Hi Rileyroo, 

Having treatment, and tolerating the awful side effects is courageous. But to Brave the shave and do it a 2nd time just as your own hair is growing back is really something.  Go for it, raise money so that one day soon (i hope) they can cure cancer.  Be proud, you'll look beautiful.  Neil never fully lost his through the 2 rounds (6 cycles the first time, tthen 4 of the 5 cycles the second time) of chemo he had, it thinned and turned white and was just starting to get some dark hair through it again.  I'm not brave, It was awful watching his deterioration over the 10 months since his diagnosis but you do what you can to make it easier despite how muchyou hate it..  I was scared then, and still scared thinking about life without him.  Myself and our 3 girls are devasted and I'd love nothing more than to just hide away and pretend none of this is happening but we do what we have to, we'll cope and make it out the other side.  Not sure how long it will take but it will get easier.

Take care.  Sue xx


 

I didn’t do chemo Sue. I had early stage breast cancer so it was an op and radiotherapy. 

You and your family have already faced a lot together and  will get through this. Neil has gone and nothing can change that but you are still here and can go forward with your life, I’m sure that Neil would have wanted you to live a life without fear.

A moth has chomped it's way through my one and only  expensive cashmere jumper, nothing else just that, it's bang in the middle so obviously he needed a little window to peep out of through the summer!  My new toilet seat fits which is surprising due to how many I had to choose from, hubby tells Norman there's no rush as we have two other toilets,  but that meant me running up and down stairs because being a man getting him off his would have left me hopping from foot to foot.  I met Jean for lunch and then we order a birthday cake and decide where my "Do" will be.  I wish people running Italian restaurants spoke Northern language,  it certainly took some time to sort out and even now I'm  not quite sure what I've booked,  hopefully it'll all be alright on the night!   Faye has just rang she's been trying to buy me a ring from Hubby and called in the Swarovski store in Harpenden but they were so unhelpful regarding sizing, it's not the same as ours, that I now have to go and try it on in a store in Darlington.   She's going to write a letter of complaint she says!  Gosh my daughters take after me in many ways, mostly for the better I hasten to add.  Big day tomorrow,  3pm is scan results time, fortunately everyone has not remembered, so we won't have to lie if it's not good  news.  So folks &ll see you tomorrow. 

Dear Rileyroo, It was good that your cancer was early stage and you didn't need chemo, but even an op and radiotherapy have their side effects.  Hopefully you are well on your way to a full recovery.
We have faced a lot, as all who get cancer or their families do, regardless of whether it is diagnosed early or later.  Neil's was diagnosed later and while initially both the surgeon and oncologist were confident, I was always scared we wouldn't have a good outcome, as it had spread from his oesophagus even then. Now its scary, it's just me (not really, our girls are wonderful), but Neil isn't ever going to walk in the door anymore, Your right, he wouldn't want me to live being fearful.  I won't be a hermit though, I have lots of friends and will still go out,  This is a new chapter of my life, one I wasn't prepared for but i'll live it and in time it will be a different but good life.
Sue xx

Dear Carol,  Talking about coffins, we could have chosen one with any design on it..Bree said Dad would love one with a truck, yes, that's right we could have found a "nice" picture of a kenworth truck, is there a nice picture of a truck??  But I said no to that, although Neil wouldn't have minded.  I am hoping you get good results tomorrow.

Bed time for me..so goodnight, and take care.  Love Sue xx

We have good news!  After 12 weeks of chemotherapy,  20 radiotherapy sessions,  numerous infections,  ongoing problems with toes, fingers,  anemia and stiff necks, we are now classed as a stable disease!  So no sign of growth, they think, because the scar tissue is so dense they can't see through it, but hey, well take stable any day!  We called in at the pub and had a celebratory drink, came home and rang Alfie as it's his 11th birthday , he's been voted by the school to be Head Boy in his last year, how good is that?  Hubby talks to Faye and she cries with relief, this is so emotional in a good way.  She speaks to me and I tell her we knew the date but held off in case the news was not good.  Lisa next, Anthony answers the phone and immediately senses good news and hands it over to her.  More tears and she speaks to me she's been on tenterhooks all day and pounced on the phone when it rang,  she was furious when a cold caller rang and shouted down the phone to get off the phone as Mum was calling!  So we've had a fish and chip tea, saw Pauline and told her, are you coming to the cookery demonstration tonight she asks, no I'm not, hubby says go, I tell him I'm trying to get out of cooking not learning how to cook!  I've got chilled wine in the fridge, some Mary Berry Lemon cake and I'm going to pig out on the sofa.  Take care all my lively friends. Xx

Oh such wonderful news Carol. So pleased and know how you feel. Love and hugs to you both and your family xxx

Yes, thank you all.  Isn't it funny that we take stable disease as good news!  Xx

Great news Carol. Enjoy yourselves

River