Hi again, Jess,

I have to make a confession, here.  If you look at my thread, "Hello from a new member of the family" you will see that I wasn't particularly scared when I was diagnosed. I had a good idea what was happening before I went to my own doctor, just because as I may have mentioned, I am quite/very old and I had read a lot about checking yourself for breast cancer and what to look out for, so when the surgeon at the breast clinic, on my initial visit said, as soon as he saw the ultrasound scan that had just been taken. " Well we'll do more tests but I'm pretty sure it's cancer," it just confirmed my own conclusion.  The worst bit of all for me was trying to wheedle, cajole, beg and plead for him to take both breasts off. As I said, they had served their purpose, feeding my two children and I would be happier with a flat chest than a lopsided one.  He wouldn't.  He did offer to do it in a few months if I saw a therapist to prove I really would be happier without both.  By the time a few months had gone round and I mentioned it to my daughter she was horrified at the thought of going through it all again! It really was harder for the kids than it was for me.  My recovery from the mastectomy was easy enough, the lymph node removal was a bit unpleasant, especially when I found out I didn't really need it as there wasn't any cancer in the sentinel nodes, despite the surgeon thinking he'd felt something. Even so, it was only a few weeks before I was back to my old self. In fact, to be honest, I have more trouble with my old knees than the cancer. As I said before, I have been one of the lucky ones. That doesn't mean I don't think it will come back and get me in the end - it probably will - but for now I'm just enjoying life, finding lots to laugh about, and keep taking the tablets.  

Lots of love,

Christine xx
PS, I think you are as strong and supportive as anyone else in this forum, and you have a lovely way with words, xx

Hii Christine ️ Oh gosh sorry I should have looked at your post. I am very sorry I didn't! I still think you are brave and amazing. I mean to not be scared that shows how special and amazing you are Christine. I remember my diagnosis I was absolutely terrified and I ended up passing out - I think from shock and also because the doctors office was really hot. It also shows how brave you are that you knew something was up and you went to get it checked out with your doctor. I have to confess and I'm ashamed of this, but I knew something wasn't right but I left it for ages before I saw anybody about it. I was just scared I guess. Had I gone when I first felt something wasn't right maybe it wouldn't have spread so fast? Guess I'll never know that now. I wish I'd had your bravery and strength Christine, I really admire you, your a remarkable woman. And don't worry about age, it is just a number :wink: that must have been hard for you that they wouldn't remove both breasts. I would have felt the same as you I think not wanting to be lopsided. I'm sorry that you had to have it done, I hope you're coping ok after that. I know surgery can leave you a bit rough sometimes. I had both my ovaries removed and I still get after effects from that. It's crazy. How are your kids doing now? I hope they are ok! ️ It must have been so difficult watching you go through such an awful thing. I find my cancer difficult but it is worse for my sister. I'm glad you got back to yourself quite quickly... That's brill to hear! I'm so happy for you Christine :) You enjoy your life, keep being special and keep being brave! Your still an inspiration to me and I'm sure many others think the same as me.

and positive thinking... Cancer isn't going to get you! Tell it to do one if it tries to come back!

Love Jess xx

Hi Jess, 

I was just going to switch my bedside light off when I got the email that you had replied and I couldn't just ignore it.

You are very sweet!
I'm happy to say my kids are back to normal, now, teasing me and taking me for granted, or perhaps they are just pretending to do that, so I don't feel they are being too concerned about me. I'm doing well, too.  I've learned to live with my dangly boob and hot sweats from my hormone meds.  Like yourself, I've had to learn to take it easy if I feel tired.  That means I might have to spread work that needs doing over a day, instead of getting on with the job and finishing in one go. My paintings take a bit longer to finish now because I get painful knees from sitting or standing at my easel so I can only work for so long. To be honest there isn't much I can't do, well, except for pole dancing, I've never been good at that,  :) 

Keep smiling! I believe laughter is defo the best medicine, it won't cure cancer but it makes you forget about it for a while!

Now for some sleep.  My dog, Archie has always slept on my bed, but I think I must toss and turn in my sleep because what he does now is to snuggle up to my legs, as usual, when I come to bed, but after I switch off the light and say goodnight to him, he waits for a minute or so, then very quietly jumps off the bed and goes to sleep in the living room. Then, just before the alarm goes in the morning, he comes back on my bed and wakes me up with kisses, as if he's been there all night! I've decided he does that because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by obviously not wanting to sleep with me. My daughter just says he's sneaky!

Good night

Cx

Hii Christine ️ I hope you are sleeping well tonight and will have a lovely day once you are awake xx

Before I forget - which I do frequently darn brain!! - I meant to say yesterday that I think your painting is amazing !!! I would give anything to be able to paint like that and I mean that. Done lots at home and at school but I am totally rubbish lol. Your profile picture is amazing and beautiful! Your so talented. I love it :) 

I think you are a super sweet, lovely woman! I think they are just pretending Christine ;) I'm sure they think a lot of you but probably don't like to show it much. I used to be the same with my dad. Aww fabulous Christine! That is really good to hear how you are doing so well. It can't be easy for you, having to adjust to this new way of life but I can hear how well you're doing. It's fab you have your children and your dog! That extra support, company and love must be a big help. I can understand feeling tired, it's a nightmare isn't it, but sadly something we have to get used to! I'm so tired 90% of the time. And like you have to take things slower and do them throughout the day. Your painting sounds lovely and peaceful for you, though I'm sorry your knees ache! You sound a very talented woman Christine, you should write a book you know, I bet it would be fab and a bestseller! I would defos buy it.

Always try to keep smiling, laughter is defos the best medicine and thing to help with cancer. Xx

Awww Archie sounds so adorable and like such a cutie ️ It's lovely that he starts of with you, leaves and then comes back to be there when you wake up that is literally the sweetest thing ever! He sounds an absolute gem. I love how dogs can be so thoughtful like that. It's like at times they can feel how you're feeling. I can hear how much you love him as well. So sweet. I'm glad you have him Christine xx

Good night Christine. Sweet dreams!

Love Jess xx

Hi Carol,

It looks like Jess and I have hijacked your thread!  I'm going to take my reply to her across to one of her other threads as I don't want anything to change the Carol and Billy story.  I'm ashamed to say I laughed at the lady fainting in church. Partly because I always used to faint when I was very young and I hated it, so my younger brother and I began to sneak off somewhere instead of going to church and go home at the usual time, as if we had been.  One night, we did this, we were about 14 and 12 at the time, and mum asked us if anything unusual had happened. We said, ' No it was Father so and so as boring as usual.'  We both got a whack around the head. It turned out that someone had died during Mass and the news had reached home before we did!  After that we were made to go to morning Mass with her instead of having a lie in and going to the evening one! 

Happy Easter Monday, although it is grey and damp here just now.

Christine xx

Hi Carol, 

It is funny when we look back at things we did that we would hate our children to do. My daughter likes to remember things she and her brother got up to, and tell me about them now it's too late to do anything  about it.  I know before she starts that she is going to tell me something I really don't want to know. 
I remember taking a test drive in one of those three wheelers, a Reliant Robin. I crashed it!  Actually it just tipped up as I turned a corner a bit fast. I didn't buy it!

It has brightened up now, time for a nice walk up the lane with Archie.

Have a nice day

xxx

Dear carol , hope you can get out and about if you are on your own .

i decided to mow the lawn but grass is so wet it's clogging up mower ,  got Brenda couple of cream eggs for tomorrow when i visit .

Poped to spar just down the road on scooter of course., eggs,bread bacon , some sandwiches for my noon meal,(ham and egg) and a nice cappuccino to wash it down,then meds .then im done till tea, mushroom, bacon and sausage,if im really hungry egg as well, don't need a supper. .

Cloudy here and cool .

Love Billy xxxx

Tut tut you ladies when you were younger,i always did what I was told,or got a good belting  . till I met Brenda and I realized I had to start doing what i wanted if i wanted to marry my true love , my father was all against it from the beginning, realising his hold over me was going but my mother was all for it and she usto put her foot down when I took brenda to see them, luckily Brenda didn't realize until i told her after we had been married for a few years ,. she knew dad was funny with her but did know why . Meeting Brenda really brought me out of myself .I was always quiet and hardly any friends didn't go out anywhere very shy .

Hope you are keeping busy carol , and of course Christine.

Love Billy xxxx

Hiya Billy,

This is turning into memory lane, isn't it. Nice to share memories, I think.  I have a neighbour who is totally housebound who lost his wife just over a year ago. I only met him fairly recently when he used to be able to get to his front door and I seemed to walk past with the dog whenever he was taking a breath of fresh air and we just got talking. Now he can't get to the door so we pop in for a minute to say hello and end up talking for ages about everything and nothing. We have had totally different lives and different memories but always have something to talk about. He loves animals and is well pleased when I take my Archie and Bobbin, my daughter's new puppy, to see him.

I love that you did what it took to win your Brenda. Your dad probably worried about the age difference, parents do some funny things, sometimes, thinking they are doing the best for their children. Good for you and your mum!

Its good to see you are looking after yourself. It sounds like you are eating well.  

Hope that grass gets dried out soon or I'm going to lose the dog in my front lawn. I managed to half cut the back one a couple of days ago but it was too wet to make it look good.

Christine xx