Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Well he didn't have a good night  as his toe gave him Jip all night as he put iodine on it after his bath. I leave him in bed, go for papers mow the lawn and hose down the patio as the new grout looks like hard sand! I catch up with the neighbours who have just arrived home from Devon having had a wonderful time.  I'm so jealous, a holiday, I wish.  He's just wandered past the window and is mowing our joint lawn, he is such a lovely friend to us and is putting my table together for me.  Hubby finally comes down at noon looking smart for our lumch out, he tries so hard when he must feel like just giving up half the time.  So I have a new white linen top on,let's see if I can manage to not get gravy down it!  Xx

We had a lovely lunch but his hands are causing problems.   He dropped his knife on the plate and the poor lady on the next table nearly jumped out of her chair,  I mouthed sorry and she smiled back.  People can see the struggle he's having, shaky hands and slow walk but we enjoyed ourselves,  came home and our neighbour came round and put our table together.  By this time I'd had two vodka and lime plus a glass of wine so I was told to sit down and not get involved !  Today has been busy, busy and our love seat has been built so I've had four lots of cardboard to take to the tip, then our old bench was chopped up so off I went again.  Hubby has nodded  off a lot today and says he's tired and doesn't know why.  I tell him to sleep if he needs to, he's eating well so that's a bonus.  Family arrive tomorrow and I've just eaten Alfie's chocolate , it was calling me from the bunk beds, eat me!  So I did.  Xx

Hubby is very tired and his wounds are playing up,  so I leave him in bed and go to Tesco for a family shop.  I buy my neighbour some corona to say thanks for his help, It's not good to take these kindnesses for granted.   Faye should be here soon with two excited children, hubby has replaced the eaten chocolate and we'll keep my naughtiness quiet!  The weather has changed so it's  wet and windy which is annoying as it would be nice to sit in the garden I've worked so hard to get ready.  I'm hoping to eat al fresco tomorrow,  so keep fingers crossed for decent weather.  So if I go missing for a few days, forgive me because I'll  be doing nice things.  Xx

Hello Carol; not sure where the last few days have gone.  Weather was quite good over the bank holiday weekend but has been pretty depressing since then.  I keep blaming the weather for not being able to do anything in the garden but that quiet voice (conscience?) tells me it is not stopping me from cleaning inside the house.  Sorry Norman has been failing a bit sometimes but am pleased he has been enjoying outings too.  You seem to cope by keeping busy - and the occasional glass of wine - but I imagine there are still nagging worries at the back of your mind even while you try to do so much.  Hope you enjoyed the wedding dresses through the ages thingie.

The spring flowers (bluebells, various daffodils and odd bits and pieces) in my front, I cannot call it a garden it is more a strip of earth, were gone almost as soon as they arrived in the late spring weather.  Some of them I planted myself others were here when I moved in.    They were followed by my peony roses - a glorious colour - and everything is now just a muddy mess.  Some new grass has started to grow in parts of the back garden but has not grown at all in others.  Life is full of mysteries to me.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  I've  been so busy that I've just sat down after playing badminton in the garden with Alfie.  They are going home tomorrow and I'm supposed to be going to a children's fund raising coffee morning at a good friends, I'm not sure I'll make it!  Yes I do keep busy it doesn't give you time to think the worst, I've spent a lot of time in the garden and the family arrive and it pours down.  Hope its a little better down your way. Xx

I've been awake since 6.15 am as Ella woke early and as it was her last day she was going to talk and talk until they left at 8.00 am.  They are home safe and sound and I've finally sat down.  We have packed so much into two and a half days it feels like a week!  Trampoline park, normal park, lunch out, chasing Pokemon trails for Alfie with me trying to follow a ten year olds directions,  whilst driving.  Yesterday was our only sunny day so Faye's friend came with her child and all three of them ran around the garden like lunatics whilst we sat talking and Grandma drank wine (trust me I needed it).  Hubby stayed in the house he has coped well but looked exhausted.   Faye has said he needs to write down what he wants to say to the Oncologist,  so she tells me this, I don't tell her that he's humouring her because I know that even if there was a list it would not be used!  The trouble with grown up children is that they still believe what we say is true.  They are here for a few days, flitting in and out giving sage advice and going home thinking they have helped!  I haven't even had a cup of tea in bed, I've got up with Ella and fed them both, taken tea up to hubby and popped one into Faye and a head appears from under the duvet,  Oh Mum go back to bed and I'll get up!!  This NEVER happens.  So washing done beds made and we are somewhat back to pre visit.  I thought I was at a coffee morning today, fortunately a friend texted it's the 8th of June, otherwise I would be dressed up with nowhere to go.  I'm having a nod off now! See you tomorrow. 

Crikey,  we must have been tired, I wake at seven as a drilling noise permeates my tired mind, who on earth is busy building stuff at this time of the day,  I'll have another half hour but sleep til ten.  I nearly have a fit but realised it doesn't matter!  I go to town, have a peaceful scone and coffee and chill out.  Hubby looks exhausted and falls asleep again, he's decided to see another GP about his hands and I agree as he is suffering badly.  He has dressed nicely today wearing a brown merino jumper and white shirt, but we spot two holes in the sleeve, is it moths he asks, looks like it I say, oh good, I'm now  moth eaten as well as everything else! !  A sense of humor, it has been missing for some time and it's nice to hear it.    The family have gone to meet each other at Kensington park today I hope the weather is better than our pouring rain!

Hi there.   Your family seem to be very caring and although we moan their naivety it would be awful if they didn't show how much they love us.    Nice morning here.  Paul, my pal here, went to Epsom for the Derby yesterday with his mates and came back with more cash than he left with so he was pleased.   He has good friends who help him - he has COPD and various other bits and pieces - but was pretty exhausted when he got home.  I thought I would tidy and clean the living room - he never throws anything anyway - instead I took the dog for a walk, lay on the settee and read my book and then fell asleep.  Come 4pm I decided I must do something useful, ran around for a couple of hours by which time I was covered in sweat and the dog needed another walk.  I have half-tidied and reorganised the stuff in the living room.  Sorry Norman is suffering with his hands and hope the new GP can give some help.  Just realised it is dog-walking time again so need to get dressed.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  what a lot of dog walking!  My two grandchildren want a dog but Mummy and Daddy have told them they're allergic to them.  They've had no pets at all, it's a shame as they teach you responsibility to others.  We had dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, gold fish and haMs terse,    all came to an ignoble end but we loved them all!!  They love being here and never want to go home.  Ella ate everything we put in front of her, so I mention this to her and she whispers in my ear that my food is lovely but Mummy and Daddy's isn't!   I have a secret little smile as Faye hated cooking and handling raw meat, picking it up with finger and thumb and pulling a face all the time.  Faye is so worried about her Dad and feels pretty much unable to help as she is so far away.  They all love us both dearly and we must have done something right, as they keep coming back.  Enjoy the rest of the day Annie, I'm done now,  television and a glass of wine sound relaxing.  Love Carol x

It has taken hubby three hours to bathe, shave, dress wounds and get dressed and it's  one thirty before he comes down.  I keep running up and down to make sure everything is OK but it's a struggle with his bad hands.  I make bacon buns and tea for him, putting everything on the table so he doesn't have to carry things.  He dropped a whole cup of tea on the newspaper and breakfast top on Thursday, it's amazing how far a cup of tea spreads.  It took Faye and me two tea towels, dishcloth and hot soapy water to clean up.  It went under the TV, down the new cream chairs, dripped onto the floor and everything was sticky!  I'm done for the day as I'm tired and we're off to James Cook early tomorrow.   My cleaner is coming so she can struggle with the bunk beds and everything else.  Once I would have started the minute they left, now I shut doors and ignore it!  I'm sat here with a can of fly spray as I have a rogue fly who must have sensed my intention as it's disappeared but I'm poised if it returns.  Take care all my forum friends x

It has taken hubby three hours to bathe, shave, dress wounds and get dressed and it's  one thirty before he comes down.  I keep running up and down to make sure everything is OK but it's a struggle with his bad hands.  I make bacon buns and tea for him, putting everything on the table so he doesn't have to carry things.  He dropped a whole cup of tea on the newspaper and breakfast top on Thursday, it's amazing how far a cup of tea spreads.  It took Faye and me two tea towels, dishcloth and hot soapy water to clean up.  It went under the TV, down the new cream chairs, dripped onto the floor and everything was sticky!  I'm done for the day as I'm tired and we're off to James Cook early tomorrow.   My cleaner is coming so she can struggle with the bunk beds and everything else.  Once I would have started the minute they left, now I shut doors and ignore it!  I'm sat here with a can of fly spray as I have a rogue fly who must have sensed my intention as it's disappeared but I'm poised if it returns.  Take care all my forum friends x

We're up at 7.15 am for our early appointment.   I'm driving due to the extortionate parking charges now applied and the lack of disabled parking.   At least I know my own registration number!  Hubby is good and doesn't say a bad word or hang onto the balance strap as he hates me driving, it must be a man thing as all my friends tell me theirs are the same.  We actually get a parking space near the door and arrive on time.  We're back now having tea and toast and he's a little bit happier today apart from the hand situation .  I've put him on strong cod liver oil, he's taken them for three days and says they're making things worse, I bite my tongue as this is obviously rubbish, it's my suggestion so it won't work!  Since the family have left I've been so tired and have done nothing, it makes me feel guilty for some reason,  I'm not used to doing nothing .  Back to my exercise class tomorrow and hopefully we girls can sort a day out at the pictures .  It's rained for two days so sitting in the picture house won't matter!  So a little better day for us as he's not in as much pain as he has been.  See you tomorrow. X

Yes I do seem to have been in and out dog-walking.  The weather has been so changeable;  Muffin does not like the rain and I don't like takinng him out too long when the sun is beating down so as well as a decent walk on the common or in the park I take him for a few shorter walks when it is cool but not wet.  Muffin and I collided on the back door step into the garden; he was okay but I was on the ground caught up in the broom I had been using to prop open the back door to let Muffin in and out.  My big toe is swollen and bruised and my leg is cut; and I think I have strained my arm in some way.  But I don't think anything is broken which is a blessing; having osteoporosis I always fear that will happen even though I do take the tablets.  There isn't so much walking happening today as a consequence.  So is there any improvement re Norman's hands; was it the doctor who you were seeing.  It is nice when your family want to keep visiting you and wanting to help (don't mention the cooking situation!).  I know what you mean about far a spill can spread; even when you think you have finally got it all it suddenly appears to have seeped some distance away.    Best wishes to you both.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  you sound as accident prone as me, I've done some serious falling over in the past few years and really hurt myself.  I do stupid things like prop the garage door open with the Broom handle, then forget it's  there!  When Lisa lived in Guildford I had Harry as she needed help due to hubby being away, I took him to the park, had a lovely day then fell over a foot HIgh chain that linked two fences together.   I bruised my face, tore my jumper and had tarmac burns on my shoulders.   I hid it all as I think people would start to query my stability !  My Mum had osteoporosis and it's so painful and debilitating that I understand what you mean about breaking things.  The wedding dress evening was brilliant.   The guy presenting it is in some royal society of wedding dresses society.

   He did the beading on Princess Diana's wedding dress and spent the day with the wedding dress team.  We had Pippa Middleton' s bridesmaids dress walking down the church aisle, we were forbidden from touching it.  Coco Chanel original wedding dress for a high society wedding, never worn as the bride ran off with the chauffeur two days before the big day.  Lots of stories and very interesting .  It's nice to do something different.   So take care of yourself and no more falling over brooms!!  Xx

I get up to call the surgery for an appointment and ask if we can see a specific GP.  This is not available until 18th June so I decline as we see the Oncologist on Monday, why do you need to see this GP I'm asked, because we have a rapport with her, she's seen hubby for the last year,  knows the problems and listens.  Many of them we have never seen and when we have they are dismissive of our concerns.   So I'm back to calling at 8.00 am on Thursday and hoping I get our GP!  I go to zumba and my friend Chris is in a state her man has had pneumonia but after a Pet scan a shadow has shown on his ribs.  They don't have a very good relationship and she is nervous and upset about what is happening.   I chat to her after the class and tell her how things work should it be bad news.  I've invited three friends to our children's society coffee morning and they accept,  including Chris as they are not at the hospital until 4.20 pm on Friday,  I say we can keep her mind off it and she agrees.  Back home I shower, have coffee and hubby seems a little better.   He goes to the golf club but just drives around as he can't hold a club.  He comes home saying how frustrating it is and I sagely agree.   I've tootled off to M & S to buy pie and potatoes for tea, spot triple distilled vodka on offer so I buy it, it's only when I get home I realise it's  37.4 %  alcoholic.   Couple of those and I'll have to set a triple alarm in the morning! !  See you tomorrow. 

I have a lie in and then go to my class.  Apart from his swollen hands, open wounds and his leg troubling him again, (he says it's been set so he walks like a duck)  things are good!  Christine is there and says her husband has gone very quiet, I tell her mine did that and to just leave him to his thoughts.   Men don't like talking about things, women have an easier time as we have friends who support us.  Back home I mow the lawn as I'm already sweaty from the exercise.   My lawn mower is ancient and keeps cutting out after two Lengths, I've been trying to buy a new one for years and as usual he stymies my pleas.  Well today I stand and yell, I WANT A NEW LAWN MOWER, at the top of my voice.  Hubby comes to the back door to see what's going on, and to shut me up we take off to B & Q (10%,  off for pensioners on Wednesday), and I have a shiny new orange lawn mower!!  So here I come council tip, I will not be sad to see you go!!  We've just had tea and I've tried my new vodka, it went really well with spaghetti and meatballs.   See you tomorrow. 

I get up early and call the surgery, number 35 in the queue,  how on God's green earth do I get to be number one!!  Anyway, luck is on our side and by ten we are seeing our GP.  Yes she states, the cancer can cause these problems due to his immune system being shot it attacks the joints, so we're given steroids  and I'm called his glamorous assistant, by the doctor,  not him!  So we've suffered for weeks due to lack of concern from another GP.  I had to cancel Mary coming,  so I do my ironing which is crawling out the basket begging me to do it before it needs washing again.  I pop and see her and she's worriesd about Joe, he's getting his MRI results tonight, she said she'd call but hasn't,  so now I'm worried!  Everybody is falling apart and it brings home to you how old we are all getting.  I go to buy new plant pots and some more pansies and bump into Christine and her husband,  who I've never met,, she beseech es me with her eyes to say nothing about their problems,  so we shake hands and he is polite and charming.  It's true you never know what goes on behind closed doors.  The pansies are still on the trolley, having just been delivered, so another lady asks me where I got them from, so I explained to her what I knew, then another lady says, excuse me how much are these pots, I don't work here I say, she blushes and scuttles off!  Hubby has slept the afternoon away, gently snoring in the heat of the conservatory , it's a good job he's not a fly or I'd be sweeping him up!!!

I get picked up to go the children's society coffee morning.  Pauline s bungalow is like something out of Dynasty and my friends are impressed by the splendour, Pauline however is the most down to earth person you could meet.  Everyone we know asks after hubby,  sending love and good thoughts to him.  I get landed selling the second domino card and struggle to fill it, so I buy the last four slots and my next door neighbour ends up winning! This is what I call sods law!  We drink coffee,  eat food and chat to our hearts content.   Another friend comes over and asks me to a Marie Curie afternoon tea at Woodham next Friday,  so I say yes and am now looking forward to that.  Three hours later I'm back and hubby looks better and has arranged to meet Don at Richmond to have a ride around but not play,  at least he is going out.  Mary has just called,  Joe has arthritis in his back, nothing horrible so in a way , good news.  I've just ordered a Tiffany pendant for Lisa's 40th that's us spent up for the month,  lovely lady served me called Annastasia,  what an unusual name.  So my day is done.  Fish and chips for tea.xx

Hi.  When you say you got picked for the chidlrens society coffee morning I was not sure whether this was a good or a bad thing; sometimes getting picked means that nobody else can be bothered to go!  But I know you like to keep busy.   My leg is still bruised and swollen and my big toe looks, well a very strange shape!  But I am getting around with a walking stick.  I seem to have a year of small bits and pieces going wrong with various part of me!  Woke up to Muffin climbing all over me; he had buried a Dentastix somewhere in the bed and wanted to find it - it turned out I was lying on it.  Why he doesn't just eat the things when they are given to him I don't know.  Some vague doggie mystery rooted in times past I expect.  I hope Norman's hands improve now he has the steroids.  Annie

Hi ANNIE,  Muffin sounds like a bundle of fun!   I love animals but looking after Norman is like looking after a large St. BERNARD!  Your poor foot, it's so disabling when you hurt your foot because that's what keeps us grounded.  My friend at the coffee morning has had a detached retina in one eye and a problem wit the other, this is making her extremely clumsy  and in the past year she has damaged both knees badly by falling.   I'm being very cautious,  hanging on to banisters and railings and watching each foot step because if I fall we're in dire straits!  Enjoy your weekend and thank you for keeping in touch.   Love Carol x

I go to town and Asquith jewellers is closing, I love this shop and spot a flower crystal pendant with 70% off.  I buy it as I've never found my crystal heart (blaming Ella as it's so pretty it may be displayed on one of her dollies!)  I have coffee and Christine texts to say all is well the shadow was a cracked rib.  So both friends husbands are fine, good news all round just me in the black hole of cancer world.  His hands are bad today and he's argumentative,  I tell him he could have an argument in an empty room today and he pretends to be upset, but I know it's hit home.  I have bought another plant to attract bees and butterflies and try to dig a hole but the ground is hard, so I give up and stick it in a plant pot.  My lawn feed has arrived so I do that and we have an argument about how it should be done!  I love the man who doesn't do any thing but still wants control over how it's done!!  I do my usual, ignore his advice,  get called a smart *** but it works, one up to me!!  Large vodka and tonic,  larger for him and we finally sit on our love seat, stupid name,  it hasn't stopped him arguing!  So he's eating tea now and deciding what TV to watch, hopefully the steroids will kick in soon, or I'll be on xanex.!!