Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Hi Annieliz

Your post made me smile - I can relate to your dilemmas!  My hubby's been in hospital for 10 days or so (with one day at home) and I'm becoming very aware of all the little jobs he does around the house, eg winding the clock - it's stopped and I have no idea how to wind it up, putting the bins out - no problem with that but they are behind his car and I've never driven it.  That's not really an issue either but reversing it back up our narrow drive could be..... Small things but they all go to remind us how much we miss them!  

Julie

Hi Annie,  It was only last night I said to Carol I thought your pc must have given up.  Welcome back!  I can still remember when Mum and Dad got our first landline.  Such excitement, when it rang, which wasn't often.  Now we have landlines, mobiles, desktop pc's, laptop's, tablets and are totally lost when we don't have them for a day.  I have the same pin for my credit card and debit cards, I find that works well for me.  As you have read Neil is in hospital with shingles and other issues, so not doing great.  I asked him today how he was feeling, answered so sarcastically, "Marvellous."  I'm going tomorrow afternoon to see the Dr at the hospital for his scan results from today.  The nurse said it was good as far as the embolism goes.  They thought he had one, but doesn't.  But other aspects of the scan weren't good.  Dr does his rounds early and will tell Neil results, but he misses half of the conversation, so can never tell me accurately what was said.  So to take my mind of things I don't want to think about (and can't help thinking about), I'm going to make a pot of soup.  it might just come in handy for dinner tomorrow.  Love Sue xx

Well all my fellow carers what a time we are all having!  Isn't life fun with the black cloud hanging over us.  I now do everything and after Norman drove into our new garage door I don't stand behind his car anymore !  Get used to it girls, it doesn't get any easier but you get used to it!!  I've had a red admiral butterfly in the conservatory and what a job trying to  get it out, I think it's gone to sleep now from exhaustion.  Hubby went for fresh air, we're going out for tea, he doesn't want to meet these friends but refrained from telling them and I wouldn't,  so stale mate.  I'm a little fed up doing everything he wants but nothing I want.  My birthday week is filling up as I've just booked to see Dracula, Brahm Stoker at the theatre, very excited to see new production.  Zumba was rubbish as a new girl was being observed, if it had been the whole class I'd have walked, I'm getting very impatient with stuff I'm not interested in, it must be rubbing off from his lordship.  Soo off for this exciting tea now, ,,I'll let you know how it goes. Xx

Tea went really well and hubby admitted he was wrong, I'll say that again, he said he was wrong!!!  So today we've been to Lumley Castle to check out the disabled facilities , there aren't any,  so he won't be going with me again.  This party is a surprise 50th, well it's certainly going to be that because they denied all knowledge of it!  I had to get Lisa to send me a copy of the invite, all the relevant names on it, no it wasn't being held there.  Lisa is travelling from Surrey, her husband from Exeter as he's at a funeral on Friday,  they've booked a room, I'd enquired but at £189.00 for one night (but breakfast is included I'm told, I'd want gold plated eggs for that price )  but no party.  It's a bloody good job I don't back down easily .Someone said there was a wedding anniversary under Lonsdale, that's her married name it's on the invite I point out.  So it is there, my goodness they need re-training !  I finally managed to capture the butterfly and free it, it's met it's friends at the front of the house, the birds have gobbled four fat balls since Monday and it's 23 degrees.   If the wind wasn't so fierce I'd go and have coffee outdoors but I might blow away.  On a sad note AusSue's husband is not doing very well.   I'll keep you posted. 

Ironing done, I was so quiet that hubby thought I'd gone out, I pointed out ironing is not a noisy occupation !  He's being very loving and is smiling again, which is lovely to see.  He says I lied this morning when I took his tea and said it wasn't windy, it wasn't at 8.30 but it's now 10.30.!   I have a hair cut booked so do that, take off to get some ready meals, I'm off to see Summer Holiday at the theatre tonight,  the hairdresser asks if Cliff Richard is in it, I hope not, they'd  need a lot of make up to make him look twenty I say!  I've just had a custard tart, a cup of tea in peace, the other half has gone to get some fresh air as the wind has dropped.   Faye is going to see her first Secondary modern school today for Alfie, how that takes me back.  The first school we saw for her gave a list of what you needed to buy, the mini hand calculators had just come out and we were told to buy one.  How much are they I'd whispered to hubby, I don't know he said, then this woman behind us started yelling at me, you lot from the posh village school don't have to worry about money, it's us hard up lot living here that can't manage,  needless to say we gingerly moved somewhere else, in case we were ambushed on the way out!  Let's hope things are not as bad in Harpenden!   I've not heard from Sue,  so I'm not sure what's happening.   Julie I hope you are coping and it must be so hard with the wedding looming.  Take care all of you. Xx

The show, Summer Holiday,  was absolutely brilliant.   I was fifteen years old when this was on at the cinema and not greatly Iimpressed as I was A Rolling Stones type of rebel, much to my Father's horror..  However,  fifty five years later it made me smile and clap along merrily .  I've been to a Mc Millan coffee morning and I was picking Maggie up at Quick Fit she was due an MOT.   Her car not her, but having arrived first I parked up and waited, she drives in, parks next to me, doesn't wave or acknowledged my presence and goes to Reception.   She then comes out wanders to the entrance looking for me,  I honk my horn and wave.  I never saw you drive past me she says, well you wouldn't I tell her, I was already here!  She couldn't believe she'd missed me, me neither as I'm in a bright red Beetle!   Perhaps she needs to book in for an eye test!  I had an early message from AusSue's messaging this morning,  Neil is rapidly fading, he wants to come home, his last wish, she's a little worried as to how she will cope.   Her family and friends are rallying around but going back to a dark empty house on her own  last night was not very nice.   She's asked me to keep those we know up to date.  Lisa is home in the morning,  lots of little gifts for Harry,  I've just made a bunny rabbit shaped jelly and dropped jelly snakes into it, he'll love that and will think it's funny, hubby says I can't do anything wrong where Harry is concerned,  a little jealous maybe?!  He's looking better again and we're nearer the scan results as it's next Friday.   Not telling the girls if it's bad news.  Not yet, they have things of their own to cope with.   Good news will be yelled down the phone!  Take care,  Carol 

Hello everyone; Sue if you read this, so sorry to hear that Neil isn't doing so well.  I have been thinking of you all and miss reading your posts.  Today my new credit card pin arrived but I haven't had time to do anything with it today; will leave it until I return from Somerset in a week's time.  I was talking to my neighbour (on the left hand side, called Lance as opposed to Eileen on my right hand side - she is no good at computers - for heavens sake she comes to me if she wants help!) to tell him I was going away - I think he was relieved that he was not being asked to do another fiddle-around on the pc - I am keeping fingers crossed that it doesn't start going wrong again just now.  Carol, sorry to read that you were hassled at the school.  I can imagine that such articles are a real problem for some families - not that gives them a right to take it out on yourselves.  I am glad I could get into the internet this evening: I looked up PeeWeeToms with whom I have been corresponding for some time on other forums and sadly discovered that he had died today - only 32 years old.  His family bravely got together on YouTube to tell all his followers what had happened.  I remember seeing Summer Holiday many, many years ago when I was young and Cliff Richard fan.  There wasn't the amount of well-known stars to follow (or so it seemed) in those days.  Hello to you Julie, I usually post more often but my pc has all but given up but is kept going by a helpful neighbour when (as often happens) it just stops working.  Love to you all.  Annie

Hello all

I've had some problems logging on here for the past few days, but things seem to have sorted themselves out now.

So sorry to hear that Neil is not ok.  My love and thoughts go out to him, Sue and their family.  Such a tough time. 

Caz, enjoy your time with Harry. They bring such joy.  I was hoping to see Matilda this afternoon but she may have to do wedding prep things with her mum.  Hubby will not be able to go to the wedding due to having intravenous antibiotics.  Once we got over the disappointment, it's a relief not to have to worry whether or not he would be able to!  Does that make sense?  We will rig up some kind of link via iPad/phone so he can be part of it from a distance.  He was moved off the ICU yesterday and seems to be doing well.  The infection in his pancreas has spread a little to his heart, which sounds alarming to me, but the Drs don't seem to be too concerned about this.  I do wonder if there will be any lasting effects on his heart - it's been through a lot in the last few days!

Our son is visiting his dad this afternoon so I have a free day until evening visiting.  I'm learning how to do all sorts of things - managed to move his car to put bins out AND reversed it back up the drive, wound up clock although it is an hour fast (it's a chimer and tricky to wind...) and now I think I need to mow the lawn.  Wish me luck.

Love and hugs to everyone, keep your collective peckers up!!

Julie

Hello everyone,  Thank you so much for your concern, it means a lot to us.  It is so heartbreaking to see,  He is not in pain though, so I'm thankful for that.  
Annie, I had also been reading PeeWee Toms blog, such an inspiration.  I was saddened to hear of his passing in your post.  I hadn't checked his blog in the last week with all that's happened here.
Julie, So sorry to hear your husband won't make it to your son's wedding, the link sounds wonderful so he can still be part of it all. It is good that he is out of ICU and improving.  Like you I am learning to do things I have never had to do, although our printer is still a major problem for me, I'm convinced it hates me.  My son-in-law will change the ink cartridges, and he also mows the lawn.  
Carol, Thank you for everything.

Love to you all.  Sue xx

I'm  sat here having a quick cup of coffee before everyone arrives again.  I did logon a at Midnight when I got home but having drank four vodka and limes plus a strawberry gin that my son in law talked me into having, things were a little blurred.  So I'll catch you all up tomorrow  because obviously there is a lot going on with you all.  Julie I'm sorry about the wedding but it's a relief sometimes on this cancer roller coaster to just make a decision and know it's the right one for you.  Sue I know we've been privately messaging every day and it's been a joy to communicate,  so thank you also.  Annie, it's lovely to have you back.  So love to you all and my manic Saturday will be posted on Monday.  Xxq

I'm  sat here having a quick cup of coffee before everyone arrives again.  I did logon a at Midnight when I got home but having drank four vodka and limes plus a strawberry gin that my son in law talked me into having, things were a little blurred.  So I'll catch you all up tomorrow  because obviously there is a lot going on with you all.  Julie I'm sorry about the wedding but it's a relief sometimes on this cancer roller coaster to just make a decision and know it's the right one for you.  Sue I know we've been privately messaging every day and it's been a joy to communicate,  so thank you also.  Annie, it's lovely to have you back.  So love to you all and my manic Saturday will be posted on Monday.  Xxq

I've just realised that I had a sixteen hour day on Saturday and it took me all Sunday afternoon to recover.   I set off at 9.00 am for a nail bar I frequently use, they were shut!  After three other visits I gave up and went for coffee and scone,  I'll have to sit on my hands when not drinking or eating.   I drive to the station nearly get wiped out trying to park the car and it was all worth it,  Harry saw me and ran full pelt smiling his toothy grin and flung himself into my arms!  He is so solid I couldn't lift him up.   We go home, have lunch,build lego and then Daddy arrives having spent two days travelling from a funeral in Exeter.  They leave and it's so late I dash to get ready.  I'm so unused to wearing high heels now I forget how far I need to walk in them, needless to say by 10pm I'm barefoot with a blister on my heel!   Alison was stunned at her surprise party but I struggled with the disco music and flashing lights, even whilst we ate and having been put on the front table, trust me I suffered greatly for my drinks!  I'm pleased my birthday will be meals and chatter,  where we can hear each other and not end up with a sore throat through shouting.  I struggle to understand a party where people have travelled hundreds of miles to see you and you can't talk to each other.  AusSue's has contacted me today, Neil is failing rapidly and will not be going home,  she is relieved about that,  I have friends whose husband's have died at home and it has not been pleasant and left them with the nightmare of seeing them fail at home.  Julie I hope all us a little better for you. Xx

Dear all, Neil passed away peacefully with his family at his side.  I have sent my private wishes to Sue.  

Hi Carol. Been for result of latest biopsy and pet scan this morning. No cancer in latest breast lump. Just a cyst. Pet scan absolutely cancer free. I’m in full remission. After 12 months of radiotherapy, biopsies and chemo which knocked me for six and I’ve lost all my hair I can’t take it in let alone believe it. My Haematology lovely Dr said he was shocked too as he really thought with this latest lump appearing just at the end of chemo treatment that cancer was back and chemo not working for me. If it had because it’s a rare one I’ve got treatments are limited. Probably clinical trials. My daughter was with me and we both broke down and he got out the tissue box bless him. I can’t stop having tears. I’m so very humble and grateful. Thank goodness for our wonderful nhs and my caring wonderful doc. I know like any cancer this may not be for ever but my bloods were very good he said and I am feeling stronger every day. Even got tufts of hair. Awful grey but it’s hair. Wanted to share my news with you. I feel I know you and enjoy your posts each day. Hope you and hubby and family ok. Miracles do happen I feel. Lots of love Gloria xxx

So sorry.  Love and thoughts to Sue and her family. 

X

Firstly, thank you all for the messages regarding Sue's husband, I will message her privately and pass them on.  Secondly,  Gloden what fabulous uplifting news, there is a God and he has seen in his heart your struggle.  Long may it last, sod the grey tufty hair, plenty of wigs and later hair dye!  Julie I hope hubby is doing a little better and you are coping.   My legs still ache from Saturday so my zumba class is not as exuberant as usual, plus the lawn needs mowing, I wish it would stop growing.  I just swept up and the window cleaner lands,  so I have a quick shower and knock the ornament off the shelf and smash the toilet seat.  I am honestly getting to the stage where  when these things happen I don't even get cross anymore , what's a broken toilet seat compared to cancer, nothing.   I've just given hubby some big smackeroos and he looks bemused but after Sue's news,  it brought home to me how short life can be with cancer.  He doesn't know about this forum or who I write to so how can I say I want you to know I love you because a good friends husband has died.   It's a gorgeous day, sunny and blue skies but the wind is fierce,  I've just had to pick another dead bird up, it must have flown into the window, it makes me shudder and gives me the creeps.   These are the sort of thing men are made for but mine can't stand up in the wind so I'd probably end up having to pick him up as well, except he wouldn't end up in the bushes!  I'm being lazy again for his tea, braised steak amd mash from the lovely M & S shop, I've had a gippy tummy since Lumley Castle,  definitely the food, certainly not the drink!  So a little bit of pasta for me.  Funny story, I came home today and hubby yells down the stairs, I can't get my leg off, WHAT do you mean, the buttons not releasing it he says, guess where we're off to again tomorrow! Fortunately he's fiddled with it and is now wearing the other one.  Crikey it's one thing after another.   Take care all of you. Xx

Hi everyone,  Thank you all for your messages and kind thoughts.  Cancer has made me realise we should all enjoy the moment, don't wait.  Neil and I weren't young, I didn't consider us old either, and we still had plans, things we wanted to do, cancer can change that, I know a lot with cancer don't have the journey we had, and go on to live a long happy, healthy life, but regardless, do all you want now, don't wait, live your hopes and dreams.  This is probably the drink talking, 1/2 a bottle of wine and not much food, I tend to ramble.

Gloria, That is wonderful news,  keep getting stronger and kick cancers butt.  Miracles do happen.

Julie, I hope your hubby is doing well and improving each day.  Have you been able to organise having a link for the wedding as yet.  

Sarah,Lynne and Annie,  It means a lot to all of us.  I have shown our youngest this forum and she was as touched as I am .

Carol, Neil didn't know I posted here either, but I have shown Deana tonight.  The toilet seat is nothing when you consider what we are all going through.  Deana cooked a big pot of chicken pesto pasta for us tonight and insisted I eat.  She is wonderful despite being so bossy at present.
I'm going to close as I don't even know how I'm still awake but will post 2 pictures.  One is Neil on probably his last fairly good day.  The other is 3 1/2 years ago with Neil, myself and our youngest on her wedding day.  Happier times.
Goodnight all and take care.  Thankyou again.  Love Sue xx
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Beautiful photos of a wonderful lady and her much loved husband .  At last I know what you look like.   All my love, Carol xx 

Lovely pic Caz. 

Thanks Rile roo,  had to be one with wine in it!!  How you doing?