First of all Billy thank you for letting me know that you still enjoy my blog.  Tuday has been a good morning and a terrible afternoon.  Maggie and I had a shop and lunch at Uno Momento which was so nice.  Salmon salad and a white wine spritzer for ten pounds, a good old natter and then I dropped her off to collect her car from the garage.  As I drove home my car phone rang and it was Jean, I was two minutes away so I called when I got home.  So having had kidney cancer, which was left for four months, they took it out, sent her home and that was it.  I didn't see her until June because of lockdown and when I did she was so thin it was awful.  When she said no one had checked up on her I told Paul it was scandalous to have just ignored her, Jean tells me he's laid back, yes I told her there is laid back and not doing anything, even her daughter and son had done nothing.  So she went to see her GP after my melt down.  Yesterday she received her results over Skype, she now has terminal cancer, it is everywhere and as she now weighs five stone plus she can't tolerate treatment.  She said I had been a dear friend and her roses were blooming where she was sat, the sun dappling through the window and making them a beautiful pink colour, I could have wept.  I went mad polishing and tidying up, poured a large G & T and wept when Norman came home.  Then my neighbour Anne rang me, she has just been diagnosed with womb cancer, she's 73 years old, no staging yet as it's just been diagnosed from the biopsy taken Monday.  I've promised Jean I will see her next week, she is already breathless so I don't want to leave seeing her.  So I'm sorry too be such a downer today but life is cruel.  Love Carol x 

Dear all, I took a day off to gather my thoughts and feel stronger today.  The sun is shining through the trees dappling through my frontroom window whilst I sit and drink my cup of tea, hubby is still snuggly in bed and we had a good day yesterday, we are hoping to see our family soon and that cheers us up a great deal.  Lisa rang last night, they had gone back home as they were apart of the virtual audience on the final of  BGT, see if you can see us she says, well I did look but as each screen shot was about an inch in size it was just a blur of faces, so I gave up!  Zippy had Tugs trainer in his bed and Daddy  was hopping around looking for it in the kitchen that no longer exists, aren't you going to tell him I say down the phone, no she says it's too funny to watch.  Apparently moving out was the best thing they did as the house is destroyed and she was stressed looking at it, but don't tell Tugs she says, I'm not admitting that he was right!!  I'm not sure what we will do today but it's too nice to stay home.  Have a good day, love Carol x 

Dear Carol and Billy,
Not much happening here either, although thr weather is set to improve again this week after some terribly wet and windy weather.  I went for an interview the other day, hoping to do some volunteer work at Annam Cara House, lots of forms to fill out and a police check.  Here's hoping it pans out.  Give me something to do 1 day a week.

It's good to hear that Norman is looking well and in good spirits.  Poor Jean, Covid has a lot to answer for when treatment for patients has been neglected.  And now being terminal.  Such a shame Jean's husband started drilling and hammering during your visit, cutting your visit short.  Make the most of your visits with her.

You're not boring us at all, gone quiet though as not doing anything interesting at all.  The sooner things get back to some form of normal the better.  Despite numbers falling of people getting covid, restrictions haven't lessened all that much.  Still look forward to reading your's and Billy's posts.  

Your day out with Maggie sounded good, to go out for lunch would be wonderful.  And now your neighbour has cancer as well.  HOpe she at least gets treatment and all the care she needs.  

Take care, love Sue xx

Dear Sue, thank you for your lovely update, I hope you are successful as its so nice to help.. Before Norman was diagnosed I was volunteering for a mental health Trust and it was going really well, I was being recognised for my work and was invited into interviews for mental health nurses on dementia wards, the staff involved said my contribution to ensuring they employed the right staff and always invited me back, but if course I had to give it all up as I couldn't be available when required, cancer has a lot to answer fir, it ruined my retirement but I feel that I have somehow helped a little on this forum and it's been a pleasure to do.  I can't believe it's three years since I started and although I never meet them it's lovely to keep in touch.  So take care and Billy I hope you are faring a little better.  Love Carol x

Not a good day, my escape route has been shut down, Darlington is now under the new restrictions, I've had to ring Faye and tell her to cancel her trip here.  She hadn't heard and I explained that basically she would end up travelling five hundred miles to wave at us through the window.  But could we have a meal out she asks, no we are not allowed to meet another household, even Margaret can't see me as although we have kept safe she is not a single person household, I officially hate Boris Johnson and his nerd scientists who listen to no one but themselves  all other science is ignored, they are right, everyone else is wrong.  So if I don't see Jean today, that will be it and how long has she got left, how is this helping, stopping dying friends from having love and comfort from others, none of it is humane or sensible, I would even wear a hated mask if I had to.  The weather is matching our mood, black and wet.  So don't laugh but I am off to the gym, six strangers together is OK.  Family not so much.  I told hubby to stay in bed, what is there to get up for, nothing.  Love to you all, Carol x 

Jean is so thin that her pyjamas don't fit so I went to M & S to buy size 6 for her, I popped them round but today she was in pain and just wanted to be left alone.  We had two hours together yesterday and though I kept saying I would go she begged me to stay.  Everyone has now jumped on the bandwagon now she is terminal, a pillow delivered for pressure sores, she was waiting for painkillers as hers aren't helping, they had given her paracetamol, that was it, what a shambles.  I bought her a new vase as a gift as she has so many flowers she has run out.  I got myself some suede fluffy slippers and hubby said they look "Mumsy" he does know how to give a compliment!!  So that's it really as I can't see anyone, how boring, my social butterfly life has been caught in the covid net.  See you tomorrow, love Carol x 

Not a good start to my day, two texts early doors, the local pub has shut due to the landlord testing positive for covid, most of the village frequent this popular pub but the landlord also has another pub in Yarm, lots of young revellers go there as it is on the river.  So Norman and I have not been there since Christmas as we felt it was risking too much due to his cancer.  The next text from Jean, her daughter has tested positive, she had not been in Jean's house since March but because of the Skype call to tell Jean she was terminal she had got time off work to be there for her, life is so cruel, the first time in six months, so Jean is in lockdown, I am obviously now concerned for myself as I have been so careful who I have seen, basically Margaret and hubby, that's been it, so pray to God I am OK.  I had the whole swimming pool to myself today so I swam constantly for half an hour, it cleared my mind and is keeping me sane.  We are off for the scan tomorrow afternoon and we are both upbeat about it, although hubby has said he is having weird dreams again which upset him, it's always when the scan is due which is obviously on his mind.  I am the same as any little thing I'm concerned about wakes me at 3am and stays in my brain like a little worm that goes round and round, I had to give myself a harsh talking to at 3.30am and finally fell asleep.  Take care all of you, love Carol x 

I went for a swim before the scan, there was a grandad with his little four year old granddaughter in the pool, she was giggling and splashing and it was so lovely to see a carefree child and her beloved grandad having fun.  I went in the sauna as its the only way to dry my hair, due to no hairdryers being allowed (I know!) and a bald headed tattooed gent came in, hello he said, hello back, it's Carol isn't it?  I'm so sorry I have no idea who you are, Dave, Josie's fiance, oh crikey I said I didn't recognise you with no clothes on, he says he was going to say that but thought it might be rude!!  So Josie for those of you who have forgotten lives opposite me and divorced her husband when the dog died as she realised it was the only thing keeping them together, she is funny and has my sense of humour.  So back in reception another guy says, hello Carol, I haven't got a clue who it is, a mask, and grey hair does not help me as nearly all the guys my age are grey, so I pretended to  know him, oh how are you, how are you doing, nice to see you blah, blah, not sure if he was convinced. The scan was in a unit and as usual no one prepared hubby for the longer walk (hobble) and then steps to climb, why are there no disabled facilities supplied?  So as I couldn't stay I went shopping, a new swimming costume as my old one is far lower cut than I remember and I keep having to check my boobs haven't come adrift.  I told hubby this and he laughed his head off, so the new one has a swim front and should save my modesty. Take care, Carol x 

Hi Carol.

Hope it was a battery powered trimmer otherwise could be shocking,. 

Just noticed an advert on TV had me in stitches laughing, its a flemingoe sat on a transparent toilet children put liquid and powder in its beak and it comes out other end you can guess what like. 

Hope things are going well. It'll soon be Xmas, sneaking up very quickly this year. 

Love Billy xxx