Hi Debs, I remember replying to your post as you could only see the worst of it all, so I'm happy that it helped you and looking to the future is hard for us all as we don't know how long we have.  I'm sure many will think I should be grateful and kind all the time but I'm no saint and real life is not like that.  I killed a fly today that has bugged me for a week, take that you little *** I said as I swatted him with the teatowel, die I said as I chucked him still half alive in the bin.  Hubby looked on and said, he didn't know what he was doing when he messed with you!!  So since last night things have got worse, would you believe.  He had a bath and he was so long I went up to see if he had drowned, no he hadn't but he was in a right mess, his prosthetic leg had snapped a cable and the knee wouldn't bend, have you ever tried getting down stairs without a bent leg, we had to work out how to put him in the stair lift sideways on, it was something like a Monty Python sketch, so I've had to cancel the funeral attendance on Monday, get the wheelchair out and clean it and Monday morning I'll have  to drive to Middlesbrough and drop it off and hope that the one we took Tuesday is repaired.  I've got a Box of chocolates from my birthday, they're getting scoffed whilst I watch Strictly.  Love to you all. Carol xx 

Hi my dear carol.

Norman is like Brenda, when hospital is mentioned, since her last nasty experience beginning of year no way does she want to go in again .

im getting there with BP,its still low but in 90s and low 100s now,so good improvement.  I've got more energy even though soon had it yet.

Glad you got chocolates while watching strictly and relaxing for a while.

Take care keep positive.

Love Billy xxxx

Hi Billy, it's been a better day, having driven to have his leg fixed, leaving him home with Sarah in his wheelchair I am now an Angel and loved very much.  Unfortunately the horrible flare-up episodes still rankle and I don't reciprocate, I do not feel guilty because I know it will happen again.  I obviously missed the funeral and will call Flo tomorrow to see how it went.  I rang my brother and apparently his partner's Mum died Tuesday and Karen has hit the bottle, she's already a heavy drinker so this is worse, Terry says they are all arguing over the funeral arrangements and she had stipulated in her Will that no one could wear black, so Karen had gone shopping as she has nothing to wear!  I tell Faye this and say just chuck a load of flowers on my coffin and be sad!  She says it's making people unable to grieve how they want when it's dictated how you should be, I agree.  I popped to Margaret's House and dropped her birthday gift off, we had coffee and hubby was worried when I got home as he hadn't listened to where I was going.  Take care Billy, love Carol x 

Cough, cough, cough, this is my 6am bird call except its my poor husband coughing up his guts, it seeps into my head, like a babies cry when you knew you had to get up and attend to them. I am already wearing an eye mask, a tooth guard so I have some teeth left and I'm now wondering if I could add ear plugs to the mix, the only problem is I may think I've died and gone to heaven when I wake up, can't see, can't hear, can't talk, just like the threemonkeys!  I've had a shower, come downstairs and whilst doing him tea and toast, he has listed his ailments, aches all over, pain behind his knee, his thigh hurts, he couldn't make me coffee because his hands aren't working either, oh but the good news is his chest feels better!!!!  Lisa is still sending goods here and yesterday someone dumped  massive box on the front doorstep without ringing the bell it was so heavy I had to drag it by the wire holding it all together into the garage.  She has just texted and asked if beds can be delivered to the cottage whilst Sarah and I are up there cleaning, it had better be whilst I'm there as I'm not hanging around all day in a cold house.  Faye rang last night and I told her abouts Karen's Mum dying and that she had dictated how everone should behave, that's awful she said, yes just cover me in flowers, weep buckets of tears and move on with your life I tell her, we giggle and she says OK Mum, got it.  I have a day off, just district nurses calling and tea to sort out, hurray!!  Carol x 

Hi everybody, not good news again, treatment tomorrow is cancelled, Norman says he doesn't really care anymore.  I am in limbo.  Carol x

Hi Carol, I've followed your thread for some time now and came across it when I lost my precious mum to cancer. 
 

Your honest account of caring for Norman has been so touching, you've made me smile many times because of your witty sense of humour.

For what it's worth I'd contact the doctor without Norman knowing just to make sure he's as well as he can be.

When my mums cancer returned we were all in denial and oblivious, she complained of pain but all found other reasons to blame it (she had terrible back pain but had started following some exercises and assumed it was that) by the time the GP started doing investigations it was too late to give further treatment. I would do anything to go back, take her to a private GP and get some answers but of course it's too late for that. 
 

Hoping Norman gets his treatment soon.

Nicola x

Hi Nicola65, thanks for your help, since posting the cancer nurse has rang and Norman is booked in for a blood transfusion next Friday.  He says he has had enough, doesn't want to be living like this and should be left to die so I can get on with my life.  There's no answer to that.  So next week, covid test Tuesday, District nurse Wednesday, blood transfusion Friday and scan Saturday morning.  It's all so exhausting and I hope he picks up after the transfusion.  My sense of humour is nil at the moment!  I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum.  Love Carol x 

I hope Norman will feel better after the transfusion and get his fight back, he must feel totally exhausted and flat. So hard for you too and you need to be supported. Reading your thread I know you have good family and friends, but dealing with the emotional side of cancer is so difficult and lonely.

Take care of yourself and hope you both have good news on Saturday 

Nicola x

Thank you Nichola. He managed to get out yesterday and saw a friend so seemed happier when he got home but it's pitiful to see him struggling so much. Xx