Hi dear Carol  ,i normally visit Brenda Tues and Thursday as its best days for my relative went Tuesday Brenda wouldn't talk to me wouldn't come visiting room, i wasn't allowed where she was nurse let me get to talking distance kept trying to persuade her, then nurse told me she's on different meds, Brenda wouldn't move so i said will you talk to me Thursday, she said maybe. 

I phoned up yesterday Brenda did talk to me abit so i went today it was lovely we were talking away had a drink each all the time, Brenda still on about relatives being on her ward but i ignored that, nurse came and said your time is up we didn't realise. 

Brenda is along way to go but getting there slowly. 

Im still going slowly and puffing well another blood test tomorrow see what's going on   

Carol think you want a sat nav in your pocket.  

Glad you are getting things sorted with the hospital. 

Take care keep occupied   

Love Billy xxxx 

Dear Billy, it must be so hard for you, how are you coping being home alone?  I've kept busy as it stops me thinking and being upset.  Visited my friends house yesterday, she is intelligent and holds down a good job in the NHS, she was one of my Legal Cle

Clerks at the Court and the same age as Faye, but oh my goodness her house is a tip!  The so called conservatory has a lawnmower in it, a bike, deck chairs, anything that she has is in there including the cat sat on the deckchair!  The front room is so full it's impossible to sit down, books, clothes, toys everywhere and the two dogs took to me as usual and kept shoving me over, we went out for coffee and cake!!  I remember a meal there with three others and she had hung a candle holder  with a parrot on it over  the dinner table, the parrot was too heavy and tipped the lit candles onto the dining room tab le, that wouldn't happen now as there's no room to sit at it and don't laugh but when we got back home Stella her daughter aged ten had been at her Dad's (they're separated) and had made a cat Box out of an enormous cardboard box and added it to the mess, that can go back to your  Father's she said.  On a sadder note Dorothy is in re hab at a hospital but has now been diagnosed with a chest infection, it reminds me of Norman's decline, body giving up bit by bit.  Well I'm off to meet Sue as she needs new glasses and doesn't know what to get, so I'm advising her.  Then off for a pasta lunch, she's on her own, so we both laughed and said at least we don't have to cook tea now.  So take care as I'd better go and get ready.  Love Carol x 

Hi Carol,

I'm really glad you have put your complaints in writing, it was so unfair that Norman's days ended so badly after you had kept him going for so long. The so called caring services are staffed with the wrong sort of people half the time.

I had to smile at the description of your friend 's house.  Before I retired I sometimes had to make home visits to a client's house and sometimes I didn't dare sit down, even if there was space to do so. Then others, with exactly the same number of children and problems, were spotlessly clean and tidy.  
 

We're looking forward to the hot weather we are promised later this week, I love to paint in my summer house, but haven't felt able to, so far, this year.  For half way through June it is very changeable.

I think I'm going to ask my doctor to put me back on the list for gall bladder surgery.  I, somewhat foolishly, asked them to take me off it a few years ago because I had very few attacks, and didn't fancy having an operation, but I'm getting them quite frequently now.  I was shopping in the supermarket today and don't know how I managed to pay and get home I was I so much pain, and it has just come on again so I'll close now.

love

Christine xx

Oh Christine I'm so sorry that you are not too well.  Mary had her gall bladder out as she was in so much pain, it all went well so maybe that's what you need.  What sort of paintings do you do, I love art work and tried to join an evening class but it was full so I didn't go.  Perhaps I need to do something like that during the winter.  Fiona works for a NHS Trust that I volunteered for before Norman became ill, she wants me to rejoin and aim to become a governor due to my experiences but I'm not sure, it all becomes so heated and I'm not in the mood for fighting nowadays!  However she is a union representative as well so if and when I get an appointment with the trust in respect of my complaint she will attend with me as a back up, so I've accepted her offer.  I'm finding the long summer evenings lonely and some days I see no one, it's such a vast change after fifty odd years of there being two of us.  But I'm in a far better place than a lot of others, I think it's because we never lived in each others pockets so we always had outside interests and friends.  It's sad when people make their partners the only one and say, oh we don't need anyone else, they do and it's short sighted to be such a close knit unit. Mary is like that with Joe, it's all about him and whatever he wants, she will be so lost when anything happens to him but people don't listen to commonsense.  Faye gets her results tomorrow so I'm a little on edge, I hope and pray that there is nothing wrong, I'm not sure if I could cope with more bad news.  Norman is still in the conservatory in his lovely wooden Box but I've put him on the floor as it's getting hot in there and I don't want the wood to get  burnt but then I think don't be silly, he's being buried anyway!  Take care, get better soon.  Love Carol x 

Hi Carol,

Thank goodness my gallstones have stayed inactive today and I feel fine. It is nasty while they grumble, and hopefully, next time I will remember to call the doctor!

I have only been painting for a few years, although I did art at A level. and I was always the one called on to do anything artistic wherever I worked. 
I decided to start again in late 2015. I was sitting in my living room after lunch, watching the lunchtime news,  waiting for "Doctors" to come on.  It was rubbish, as usual and I asked myself why I was wasting my time watching daytime television and what could I be doing that would be more satisfying. My lovely Sheltie, Faith, was curled up on the sofa and I picked up a pencil and paper and did a little drawing of her, and was surprised to see it wasn't bad, it certainly looked like her. I then got a pretty glass vase and drew that, and that wasn't bad, either.  The next day one of my neighbours popped in and saw my little drawings.  He was a widower, whose wife died just before I moved here, so I never knew her. Later that day I saw him coming across the road again, carrying something, and it was a box of art materials that had belonged to his wife  and he wondered if I could use them, and would I like to go over and choose anything I could use from her 'special cupboard'  It was like Aladdin's cave! So that was the start!  Of course I then started buying my own materials and did a couple of classes to remind me of what I used to know about painting.  I tried water colours but I'm rubbish, I never really liked water colour pictures anyway, so I now use oils, acrylics, oil pastels or soft pastels. I started painting dogs, then I branched out into landscapes and even portraits. If I like them they go on my wall, or on my children's walls, if I don't think they have worked they go in a cupboard. That cupboard is pretty full!  I accepted a commission, once, to paint a double portrait of grandparents  to be a birthday gift for their grandson from his parents. I will never take another. The pressure to get likenesses just right was really painful. I found the man's face quite quickly as he had strong features, but oh my goodness that pretty grandmother's face was painted and scrubbed out more times than I can remember.  I wasn't really happy with it when I handed it over but their family were crazy about it. I don't know how professional artists cope with the pressure, although it did feel amazing when I saw two of my paintings on my son's office wall. They looked like they had been painted by a real artist!

I have been alone for twenty years now, and I can honestly say I don't often feel lonely.  I am lucky enough to see my daughter most days when she brings her poodle puppy for doggy daycare and on the other days we FaceTime each other at 8am, to make sure we are both alive! I don't see my son as often because of the distance between us, but when he does turn up it's always unexpected.  The last time, he said he was coming on the Wednesday, then turned up on the Tuesday - because he likes to see my face light up when I realise it's him!  Before I moved here, I was a board member for a couple of housing associations and a school governor, but I moved out of the town to a village a few miles away and I didn't like driving after dark so I gave up my positions. I thought I would miss it but I don't. 

Fiona sounds the perfect person to accompany you to your battle with the Trust, it was so good to hear you'll have support.

I hope Faye's results are ok,, you don't need any more worry!

Love

Christine xx

Dear Christine, what a wonderful story, it just goes to show how a small kindness can lead you down a path you love.  But I know what you mean by pressure because I did a lot of sewing for my girls, just little dresses and matching hair ribbons, I made all my own mini dresses as I had very little money but it was a simple pattern to do.  Then my cousin Denise was getting married and wanted Faye and Lisa to be bridesmaids and my Aunty Phyllis offered my services for the dresses to be made, you should have seen the pattern, fitted bodice, tiered skirt, pie crust collar with velvet threaded through, blouson sleeves with fitted cuffs and 6 small pearl buttons with matching Button loops all in a see through cotton lawn that needed lining, it took me weeks and the girls were under strict instructions not to touch anything because I had to leave it all in the dining room table for weeks, and I had to make two!  They did look gorgeous but the blood and sweat that went into them spoilt it for me.  Faye has apparently got one kidney smaller than the other but still within the normal parimiters of being OK, so a kidney specialist is looking at the scans and then she will know but we had a laugh as I asked her how you fatten a kidney up!  Lisa said does that mean she wants one of my kidneys?  It's a good job we have black humour to see us through.  Had another eye appointment yesterday out of the blue, they said three months but because of my blood pressure they made it three weeks.  So I had to find someone to take me again, three hours of drops, lights, scans and more worrying.  So the backs of my eyes have changed and I have to be careful with my blood pressure, that's easier said than done considering what I've been through over the past five years, I tried explaining that to them, but no ones interested in what's gone before.  So they've discharged me but see my optician in 6 months, then I came home tried to stay calm and a phone call apparently from Santander saying someone was purporting to be me and had rang them to get some money, good luck with that I thought, when Norman died the only number I had was a chat bot who didn't understand the question!  So she said I needed to take two forms of ID with me to the bank today or they would freeze my accounts.  It makes me so bloody mad that these scams are still being allowed and who are these well spoken women trying to trick you, what sort of job is that?  So rant over, I've been alone all day but it's been very hot and I seem to be very tired, every time I sit down I fall asleep. Some days I can't be bothered to talk to anyone and today has been one.  Take care, Carol x 

Hi Carol,

I broke into a sweat just reading about the detail in those bridesmaid dresses.  Memory activated! I also used to make my own mini dresses, and shift dresses, they were so easy and it meant I could wear something new when I went out at the weekend.  One time, though, I got a last minute invitation to a Christmas party by a boy I quite fancied, who was doing the Christmas post with me. ( Do they still let students deliver Christmas post, I wonder) I was very excited to go to this particular party, so I rushed home to start making a dress.  I decided on a pinafore style, that I could wear with a nice blouse I had. I got material from the market, and set to on my mother's old treadle sewing machine.  I had a lot to do that day so I rushed through my sewing to get ready.  Two years later, I met the boy who had taken me to the party with a couple of his friends.  One of these boys said, "I remember you! You're the girl whose dress started falling apart  one Christmas,". I pretended to join in the laughter and acted cool about it. My friend said it was only a seam that exposed my thigh and I had joked that it was supposed to do that because my parents wouldn't let me wear a split skirt.  But, apparently, I was truly mortified at the time, but I had and still have  absolutely no recollection of that happening.  Talk about obliterating bad memories!  I still can't remember anything at all about that party!

I'm glad that Faye's smaller kidney is within the right parameters, let's hope the specialist thinks the same.

I feel for you having your eyes fiddled with. I'm pretty stoic about most things, breast cancer, Pooh! But the thought of having my eyes touched gives me the shivers.  I've got cataracts and the optician said, last time I had my eyes tested that they were really sizeable and he felt that if he referred me for surgery (eeeek!) I would be accepted.  However, he was surprised that my sight was amazingly good for the state of them so I shouldn't worry too much. He put me on annual eye tests, though!

I, too can't imagine how anyone could deliberately talk people into having their money stolen.
Warning!  Another of Christine's memory lane tales. I had a brief stint of employment in a bank, when I was back in UK between overseas jobs, where, among other things, I had to cold call bank customers to try to get an appointment for someone to call to discuss their insurance needs It was perfectly legitimate  but I hated it.  One evening I was at my mother's and someone cold called her about double glazing, and she gave them short shrift. I then explained how horrible it was to have to disturb people's evenings to try to earn a living.  I hope she was a bit kinder to the next cold caller. It doesn't seem to bother the scammers, though.  I got rid of my landline because every call seemed to be from a scammer and the list of blocked. numbers on my phone gets ever longer..  I used to quite enjoy asking the heavily accented James to repeat his name, then I used to say, " Well, James, you're going to burn in hell for lying to an old lady" before hanging up. But it just became too annoying as it happened so often, with the Joseph's and Philip's calling from Microsoft to warn me about a problem with my computer or the 'lady' from Amazon, whose recorded message never got beyond the first few words before I hung up.. Now, the scams are far more sophisticated, I know, but I actually get annoyed with the people who do get scammed because there are enough warnings out there.  It is sad when it's an old person        ( well, really old, older than me) suffering from some kind of dementia, but anyone else should have more sense!  

I think my rant was worse than yours!

I am quite glad it's raining today, so I don't have to go out into the garden for some more outdoor housework. I spent hours yesterday just cutting back, hedge trimming and lawn mowing. So today I have just touched up the paintwork on the kitchen cupboards, and I am about to start making a rhubarb and apple crumble.  Even after all these years, I still make way too much for me, so my daughter is the beneficiary of half my baking and the dog benefits from the overproduction of meat meals. The gardening, and today's chores are just a way of ignoring my latest painting, which is part done and causes me anguish every time I sit there, desperately trying to get the features on a baby's face right  I have spent hours split over weeks, to get this face, but I can't - but I keep getting close, then  spoiling it. I am determined to finish it because I want it to be a gift for my son's in/out laws.  It is their grandchild I am  trying to paint as a baby because they will never see her like this again. She will be at school before I finish it at this rate!

Take care, watch that BP! 

love

Christine xx
 

Hi Billy and Christine, Billy are you OK as I've not heard from you lately?  Such good memories about clothes, mine was a lemon linen shift dress with a long zip up the back, the plastic zips had just come out so instead of metal I used the modern version.  Off to the pictures us girls went aged fifteen, a horror movie triple bill so a lot of scary moments of us jumping in our seats and holding our hands over our eyes, then the boy sat behind me tapped me on my shoulder, I nearly jumped out of my skin, sorry love he whispered but your zip has come apart and I can see all your underwear!!  So this magic zip had split apart in the middle and undone itself both up and down with just three teeth hanging on in the middle keeping it together. I had to go home on the bus like that with friends walking behind me all the way!!  Anyway on another note the patient experience office rang me yesterday to say they had received the complaint. I had to go through all fifteen points again and you'd be proud of me I held it together until where Norman got out the ambulance and said Darling I'm so glad to be home, I lost it and sobbed down the phone, I hope they recorded the conversation as it may make someone listen to the distress they put me and my family through.  So the time line is the 8th August, so I'll have to be patient.    A meal out last night and another today at lunchtime as I'm seeing everyone before I disappear to Surrey.  Lots of love Carol x 

So sorry Carol not texting lately, might sound daft but I've bought 2 top speed scooters and doing them up. 

Had to do a bit and sit down as heat is getting to me. Im determined to get them finished and keep best and sell other, both are running just one was going rusty on shassy, other owner kept hitting things so body repair, (i could do with a body repair as well).

Im still off cancer meds for couple of weeks yet, BP is down again but energy has improved, its just this heat. 

Brenda had another assessment, don't know results yet going tomorrow. She's definitely not right yet. Still doesn't always want to see me. 

Her clothes keep going somewhere so im always getting more. 

At least your complaint is going through the system. 

Really glad you are having company and plenty of meals out. 

Hope you have a lovely time in Surrey. 

Take care.

Love Billy xxxx 

Hi again dear Carol  ,just had phone call from Brenda's ward there looking for a place to move Brenda full time care home.