Dear Rose, I've also dealt with altzeimer in respect of Norman's Dad, it nearly drove me to a breakdown as Norman was an only child so no support, it was awful in the late 70s as there was no help at all, so yes I know what you are going through.  Faye has just called a good time was had by all in Tenby apart from when they did the day where you have to get out of locked rooms to get into the next one, Gordy chose the Pirate one which meant they had to escape a dungeon, Two rooms, Afie and Dad, Faye and Ella but Ella hates lifts so to be locked in a dark dungeon and having to get out meant ten minutes of tears, in the end they had to drop a bottle with a message into them to help them escape.  I laughed because Faye said the family was meant to work as a team, as they have a fourteen year old boy who knows everything it obviously didn't work.  It was so cold on Thursday Faye had to go to M & Co to buy a cheap jumper to go over the thin jumpsuit she had on, Faye studied fashion and design at Newcastle Art college so wearing a navy, white and lavender striped jumper does not fit her high standards, she said she felt like she had been dressed by a charity shop!  It's a lovely day but I've had to shut my blinds as kamikaze pigeons keep trying to fly through the shut windows.  Billy and Christine are you two doing OK?  Love Carol xx

Last time I was in Tenby (years ago), there was a shark in the water! A 12ft one also made headlines this year just off the Tenby coast. As for the kamikaze pigeons, they've been flapping and making out here all morning. We already had one in the house (few months back), along with squirrels and a great ***, thankfully not all together. It's not me leaves the balcony doors open. My friend said he wanted the squirrel to come sit on his lap. Every day is a challenge. Lumbar puncture ruled out Alzheimers – apparently can tell years before symptoms by testing the spinal fluid. It's more of a dementia-plus syndrome, which unfortunately, in our case, includes some brainstem changes. The point of checking if Alzheimers was because there might have been more meds options. It's a heart-breaking situation and my friend appears to have been "written off" with the GP telling him frankly that GA is not an option, so no point in referring him for surgery for other conditions he now has which normally would be operated on. Xx. 

Hi dear Carol. 

All ok here apart from those meds are knocking me for 6 again, BP mostly ok but dropping now and again got blood tests in just over a week then oncologist about meds. See what happens next. Still all ok with Brenda" ithink" waiting for results of water sample from last week see if uti has gone. 

Im still cleaning and dusting cutting grass slowly. Trying to keep cool. 

Take care of yourself,,

Love Billy xxxx 

Billy you have so much to deal with that I want you to know that you're one in a million in my book.  I've been where you are and being unwell as well was not something I had to cope with, so love to you and Bren as you deserve it.  So it's been a long weekend, all on my own again, chatted to Faye yesterday morning and that was it, I'm now talking out loud to hear someone's voice.  It seems to be getting harder not easier, the more the weeks go by the more you realise that really, this is it, home alone, no hugs or kisses, no smiles, no grumpy man because he was in pain, no trips out and being told I'm the love of his life, its hard and I have to get through it somehow.  I awoke this morning after a disturbed night, weird dreams about things that make no sense, but always involve me being upset somehow.  So I lay there thinking what's it all about?  Do I want to live like this, what can I do to make me worthwhile, everyone is growing up and the family is busy, busy, as they should be, that was my life so I know how little time you have.  I'm lucky that my family are there for me and even if they lived around the corner it would be the same, how many families don't see each other even though they live five minutes away.  Faye said when we were at Sue's and Luke's fiance came across to see us for approximately three minutes, she lives opposite Sue and never visits her, so Faye said Mum at least we want to see you and we always have quality time together.  So she is right, I'm loved and thought about a lot more than some so I must accept  the status quo and find my way through this loneliness.  The trouble is that I seem to have lost my get up and go, I'm sure it's still there but it's all an effort sometimes, perhaps I need to be kinder to myself, my life has been about caring, my Mum when Dad left us when she was only 38 years old, my brother who went off the rails aged 15, my father in law who developed altzheimers when Faye and Lisa were only small.  Then my Mum again because her husband died after 18 months of marriage and she was left alone again aged 60 years.  Dementia, then Norman's amputation, then lung cancer, it's been about looking after others and now it's just me.  Take care all of you, Carol x

You've more than earnt your carer's badge, Carol. Now it's time for you! But it is extremely hard losing your soulmate. And really you are still only in the early stage's of grief, so that what you are feeling is completely normal. And horrid. When did you last go swimming Carol? Is there anything new that maybe you would have liked to try but never got a chance to do? Or anything you used to enjoy that you stopped doing and could rekindle. Film club, art groups, swim clubs, other groups – I'm thinking I might get myself on a few garden visits when the drought comes to an end (still no rain in our area) and it is safe for me to go away (my friend is still refusing carers, which is difficult)? You could go away and write a book on a writing weekend – you certainly have the talent! – but maybe that would be too draining while you are still processing everything that has happened, and maybe you would hate doing something like that. The feeling low in energy is likely part of the grieving process. I don't have a solution. Nor the words. But I do feel for you in your loss and am sorry you are having to go through the dreadful anguish of loss, and have had so much thrown at you in life too.  Definitely be kind to yourself, Carol! Love Rose xxx ps Sorry swimming might be dumb idea, how is the eye now Carol?

Hi dear Carol, Rose is very very right about what she said about you and carer you definitely want to do what she said aswell, especially about the book. 

Just had a lovely bit of fresh cod (well supermarket fresh ),have to go seaside soon and get really fresh. Yum yum. 

Hope you can get organised and busy to pass time or even talk to us lot. Although we'll probably send you mad soon enough. 

Take care try and keep positive. 

Love Billy xxxx 

Hi Carol,  just been catching up with the posts.  Hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.  My Mum always said after my father's death, you never get over it you learn to live with the changes.  

I am still in remission and enjoying life, except that we had a shock in June.  Whilst we were on holiday both my Mother in law and my Mum passed away within 24 hours of each other (96 &91).  We were on a cruise so could not get back, even if we had got a flight from a port we would have been to late.  I had a couple of WhatsApp calls with my Mum that my friend arranged.  The last one as Mum was semi conscious she thought I was there.  Mum in law had a stroke and remained unconscious.

Mum had decided on her music and what type of funeral she wanted, even down to hot & cold buffet after.  So that made a lot of decisions easy to make.

We are busy clearing Mums house, we found bags of Christmas and Birthday cards going back years. Photographs from holidays of people we don't know. All have had to be binned.  The charity shops are getting bags of clothes, handbags etc.  

I love reading your escapades you are just like a friend of mine if its going to happen it will happen to her.

Sending hugs to you and everyone on here. Lynn 

I went back and reread your post about the hernia. I did read it at the time, so knew approximately when to look for the post. Can't believe it was misdiagnosed as a ganglion for so long. My friend has a large groin hernia, but doctors won't refer because of co-morbidities. He has managed to get himself back swimming, which doctor said would be okay for him. Mainly he does full-stroke breaststroke and some front crawl kick with a board (to try and keep up muscle strength). I love the idea of those Mr Right and Mrs Always Right glasses. Hope the cinema outing and meal went to plan. Xx

Dear All, the movie was very funny and just what I needed to put me back in a good humour.  Poor Mary has had a cough for months and seen four doctors , none of who looked in her throat just steroids, antibiotics etc.  She now has a referral next month but during the movie she was sucking a mint to help keep her quite but it melted and got stuck in her throat I thought she was going to expire on me, she had to leave and I sat all on my own hoping she would reappear!  Anyway she did then we had a meal together but she is looking pale and tired as she is not sleeping well..  Then last night I had such a bad dream I awoke and was gagging over the side of the bed, it was awful and upsetting, like those dreams where you dream you are punching someone and wake up punching your partner.  So I got up and made some sweet tea and tried to calm down.  I'm now waiting for Faye to call me as she is at the hospital today and hopefully finding out why her blood pressure is so high.  If its not one thing its another.  Rose my hernia turned out to be a lymphoma and is being removed due to how large it is so I could swim but I'm not wearing a costume that shows all I'm made of, perhaps an old fashioned one with a skirt on would be better!  I rang Ray today, Dorothy is now having physio as she can't get out of bed anymore, Ray says she is a little more communicative but still knows no one.  I'm in the middle of mowing the lawn and it's boiling hot so I've come in for a sit down in the cool, off to sweep up now.  Carol x