The family left this morning and it's been quiet but busy since.  Ella and I were watching Peter Rabbit the film but didn't finish it before they left so once I had tidied up I sat with coffee and cake and finished watching it.  Then the phone rang and it was to tell us that Marjorie had died of a massive heart attack, she would have been 80 in December.  I've known her since my early twenties and she was a guest at Lisa's wedding but Faye had a limited number so we couldn't invite her and Walter, basically she never forgave me!  Still we kept in touch as she lived in my old village, then Monday Walter fell over and ended up in hospital.  He has been falling over for years due to drink (mainly rum as a navy man).  He once fell headfirst into the open dishwasher and Marjorie couldn't get him out, she had to call the fire brigade who had to dismantle it, then call an ambulance as he kept passing out when they released him.  We've had so much fun over the years at parties of theirs.  One year Tommy who lived in the house at the back was there but not his partner as she had caused problems.  We ran out of chairs and glasses so Tommy went home to get more, obviously his girlfriend was not impressed and she started lobbing chairs and glasses over the fence, we all had to duck and dive to miss being hit, fun times.  Everyone seems to know each other, Walter is Florence's husband's cousin.  So the nurse rang this afternoon, his bloods are a little better but immune system still iffy, another blood test next week, she could send a district nurse, oh don't bother them he says they're all so busy , my wife will take me to the hospital, I was cooking tea and how that frying pan did not end up on his head shows how in control I am. Faye said this morning, Stay calm Mum, I texted her and told her what he had said, Stay calm, she should try being here 24/7.  Chriss, it's so lovely of you to send me love and hugs, I knew you were not posting much, we all need a break from grief and upset and to live a normal life.  You've also had so much thrown at you in your life but we always cope, what choices do we have but to be alive and coping.  That's why I rarely answer other posts now, so many with health anxiety and it literally makes me weep reading them!  Take care, love Carol x 

Gavin rang yesterday afternoon, three days late!  Basically said that he would need intravenous antibiotics which would be done in hospital, dream on I tell him, it's not happening as they would have to carry Norman kicking ad screaming out the house.  It sounds like it's been a tough four years he says, yes you could say that I reply.  So a blood transfusion will be offered if his count goes down, he will do that as its only a day.  I relay this conversation and hubby nods his head, then he says he has made a mistake in not accepting help from the district nurse, I nearly fell over!  So another call to arrange this, Karen the McMillan nurse says she'll sort it, I'm pleased as he won't be stood outside in the cold I tell her, that wouldn't happen she says, this makes me cross as we have been left outside many times during lockdown and obviously they aren't aware of this.  Karen is appalled and says leave it with her, apparently Norman had told her it was a ride out for him from the house!!!  I hope Lisa stops buying stuff soon as the doorbell went this morning while I was in bed, it was pitch dark and I got out of bed, 7.00 am, it was the postman, having been awake at 6am because of Ella I was not amused, I tell hubby as I take his tea up, crikey you're up early he says, was that the doorbell?  Good job I've got two working legs.  Off to buy a condolence card for Walter.  Carol x 

Not a good week for either of us.  I did nothing at the weekend as I felt really tired and Norman  just looked dreadful, pale, fed up, cross and by Sunday night when Faye face timed us he was shouting so much I couldn't bear being in the same room, Faye asked if I was OK and before I could reply he shouted, yes she's fine, I could have kicked him but his false leg is on the outside so he wouldn't have felt it!  I walked away and left them to it.  Faye texted later and said enjoy Strictly and we'll talk later, she then sent a photo of Ella dressed up for Halloween.  So Monday I kept out the way as he was still shouting, he said he is losing his voice and I'm not surprised as he is straining his vocal chords so badly.  Tuesday I felt awful and couldn't breathe without pain, my chest hurt, my arms hurt and I had a bad night so I called the doctor.   What a farce, Wendy my contact has left, so nice they let me know, no appointments so get on with it, or I could do an e consult.  She ran me through it, ten minutes to do it she says, it's a good job I'm computer literate as it wasn't easy.  So I spent ten minutes filling it in, guess what it said at the end, you need to ring your surgery straight away, we won't deal with this on line, and they were my own GP!  So another phone call, an irate receptionist and an emergency phone call, five hours later I am diagnosed with pleurisy.  The district nurse came and took hubby's bloods, three goes it took, I've a feeling well be back at the hospital next time.  Take care all of you strong people out there in the cyberspace.  Love Carol xx

Hi Carol, you are going through it at the moment.  Just wanted to come on and give you a virtual hug.

I'm still OK except having caught covid. I was fine just  mild cold like symptoms. Hubby was ill more like flu, coughing and no sense of smell or taste.  Both of us on the mend, finish my self isolating today.  Its been awful not able to go out.  At least we have a garden to stroll round.  Thank goodness for home delivery, went on line to order some essentials (bread etc)  and ended up ordering 10 bottles of wine as there was an offer on.

Friends and neighbours have offered to get things but it was easier to do online.  Fortunately I had done a big shop for my Mum before we had to isolate.

Back to normal today.

Hope you recover soon, best wishes River xx

Hi River, thank you for the virtual hug I am needing all the love I can get at the moment.  Today has been awful, Norman has gone from being pleasant and caring this morning to a foul mouthed banshee this afternoon.  I've been told to cancel my birthday plans for Sunday, as no one is coming to the house because he doesn't want to see them or give them what he's got.  I'm walking on eggshells and it's impossible to have a reasonably decent conversion without him flaring up.  It's awful as I'm beginning to dislike my own husband, his face is changing, his mouth is down turned and he just sits staring at his I pad watching stupid clips about policeman stopping cars.  No one has called with his blood results so why they took them is a mystery.  Poor you having covid but at least you're on the mend, online shopping is handy but like you if I'm OK it's good to get out.  Tomorrow is another day, let's hope its better than this one.  Carol x 

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It's been a long day and I've kept my counsel by staying away from hubby.  Florence rang as she had her MRI this morning but obviously no one told her anything, she thought Marjorie's obit would be in the paper but there is none  so no one knows when the funeral is or where and it's two weeks since she died.  Christine rang to say her operation went really well and she can see but is not allowed a shower or hair wash so she's staying home until she is presentable.  We've just been for fish and chips and Norman drove, I wanted to go alone but knew by his face it was going to turn into an argument, he hit the pavement as we parked and I nearly went through the windscreen, it's scary as he is not  concentrating properly.  I have lots of cards and gifts for tomorrow, Dave popped over and we commiserated with each other as Anne has given him a hard time as well!  We've decided that the one coping gets all the "***" which is true but do you know what, sometimes you just want to be back to life before cancer took a hold, it's constant, wearing and boring, day in, day out its all about the sufferer, three days I've been unwell and he has asked me once how I feel,.  I can't even have a drink because of my meds, that's my calm down at the end of the day, I'm definitely having one tomorrow to celebrate reaching the grand old age of 73 years.  Roll on Monday and my night out with good, loving friends.  Love to you all, Carol x x

I have received so many beautiful cards and kind words it has lifted my spirits.  I dropped my car off and met Sue and we had nearly two hours together just chatting and drinking coffee, she bought me a bottle of prosecco and some cards, Luke has gone to Jamaica on holiday, lucky him.  Faye bought me some gorgeous crystals in a four layer necklace, Lisa got me a small gold chain with a pretty pendant on it, hubby got me precisely nothing!  Having told me he didn't want anyone here I cancelled all my family and friends but when I arrived home at 1pm.he was putting his shoes on, when I asked where he was going he replied, well I'm not sitting here on my own all day again.  I have been nowhere all week due to pleurisy, he makes me cancel my birthday and then has the audacity to complain about being home alone , I'm calling my McMillan nurse tomorrow and having a word with her about this, I need some help on how to handle the emotions that Norman is having.  I darent call the GP again as he will end up in hospital.  Off to Margaret's now for a chat.  Love to you all, Carol x x

Dear carol , still keeping my eyes on your blog, not as regular sometimes now as brenda wants to Galavant more on the scooter, went a bit further this morning steep up hill mine struggled and got within 6ft of our garden gate and it stopped dead,so a good charge and hopefully ready for tomorrow, still like it because of parking anywhere and plenty of bag space.

Sorry about Norman Brenda usto be like that nomatter what i did was wrong,. hope things improve especially with you no having a tipple now.

Take care keep positive and safe.

Love Billy xxxx

Dear Billy, it's good that you are getting out and about, the days go faster and you're together doing things.  How are you doing now that meds have changed?  Norman is getting worse by the day, despite his bloods slightly rising, I am concerned about next week as to whether he will have treatment.  I spoke to my McMillan nurse this week about his temper and obviously she said it can occur but if he was keeping it under control for others then he should for me as well.  Things have been strained between us and I have just left him alone, if I suggest getting a GP he shoots me down in flames.  He looks really unwell and today he was jabbed in both arms, covid and flu, so the nurses asked how he was, dog rough he replied, oh OK they said and left!  A busy week, Norman and Debbie came in and chopped all the hedges down and told me to stay indoors but I couldn't so I put my coat on and went out to help clear up, it took three hours and then this morning Norman, my spare came and chopped it all up to go to the tip.  Maggie and I did Teesside Park but it was far too busy, I bought Norman and Debbie a large tin of Belgian chocolate biscuits and a good bottle of wine.  It was nose to nose busy and I'm not doing it again,I will shop on line in the comfort of my own home.  I'm off to the village coffee morning tomorrow and Monday is Marjorie's funeral and I'm having to go as its Florence's husband's cousin.  Take care, Carol x