Another part of Norman was removed from my home this morning, the stair lift has gone and I had forgotten how wide my stairs are.  No more struggling past the seat with washing and the hoover but I would prefer him here than all the space in the world.  I received a phone call telling me that my national insurance number had been fraudulently used and all my assets would be frozen unless I sorted it out.  Obviously a scam but how hurtful that others just see death as a money making exercise.  I rang Faye as the only thing we had used my NI number for was to use the Tell us Once service.  But Gordy said that because the girls had thanked friends on Facebook that they had got it ftom there, he is right as this afternoon I've started receiving adverts for solo holidays, on Facebook.  Its awful that within ten days of my wonderful husband's death I am being targeted for my money.  The medi equip man has been and removed stuff, a gruff unfriendly man, he spoke three words to me.  I have telephoned my local pharmacy and they are sending someone to collect all the medical supplies left for Norman for "when he got worse", how much worse is beyond my comprehension.  Still tomorrow is another day.  Xx

I had a meltdown this morning, I woke up feeling dreadful coughing my chest hurting, I couldn't stop crying and I was all alone. Through my tears I found the telephone number for the District Nurse and for once luck was on my side as Lucy answered the phone and she had been with me when Norman died. I sobbed down the phone I feel really unwell and I'm not going to make Norman's funeral next Monday. She rang 111 for me and the doctor called me and it turns out I have crackles on my lungs due to the Covid. So I am now on antibiotics and have come to bed at 9 pm. Faye rang me she was in tears, she is still testing positive and is having to wear a mask in her own home when she comes out the bedroom. Both sobbed down the phone  and railed at the NHS having left us all in this horrible place. The doctors suggested I ring bereavement counselling, I said I don't need counselling for bereavement I need it for anger. If you get worse he said you just go into hospital, I would need to be dead before I go into hospital I told him , I'm so sorry he said you've all had an awful time. The next week is going to be hard as we are all still unwell, the girls have to travel hundreds of miles with the children to come back for the funeral and none of us know if we are going to be well enough. I never dreamt it would all end like this, Norman would be so upset to know the state we have been left in because of his neglect. Take care all of you, love Carol. Xx

Oh Carol poor you - words actually fail me at this point to describe how sorry I feel that this is happening to you. What you are going through is so tough. I hope that you will be well enough to be able to go to the funeral but I just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you and hope that things improve for you and for Faye quickly. 

Sending hugs your way,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

Thanks Lucie, I appreciate your kindness.   I need to believe that we will get through this. 

Dear Carol 

Sorry I've not messaged before to say how sorry I am to you and your family for your loss of Norman. 
 

Its such a hard time for you all but to feel so unwell is very difficult. I hope the antibiotics start working quickly and you are able to get through Monday feeling a little stronger. 
 

I hope in time the trauma leaves you, cancer is such a cruel disease.

Take care of yourselves, thinking of you all.

Nicola x

Dear Carol, I am not surprised that you have had a meltdown, it is despicable the way you have been treated not just by the medical profession but by other so called professionals too. The world has changed beyond all recognition however, there are still some very caring people who will be there for you and I trust that the medication will kick in soon so that you will be well enough to cope with your dear Norman's funeral. As so many have said we are all thinking of you. Sending love and hugs. Stay strong and God bless. Thelma x

The week has gone from bad to worse, who would have thought that could happen, not me as I always try and stay positive but here we go.  I received an update on my new state pension due upon  Norman's death, apparently you can be awarded up to fifty percent of his state pension, this has been ignored in my case as I am awarded 5% which equals the grand sum of £8 per week.  No one you speak to has any idea how this is worked out, once again hours spent on the phone and then it's the wrong department, I've filed it on the kitchen table, Faye and Lisa will have a look when they come.  So the reality is that I will not be able to afford to live where I am, unless I start using savings to stay put.  One pension company have still not called me back, another has not sent any paperwork so I can't claim it yet, everyone is full of how it will all be done in 7-10 days but it's not.  My daughters have said they will help me sort it out next week so I am now concentrating on getting better.  Norman's car has just gone, my red Beetle is now on the drive so each time I see it through the glass it upsets me because its always been his car parked there.  Chris and John and the Vicar came yesterday but if someone is kind to me I just cry, more cards have arrived and more beautiful flowers, my friends and family have been so wonderful but each day I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.  All is organized for Monday and I know  we will get through it but its going to be so hard.  Faye is walking with me, Lisa and Harry behind and Luke and Alfie together.  I will be back on here later but bear with me until I'm strong enough.  Thank you all for the love and kind words sent our way it is greatly appreciated and the virtual hugs have helped.  Love Carol x 

Dear carol just hope nothing else goes wrong .

We will be thinking of you on Monday and hoping you get things sorted with pensions soon ,we will sending you our love and prayers for now and the future .

Love Billy xxxx

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