yesterday listened to my advising them of Norman's death and promptly said well as from today his pension will be frozen. Thank you for your sympathy I said and Hung up. Im still waifing for phone calls from others who are obviously WFH and couldn't give a damn when you advise them of your husband's death  my call is interrupting their coffee and hob nobs!  Xx