From the day I was first diagnosed (over a year) until a month ago I have been fine.  Mentally and physically I have coped.  But this last month, due to pain and my oncologist's description of the progression of my cancer I have been in tears and frightened 24/7. 

If meditation worked for you, give it another go - you have nothing to lose, or what about counselling?  There are charities that will provide it for cancer patients. This worked for me.  I don't want medication either, as I have just started taking painkillers every day and I cant cope with too many pills.

Wishing you all the best and I hope that you find some help and peace. x

Hi Jess,

Welcome to this friendly forum. Can I ask if you are on hormone threrapy? The reason being is hormone therapy can make you feel weepy and it can also bring about mood swings. I had two years on Zoladex hormone therapy for prostate cancer and I found I could just burst into tears with only a small thing to trigger it off. But it worked well and was a small price to pay for the result I've had.

I often say having cancer affects us in two ways. One is the medical side but the other side of cancer is the emotional and mental affect it has on us, The doctors treat the medical side of things but we have to try and deal with the emotional affects ourselfs and it can be very difficult and can affect different people in many differnt ways. Some put on a brave face but inwardly they are not coping and need to talk about their fears and feelings.

Which is why this forum is so needed for on here we can talk to complete strangers who have or are suffering like us and just by sharing our feelings with others we can make ourselves feel better. It's often the case we feel so alone and that we are the only ones dealing with this but it is so comforting to know other feel exactly the same. 

Take care, sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian.

Thanks for your support.  I think i will try the meditation again, as you say I have nothing to lose.  How are you coping now, it can be a lonely journey can't it.  Did you find that the councelling helped? I wish you well for the future. x 

Hi Brian,

Thank you for your support.   I am on three weekly injections of Herceptin at the moment and don't take anything else.  As one of the side effects can be fatigue, I don't suppose that helps to make me feel very positive.  I think also that while I was having chemo, my life was very focused on just getting through it.  Now I feel as though I should be 100 per cent well, and forget that I am still having treatment. 

I agree that sometimes talking to complete strangers is easier than talking to close friends and family.  It can be a lonely road.  It's not always easy to put on a brave face is it. x

Having lost my Dad four years ago to lung cancer and then my husband being diagnosed 18 months later and recently I underwent surgery for a tumour on my vena cava, I can not praise the help enough I got through counselling which is attached to our local hospital. I am not sure how I would have got through the last four years. They see you for a long as you need to and once referred by Macmillan you can then just ring to start up again. Your reaction is so understandable and I coped ok whilst having my treatment and I think all your energy goes into that and once treatment finishes it is then that it all hits you. Talking really helps especially if you are trying to put on a brave face at home because of family. Good luck and hope you Can get help to cope better

Here is my personal experience of the emotional side of cancer.

When I was diagnosed I was relieved and happy that we now knew what was wrong with me. Two weeks later on op day I went into survival mode, I don't want to die do whatever you need to do to save me, after surgeries I went into recovery mode where the pain and discomfort are all you can think about. This was worse during chemo and radio. then you go from going to beat this to can't take anymore every day. With time the body recovers the physical scars heal, the pain lessens, and everyone thinks you are fine. You look fine,sound fine no problem. This cannot be further from the truth,  you came through this and feel emotionally a wreck,  up down and sideways. From six months of inpatient outpatient fives days a week you feel lost. Tearful, guilty, happy and sad, how, why,what's the future, will the pain ever go away,why do I feel fatigued after work, flash backs and reliving the nightmare. How can I possibly moan under the circumstances, the alternative was death. Harsh but true. All off these emotions I feel on a daily basis and always worse towards a scan / consultant day. 

I am trying to do this without meds, I did try counselling for a few sessions but we did not click, my macmillan nurse is great and I know is there for me but I am reluctant at times as they have so many properly ill people to look after. My gp suggested if I needed counselling I go private or phone the samaratans!

I do find this forum a good way of knowing I am not alone, and if I can use my experience to help others it seems more rewarding which is great. 

Scan nextweek! 

Dave 

Jess,

Your reaction to this situation sounds pretty normal to me. You'd have to be a robot or a completely emotionless psychopath not to react in a similar way.

Is there a reason you don't want to take medication? If you discuss these concerns with your GP, you could try a low doseage just to take the edge off the anxiety which you are naturally feeling.

Meditation might help too, anything which helps you reach acceptance of the situation without losing hope or positivity has got to be a good thing.

Good luck
Dave