Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Thanks for the lovely story, it's nice to here others lives!   Well after being allergic to the new plasters which inflamed his wound badly I resorted to slapping Elizabeth Arden eight hour cream on his bum,  despite him objecting loudly, as he was face down at the time he didn't have much choice and lo and behold today it looks a lot better.   Anyway he spent all day in his wheelchair and things look a little better,  pity he wouldn't do this three weeks ago, it would have saved a lot of time and worry for all of us  we are cancelling the nurse tomorrow as nothing is infected and going to the surgery causes more problems than it solves.   Hopefully we can get to our important scan on Tuesday without much damage.  He fell out of bed last night (I don't know how as he has a whole double bed to himself )  so being jammed down the side of the bed and cabinet didn't give him much room to manoeuvre,  my daughter sent us a mattress topping from John Lewis for his bed sores but he is like the princess and the pea on top of it and this meant he fell further than he would normally,  oh well swings and roundabouts and all that!  Anyway a day at home for us both as my legs ached so much this morning I was staggering around like a little old lady (I know I'm rapidly reaching seventy but I still feel young)  until this morning that is.!!  Beef again for tea to build him up and perhaps hId wounds are on the mend.  See you tomorrow. Xx

He's knocked the plaster off his toe again so first job of the day! But he managed to stay in bed this time.  I have had a horrible nights sleep I am grinding my teeth and chewing the inside of my mouth, thus the dentist visit last week to have a splint made, this gives me horizon headaches and my first thing in the morning is two paracetamol with my cup of tea,  instead of toast!  Hubby is being good and using his wheelchair so I am optomistic that he should heal.  We seem to be in a different head space due to the scan tomorrow it is giving us a goal. Apart from the usual housework I seem to be having a more gentle day and tea is left overs so no cooking either.   Our lovely neighbour pops in for a man chat and this cheers him up no end.   Friends want us to go out but I explain that we will let them know when he is ready, I think the folic acid is kicking in and that this will help with the lethargy he seems to have..  Not much else to report,  see you after scan tomorrow. Xx

So I leave him safely in bed and escape to zumba.  I come home at 11 am to find him munching on toast and marmalade.   Er aren't you supposed to not eat before the scan, oh no he says it's just a normal scan, I don't think so it's the main one,  get letter out and nothing to be eaten for four hours before!  It's  a bloody good job the scan isn't until after 3pm or we would be back to square one, it's  like looking after a grown toddler Anyway the leg is healing but being him he has to walk and is in pain again by the time we get back, I make him take the leg off and hide it upstairs, he would keep wearing it if I didn't and we would end up going backwards!  I am just starting to manage to escape after four weeks I am not going to be housebound again because he is stubborn.  Anyway we now have a two week wait for the outcome, so another period of not knowing what stage we are at.  See you tomorrow. 

Back to patching him up with new silver backing we have been given.  The sore on his bum is healing so my triple whammy of plaster, cushion plaster and another plaster is working,  as usual he thinks I have gone overboard but as I point out its working, so no argument is convincing me otherwise even the Elizabeth Arden cream has produced results, my daughter who left me some after Christmas and Yorkshire pudding gate and burnt elbow says she didn't think it was meant for mens bums! So I manage  to do zumba again and I was going into town but it is 4 degrees,  snowing again and freezing wind so I ditch that idea and do two weeks of ironing before it needs washing again.  So my afternoon is my own to do as I wish  A simple tea and some wine looks good and hubby has done as asked and left leg off.  Nightmare wheelchair episode yesterday at Bishop I got one that only goes forward or backwards  (I didn't realise )  so,y wheelchair driving, or lack of was pointed out to all amd sundry,  I was quite cross as I know he does this to take attention away from him being in one but I feel hurt and upset that he does this, he says he's only joking,  but my humour is not up for it.  Also the car park was full so I had to park right up the other end and the blinking pay machine wasn't working,  I had to walk four lengths of the car park to get a ticket and when I get back to him he asks me where have you been"?  He's lucky to still be alive !!!

Yesterday's post has lost itself again.  It was a bad day, he insisted on driving me into town but I wanted to drive myself so he didn't harm his leg.  I hung around whilst he washed, shaved and took his usual hour to get ready for the day, I move the wheelchair and get into trouble for that, he's lost his comfy shoes, my fault as I have Obviously moved them, no I haven't, I crawl under the table as he has kicked them under a chair whilst sitting in his wheelchair!   APPARENTLY I've also thrown his other shoes under the chair in the conservatory and should have known which leg he was wearing yesterday,  of course I should I seem to know everything else!  He wants tea to take his medication and whilst I'm doing this I'm questioned on why my new electric toothbrush is on charge AGAIN, did I read the instructions,  not that he's criticising me he adds.  I pick my handbag and coat and car keys up and he asks with a bewildered look where am I going.   I leave before he can say anymore and as I leave he shouts "what have I said"?  I stay out all day and when he gets back from seeing the nurse (if he wants to be stubborn he can get on with it) he's knocked the scab off again.  I'm too angry to even say anything,  what's the point.   Today's another day, knocked his toe badly again, perhaps he should wear the slippers I bought him, no answer, common sense isn't in his vocabulary so I patch it up with very little sympathy and go into Aycliffe for some birthday cards as It's Mary's  birthday tomorrow .  My sister in law calls do we want to go for Sunday lunch,  no he doesn't , so I'm off on my own again.  Cancer is a blight on our lives and quality has disappeared as all he has left is quantity. See you tomorrow. 

Oh my goodness; it is like a bad TV sitcom!  It's a good job you love him; if you didn't heaven knows what you would have done to him!   It strikes me he cannot be very happy.  Yes, I know that is bleedin' obvious, what has he got to be happy about.  Answer: YOU.  Many cancer patients don't have someone to wait on their every need.  You are his most valuable asset and rightly or wrongly I feel he well knows that!  Oh, Caz, I know I am not minding my own business but I don't like to read of your being upset (though pleased you let it out here).  Sometimes you just get a bum hand.  Is there some cosmic reasoning behind everything we go through - not at all sure there is.  I read all of  your posts now; you write so vividly I can almost feel the tension sometimes!  Bless you.

Hi you!  Thanks for the lovely words you have written.   The tension is palpable at times because I am pragmatic and sensible and he is the opposite, but hey opposites attract, so they say.  I know he loves me and he tells me so, he thanks me for all the help and says he couldn't manage without me.  But sometimes it's all too much for us both.  We have never had a marriage wrapped around each other, work,  hobbies,  friends, children have all intertwined and now we are in each others pockets practically twenty four seven.  He's old fashioned man of the house material and he's lost his place, he feels useless, a burden and  I take the backlash.!  We are a lot better today, I think I care too much and should leave him to do his own thing, be it right or wrong.  So pleased you read my posts.  Carol x

It's Saturday morning and I come down to make tea, read the newspaper and leave hubby in bed where he can't do any harm.  The only problem is there is no newspaper, so I ring the newsagents,  having paid my bill yesterday I'm a bit miffed!  Take his tea up and decide to have a hot shower as I cleaned the Cooker yesterday so I feel I smell of oven cleaner! I leave hubby alone, all my help and suggestions are ignored so I have made a resolution,  if he needs help he can ask for it!  Back downstairs the paper has arrived so I have toast and coffee in peace.   I call Mary and arrange to go for coffee and birthday cake at hers.   I go to Tesco grab some shopping and buy her a big bunch of tulips.  Back home hubby is looking after himself so I leave him  and drive to Mary's .  She has had a distressing week she tells me her hubby's great niece has just given birth to her first child but he  was not breathing.   Apparently they now call these little souls sleeping births.  We all think we have problems but this has put a knocked off scab into the shade.  We chat away and when I come back home he's gone out, hurrah I can wash the floor without worrying about him falling over!  All done and dusted and he's back from checking his golf buggy and has done a recce for me to get to Scorton tomorrow for tea, as the road works are taking you all round the houses as I found out last week when I went to get Luke.  That's helpful I say, steak and ale pie for tea?If that's what you want then OK,  I can't wait for our daughter to get here next week, another person will be a big help, we are definitely not ourselves.   See you tomorrow .

I have ground my teeth again and wake with a headache and a gluey eye (no idea why) I really don't want to get up but we would die of thirst if I didn't!   The sun  is shining and hubby groans when I take his tea to him,  he's dropped his false leg on his toe again and he didn't have a slipper on, so I ignore his pain!! I go for the papers and there are daffodils in the shop so I buy three bunches a to cheer me up.  Back home I'm defrosting the freezer and the garage floor is covered in water, the bird bath is filthy and there is no food out for them, oh joy, I love my life I speak it out loud so it's not still in my head.  Hubby is having a salty bath and we decide to just let nature take its course and just stick plasters on the wounds. Our house is like a chemists shop, but all the seaweed, silver,  sprays and other paraphernalia is not working in fact we both agree (there's a novelty )  to leave everything off and just cover them up.  I have a peaceful coffee and pan a raisin whilst I read the Sunday Papers and then I need to start on the jobs.  So all done, off for lunch and will leave hubby a Sunday lunch of his own, he has two legs today so hopefully he will cope!!  See you tomorrow .x By the way he asked why I had put green beans in a vase!!  (Daffodils not bloomed yet), we actually both laughed.

Laughing is far better than crying! Enjoy the rest of your day, you deserve some ‘me’ time!

Laughing is far better than crying! Enjoy the rest of your day, you deserve some ‘me’ time!