Hi everyone,  Thank you all for your messages and kind thoughts.  Cancer has made me realise we should all enjoy the moment, don't wait.  Neil and I weren't young, I didn't consider us old either, and we still had plans, things we wanted to do, cancer can change that, I know a lot with cancer don't have the journey we had, and go on to live a long happy, healthy life, but regardless, do all you want now, don't wait, live your hopes and dreams.  This is probably the drink talking, 1/2 a bottle of wine and not much food, I tend to ramble.

Gloria, That is wonderful news,  keep getting stronger and kick cancers butt.  Miracles do happen.

Julie, I hope your hubby is doing well and improving each day.  Have you been able to organise having a link for the wedding as yet.  

Sarah,Lynne and Annie,  It means a lot to all of us.  I have shown our youngest this forum and she was as touched as I am .

Carol, Neil didn't know I posted here either, but I have shown Deana tonight.  The toilet seat is nothing when you consider what we are all going through.  Deana cooked a big pot of chicken pesto pasta for us tonight and insisted I eat.  She is wonderful despite being so bossy at present.
I'm going to close as I don't even know how I'm still awake but will post 2 pictures.  One is Neil on probably his last fairly good day.  The other is 3 1/2 years ago with Neil, myself and our youngest on her wedding day.  Happier times.
Goodnight all and take care.  Thankyou again.  Love Sue xx
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Beautiful photos of a wonderful lady and her much loved husband .  At last I know what you look like.   All my love, Carol xx 

Lovely pic Caz. 

Thanks Rile roo,  had to be one with wine in it!!  How you doing?   

Doing OK at the mo. Still haven’t sold the house which is frustrating. 

Got my bonkers head out of the box today and will be doing Brave the shave, well a toned down version of it later this month!

Beautiful photos Sue and very wise words.  Your family sounds lovely - let yourself be bossed for a little while!  Even at this time you are concerned for others, thank you.

Dave is doing well, they're building him up for the big op.  Haven't quite got the link sorted but we are working on it.

Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you all.

xx

The reason I haven't put my photo on before was because I couldn't!   I can't believe it was only last November , I took all my girlfriends out who had supported me and we had a marvellous food and drink evening.  One of my friends only drinks prossecco and it was getting late, we needed another bottle,  so I grabbed a guy in black trousers, white shirt and tie and asked for another bottle,  he was actually a guy having a meal with his girlfriend,  I was so embarrassed but he said because I looked cute he'd forgive my faux pas!  So back down to earth, James Cook again, pay machine playing up again, coffee machine not dispensing coffee and I missed zumba.  I was a little cross as he books his appointments knowing full well I need to go but never asks if it's ok for me.  So last night I told him that next time to check with me first, I know why he wanted it immediately because it's his golf leg,  I'm not stupid!  Norman next door has removed the broken toilet seat before I forget and sit on it and end up with a large V shaped scar on my  bum and a new one has been purchased.   The guy in B & Q asked if the ornament broke, it didn't but it wouldn't have cost £40.00 to replace I tell him.  I've been watching Killing Eve, it's brilliant and worth watching on catch up.  I'm cooking tonight, fish fingers (sort of cooking)  I can't keep feeding him ready meals and I Seem to have got over the tummy bug from Saturday ! I hope you're all coping out there in our cyber space forum, it's good to help and be helped.  See you tomorrow xx

Hello Everyone, What a gorgeous picture of you Carol, you look so happy and full of life. The pictures aren't so hard once you've done it, although when I did the one I use I did wonder if it worked it took so long before it actually appeared.  And thank you for you kinds words re the photos.  Neil was so proud of his girls, and he was especially close to Deana. She has already stated that her and Nick will take Eli fishing in a year or two, using one of his rods.  Deana and Nick have told me they are staying till Friday when my 2 best girlfriends are coming and will stay Friday.  Erica I have known since we were both teens and Deb lived in the units where Neil and I lived when we were first married so we have been best friends for nearly 35 years.  Deana is still being bossy, cooked a lovely lemon chicken casserole for tea tonight, served it with green veggies.  She pointed her finger at me and said "You'll eat your greens too".  She is a big believer in veggies.  Today has been busy, still more visitors, the celebrant came to discuss Saturday and despite many tears I found it very cathartic.  One of Neils brothers arrived at just the right time and reminded us of things long forgotten that Neil and his mates had got up to, some of which I was around for, we laughed and cried, but it was good.  The house is starting to look like a florist shop.  I will run out of vases soon if they keep arriving. Tomorrow afternoon I will keep my appointment to get my nails done.  Tomorrow Neil's clothes have to be delivered to the funeral home, his mother is hoping he will wear a suit, and while he has 2 the rest of us have decided he will wear jeans, a grey shirt and the beautiful black and grey woollen jumper I bought him for his birthday last year.  He hated wearing a suit and only wore one under sufference.  Only ever wore casual clothes or his hi-vis work clothes but I drew the line at those.  We also decided on a memory table, to display a few things he treasured.  His akubra hat (we got a picture today of Eli wearing it), his Kenworth truck model, a drawn caricature of the truck he drove and a few other things.  John, his best mate will do a eulogy,as none of us would be capable of doing one.  Music has been chosen, a couple of country songs one by Faith Hill another by George Strait and the final song is Jimmy Barnes "Working class man",  most of which is so Neil.  I'm dreading Saturday, it is so final, but I'll always have my memories.

Thank you Julie, it really is good to hear Dave is doing well.  Do you have a date for his op yet?

Rileyroo, so courageous of you to be doing Brave the Shave, even a toned down version.  We have Shave, Cut or Colour - Do It For Cancer, here is Aus, I would possibly colour mine but don't think I could ever shave it.

Will post the picture of Eli wearing Poppy's hat, Neil adored Eli and could always get him to smile, and this picture is the closet we have of a picture with Neil.

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Love to all, take care.  Sue xx

My dear Sue,  how you have managed to get all together in such a short time is unbelievable.   Everything sounds like the Neil you know and even the clothing,  yes I would have drawn a line under wearing a high viz jacket.  Norman started talking about funerals today, probably because the scan results are due, he wants a cardboard coffin, I said he'd better let his daughter's know that.  I did a eulogies at my Dad's memorial,  I definitely couldn't have at his funeral.  My thoughts will be with you on Saturday and I'm pleased you are getting all the support you need.  Daughter's are bossy but she's making you eat which is good.  The photo of Eli must make you smile, he's gorgeous.   All my love Sue.  Xx